relucant

chronic cool guy syndrome

#omg it’s him…#updog… (via @an-aura-about-you)

I once had a professor SLAM a thermos down on his desk and say to us “there’s more pressure in my sinuses right now than there is at the bottom of the sea. This thing’s full of NyQuil. I’m going to drink it while I teach, and when your heads are replaced by swirling rainbows, I will cancel the rest of class.” The class ended up being 17 minutes long.

Your professor was trying to fight God

I was in a class in undergrad, fellow classmate walks in 20, maybe 30 minutes after class started and slightly out of breath. Professor gives a vague look of curiosity and the kid says “my bad. They set up a bouncy castle outside.” The Professor perks up “there’s a bouncy castle?! Class dismissed!” and straight up ran out of the room. It was a 10am class.

i can not get over how perfectly he landed. how did he do this

girls who learned all their vocab from books and are now constantly embarrassing themselves by pronouncing words slightly wrong in conversation

The way i have to think for a full minute before saying either “automaton” or “banal” 😅

Until I was 15 years old I pronounced “misled” as “myzilled” 🤦‍♀️

It offends me to correctly pronounce “buried.” 🤦🏻‍♀️

Scions. I said it completely wrong for years.

Cadre.

Mahogany

Apoplexy

melancholy

Detritus

I still struggle with consequences, I always see it and say it in my head as con+sequences

ennui

disconcerted (discon-CHAIR-ted, as in how you pronounce concerto)

materials -- for some reason, as a kid for YEARS i thought “mat-E-ri-als” and “MAT-er-als” were two different words that somehow meant the same thing and i still remember the book where i realized i was just pronouncing it wrong vividly

the classic Finnish mix of extreme dutifulness and “we will make actual conversation after a silent interaction trial period of 6 weeks, thank you” can be really funny sometimes. told my coworker that I’d like to save the coffee grounds the workplace generated and take them home “for my mushrooms and worms” and she was just like “okei” and dutifully saved every single grounds-filled filter for weeks and weeks. about five weeks into this whole thing, after I thank her for the coffee grounds and tell her my worms must love them because they’re breeding very enthusiastically, she finally asks “so your worms… do they have a purpose or are they just… worms”. like sure I’ll save you all these coffee grounds every single time I drink coffee, 3+ times a day, but god forbid I inquire about your specific worm habits before propriety allows it. you could be eating them for breakfast for all I know but that’s your business

this post has been up for so long I’m at a new workplace now, and here’s a new one: someone finally getting a close enough look at the jar of homemade nut butter I’d been using to make snacks for days (in a reused jar, still with the pesto label on it), realising the contents were not as advertised, and saying with poorly concealed relief “ai!!! you weren’t spreading pesto on bananas!” like she’d been quietly dying inside the whole time but had grimly committed herself to never ever presuming to ask wtf was going on

oh my god. you saw the ad and thought WHAT???? im so sorry for the panic, they charged us by the letter!!! no, no, timmy’s thirteen now, we found the baby shoes in an old gift bag in the garage