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after the bar, i didn't expect to see loic ever again.

a few months go by and i am just living my life. then february rolls around. a popular bar/cafe the discord group likes has heard it is closing down so as a last hurrah the group decided to make an event out of it.

a friend of mine was going along with his (now ex) boyfriend that i really wanted to meet (at that time). so off i go!

it was a good time. fucking chad was there again tho. talking shit about his stepdaughter and saying racist shit but it's ok cause i scared him off. i didn't drink this night given it was on a weekday and yah gurl does not drink on school nights. so i drank water and ate a burger instead.

after a bit, everyone congregated to the beloved local ice cream shop across the street. i didn't get anything since i was still full from my burger. i still wanted to mingle so i do and still talking to my friend and his ex-bf. then i see mr. blonde boy join the group.

i'm a very friendly person so of course i greeted him with gusto. i still don't really know him at this time so i'm still pretty reserved and really focusing on talking to everyone.

mr. blonde boy tells the group he is getting laid off which is very sad and scary so i offer my condolences and offer him to check out roles at my company. nothing more comes out of that. i had to go home since i needed to work early in the morning.

a woman in her mid-thirties smitten with a 20 something gay man.

ugh gross.

look, i am not confused. i know what i am feeling. i just don't know how to navigate this ambiguity. nothing more has even happened between us but everything we do together is so charged.

you're probably wondering "but red opalite, how is there ambiguity? he's gay!"

i thought the same too.

i met loic back in october 2025 at a bar through a mutual friend. it was my second year living in carson (made up city name - yadadada, you know the dealio) -- i started making new friends by joining the local city discord group. they set up an event so i go!

i was happy there are people i am familiar with. eric, zohla, mark, ethan, etc. i didn't feel so alone and awkward.

it was a cool bar where you can grill your own meats like burgers, hot dogs, steaks. like kbbq but just american lol. they also have really delicious martinis and cocktails overall so of course i am going to indulge a bit. i am having a good time chatting with everyone - except chad, he's gross and a terrible person with a hot wife. idk how that works out but it's whatever. i just don't like chad. i am feeling buzzed and happy. lots more people from the discord group stop by but then i see this tall lanky blonde boy across the bar.

ah! he's so cute!

ah! and so gay!

i must get to know him! or at least his name.

something about this moment felt electrifying. there was such an intense pull. intense gravitation towards this tall lanky guy. i didn't question it cause yah gurl was inebriated but i was still lucid. he was with some people or talking to a group. i don't really remember. all i remember he was talking about his (now ex) boyfriend which i thought was very cute and i think he was talking about taking a trip with him soon to go to a zoo to see opussums. also very cute.

the next thing i remember is if i can squish his cheeks as he has very adorable cheeks. and no not those type of cheeks. he said yes, i may, and so i did! i was ecstatic.

oh i remember asking him if he was mormon because he has this mormon look but he said no but did go to school there.

one part i don't remember is asking if he was gay. which confirmed he was. like no shit sherlock but this what loic told me lol :shrug: guess i really wanted confirm even tho my gaydar was going off the charts.

at some point his mom calls him and he took it. i think he came back but then eventually left. i kinda remembering feeling kinda sad. but i just met this person.

i brushed it off of course thinking i'll never see this guy again and mingled with my friends until i got tired.

how many times have i deleted and reactivated - well, really, created new tumblr accounts? - far too many lol

i'll probably write in this a couple of times, forget, then come back years later. such a vicious cycle.