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On usual weeks, work is chaos. It means that the office enters a state of entropy as deadlines get too close for comfort, and panic seeps into frantic processes.
But today is not one of those days. Today is a day of opportunity, a rare occasion when your boss feels generous enough to hold on to those assignments for another day.
As you get back home, you're surprised to see the sight of your boyfriend also early from his dance studio, headphones on his ears, eyes shut and brows furrowed.
You greet him with a gentle poke on his nose, to which he slowly opens his eyelids.
"What's god you stressed babe?"
James smiles at the sight of you, removes his headphones and envelopes you in the tightest of hugs. You let out a giggle as you remain there for a while.
"It's just choreography," he replies. "Out of ideas, and very very lost."
You hum in understanding. James is a perfectionist. Often he's getting into creative blocks simply because he'd get too caught up in the details not working out. But that's also what made his choreography so special.
You look at his dejected expression, an ingenious idea forming.
You stand up and hold him by his hands, gently tugging at them, motioning for him to also get up.
Begrudgingly, he follows you, looking at you in anticipation.
"Bachata, tango, or random flailing about? Take your pick," you say with a small grin.
James looks at you, abysmally confused.
"Let's dance," you whisper.
James previously taken aback, now softens at your suggestion. He follows your face, the playful grin on your face, the sparkle in your eyes, and gosh, the crinkle on your nose. There is nothing that would make him refuse you.
He gently holds your hand, guiding it onto the back of his shoulder. With his other hand, he intertwines your fingers. For some time, silence falls as you gather your breath.ย
Of course, this wasnโt your first time seeing him this close, but you canโt help feeling so positively overwhelmed every time you find yourself in proximity to him. His gaze was ever gentle, but expectant. You feel his hand creep softly to your lower back, almost tickling you as he drags his finger down your spine.
"No music?" you ask, trying to overcome your initial awkwardness. Your previous enthusiasm rises in your heart.
"No music," he affirms. He slowly guides you to sway along with him, his hands gently tugging on your back, a lightness in the way he holds you.
You follow his lead, taking in the feeling of being swayed in all directions, an easy rhythm that holds space between the two of you. You bury your face into his neck as he now holds you with both his hands on your waist, pulling you closer into him.
There is a softness in the way his breath fans your neck, his heartbeat steady against your skin. Despite your eyes being closed, you can feel his eyes on your stature, and small kisses following after.
He places and airy kiss on your neck, sighing after he does so. He whispers soft affirmations later, from 'i love you's to 'you complete me's.
And in that moment you know that there probably won't be anything more intimate than just swaying around aimlessly with James in the middle of your living room. Where the music you dance to doesn't have to be anything in particular, it could just be the chatter if the city and the rhythm of your hearts.
************
Had to come back to writing cause this man just won't leave my mind. #Zhaoyousocoolandsofineindeed
On usual weeks, work is chaos. It means that the office enters a state of entropy as deadlines get too close for comfort, and panic seeps into frantic processes.
But today is not one of those days. Today is a day of opportunity, a rare occasion when your boss feels generous enough to hold on to those assignments for another day.
As you get back home, you're surprised to see the sight of your boyfriend also early from his dance studio, headphones on his ears, eyes shut and brows furrowed.
You greet him with a gentle poke on his nose, to which he slowly opens his eyelids.
"What's god you stressed babe?"
James smiles at the sight of you, removes his headphones and envelopes you in the tightest of hugs. You let out a giggle as you remain there for a while.
"It's just choreography," he replies. "Out of ideas, and very very lost."
You hum in understanding. James is a perfectionist. Often he's getting into creative blocks simply because he'd get too caught up in the details not working out. But that's also what made his choreography so special.
You look at his dejected expression, an ingenious idea forming.
You stand up and hold him by his hands, gently tugging at them, motioning for him to also get up.
Begrudgingly, he follows you, looking at you in anticipation.
"Bachata, tango, or random flailing about? Take your pick," you say with a small grin.
James looks at you, abysmally confused.
"Let's dance," you whisper.
James previously taken aback, now softens at your suggestion. He follows your face, the playful grin on your face, the sparkle in your eyes, and gosh, the crinkle on your nose. There is nothing that would make him refuse you.
He gently holds your hand, guiding it onto the back of his shoulder. With his other hand, he intertwines your fingers. For some time, silence falls as you gather your breath.ย
Of course, this wasnโt your first time seeing him this close, but you canโt help feeling so positively overwhelmed every time you find yourself in proximity to him. His gaze was ever gentle, but expectant. You feel his hand creep softly to your lower back, almost tickling you as he drags his finger down your spine.
"No music?" you ask, trying to overcome your initial awkwardness. Your previous enthusiasm rises in your heart.
"No music," he affirms. He slowly guides you to sway along with him, his hands gently tugging on your back, a lightness in the way he holds you.
You follow his lead, taking in the feeling of being swayed in all directions, an easy rhythm that holds space between the two of you. You bury your face into his neck as he now holds you with both his hands on your waist, pulling you closer into him.
There is a softness in the way his breath fans your neck, his heartbeat steady against your skin. Despite your eyes being closed, you can feel his eyes on your stature, and small kisses following after.
He places and airy kiss on your neck, sighing after he does so. He whispers soft affirmations later, from 'i love you's to 'you complete me's.
And in that moment you know that there probably won't be anything more intimate than just swaying around aimlessly with James in the middle of your living room. Where the music you dance to doesn't have to be anything in particular, it could just be the chatter if the city and the rhythm of your hearts.
************
Had to come back to writing cause this man just won't leave my mind. #Zhaoyousocoolandsofineindeed
On usual weeks, work is chaos. It means that the office enters a state of entropy as deadlines get too close for comfort, and panic seeps into frantic processes.
But today is not one of those days. Today is a day of opportunity, a rare occasion when your boss feels generous enough to hold on to those assignments for another day.
As you get back home, you're surprised to see the sight of your boyfriend also early from his dance studio, headphones on his ears, eyes shut and brows furrowed.
You greet him with a gentle poke on his nose, to which he slowly opens his eyelids.
"What's got you stressed babe?"
James smiles at the sight of you, removes his headphones and envelopes you in the tightest of hugs. You let out a giggle as you remain there for a while.
"It's just choreography," he replies. "Out of ideas, and very very lost."
You hum in understanding. James is a perfectionist. Often he's getting into creative blocks simply because he'd get too caught up in the details not working out. But that's also what made his choreography so special.
You look at his dejected expression, an ingenious idea forming.
You stand up and hold him by his hands, gently tugging at them, motioning for him to also get up.
Begrudgingly, he follows you, looking at you in anticipation.
"Bachata, tango, or random flailing about? Take your pick," you say with a small grin.
James looks at you, abysmally confused.
"Let's dance," you whisper.
James previously taken aback, now softens at your suggestion. He follows your face, the playful grin on your face, the sparkle in your eyes, and gosh, the crinkle on your nose. There is nothing that would make him refuse you.
He gently holds your hand, guiding it onto the back of his shoulder. With his other hand, he intertwines your fingers. For some time, silence falls as you gather your breath.ย
Of course, this wasnโt your first time seeing him this close, but you canโt help feeling so positively overwhelmed every time you find yourself in proximity to him. His gaze was ever gentle, but expectant. You feel his hand creep softly to your lower back, almost tickling you as he drags his finger down your spine.
"No music?" you ask, trying to overcome your initial awkwardness. Your previous enthusiasm rises in your heart.
"No music," he affirms. He slowly guides you to sway along with him, his hands gently tugging on your back, a lightness in the way he holds you.
You follow his lead, taking in the feeling of being swayed in all directions, an easy rhythm that holds space between the two of you. You bury your face into his neck as he now holds you with both his hands on your waist, pulling you closer into him.
There is a softness in the way his breath fans your neck, his heartbeat steady against your skin. Despite your eyes being closed, you can feel his eyes on your stature, and small kisses following after.
He places and airy kiss on your neck, sighing after he does so. He whispers soft affirmations later, from 'i love you's to 'you complete me's.
And in that moment you know that there probably won't be anything more intimate than just swaying around aimlessly with James in the middle of your living room. Where the music you dance to doesn't have to be anything in particular, it could just be the chatter if the city and the rhythm of your hearts.
************
Had to come back to writing cause this man just won't leave my mind. #Zhaoyousocoolandsofineindeed
If a ceasefire holds, you boycott Israel HARDER, you divest, you push for sanctions. You don't perform for apartheid. You don't whitewash genocide. You don't pretend like Israel isn't still a violent occupier stealing land and collectively punishing Palestinians daily
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
โ Live Streamingโ Interactive Chatโ Private Showsโ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming
Warning: Mentions of death, apocalypse, choking, angst
Pairing: Jay x gn!reader
Word count: around 650 words
Song: Die With a Smile- Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars
There's a sharp ringing in your ear as you walk over to the window. There's snow everywhere, white clouds of fog and smoke mixing with the solid drops that fall to the ground. You're not sure if you can clearly see what's actually down there, the fog too opaque to see from the second floor of this empty academic building.
The siren that buzzed like an annoying mosquito seemed to have gotten louder, and you couldn't help flinching as it pierced your eardrums. You stumble backwards, until you feel cold arms wrapping around your waist from behind, holding you in place.
"Is it too noisy baby?" your boyfriend whispers.
You try to nod, but turn around to hug him instead. You feel his heart beat thump rapidly, but unlike your increasing one, his seemed steady, and in control. You breathe in gently, the smell of his familiar musk cologne combined with the gasoline enwrapping you in his embrace.
"We'll be fine, right Jay?" you whisper, digging your cold fingers into his pockets.
You feel him gently tugging on your hair, in an attempt to comfort you. The red alarm blares louder, and you feel the smoke escape into your darkened room.
You hold your breathe, unable to let yourself inhale whatever toxic chemicals the government had warned you of. For now, you were trapped here, in this tiny classroom with limited exits. The only solace happened to be your boyfriend, the only other person here with you.
You feel yourself choke, and let out a small cough. Jay continues to pat your hair, and sometimes patting your back to stop yourself from choking. It slowly dawned on you, that there was no way the two of you would be able to hold on for longer.
Either you'd choke to death by not breathing, or you'd choke to death by letting yourself breath. Eventually, it was clear that you'd choke to death, the thought now being easier to accept.
"I... I want to spend our last moments happy," Jay proclaims, as if both of you had finally accepted whatever situation you were in. The same situation that all of Seoul faced.
You see in his eyes, a sense of relief hiding whatever panic they held previously. A disjointed hope in them that tried to disguise his misery.
His hands dig into his back pocket, removing his old phone. You hear him play a familiar tune, and you chuckle at how aptly the song fit your situation.
He pulls you closer, one hand on your waist, the other holding on to your free hand. You feel him guide you as you two start to sway slowly. His head is nestled into your neck.
"I love you," he whispers. "I love you so much," he goes on.
He chants those words as though it would reduce whatever pained him. You can only hold him close, your knuckles white from how they dug into his back. "I lo...ve you... too" you manage between painful coughs.
At this point you feel yourself choking, gasping fervently for air. Jay, also a mess of a figure, tries to hold you closer. Your eyes are watery, because of both the chemicals and the choking, but in between the blurriness, you push yourself to reach him.
Your mouth slowly finds his hardened lips. You feel his lips push against yours, trying not to lose control of his breathing. Eventually tho, you pull apart, a huge gasp leaving you as you fall to the floor. Jay follows you, lying beside you hands never leaving yours. As you turn to look at him, you end up laughing.
Laughing at your (un)fortunate fate, and at fate's irony.
Jay returns a soft smile as both of you end up soaking in the environment that dissolves you.
The ever despicable sirens never stop, but the song that plays on loop softens whatever despair it'd cause.
I'd wanna hold you just for a while, and die with a smile.
So sorry for how rushed this seems. I actually wanted this to be a drabble but ended up making it a little longer. Hopefully the angst is angsting. Someone also please stop me from writing angst about Jay. I genuinely need to write fluffy Jay
seungcheol doesn't get that aha moment, falling in love isn't something that happens within seconds for him. it's like he's slowly drifting into love, not even realizing you've become the focal point of his entire existence. when it finally hits him, it's a quiet, simple moment. he's watching you make him breakfast in the morning, admiring you quietly from the kitchen counter. he zones out for a moment, blinking suddenly and realizing damn. that's my woman. and he knows he's ruined for life.
it's kind of silly, how jeonghan realizes he's in love with you. he's just returned home from a busy day at work, entering the house to find it empty. searching the place top to bottom, he's about to call you when - BOO - you jump out from one of the closets and scares the soul out of him. he's clutching his chest, watching as you collapse onto the ground in a fit of giggles. he can't help but laugh along, realizing through the chaos that he's found his soulmate, and he'd be damned not to admit he's in love with you.
joshua's a simple man by nature. he's easily happy in life, only needing his members, his job, his lifestyle, and of course, you. it doesn't take long into your relationship before he realizes he's in love, as the two of you take a stroll along the Han River after a long day. he's watching the setting sun reflect against your figure, taking his phone out to snap a few pictures. it's when he notices his camera roll is full of pictures of you does he think well, that's it. i'm in love.
upon meeting his family, jun notices how much work you've put into it. you're doing your best to speak his town's dialect, communicating with his parents in a language that made them most comfortable. his heart swells when he sees you amidst his childhood home, trading stories and eating with the people who raised him. it's when he notes that you look so perfect here that he realizes you just fit. he's in love.
as if everything else is with soonyoung, his aha moment is full of fireworks and pizzazz. having just finished the most record breaking performance of his life, he finds himself with one thought only: i want to go home. usually, it's because he's tired. but now, ever since you stumbled into his life, he finds himself wanting, needing, to go home so he can hold you and recite everything that happened today. he's practically thrumming with energy to rush home, and everyone around him sees what is so painfully obvious. he's so in love.
wonwoo's always credited himself to be a loner. not a lot of people can fit with his quiet personality, so when you offer the idea of "parallel play" he's a little confused. his heart warms when you explain that you don't mind doing separate things as long as you're in the same area, understanding that he needs more time to himself than others might. it's when you tell him you love him enough to compromise does he think im so in love with this girl right now.
woozi's used to writing songs dedicated to his fans and members. he sits down for another writing session, brainstorming ideas and the thought of you pops into his mind. he shrugs, thinking it might be nice to mix it up a bit, sitting down to write something about you. it's when he reads his own words back does he realize he's irrevocably screwed and so in love with you. thought about settling down, buying her a house and saying screw the music. yeah, he's in love.
having always been a realist, minghao doesn't necessary believe in true love, or love at first sight. he understands there's going to be someone out there for him, but he's skeptical that that someone is going to be perfect. all his beliefs go out the window the moment he sees you - it's like you're surrounded by a golden glow - and he realizes maybe love at first sight can be real.
seokmin loves and gives as easy as breathing. he's always been a generous guy, and it's when you sit him down and kindly remind him to leave some for himself does he stare at you and realize ok i've found the one. you've become that steadiness in his life that used to be just his members, and you love and give to him like it's as simple as breathing too.
having always been the resident cook, mingyu's eyeing your food creation like it's some kind of poison or drug. he had insisted you didn't need to cook for him, he's always been the cook and doesn't mind it, but you were stubborn and he relented. it's when the first bite blows him away does he realize he kinda misses having someone cook for him too. if you're this good at cooking i might just have to marry you, he says, ignoring how you blush, going back for another bite.
seungkwan's always been the entertainer. he doesn't mind it, he enjoys the fact it's his job to make everyone laugh. but when times get tough and he's in no mood to be the entertainer, you're right there to support him. it's when he gets home to you after a particularly rough day and you welcome him in with open arms, murmuring how he's done well and doesn't need to do more. it's when he realizes he can just be seungkwan - not seungkwan the entertainer, but just seungkwan - and he loves you for that.
vernon never really thought about finding the one. he always just assumed that they would find him. and that's exactly what happens, when you bump into each other at the movie theatre - both there alone just cause. it's when you're enthusiastically going band for band with vernon about movies that he's forced with the realization that shit. maybe i have found the one.
chan's always known he was in love with you. he doesn't like to admit it cause he thinks it makes him sound sappy, but he truly never questioned his love for you. it was a simple thing in his mind - this person makes me so fucking happy - i must be in love. and how could it not be simple for him? he's staring at you quipping about some joke to his friends and he's thinking i love you. he's watching you just wake up from a nap and he's thinking i love you. he sees a text from you on his phone mid-dance practice. i love you. he's always been in love with you because he loves everything to do with you.
โฐ summary:ย the art & science of parenting 101 (PSY1009)โย in this interactive course, students will explore the psychological, social, and biological foundations of parenthood. through a mix of theory and hands-on practice, you'll master the art of raising a simulated babyโaka the 'robot child'. late-night feedings, tantrum taming, and crisis control are all part of the deal.ย ย
what you didn't expect to be part of the deal? getting paired with jay parkโthe last person you'd trust to raise,ย well,ย anything.ย youโre pretty sure he couldnโt even take care of a pet rock. now, youโre stuck co-parenting this robot baby together for 40% of your final grade.ย
warning: sleep deprivation is guaranteed. and maybe,ย just maybe, some unexpected feelings for your disaster of a partner. good luck!ย
โฐ pairing: jay park x y/n [ft. enha members!]
โฐ genre: fluff, comedy | e2l!au,ย college!au, (fake)parenting!au, he fell first, she fell harder type beat
โฐ contains: mentions of parenting & parental neglect (sorta, only a smidge of like five words), crack! bc if you know me i self indulge in crack whoops, jay & y/n being opposites & school rivals, jay's annoying smirk like a million times, reader & jay are psych majors, jay's also a photographer, cheesy ass kisses, jay & reader are awkward! so awkward! thereโs SO much tension . but in a cute awkward crush way
โฐ wc: 20.5k [ONCE AGAIN -- this was not intentional..if you know me i just have too much fun writing sometimes & get too attached to the characters...]
โฐ a/n: omg itโs finally done. tell me why it took me so long to finish, i promise i didnโt mean to but lifeโs been busier lately :โ) aNyways! ugh i luv writing e2l!jay for some reason,,,he fits the trope so well in my eyes heh but i hope you all like him & the characters as much as i enjoyed writing them !!! as busy as i am i love indulging in my crack x enha writes :P hope u enjoy & tell me what you think <333
Welcome to PSY1009, The Art & Science of Parenting 101! Throughout the next 12 weeks, weโre going to dive deep into the wondrous world of parentingโdirty diapers and all. To kick off our course, weโre starting with our campus-famous project: raising your very own robot baby for the first half of the semester (with the help of your assigned partner, of course). Before our first class, we ask that you complete this pre-project questionnaire on your current views and opinions about parenting. No pressureโthere are no right or wrong answers (maybe only judgements from your future robot offspring)!
Q1 โ The Art & Science of Parenting 101 aims to apply different psychological approaches to parenting. What theories and methods do you believe are important to parenting?ย
Y/N's Submission [8:25AM, September 18th]:
"I strongly believe that effective parenting revolves around a strict routine, which can be reinforced through the principles of operant conditioning, as developed by B.F. Skinner. Proper feeding schedules, consistent nap times, and regular development check-ins are essentialโI think a structured timetable would ensure a baby's needs are met efficiently and consistently. With a set schedule and a focus on developmental milestones, I believe we can maximize a child's growth potential, even if it's just a robot baby.โ
Q2 โ What do you expect to learn and gain out of this co-parenting experience?ย ย
Y/N's Submission [8:29AM, September 18th]: ย
"I expect to confirm that a well-organized system is the key to successful parenting. I want to test my hypothesis that if you follow a set structure, yes, even with a robot baby, things will run smoothly. I am hoping that this experience runs smoothly with no unnecessary surprises.โย
โญใป.ใปโซ
Satisfied with your answers, you click 'submit' and close your laptop, feeling a wave of satisfaction as you settle into your seatโcenter of the second rowโas you wait for the 9AM lecture to start.ย ย
It's 8:30AM.ย ย
You're the only one in the room.ย ย
Yeah, you're a little early. So what? One can never be too prepared. You've waited for this course forever, and you're determined to not only ace it (like you do with every class) but to dominate. So yes, coming early is characteristic of you, as you want to ensure you get the best seat in the classroom: center of the second rowโcenter to get the best view of the professor's podium, and second row to be close enough to show you're engaged, but not close enough that it screams, Look at me, I'm a tryhard! ย
It's clear you've come prepared. Plus, this class isn't just any ordinary electiveโit's the elective to take. Only the top students majoring in psychology get in, available only through direct invite by the professor. If you were invited to PSY1009, it meant you were the crรจme de la crรจme of psychology students. The best of the best. The elite. Theโย
Your train of thought is derailed when an all-too-familiar figure strolls into the room with that signature smirk. Backpack slung lazily over one (1) shoulder (as if two straps are too much effort), hair clearly still bedhead status, wearing whatever clothes he fished off The Chair (you know, the oneโwhere all questionable, semi-clean laundry lives).ย
He strolls past youโof courseโand plops down right in front of you. Front row.ย ย
Try-hard.ย
"Y/N, fancy seeing you here," Jay Park spins around, a knowing look plastered on his face, eyes gleaming. "I missed seeing that frown of yours all summer."ย
"What are you doing here, Jay?" You roll your eyes and scoff at his comment. "Don't tell me you got into this class. It's for serious students."ย ย
Jay's grin only widens to your despair. "Contrary to your deeply misinformed opinion, Professor Kim actually loves me. I'm a great student."ย ย
โI donโt believe it,โ you deadpan back. โYou never turn your assignments in on time, and quite frankly, I'm surprised you were even able to find this classroom."ย ย
Jay shrugs, unfazed. "What can I say? Professor Kim doesn't just look at deadlines, she looks at talent. Guess that says a lot about me, huh?"ย ย
You mumble something under your breath about โtalent for procrastinationโ but before he can fire back, Professor Kim walks into the room, cuing the silence of all the students who've filled up the class.ย ย
"Good morning, class! I'm so happy to see so many familiar faces."ย ย
Jay turns his head back towards the front of the room, as you instantly straighten up, flashing your favorite professor a smile. This is officially the fifth course you've taken with Professor Kim. It's no secret youโre one of her biggest fansโthe countless early mornings you've spent waiting at your computer, finger hovering over the โenrollโ button the second registration opens so you can be one of the first students to sign up for her classes have proven that. Challenging but rewarding, her classes are always worth the effort. And yet, for reasons beyond your comprehension, Jay ParkโJay Freaking Parkโsomehow always ends up in the same classes. Every. Single. Time. Itโs like a curse.ย ย
A loud, messy, procrastinating curseโฆ
โฆthat just so happens to have a side profile almost as annoyingly good that it only pisses you off more.ย
You wonder if heโs actually here to learn or if heโs just here to spite you. Because, honestly, the amount of classes youโve shared with him is no longer a coincidence. Five semesters in a row? Suspicious.ย
But realistically, and unfortunately, Jay does study the same major as you, which means those last five semesters? Oh, those were five long semesters of endless debates on discussion boards, in-class duels over psychological theories, and the infamous showdown for the TA position in Professor Kim's Intro to Psychology course. And the worst part? Neither of you got the job because Professor Kimโin a diplomatic twist that made zero sense to youโdeemed you both 'equally qualified.' So, the job went to the third best candidate instead. Tough luck.ย ย
You open up your laptop again, opening a perfectly organized Google Doc, ready to take notes on whatever pearls of wisdom Professor Kim is currently bestowing about your upcoming projectโwhich, in hindsight, you should really be paying attention to. You should be. But something so ridiculous, so blood-boiling, pulls your attention elsewhere.ย ย
Jay's desk is completely...empty.ย
No laptop. No notebook. Not even a measly little pencil. Did he bring an empty backpack? Or did he just walk in here like he's casually waiting for someone to present him his grade on a silver platter? He's just sitting there like this is a casual hangoutโprobably expecting his robot baby to parent itself while he simply supervises (oh, how you pity the poor soul who ends up as his partner).ย ย
Before your self-induced inner monologue spirals into complete rage, you suddenly hear your professor's voice cut through the class, breaking you out of your mental rant.ย ย
"Y/N and Jay."ย
Wait. What?
Your head snaps up so fast it's a miracle it didn't pop off your neck and roll away.
You blink. You must have misheard.
"Y/N and Jay," Professor Kim repeats as if she could read your confused expression, voice too nonchalant for the life-wrecking news she's about to deliver: "You two are partners."ย ย
The words hit you like a bus. No, not even. The words hit you like a bus driven by a T-Rex that flips over, crashes into a building, and explodes into a million ashy pieces. And there you areโstanding right in the middle of the wreckage, somehow still alive to suffer through every second of itโwhile Jay, smug as ever, whips around in his seat to face you.ย ย
And of course, there it is: that look of his that screams 'This is going to be so much fun for me, and so much pain for you.'ย
"Guess we're parents now, Y/N!" Jay chimes, his voice dripping with so much sarcastic enthusiasm you swear he just got handed an Oscar for Most Annoying Human. If that tone were a substance, you'd bottle it up and use it as insect repellent. On him. Repeatedly.ย ย
You blink at him, you're sureโyou're prayingโthis has to be some elaborate prank. Maybe Jay bribed Professor Kim with his rare attempt at turning in an assignment on time just to mess with you. Or maybe the universe just hates you and this is your karma for stealing your roommate's last ramen packet that one time a year ago.ย ย
But no, Professor Kim keeps rattling off other pairs like it's business as usual, as if your entire academic career and sanity isn't currently being flushed down a metaphorical toilet, while you sit there, paralyzed, your brain rapidly melting into a useless puddle from the sheer thought of being paired with him. ย
"What's wrong, Y/N?" Jay teases as he leans over the back of his chair towards you, puppy dog eyes on display. "You don't want to play house with me?"ย ย
You narrow your eyes at him, mentally wielding your imaginary bug spray like it's a holy weapon.ย
"I donโt," you reply flatly. "In fact, Iโd rather perform open-heart surgery on myself with a plastic spoon than co-parent with you."ย
Jayโs eyes light up as his hand goes to his heart. "Aw, you really know how to make a guy feel special. This is why I like our little relationship, you know?"ย
"Relationship?" You scoff loud enough to make the people sitting three rows behind you to glance in your direction. You bring your voice down to a whisper, leaning towards him. "The only thing we have in common is a shared oxygen supply."ย
"See, thatโs the spirit," he says, turning back to face the front like he didn't just ruin your life. And somehow, that pisses you off even more. Is it his voice? His stupidly perfect hair? The fact that he has the audacity to breathe in your general direction? At this point, he could literally sneeze, and it would still feel like a personal attack.
Is it too late to switch majors? Or schools? Maybe even countries? Surely, restarting your entire college career as a super senior would be better than spending the next six weeks parenting with Jay. Jay Park, who has probably never held anything more fragile than a Red Solo Cup.ย ย
Jay Park, who is just sitting there, all calm and collected, clearly loving every second of your misery.ย ย
While you're frozen in pure, unadulterated horror.ย ย
Your grade? Plummeting as we speak.ย Your robot baby? Probably going to need therapy by day two. And you?ย ย
You're screwed.
Q1 โ The Art & Science of Parenting 101 aims to apply different psychological approaches to parenting. What are your current theories and methods that you believe are important to parenting?ย
Jayโs Submission [10:09AM, September 18th]:ย
"I think babies need more freedom to explore and make their own choices, even if that just means grabbing random things. Bowlby's attachment theory leans towards a secure attachment, but I don't think that means hovering over them 24/7. It's about being there when they really need you, not scheduling every second of the day. I also believe letting babies learn through their own experiences is key. Strict behaviorism, such as Skinner's, sounds exhausting and I don't think a rigid system is what makes a good parent. Babies are messy, and that's okay."ย
Q2 โ What do you expect to learn and gain from this experience?ย
Jay's Submission [10:12AM, September 18th]: ย
"I'm hoping to learn how to be a responsive, yet flexible parent without overcomplicating it. The goal is to find balance between being hands-on without hovering. And, I think this whole robot baby thing will teach me how to handle unpredictable situationsโbecause no matter how much you plan, life is going to surprise you. And also, being able to say I know how to change a diaper under 30 seconds sounds pretty cool :)"ย
โญใป.ใปโซ
Jay's screwed.ย ย
Like, completely, utterly, hopelessly screwed.ย
He was already kinda skeptical heโd make it past his 40s if he kept living the way he does, but now? Now, heโs not even sure heโll survive the next 24 hours. Why? Well, todayโs the first official meeting with youโas co-parentsโat the campus coffee shop at 12PM sharp.ย
It's 12:17PM.ย ย
He's late.ย ย
Seventeen whole minutes late. To your meeting. And you're basically the human embodiment of an atomic clock. Youโre probably sitting there, checking your watch every few seconds, calculating his absence down to the millisecond. Jay can practically feel the murderous vibes youโre radiating from halfway across campus.ย ย
And while Jay sometimes finds your need for punctuality weirdly endearing (but don't tell anyone that), he also values not getting scolded on a Saturday morning (12PM is still morning to him, don't judge), especially when he could be sleeping in.ย ย ย
As the cafรฉ comes into view, Jay considers just throwing the towel in. Maybe he could fake a sudden illness, or better yet, skip town and maybe fake his own death or something.ย
There's no point. Knowing you, you'd probably hunt him down for sport.ย ย
With a sigh, Jay pushes open the door to the cafรฉ, bracing himself for impact.ย ย
And there you are. Exactly how he imagined.ย ย
Seated at a small table by the window, papers perfectly aligned, laptop open, and two different colored highlighters placed meticulously side by side. Your foot taps in perfect sync with the cafรฉ's background music, your eyebrows knitted together in focus, and your teeth chewing your bottom lip as if you're about to crack the Krabby Patty secret formula. The window next to you allows the afternoon sunlight to spill through and reflect off of you, making you look...dare he say it...almost pretty.
If Jay wasn't fearing for his life, he might have actually stopped to admire the view. Might have. ย
When Jay finally reaches your tableโ17 minutes and 46 seconds late (but who's counting)โyou look up, meeting his gaze with a look that's somewhere between not surprised but definitely not impressed.ย
"Well, well," you say, quirking your mouth up ever so slightly that Jay thinks he might see you smile for the first time in, like, ever. "Look who finally decided to join us! Must be nice living on Jay Standard Time." ย
Jay flashes his usual, unbothered smile as he pulls out the chair across from you. "Oh, c'mon, Y/N. Seventeen minutes is nothing in the grand scheme of life."ย ย
"Yeah? Tell that to our future robot baby when you're seventeen minutes late to feed it and its batteries die."ย ย
"Yikes. That got dark quick," Jay's mutters, grin wavering. "But hey, glad to see you're finally accepting the fact that it's our future baby!"ย ย
"Future robot baby," you peer your eyes at him from above your laptop. "Anyways, did you read the guidelines?"ย ย
Jay rubs the back of his neck as he leans back into his chair. "Uh, define 'read'."ย ย
Without missing a beat, you slap a packet of papers down on the table. "Here's the breakdown. Feeding schedules, emotional development tracker, diaper changes, mood swingsโthe whole shebang. We're going to have to approach this strategically."ย ย
"Woah, okay," Jay's eyebrows shoot up, his brain trying to catch up with the words you just spewed at him. "First, how the heck is a robot going to develop emotionallyโthat's a little scary if you ask me. Like, dystopian, Black Mirror, scary. And second, since when is parenting just following a spreadsheet? Isn't part of it, you know, winging it?"ย ย
At the words winging it, your eye twitches so violently, Jay half-expects you to reach across the table and strangle him with his own hoodie strings.ย
"Winging it?" You shut your laptop and lean forward. "Winging it is exactly how we end up with a malfunctioning robot baby that starts a fire and fails us. Parenting is all about structure, consistencyโ"ย ย
"โand having a little fun," Jay cuts in, mouth quirked with mischief. "I mean, what's parenting without some chaos?"ย ย
"Chaos," you mutter, narrowing your eyes at him, "is what you bring into my life on a daily basis."ย ย
"Yeah, and yet you secretly love it," Jay shoots back, leaning in to meet you, as if daring you to disagree.ย ย
You stare at him, unblinking. It's either you're plotting his slow and painful demise or seriously considering what he just said. No in-between.ย ย
And yet, somehow, Jay almost finds it endearing how you can look like the world's most innocent golden retriever while also simultaneously sending him six feet under with just one agonizing glare. Almost.ย ย
Finally, you sigh, "This isn't a joke, Jay. This is 40% of our grade."ย ย
"And I'm 100% ready!" Jay shoots back with a wink, to which you respond with a full-body eye roll.ย ย
"Oh yeah? Alright, Mr. Ready-for-Anything, what's your brilliant plan?"
"Hmm," Jay leans back in his seat, folding his arms behind his head as if he's got it all figured out (he doesn't). "Well, for one, I was thinking maybe...shifts. We split responsibilities based on our schedules. I'll take the baby on certain hours, you take it other hours, and we'll spend our free days together. And if we're not together and there's a baby crisis, we stay on call."ย
In complete honesty, that came from out of nowhere. Jay didn't even know any ideas were subconsciously cooking up within him until the words tumbled out of his mouth before he realized it. But there's no way he was going to tell you that, not when you don't immediately tear his idea to shreds. In fact, you actually look...impressed?ย
Or so he thinks. Jay definitely needs to get better at this whole 'reading your expressions' thing.ย ย
"Huh," you murmur to yourself, fingers tapping against the table. "That's...not the worst idea you've ever had."ย ย
Jay feels elated. Validation? From you? Phew, this means his life is spared. Thank god. ย
Jay flashes you a satisfied smile and while you don't return it, he hopes you're secretly softening. Just a little. Behind that straight face, you're probably low-key impressed, but no way are you letting him see that.ย ย
"Don't get too excited," you say, as if you've got some sixth sense for whenever Jay throws a mental victory parade. "This is only day one. Of, like, 42. We've got a long way to go."ย ย
"Okay, okay," Jay raises his hands in surrender, though there's no hiding the smirk on his face as he still mentally takes the win. "Message received. Let's just figure out our schedules?"ย ย
You nod, pushing your laptop aside to make space for a sheet of paper you've already preparedโbecause of course you're prepared. It's like you're about to whip up some elaborate high-stakes legal contract that probably involves blood signatures.
"Okay," you say, clicking your pen, picking a bright blue that basically stabs Jay's eyes by simply existing, but whatever makes you happy, I guess. You write 'Jay's Schedule' at the top, neatly highlighting it with a pink highlighter that somehow hurts even more. Jay wonders if this is a secret ploy to blind him into submission. He wouldn't put it past you.ย ย
"What's your typical weekly schedule like?"ย ย
Jay squints, clearly thinking hard, as he tries to remember what a 'typical' week looks like for him. Mostly it's a mix of spontaneous decisions, power naps, and gym sessions sprinkled between classes.ย ย
"Uh...well," Jay rubs the back of his neck. "I usually sleep in until like 11...sometimes noon, depends on the vibe, you know? Classes after that, gym a couple times a week, maybe? And, um, naps are non-negotiable. Make sure you pencil those in too."ย ย
Your pen freezes mid-air, hovering like you're considering whether to throw it at his face or not.ย ย
"Naps? Non-negotiable? For someone who wakes up at 11AM? We're raising a child, Jay, this requires commitment!"ย ย
Jay raises a calm eyebrow. "Hey, sleep is very important for brain function! You wouldn't want me underperforming as a parent, right?"ย ย
Your eye twitches. "No, Jay. That's already my biggest fear."ย ย
But instead of escalating the snark, you bite your lip, clearly restraining yourself from unleashing a full lecture on time management. Jay struggles to stifle his own laugh at your reaction. If looks could kill, you'd have him buried under six feet of color-coded charts and to-do lists by now.ย ย
Finally, you sigh, accepting your fate and jotting down โJayโs naps: apparently crucial for survivalโ in your notes with a frown drawn next to it, while Jay gives you an approving nod from across the table.ย
"Alright, my turn," you flip the page over with dramatic flair, carefully writing 'Y/N's Schedule' in the same stab-your-eyes-blue and pink highlight combo as Jay mentally braces himself for what's to come.ย ย
"So," you continue, starting with that no-nonsense tone that's clearly meant to be seriousโbut to Jay, there's something almost charming about how strict you are. "I wake up at 6."ย ย
You blink back at him, as if he's the one saying something ridiculous. "Yes, Jay. On purpose."ย ย
His mind reels, purely amazed, yet utterly horrified at the thought. 6AM? Who does that? He's seen 6AM before, sure, but only when he's stayed up all night, probably cramming for an exam. His mornings start at 10AM at best, and that's very, very rarely. There are birds chirping at 6AM. Who wants to live in a world where birds chirp you awake?ย ย
When he doesn't respondโstill in pure shockโyou keep going, undeterred by his obvious existential crisis. "I usually have class at 8AM until 1PM, then I try to pick up a shift here," you gesture around the very cafรฉ you two are in, "and thenโ"ย ย
"Wait, wait," Jay holds up a hand, needing a mental pause button. "You work here?"ย ย
"Yeah," you nod, like it's the most casual thing ever. "Why, is that surprising?"ย ย
Jay squints at you. He's never considered the idea of you pulling espresso shots and dealing with caffeine-deprived college studentsโhe's always pegged you more as a 'quiet math tutor for third-graders' type. Or maybe someone who sells cute stationery at the campus bookstore, organizing pens in rainbow order or something. But now that he's picturing it, yeah, it kind of makes sense. Maybe that's why you're so uptight all the timeโtoo much exposure to coffee fumes. Or, more likely (and evidently), you're just an insanely busy person.ย ย
He likes the coffee fumes theory better.ย ย
"I guess not," he admits, then surprises even himself by adding, "that's kind of impressive, though."ย ย
He gives you a genuine smile, and you blink back, as if searching for the hidden jab that's usually lurking beneath his words. But it's not there this time...oddly. Slowly, your expression softens, and you give him the tiniest of smiles. "Thanks? It's alright, I guess."ย ย
It's nothing bigโno, not at allโbut Jay feels a weird sense of accomplishment at your reaction. Better than nothing.ย
He leans in over the table, all faux-innocenceโeyebrows raises, large puppy eyes and all. "Does this mean you can get me a free coffee?"ย ย
You lean in too, mirroring him, and he's not sure why his heart skips a beat at the close proximity.ย
"Yeah...no. Nice try."ย ย
Jay groans, throwing himself back in his chair dramatically. Worth a shot.ย ย
"Anyway," you continue, totally unfazed, "I usually work here until 5, then Mondays I have a study group for Econ 301, and club meetings scattered throughout the week."ย ย
Jay's head spins for maybe the nth time since he's sat down. Honestly, you lost him way back at 'class until 1PM.' Your schedule is like some kind of twisted Sudoku puzzle, except much more intimidating.ย ย
"So...you're, like, busy...all the time?" he asks, the words tumbling out of his mouth as his brain tries to process how anyone can function like this.ย ย
You give him a look that almost convinces Jay himself that he's the crazy one here. "Yes, Jay. I am."ย ย
"Wow, okay. So why did you even take this class? What happened to being committed? You don't even have time to breathe."ย ย
You narrow your eyes, and he swears you're about to launch into some motivational TedTalk. "It's called efficiency, Jay. Also, I like to challenge myself. That's what parenthood is about, after all."
Jay stares at you like you've just self-declared yourself a cyborg.
"Oookayyy," he drawls, dragging out the word because, honestly, he's 99% sure you've completely lost it. The remaining 1%?ย ย
It's slightly impressed by your sheer, terrifying level of commitment. He's over here winging life, including this conversation, while you've practically mapped out the rest of your entire existence.ย
"Do you even, like, sleep? Or is that optional for you?"ย ย
You shoot him an amused glance, half-joking, half-serious. "Sleep is for the weak."ย ย
Jay raises an eyebrow. "Good to know I'm weak, then."ย ย
You stifle a laugh, but Jay catches the brief twitch of your lips before you quickly compose yourself. Heโs known you for so long, and yet, this might be the first time heโs seen even a hint of your guard slipping. Itโs subtle, barely there, but he notices. And for some reason, it makes him smile. Youโre always so put together, so seriousโbut this small crack in your armor? Jay canโt help but appreciate it.ย ย
Maybe, just maybe, he could get you to soften up more if he tried hard enough. And yeah, heโs definitely going to try.ย
But before he can try to tease you more, you snap back into business mode, instantly scribbling down more notes. "Alright, so letโs just split the baby's care based on my work schedule and your...nap schedule, apparently."ย ย
Jay leans back in his chair, catching that flicker of amusement in your voiceโdespite the serious look on your faceโand he fights the urge to push a little more. There's something about that side of youโnot the one behind the cold wall you've built of color-coded schedules and deadlinesโthat he wants to see more of. Somehow. ย
"Works for me,โ he shrugs and grins at you, โbut if the baby's anything like me, it'll nap a lot. You might have it easy."
"And if itโs anything like me,โ you mutter, barely pausing, โthen itโll easily get annoyed by you.โ
Jay catches the ghost of a smile on your face, barely noticeable unless you were looking for itโwhich he definitely is. Itโs enough to keep him intrigued. He leans forward, resting his chin in his hand like heโs watching some fascinating show.ย
You donโt notice him staringโor maybe you do, but youโre too busy pretending you donโt. Either way, thereโs a small, almost imperceptible shift in your body language that Jay senses. Your shoulders arenโt as tense, and you donโt look like youโre mentally calculating how many minutes you have left before you can escape this meeting.
Jay decides to take advantage of the moment. โSoโฆdo you think our robot baby is also going to be a superhuman genius? Like in a you way?โย
You finally let out a laugh, to his surprise, and he feels so satisfied he has to bite his lip to hold back a smile. โDefinitely, but also part crazy. Like in a you way.โย
Jay chuckles, mentally declaring this conversation a victory. Your laugh fades but for a split second, he catches you studying his face like youโre trying to figure out what his deal is. And he doesnโt mind it at allโbecause, for once, youโre not giving him the usual death glare that sometimes seems permanently reserved for him.
Then, just as he starts to settle into this very rare, almostโฆ pleasant vibe between you two, you suddenly snap back to reality, capping your pen and standing up.ย
Jay frowns as he watches as you turn towards the coffee bar, not ready for this conversation to end just yet.ย ย
"Wait, where are you going?" he blurts out, sounding more tragic than intended.ย
You pause, turning back with a knowing look that sends his pulse tripping.
"Do you want a free coffee or not?"ย ย
The following Monday, at exactly 9:55AM, you and Jay are handed your robot babyโJisoo, as Jay somehow convinces you to name it after his favorite celebrityโat the end of your class.ย ย
You didn't even try to put up a fight. The moment Jay's eyes lit up at the idea, you knew you'd already lost. After three whole minutes of bickering and one PowerPoint titled 'Why Our Baby Deserves to be Named After Star Quality,' you realized there was no saving it. He had arguments. He had fan chants memorized. For a robot baby. Your robot baby.ย
"Admit it, Jisoo has star quality," Jay beams, proudly looking down at the robotic baby in the baby carrier that came with her.ย ย
You look from Jisoo to Jay, then back to Jisoo, unimpressed. "It's a robot, Jay. Not your bias."ย ย
Jay just shrugs, unbothered. "Bias or not, she deserves only the best."ย ย
He glances down at the robot, which blinks its eyes open and closed with a soft whirring noise, its chubby plastic arms flopping lifelessly by its sides.ย ย
There's a beat of silence as you both stare down at it, unsure of what to do next.ย ย
"It's kind of creepy, right?" you finally mutter, breaking the knowing silence between you two.ย ย
Jay snorts. "Not even 'kind of.' A lot." He leans in to inspect it, his brows furrowed, "So, does it justโฆsit there?โย ย
You huff, already pulling out the meticulously detailed notes you took during class. "No, it's on schedule. It says here it won't eat for another three hours and it has a clean diaper, so everything should be fine. Babies are predictable once you understand their needs, Jay."ย ย
Jay lifts an eyebrow as he turns to face you, "Right...because in real life, babies are totally like robots and are totally predictable. Got it."ย ย
You open your mouth to respond, probably with something unnecessarily snarky (you don't know what yet though, you haven't gotten to that part yet), when a loud, high-pitched wail shatters the air, cutting through the now-empty classroom you two are in. The robot baby's face contorts into an exaggerated crying expression, its mechanical arms flailing (which you didn't even know was possible) like it's preparing for takeoff.ย
"What theโ" Jay instinctively jumps back like Jisoo is a grenade on her last few seconds. "Why's it doing that? What did you do?"ย ย
"I didnโt do anything!" You snap, panic slowly rising as you flip through your notes quickly. "It's not supposed to be crying! It shouldn't be hungry, and it's definitely not tired yet!"ย ย
The wailing intensifies, vibrating through the room as the cries echo louder and louder, Jisoo clearly not caring about your carefully crafted timeline. You glance down at your schedule. Why is it crying?ย ย
You groan and snatch Jisoo out of the carrier, awkwardly holding her in a way that's probably not safe for any life form, real or otherwise. The wailing doesn't stop. In fact, it gets louder, as if Jisoo's personally offended by your existence.ย ย
"Hold her!" You quickly thrust her into Jay's arms, a horrified expression written all over his face. "You deal with it."ย ย
"Deal with what? It's a robot!" Jay stares at the baby in his arms like it's going to explode. "Oh god, are we even sure this is safe?"ย ย
"Yes, Jay! It's a baby!" You're sure you're borderline going insane from the combination of the screeching baby and Jay's apparent lack of brain cells.ย ย
Jay's eyes widen as Jisoo practically vibrates with the force of its cries. He tries to mimic the way you were holding her, cradling her against his chest like she's made of glass. It doesn't help. Jisoo keeps wailing, and now Jay looks genuinely distressed.ย
"Uh, shh, little buddy, it's okay...Should I, like, burp it? Sing to it?"ย ย
โSing?โ You give him a look like heโs completely lost it, but Jayโs already humming off-key under his breath.ย
The baby, predictably, continues screeching.ย
You both just stand there, staring at the baby, then at each other, the panic palpable in the room. Jay continues bouncing it lightly, as if this will magically solve everything. โDoes it have an off switch?โ he asks, glancing at you like you've parented a robot baby before.ย
You continue to frantically flip through your notes, pages rustling in a blur. โNo, Jay! We canโt just turn off our baby!โย
โWell, I donโt know, Y/N, but Iโm pretty sure babies arenโt supposed to sound like theyโre summoning a demon,โ Jay retorts, his tone climbing the ladder of panic. "Maybe she's hungry or something."ย ย
Youโre still too busy scanning your notes as you shake your head in disagreement. โIt canโt be hungry, it's not supposed to be!"ย ย
Jay just shakes his head, gently cradling the baby even though he's sure it's about to lift off into space from how much it was shaking right now.ย
โSometimes you canโt schedule everything, Y/N. Maybe it just needs a bottle, like, right now.โย
The idea frustrates you. โBut itโs not time yet. If we feed it off-schedule, itโll mess everything up for the day.โย
The babyโs cries reach a shrill pitch, like itโs protesting your protest. Jay looks at you, then back at the crying baby, then back at you again.ย
โI think itโs already messed up, so maybe we just... feed it?โ he says, half-grinning, half-exasperated.ย
You hesitate. It feels wrong. Babies are supposed to follow patterns, stick to a routine...or so you thought. You let out a frustrated sigh, your brain bleeding from the sheer sound of the glass-breaking screams.ย ย
โFine,โ you mutter, grabbing the bottle from the supply bag. โBut if this throws off the whole schedule, itโs your fault.โย
Jay grins, but thereโs something softer in his expression behind it as he watches you struggle with the bottle...and your need for control. โDeal.โย
You hand the bottle to him, and he places the nipple into the babyโs mouth. The wailing stops almost instantly. The sudden silence is deafening, and both of you are stunned for a moment, looking down at the baby whoโs now peacefully drinking.ย
You let out a small gasp of relief and turn your head up to look at Jay, who's widened eyes meet yours.ย ย
Jay lets out a held breath. โWell. That was traumatic.โย
You roll your eyes, though thereโs a slight twitch at the corner of your lips as you mutter, โI think I just lost three years of my life."ย ย
Jay watches as you carefully take Jisoo from his arms and place her back into the carrier, making sure everything is in order. Heโs still catching his breath, but he glances at youโrelaxed, for once, after the panicโand it makes him feel something weird. He almost laughs.ย
โI dunno,โ he says, a little teasingly. โI think we handled that pretty well.โย
โGreat, now just five weeks and six days of this left." You give him a look, but thereโs a tiny, fleeting smile this time. "I just don't understand why it was crying. It's not supposed to need food untilโ"ย ย
Jay cuts you off with a chuckle. โY/N, itโs a baby. Real ones donโt run on algorithms. They just... cry when they need something. Like this little gal. I mean, you can't exactly schedule crying, right?โย
The silence stretches for a moment as you watch him, realization dawning a little slower than youโd like to admit. โI guess,โ you mutter reluctantly, earning yourself a content-looking Jay.ย ย
"Look at usโteam effort," Jay says, as he beams a smile to you before glancing at Jisoo. "We're naturals at this whole parenting thing."ย ย
"Yeah, okay," you roll your eyes, but the smile on your face says differently as you reach out to unnecessarily fuss with the small blanket in Jisoo's carrier.ย ย
Jay's eyes light up at your response. "A smile? The Y/N gave me a smile? Admit it, we make a great team, huh?"ย ย
You scoff, but the smile on your face proves there's no bite to itโJay knows there's no bite to it.ย ย
Maybe, just maybe, he has a point.ย ย
You'd never admit it to him, though.ย
Not yet.ย ย
To your pleasant surprise, the past two weeks have been...weirdly smooth. Like, suspiciously smooth. You and Jay have somehow managed to fall into an actual routineโdropping off and picking up Jisoo like two semi-functional adults who almost know what theyโre doing. You still wouldnโt call it 'seamless', as Jay himself struggled with having a consistent schedule for once in his life, but at least youโve gotten through the weeks without major incidents or spontaneous combustion.ย
That doesn't mean you'll admit to anyoneโleast of all yourselfโthat you and Jay might actually make a decent team. His parenting methods are still objectively abysmal...to you, at least. I mean, just the other day, he almost put Jisoo's diaper on upside down. Upside down. You didn't even know that was possible, but leave it to Jay to surprise you more and more.ย ย
Despite his questionable approach to baby care, Jisoo's still alive (you think), and somehow you've managed not to explode at him yet (key word: yet). So, that's...something, I guess.ย ย
Today, though. Today is a different beast entirely.ย ย
It's Sunday, and miraculously, you've managed to give yourself the evening off. No cafรฉ shift, no emergency club meetings. The stars have aligned, and for once, you have free time. And what did you decide to do with this rare gift from the universe?ย ย
Spent it with Jay. Parenting. Together. In his apartment.ย ย
You blame Professor Kim for this cruel twist of fate. Something about submitting photographic evidence of co-parenting. After all, this is a partner project.ย ย
Teamwork, she called it.ย ย
You like to call it pure suffering.ย ย
Which brings you here, standing outside Jay's apartment with a tote bag of baby supplies on one shoulder, Jisoo's carrier on the other, and a silent prayer on your lips. If this apartment is even half the disaster you're imaginingโfrat house, landfill, or some unholy combination of bothโyou're fully prepared to turn around and run for the hills.ย ย
You take a deep breath, bracing yourself for whatever horrors await behind the door, and knock three times.ย ย
Precisely five seconds later, the door swings open, and...yep, there's Jay. His hair is a mess, his clothes are rumpled, and you can't tell if he's been a) napping, b) playing video games, or c) all of the above.ย ย
"Hey," he greets you with a lazy grin, eyes half-lidded like he's still half-asleep.ย ย
It's 6PM.ย ย
You stare at him, deadpan. "You look like you've been hit by a truck."ย ย
Jay snorts as he raises an eyebrow. "You should see the truck."ย ย
Before you can fire back with something equally sarcastic, you catch a glimpse of his apartment over his shoulder, andโyou blink, confused. Wait. Wait. ย
Well this can't be right.ย ย
You were expecting a disaster. Maybe a few pizza boxes, a stray sock on the floor, some suspicious stains on the couch. But no. Instead...it's clean. Like, really clean.ย ย
The floors are spotless, there's a shelf with neatly stacked books, and are those...framed photos on the walls? Like, actual art? Your own apartment doesn't even have actual art, just print outs from Walgreens of photos you thought were cute on Pinterest and your Justin Bieber posters you got from a magazine back in high-school. Damn, now you're starting to feel ashamed.ย ย
You do a double-take, your brain struggling to process what's happening, as Jay still stands in front of you, confused at your gawking. "Y/N? You good?"ย ย
You snap your mouth shut, as you spot a vacuum neatly tucked in the corner of the living room. "I...I'm just surprised you even know what a vacuum is."ย
"You'll learn I'm full of surprises, Miss Y/N," he says, casually leaning against the doorframe as he looks down at you, his gaze making you shift in your stance in front of him. "Come on in."ย ย
You step inside cautiously, like you're waiting for something to jump out at youโmaybe a camera with someone saying 'You've been pranked, this isn't Jay's actual apartment!' ย
But nope. His apartment is just...nice. It smells like eucalyptus and citrus, for crying out loud.ย ย
You set Jisoo's carrier down on the couch, the robot itself still fast asleep, as your eyes scan the room, still half-expecting to find a hidden mess somewhere. But instead, something else catches your attention.ย ย
On the wall, next to his kitchen, there's a collection of professional-looking photographs, all framed neatly. This is what caught your eye earlier. You find yourself slowly walking closer to get a closer look: landscapes, city stresses, a few candid shots of peopleโall in the same style, same camera quality, same angles. You tilt your head, intrigued.
Jay comes up behind you to see what you're looking at and you turn to him, "Are these...yours?"ย
"Oh," he scratches the back of his neck, looking almost shy. "Yeah. I do some photography sometimes. Just a hobby."ย ย
You blink up at him. Jay Park? A photographer? This was not on your Jay Park Bingo card.ย
"Huh," you say, before realizing how dumb you sound. "I didn't know you were into that."ย ย
"Well, there's a lot you don't know about me, Y/N. Full of surprises, remember?" Jay replies, his head tilting to match yours with a cocky smile, whichโugh, okay fineโmakes you feel just the tiniest bit flustered. Not that you'll admit it.ย ย
"Oh, really?" You raise an eyebrow. "And here I thought your only hobbies were napping and showing up late."ย
"That's just the surface level," he says with a wink, walking over to his coffee table and grabbing his laptop. "I was actually editing photos before you showed up."ย
Intrigued, you follow him to the couch and sit beside him as he flips open the laptop. You squint at the editing software on the screenโfull of layers, sliders, and all sorts of professional-looking tools that immediately make your head hurt. Jay scrolls through the images, and honestly?
Theyโre good. Really good. Like, if you didnโt know better, youโd think some of them could be in a magazine. And not the kind of magazine you got your Bieber Fever posters in.ย ย
"Wow," you say, nodding, genuinely impressed. "Thatโsโฆ actually really cool."ย
Jay freezes, his head snapping toward you with a look of disbelief. He stares at you, eyes narrowing like youโve just broken some unspoken rule. "It's been ten seconds...you just gave me an actual compliment without a sarcastic follow-up."ย ย
You let out a small giggle. "Geez, you always make me sound like some soulless witch or something."ย ย
Jay grins, leaning back in mock thought. "I meanโฆ soulless witch might be a bit much. But, likeโฆ emotionally unavailable overlord? Maybe."ย
You burst out laughing before you can stop yourself, the sound catching Jay off guard. He looks at you, wide-eyed, like heโs just witnessed a rare phenomenon. And maybe he hasโbecause even you canโt remember the last time you laughed this freely.
ย
"Wow. I should annoy you more often," Jay smirks, clearly way too satisfied with himself. Youโre not entirely sure if he meant it to sound that smooth, but your brain certainly processed it that way. Heat rises to your cheeks before you can stop it, and you quickly clear your throat, a small, flustered smile playing at your lips.ย
You try to gather yourself, praying your voice doesnโt betray you. "Donโt push your luck, Park," you manage, but the teasing edge in your voice is softer than usualโway softer. And, of course, Jay knows it. You know it. Youโre still smiling, andโunfortunately for youโso is he.ย
Jay suddenly clears his throat as he shifts in his seat, "So...should we order like a pizza or something? Are you hungry?"ย ย
And because the universe apparently has a personal vendetta against you, your stomach chooses that exact moment to let out a soundโone that resembles between a whaleโs mating call and a frog being strangled.ย
Jay stifles a laugh, trying to act casual but failing miserably. "Okayโฆ pizza it is."ย
โShut up,โ you mutter, giving him a playful shove thatโs just enough to make him fall back into the couch cushions.ย
"No, you tell your stomach to shut up," Jay snickers, grabbing his phone to place the order.ย
Youโre about to fire back with somethingโanythingโbut a soft wail interrupts you from the baby carrier.ย
"Someone needs attention," you say, scooping Jisoo up and cradling her in your arms. โItโs about time for her to eat anyway.โย
As you juggle Jisoo with one hand and dig through the baby bag for her fake bottle of milk with the other, Jay watches you from his spot on the couch, a curious look in his eyes. โWhile you feed her, Iโll take care of the pizza. Iโm guessing youโre more of a plain cheese type, huh?โย
You freeze for a second, then whip your head around to give him a mock-offended look. โFirst, you think Iโm a soulless witch, and now boring? I at least add pepperoni and sausage. Give me some credit.โย
"Okay, okay, noted," Jay lifts his hands up in surrender, "So adventurous. I'll remember that next time you call me irresponsible."ย ย
You roll your eyes at him as you adjust Jisoo in your arms, holding the bottle steady at her mouth. Itโs quiet for a few moments, the only sounds being the soft hum of your fake baby and Jay tapping on his phone.ย
Suddenly Jay puts his phone down, turning to you with an unreadable expression. โYouโre really serious about this whole parenting thing, huh?โย
You blink, still rocking Jisoo in your arms.ย You're thrown off by the sudden shift and sincerity in his tone.ย ย
โWellโฆ yeah. I think itโs important, you know? Responsibility, structureโฆ thatโs what makes people feel safe. Especially kids. They need to know theyโre taken care of.โย
Jayโs expression shifts as he listens, a more thoughtful look settling on his face. โYou're a strong believer of that, aren't you? Structure and schedules and all that?"ย ย
His voice is a lot quieter now, lower, and you realize you've never really had a serious conversation (that wasn't a class debate) with him beforeโat least not long enough to hear this version of Jay. The serious Jay. And if you're being honest, it's making you a bit flustered. You hesitate, hoping your voice doesn't crack or something equally embarrassing.ย ย
โI meanโฆ I guess so. I was raised that way. My parents always had everything planned out. It was like...nothing ever went wrong because there was always a system, a backup plan.โย
Jay raises an eyebrow, leaning forward a little in his seat. โBut didnโt that feel, I donโt know... suffocating? Like, what if things donโt go according to plan? You canโt control everything.โย
Your first instinct is to scoff, but something stops you. It's a valid question, and for some reason, you donโt feel the need to throw up your usual defenses for once. That's new. ย
โMaybe sometimes,โ you admit. โBut I donโt know any other way. It just feels like if youโre not prepared, things fall apart. And thatโs the worst feelingโlike watching everything crumble because you werenโt ready for it.โย
Jay is quiet, studying you with an intensity that feels new. His teasing smirk is gone, replaced with something more serious. โYeah, I get that. I didnโt have a lot of structure growing up. Parents were kindaโฆ there, but not really. I think thatโs why I donโt plan much. Life happens whether youโre ready or not.โย
You blink as you sit back in your seat, absorbing his words. Itโs the first time youโve really thought about Jay outside of his 'laid-back' image of him you've had in your head, and honestly, youโre surprised by how heavy his words feel.ย
โButโฆyouโre actually good with Jisoo,โ you say, almost cautiously, unsure if youโre diving into uncharted territory. โYouโve been handling this project better than I thought you would.โย
Jay laughs softly, shaking his head as he looks at Jisoo in your arms. โItโs just a robot baby, Y/N. No big deal if I mess up.โย
"Itโs not just about the robot baby,โ you counter, realizing you're saying more than you intended. โYou actually care. Youโre not graded on how well you change diapers or keep her entertained, but youโre still putting in effort. Youโre trying. And that matters.โย
There's a beat of silence as you see Jay pause. For once, he doesn't have a comeback. Instead, he's just looking at youโreally looking at youโlike he's trying to figure something out, and you feel the heat slowly creeping back onto your face. You're sure you're turning an unflattering shade of red under his gaze on you, and part of you, no, all of you, is begging for him to say something immediately before you combust.ย ย
Then, with a suddenness that almost makes you jump, he leans over and nudges your arm lightly. โOkay, Dr. Phil. Don't go getting all soft on me now."ย ย
You let out a playful scoff to mask your relief, thankful for the release of tension in the air. But something about the conversation lingers in the air, hanging like a question neither of you is ready to ask. And despite the teasing, your mind canโt help but circle back to how Jay had looked at youโserious, curiousโฆ something else.ย
Before you can dwell on it too long, the doorbell rings. Saved by the pizza gods. Jay springs up from the couch to answer the door, and you gently place the now-snoozing Jisoo back in her carrier. The conversation still swirls in your head as you watch Jay grab the pizza, too caught up in your thoughts to not even question how suspiciously fast it arrived.ย
You let out a breath you didnโt realize you were holding, watching Jay at the door from your spot on the couch, your thoughts too heavy for someone who is literally holding a pizza box.ย
For someone who sure likes to plan everything out, you definitely werenโt prepared for Jay Parkโand how he's quickly becoming the exception to every rule you've ever made.ย
โญใป.ใปโซ
The first thing that jars you awake is a piercing screamโJisoo's, of course. Your eyes shoot open as you squint into the dim light, your eyes adjusting and blinking your way out of the accidental nap you fell into. You're trying to make sense of your surroundings through your blurry vision when...it hits you.ย ย
This isn't your room. You're still at Jay's apartment, wedged into the corner of his couch, and apparently, you fell asleep. Post-pizza-food-coma style. And also apparently, your mutual robot child has decided now was a perfect time for a meltdown.ย ย
The second thing you notice is the faint background noise of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire still playing on Jay's TV in front of you. Your memory jogs back to when you two finally came to a consensus on which movie to watch over dinner, and naturally, the deciding factor ended up being 'young Robert Pattinson,' and no, it wasn't your deciding factor. You didn't expect Jay to even have an opinion on this, but apparently, his love for Cedric Diggory is a hill he's willing to die on.ย ย
And then... that brings us to the third thing. A sound from the other end of the couchโJay's soft snores. You two must have dozed off at some point during the movie somehow and of course, he's still passed out cold, totally oblivious to the screams of robotic despair coming from the baby carrier seated between you two. You glance over at him, out cold with his head tilted back, looking completely unbothered by Jisoo's increasingly offended screams.ย ย
But even through all these realizations, what really slaps you awake, more than Jisoo or Jay or Cedric Diggory, is the smell. It hits you like a rogue sock to the face, and for a moment, you're convinced that Jay definitely has some biological-grade garbage decomposing somewhere in the apartment after all. The smell is like a powerful, radioactive wave, and all you can think is, What in the world is this guy hiding in here? And why is it now coming to life? ย
You sit up from your spot, still half-asleep, and follow the foul scent in horror until you realize the source.ย ย
Jisoo.ย ย
Sure, you have changed Jisoo's diapers plenty of times over the last two weeks, but before? There was no smell. At most, you get these weird, vaguely sticky robotic poops in her diaper that barely registered. Now? Now itโs like Professor Kim somehow remotely gave Jisoo a software update and coded her to emit a scent so pungent that it feels borderline illegal. You're convinced this is Jisooโs final boss formโpeak realism unlockedโsolely just to spite you and your nostrils.
While youโre here on one end of the couch, one button away from confirming an Amazon Prime order to ship over a bottle of bleach for you to dip your nose into, Jay is still in blissful dreamland, not even flinching. You stare at him in disbelief, hoping your sheer mental outage might magically wake him up. No such luck.ย
You grab the throw pillow that's wedged under you and chuck in right at his face.ย ย
"Jay!" You're still half-asleep, so your voice comes out like a strangled whisper, somewhere between pleading and passive-aggressive murder.ย ย
Jay jolts, sitting up with a sleepy yelp, blinking in confusion. "Huh? What happened? Is Cedric okay?" His panicked gaze darts around the room wildly before they finally settle on you, across the couch.ย
"What happened?" You raise a finger to the screaming, stinky, betrayal-machine between you two. "That happened, Jay. Jisoo happened."ย ย
Jay blinks slowly, squinting at Jisoo, his brain clearly struggling to boot up, and then makes the fatal mistake of sniffing the air. The realization suddenly dawns slowly, and you can see the look of horror hit.
"Oh my god, how is she even capable of...of that?!" His voice breaks three octaves as his hand shoots up to pinch his nose.ย ย
"I don't know!" You squawk, equally traumatized. "She's never done this beforeโI didn't even know she could!"ย ย
Jay groans and rubs his eyes, hoping this is all a bad, bad dream. No such luck, yet again. He glances around helplessly. "So, uh, who's changing her?"ย ย
You shoot him a glare as you get up from the couch and start looking for the baby bag. "We're changing her, Jay."ย ย
"We?" Jay winces, inching towards Jisoo with all the enthusiasm one has when approaching a radioactive waste barrel. He slowly reaches down to take Jisoo out from the carrier and he starts muttering to himself. "Great. Fine, this is fine. Just another bonding moment with our adorable robo-daughter."ย ย
He finally picks her up, reluctantly holding her at arm's length like she's a ticking time bomb. It's so ridiculous that, despite the war-crime-level smell permeating the room, you can't help the small laugh that you let out.ย ย
"What?" Jay glares at you, though a look of amusement tugs at his lips. "You think this is funny?"ย ย
"No," you say, barely stifling your giggles. "It's justโyou're holding her like she's about to explode."ย ย
Jay gives you a doubtful look. "Y/N, I'm not convinced she's not about to explode."ย ย
You shake your head, still giggling as you shuffle the carrier off the couch and lay out a blanket, turning Jay's couch surface into a makeshift changing station. "Alright, c'mon. Lay her down and hold her legs up. I'll handle clean-up duty. And maybe...brace yourself."ย ย
Jay exhales like a man about to face his greatest fear. He gently lays Jisoo down and lifts her legs up with the tips of his fingers, his face still contorted as if you're both dealing with a toxic hazard. At this point, it probably is.ย ย
"Oh my god," he breathes. "This is it. This is how I die."ย ย
You crouch down in position so you're at level with the couch and say a mental prayer before you pull open the tiny diaper. The moment you do, the both of you immediately recoil as a scent that should not even be allowed to exist wafts up and fills the room.ย ย
โOh god.โย
The scent is so ungodly it feels like it came from the depths of hell itself and punched you both right in the face. It doesnโt just waft upโit attacks. Youโre pretty sure you lost at least another three years off your life from one breath alone.ย
"That's not legal," Jay chokes as he flings himself back at the sight, dropping Jisooโs little toes in the process, flailing around as if the air itself betrayed him. "There's no way that's legal."ย
You freeze in sheer horror, staring at the scene before you: Jisooโs somehow realistic poop smeared across every surface of her bottom it possibly could spread to, the stench intensifying with every passing second.
Jay starts pacing the room, spiraling into an existential crisis. โNo, no, no, this isnโt normal. This isโthis is a crime scene! This canโt be right.โย
โJay,โ your voice is muffled as a hand tries to cover both your nose and mouth from the contaminated air, โfocus!โย
Jay looks at you from across the living room, wide-eyed and pale, like a deer caught in headlights. โYou expect me toโin this economyโโย
โGrab. The. Wipes.โ
Jay groans and he stumbles back towards you, hesitantly rifling through the baby bag. His hands finally find the pack of wipes and he peers over your shoulder from behind you, as if youโre his shield.ย
โAre you just gonna stand there, or are you going to help?โ
โI am helping,โ Jay protests weakly, waving the pack of wipes like theyโre a magic wand that might save you both.
You roll your eyes and turn back to Jisoo, โOkay, grab her legs again. Iโll wipe.โย
His eyes watch in horror as he reaches over you to take hold of the robotโs feet. With a deep breath, you start furiously scrubbing Jisooโs little body, trying your best to breathe as minimally as possible, sticking your hand out towards Jay whenever you need a new wipe.ย
โI signed up for fake parenting, not surviving a biohazard. This isnโt bonding; this is trauma,โ Jay incoherently mumbles, placing a wipe in your hand.ย
"I think this trauma is exactly what we're supposed to be learning and 'bonding' from," you retort, carefully tossing a soiled wipe into the designated waste bag.ย ย
"Oh, so Professor Kim is forcing us to bond over mutual suffering? Very sweet," Jay deadpans as he hands you another wipe.ย
"Exactly. Parenting at its finest."ย ย
Finally, after you definitely lost three years of your life, the horror show is over. Jisoo is cleaned, diapered, andโsomehowโactually looks peaceful for once. Like she didn't just commit a crime against humanity.ย
Jay exhales, looking at her with a newfound joy. "Well. She's definitely...less terrifying when she's not screaming and emitting toxic fumes."ย ย
You plop yourself on the couch and cradle Jisoo like she's a tiny, innocent angel instead of the cause of your collective suffering. โIโm genuinely afraid to know what they put in her system for this to happen.โย
Jay collapses onto the couch beside you, visibly relieved. "Whatever it was, we did it. We survived. We did that."ย
You can't help but laugh, still a bit punch-drunk from the adrenaline and exhaustion of it all. "We better get an A+ on this project."ย ย
Jay chuckles, leaning his head back against the couch. The room falls into a brief silence, just the two of you sitting there, basking in the weird accomplishment of it all. Then, as if on cue, you both start laughingโa deep, exhausting kind of laugh that two people only share after a 'you had to be there' type moment. There's something about the whole ordealโhow ridiculous, how hilariously awful it wasโthat just makes it impossible to not laugh.ย ย
Jay grins, nudging your shoulder with his. "Now do you think we make a pretty good team?"ย ย
You roll your eyes at him. "I don't know...depends."ย ย
Jay raises an eyebrow, "Depends on what?"ย ย
"Depends on whether you can make it through the rest of the project without crying again," you quip, lips twitching into an amused grin.ย ย
Jay gasps dramatically, clutching his chest. "Excuse you, I did not cry. My eyes were sweating from Jisoo's toxic fumes. A completely normal biological response, thank you very much."ย ย
"Sure, Jay," you deadpan, shaking your head.ย ย
"Besides," he continues, leaning back smugly, "I did all the heavy lifting. Literally. I held the live grenade."ย ย
You snort, glancing down at Jisoo in your arms before handing her off to Jay. "You're unbelievable."ย ย
"And you're stuck with me, partner," he grins back, rocking Jisoo in his arms. "You too, Jisoo."ย
You lean back into the couch, watching Jay coo at the now-peaceful baby. Somewhere between his flair for over-the-top dramatics, his secret love for young Robert Pattinson, and (for some reason) endearing passion for photography, you realizeโฆmaybe Jay Park isnโt the complete disaster you thought he was.ย
"Yeah," you murmur, a small smile tugging at your lips. "I guess I really am stuck with you."ย ย
And for the first time since this ridiculous project started, you don't mind that as much as you thought you would.ย ย
Jay would like to make a few things clear.ย
First of all, none of this is his fault.ย
He hopes you understand that, as his thumbs fly over the keyboard of his phone like his life depends on it. Because in a way, it does.ย
Jay [11:32 AM]: โi swear itโs not my fault, but my friend, jake, his entire load of laundry is now the color of strawberry milk. and apparently iโm the only one that can help him. can I drop jisoo off with you for likeโฆ an hour? tops?โย
He stares at his phone, waiting for your response like you hold the key to his survival. Because, in a way, you do.ย
He hears Jisoo coo from her carrier, like even she knows how dire this situation is. Finally, his phone lights up with a buzz.ย
Y/N [11:33 AM]: โiโm volunteering at a dog adoption event on campus, but sure, drop her off here :)โย
Jay blinks at his phone. A dog adoption event. Of course, you'd be saving puppies on a Saturday. Of course. Like some kind of unreasonably perfect human. And here he is, about to save a fully grown man from having to wear solely pink t-shirts for the next week. Fantastic. ย ย
With a sigh, Jay turns to Jisoo, who blinks back a stare that can only be described as the (robot) baby equivalent of good luck, bro.ย
By the time Jay reaches campus, he's bombarded with the sight and sound of...dogs. Dogs everywhere. It's as if he's entered the chaotic lovechild of a Disney movie and a petting zoo, complete with wags, barks, and the smell of kibble. And then he sees you.ย
You're smack in the middle of a fenced playpen, laughing, surrounded by every breed of fluffy chaos imaginable and passerbys cooing 'aww' at the sight. And what a sight it is. ย
You look ridiculously happy, and for some reason, that makes something in Jay's chest feel weirdly tight. He wonders what it must feel like to be able to make you smile that widely, that brightly. It's unnerving. He's not used to seeing you so relaxed, so contentโor maybe he's just not used to noticing how good you look when you're not glaring at him.ย ย
"Y/N!" a voice calls from the volunteer tent, snapping Jay out of his daydream. Jay watches from the distance as you haul a golden retriever pup into your arms and walk over to the tent, naturally falling into conversation with your friend and immediately organizing papers. Meanwhile, Jay stands there, dumbfounded at your unbothered, graceful rhythm that you seem to fall into like second nature.ย
Jay thought he had you figured out, filed neatly in his mental drawer of uptight-control-freaks-that-happen-to-smell-like-roses-and-have-perfect-smiles, but now? Something about the way you look right nowโso confident, so caring, so...naturalโcatches him off guard.
Now, you're like some serene multitasking goddess in the middle of pure chaos.ย ย
That brings us to the second thing Jay would like to clarify (more so to himself): he definitely doesn't think you look good in, like, an attractive sense, or anything insane like that. Absolutely not. He just is simply impressed at how you seem to manage and carry yourself quite elegantly. This is pure admiration. Admiration, okay?ย ย
But...while he's here, staring in 'admiration', it suddenly hits himโyou're not just good at taking care of Jisoo. You're good at taking care of everything.ย ย
And that makes his heart do a weird flip.ย ย
The realization that he's been staring for way too long jolts him back to the present. Focus, Jay. There's a Jake somewhere out there, lost in a sea of pink underwear. ย
Jisoo carrier in hand, Jay manages to push his way through the dog-packed crowds until he reaches you, but the second you turn around, flashing him that wide, carefree smile that he's still not used to, he's back to stumbling over himself.ย ย
Heโs 99% sure he audibly gulps.ย
โOh, Jay, you made it!โ you say, shifting the puppy to one side of your arms to free a hand to grab Jisoo's carrier immediately. Your smile is disarmingly genuine. Jay thinks he may need to sit down.ย ย
โUh, yeahโum, thanks for taking Jisoo," he swallows, his voice barely steady as he's unsure what this feeling is that came over him. He doesn't know if it's the fact that he's seeing you in a completely different light right now, carrying both a live, adorable puppy, and a (not-so-live) baby, but something is different, and he's at a loss for words. "You look prettyโuhโฆbusy.โย ย
He curses himself. Busy? Really?ย
โOh, no biggie,โ you give him an easy, encouraging grin, one so casual that it really shouldn't make his knees feel like Jell-O. "Honestly, I'd be out here every weekend if I could. But you of all people know my schedule."ย ย
Of course, you'd say something like that. Jay tries to think of a normal response, but his brain is spinning with all sorts of not-normal things about youโlike how you look so aggressively pretty right now.ย
And itโs a little infuriating.ย
"Yeah, no, totally," Jay clears his throat, scratching the back of his head. "Because who doesn't want to be covered in dog hair and slobber for fun?"ย ย
You roll your eyes, smiling. "Says the guy who's about to be knee-deep in a laundry crisis. Isn't that a little messy, too?"ย ย
Jay huffs, feeling himself return just a little bit back to normal. โListen, Jakeโs a special case, okay? You canโt just leave him in that pink laundry disaster and expect him to survive.โย
"Right..," you laugh, rocking back and forth on your feet, your smile lingering as a comfortable silence falls between you.ย ย
Maybe it's the way you're looking up at him, or the fact that a literal golden retriever is currently nuzzled into your neck, but Jay is doing everything in his power to keep his cool. You're looking at him in a way that isn't remotely judgmental (for once), and it's throwing him completely off-balance.ย ย
Before Jay can pull it together and say something else, another voice calls your name, waving you over to a different table. You turn back to Jay, giving him an apologetic glance.ย ย
"Do you mind watching Jisooโand, um, this puppyโfor a sec?"ย ย
Before he can answer, or even process your words, he's standing there with an actual puppy in one arm, and Jisoo in her carrier in the other, and his life has become a circus he never auditioned for.ย ย
"Sorry! They just need me real quick!" You say with a grateful smile as you hurry off.ย ย
As you rush off with another apologetic smile, Jay's brain, for better or for worse, decides that grin of yours is now his mental screensaver. He watches you go, dumbly smiling before he catches himself.ย
Not attraction, he reminds himself. Totally not attraction.ย ย
He looks down at his armsโone occupied by a carrier with a robot baby, the other holding a wriggly puppy.ย ย
"Bet no one's ever been in this situation before," he mutters, awkwardly standing there as he waits for your return. Honestly, Jay has never felt so awkward or nervous before. Right now, he feels like the epitome of the standing emoji, just simply existing and there, waiting for your next command and hoping he doesn't screw it up.ย ย
Jay tries to hype himself up. You can do this, Park. It's just a dog. And a baby. And you.You've got this. You totally having everything undโย
Before he can finish his mental pep talk, the sound of your laughter rings from across the event, making Jay's head snap over in record time. He tries not to lookโhe really doesโbut the sound is too angelic to not. But right when he does look over, he immediately wishes he didn't.ย
You're standing there between two of your friends, and you're giggling. With some guy he's never seen before. And this guy, is nudging your shoulder and making you laugh so hard you're practically doubling over. He feels a distinct twist in his chest.ย
Jayโs definitely not jealous. Nope. Not even a little. It's just...curiosity. Pure, innocent curiosity about what that guy could possibly be saying to make you laugh so hard. Because Jay has never seen you laugh like that with himโever.
And suddenly, the longer you continue laughing with that guy, Jay feels something hot and uncomfortable bubbling up inside.ย ย
Fine, itโs jealousy.ย ย
Definitely jealousy. He scowls at himself. Now heโs basically a bitter standing emoji, clinging to Jisoo and a puppy while glaring from afar.ย
And there Jay stands, bitterness levels maxed, holding both a puppy and a robot baby, while across the way, your roommate Esther gives you a knowing smirk while you're recovering from your giggling fit. Your giggling fit which was caused by Heeseung making a comment about how he stepped in dog poop more times than the average human-being accidentally should.ย ย
โYou didnโt tell me that was Jay Park,โ Esther says, trying not-so-subtly to sneak a glance at the bitter standing emoji himself, awkwardly shifting his feet in the distance, avoiding to look in your direction. โYou said he was annoying, lazy, and a pain to be around. You didnโt mention heโs a total cutie.โย
โHe was annoying, lazy, and a pain to be around,โ you scoff, though you're clearly not thinking that right now as you catch a glance of him trying to balance both the puppy and Jisoo. "But...I don't think he's so bad anymore."ย ย
You definitely don't add that he's a total cutie. Okay, maybe you think it, but saying it out loud is a whole other thing.ย ย
โOh, so you totally like him,โ Heeseung snickers from your other side, nudging you again.ย ย
You make a sound that's half out-of-tune trumpet, half hiccup, before breaking into a laugh to cover your sudden panic. "No, I don't!" You clear your throat, trying to stay cool.ย ย
"We're justโlook, we're just stuck together for this project. That's all. Even if I did like him, which I don't, he definitely doesn't like me back. We're probably just going to go back to bickering with each other to no end."ย ย
โRight,โ Heeseung chimes in, giving you a look that says he's clearly unconvinced. โJust saying, thoughโsomeone who doesnโt like you wouldnโt be staring at you like that, and looking at me like I just committed a third-degree crime just for breathing in your direction."ย ย
You follow Heeseungโs gaze and, sure enough, you catch Jay trying to look casual while bouncing the puppy and acting like he totally didnโt just get caught. Your eyes meet, and he does a 180 so fast he nearly launches Jisoo into orbit.ย
You quickly turn back to your friends, heat rising to your face as you catch Esther and Heeseung giving each other a knowing look before smirking at you. You roll your eyes and grab the both of them by the back of their shirts, turning them in the direction of the event, "Okay, okay, enough with the delusions. Shouldn't you guys be signing off some puppies or something?"ย ย
"Don't say we didn't tell you so!" Esther calls after you as you turn on your heels towards Jay, furiously convincing yourself that they're so wrong. ย
There's no universe in which Jay Park, the Jay Park, would ever be into you. The Jay Park, who can get any girl he wants, the Jay Park who's just too different from you, the Jay Park who you proclaimed your school rival (self-proclaimed). Absolutely not.ย ย
When you get back to him, Jayโs desperately trying to look naturalโso, naturally, heโs scratching the puppyโs belly while Jisoo clings to his chest like a tiny koala. Your heart gives a little traitorous squeeze, but you ignore it. Get a hold of yourself, Y/N.ย ย
โLooks like he likes you,โ you say, trying to sound casual as you nod to the puppy, who's squirming excitedly under Jay's attention.ย
โHeโs adorable,โ Jay replies, blushing faintly as he shifts the puppy around. โSo, uh, everything okay over there?โ he asks, totally not imagining a deep, romantic conversation to explain your laughter.ย
Youโre caught off-guard, blinking, wondering if Jay somehow became psychic and caught onto your previous train of thoughts about him, until you realize what he meant. โOh! Yeah, they justโฆ needed help with paperwork.โย
Jayโs expression hardens ever so slightly as he tries to imagine a world where paperwork could possibly be that funny. โCool, cool,โ he nods stiffly, side-eyeing Heeseung in the distance whoโs still chatting with Esther.ย
"Well," Jay shifts awkwardly as clears his throat, "I should get going to Jake. He's probably in tears by now, honestly."ย ย
You frown at that, and Jay instantly self-identifies himself as the worst person on the planet. He barely resists the urge to apologize for everything he's ever done, from breathing in your direction to any other crime against humanity he's committed in your eyes.ย ย
"Aw, come on," you say, teasingly, though even you're not sure why. It's just...fun having him around. "Stay a little longer. For the puppies!"ย ย
Jay opens his mouth, fully ready to decline when he catches sight of your expressionโthose big, pleading eyes that make it impossible to say no.ย
And that's it. He's doomed. Right then and there, Jay knows he's doomed. ย
Is Jay currently surrounded by more puppies than he ever thought could physically exist in one place? Yes.ย
Does he think your puppy eyes are somehow cuter than all the puppies combined? Annoyingly, also yes.ย ย
And so, Jay would like to make some new things clear, for the record:ย ย
First, there is no way any of this is his fault. If Jake ends up crying over outfit choices and demands to know why Jay ditched him for puppies, Jay has a rock-solid explanation. Heโll explain the situation, which obviously couldnโt be helped. Hanging out with you? Totally justified. Perfectly valid.ย ย
And second, wellโJay would like to clarify that it's official now. Whatever he was feeling before? Yeah, definitely attraction.ย ย
Your fingers drum against your blanket. You stare blankly at your bedroom ceiling. You let out another deep sigh. You toss and turn, adjusting your position for maybe the hundredth time. It's no use. You're bored. ย
And that, in itself, is a shocking revelation. You're never bored. Your schedule is usually packed to the brimโbetween assignments, club meetings, work shifts, and impromptu Save the Puppies campaigns, there's hardly room for boredom. But today?ย ย
Today, life has gifted you a rare stretch of free time. No assignments to finish, no midterms to study for, no dog adoption events or cafรฉ shifts. And apparently, you have no idea how to handle that.ย ย
You turn to look at Jisoo, who's chilling in her spot on your bed next to you, not having a single ounce of consciousness for you to share your boredom with.ย ย
With another sigh, you grab your phone and scroll aimlessly through your apps. You eventually land in your Photos app and swipe through mindlessly until a recent picture stops you in your tracks.ย ย
It's a selfie Jay took of the two of you, Jisoo sandwiched between your faces. The infamous day of the pizza-night-turned-accidental-nap-turned-godforsaken-poop-incident. You'd submitted the photo to Professor Kim as proof of your co-parenting efforts, but now, looking at it again, you can't help but smile.ย ย
It's strange. The memory should be traumaticโokay, it is traumaticโbut in hindsight, it's also...kind of fun. The chaos, the banter, the way Jay somehow managed to make everything feel less overwhelming just by being there.ย ย
Funny enough, that day was also the last time you remember having any sort of free time, and you remember complaining that you had to spend the day with Jay of all people. But now, looking back at it, you honestly did have fun. Being with Jay was...fun.ย ย
Your thumb hovers over the screen for a moment before it unconsciously drifts towards the Phone app. You hesitate, realizing with a jolt that you're one tap away from calling Jay. It's like your brain suddenly shut off and something took over you. What's gotten into you? ย
You blink at Jay's contact on your phone, your thumb still hovering over his name.ย ย
No. Bad idea.ย ย
You don't need Jay to entertain you just because you're bored. You're perfectly capable of having fun on your own...obviously. Obviously, even though the last hour of groaning and ceiling-staring suggests otherwise.ย ย
Besides, Jay's probably busy doing...whatever it is Jay does at 4PM on a Saturday. Napping, probably.ย ย
And what would you even say? Let's hang out? Like some middle schooler asking out their crush? Not to mention, you already have your 'Jisoo' plans in two days, so it's not like you have an excuse to see him.ย ย
You sit up abruptly, shaking your head as if to clear the fog of ridiculous thoughts. Seriously, do you even hear yourself right now? Looking for an excuse to see him? Since when did you need excuses for anything, let alone something as absurd as spending more time than necessary with Jay Park?ย ย
This has to be some kind of stress-induced meltdown. It's the only logical explanation. All those late-night study sessions, midterm panic attacks, Jisoo diaper changes, and endless extracurriculars must've finally fried your brain. And now, here you are, teetering on the edge of reason, actually wanting to see Jay Park.ย ย
Great. Now you have a new problem.ย ย
Because as much as you try to convince yourself otherwise, the truth is glaringly obvious: you want to see him. And that, more than any amount of free time or boredom, is the real problem.ย
You've officially lost it.ย ย
I've officially lost it, you chant in your head as your thumb hovers dangerously close to Jay's name on your screen again.ย ย
I've officially lost it, the words grow louder, taunting you, as you hover over the call button.ย
I've officially lost it, your thoughts scream as you give in, pressing down and watching in horror as your screen shifts to Calling Jay Park.ย
And now, your heartbeat picks up with every ring. You can't decide what's worseโhim answering or him ignoring the call. Maybe if he doesn't pick up, it'll be a sign from above that you're better off leaving his madness alone. Maybeโ
"Hello?"ย ย
Your train of thought screeches to a halt.ย ย
"Y/N? Are you there?"ย ย
"I'm here!" You blurt out, your voice jumping two octaves higher than usual. Real smooth, Y/N.ย ย
"Hi...what's up? Are you okay? Is something wrong?" His voice is soft over the phone, a little concerned, like you're about to tell him Jisoo had another diaper emergency.ย ย
You falter for a moment, staring at the ceiling like the answer might be written there. "No! Nothing's wrong! I justโuhโ" Quick, think of something normal!
"I was wondering what you're up to."ย ย
"Me?" He sounds genuinely surprised, and you can practically hear the smile in this voice. At least, you think. Or, once again, you've officially lost it. "I'm at the campus gallery, setting up for my photography showcase. It's tonight."ย ย
The campus gallery. His photography.ย ย
You blink, this is news to you. You vaguely remember Jay asking if you could watch Jisoo tonight, and he hadn't given you a reason back then, but this is why he couldn't be on Jisoo duty today. Because of his showcase.ย ย
"Wait, really?" You ask, hoping the interest in your voice doesn't show too much.ย ย
"Yeah. I didn't mention it? Guess I forgot," he chuckles lightly. "It's not a big deal, just a student showcase. I'm just setting up now, making sure my pieces are hung straight and stuff."ย ย
You swallow, a sudden wave of curiosity washing over you. You find yourself smiling to yourself, feeling a wave of endearment wash over you for some reason. The idea of Jay being completely focused and serious about a passion of his is...it's nice. Itโs hard to reconcile the carefree, sarcastic guy you know with the thoughtful perspective he must have to capture the kinds of photos he does.ย
"You should come by," he says suddenly, breaking you out of your thoughts. His voice is casual, but you think you catch a small, hopeful note in it. "If you're free, I mean. No pressure."ย ย
You hesitate, your mind racing. Go? Don't go? It's just a showcase. It's not like it means anything. Right?ย ย
"I'll think about it," you manage, trying to sound nonchalant.ย ย
"Cool." There's a smile in his voice again. "Let me know. I'll save you a front-row seat."ย ย
"Front row seat? For a gallery?" You deadpan, rolling your eyes as if he can see if over the phone.ย ย
"Hey, I'm just being a good host."ย ย
"Hmmm," you smile to yourself again. "Maybe. We'll see."ย ย
But your decision was made the second he suggested that you should come.ย
It doesn't mean anything. Friends come support each other all the time, right? Waitโ
Are you and Jay even friends? You shake your head, trying to dismiss the warmth starting to spread in your chest.ย ย
It's just photography.
It's just Jay.
Nothing to overthink here.ย ย
โญใป.ใปโซ
โOkay, Jisoo, in and out,โ you whisper to the robot baby in the carrier that's perched in your arms as you stand frozen outside the campus gallery doors. "We're just stopping by to say hi. Two minutes max. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. Nothing dramatic."ย ย
Jisoo stares back at you, wide-eyed and unhelpfully silent, which you take as strong moral support. "Thanks, Jisoo," you mutter, like a lunatic seeking validation from a robot.ย ย
Maybe you shouldn't even go in. It's basically the end of the event anywayโwhat are the odds he'd even notice you didn't show? Slim. Probably. Right?ย ย
It's not like you didn't have a valid excuse for your lateness. You did have to change Jisooโs diaper before you left, and that was a whole thing. But let's be real.ย
The real delay? The real delay was you standing in front of your closet for a solid half hour like a contestant on America's Next Top Existential Crisis. What do you even wear to casually drop by someone's photography showcase? Something that says, Hey, I'm effortlessly supportive, but I totally don't care if you notice me (yes I do). ย
Spoiler alert: that outfit does not exist.ย ย
And thenโbecause clearly, you love to torture yourselfโyou spent another thirty minutes pacing around your room trying to figure out why you cared so much in the first place.ย ย
It's Jay. Jay. The guy who thought sticking googly eyes on Jisoo's bottle would make her drink faster. Why are you stressed? Why are your palms sweating?ย ย
But despite all that, you somehow made it here, standing outside the gallery with your stomach doing flips like you're about to walk into your own trial. You made it all the way here, so might as well go in, right?ย ย
You swallow hard, adjust your grip on your emotional support robot baby, and push the door open.ย
And there he is.ย ย
Center stage, right where he belongsโor at least where he seems to thrive. Standing in front of a massive wall of his framed photographs, the studio lights catch his profile just right. It's almost unfair, like he's been personally photoshopped by the gods themselves. He's surrounded by a small crowd, gesturing animatedly with his hands as he speaks, his smile so bright you're convinced it's starting to hurt your eyes.ย ย
But his eyes? There's this sparkle in them. Not the usual playful glint you've grown used to, but something deeper, softer. You've never seen him look so alive, so utterly in his element, and it's doing weird things to your chest.ย
You can't help but wonderโwhat does it feel like to make him look that happy?ย Not that it matters, obviously.
It's just a thought.
A completely useless, irrelevant, go-away-right-now kind of thought.ย ย
If you weren't busy trying not to trip over your own feet and accidentally drop Jisoo, you might have stopped to take it all in. To admire the way he looks standing there, talking about something he clearly loves, like he's found this magical pocket of the universe where nothing else matters. Might have. ย
But instead, your thoughts screech in a halt, jolting you out of your daydream.ย ย
Abort mission. This was a terrible idea.ย ย
Why did you come here? Why is your face hot? Can Jisoo smell fear?ย ย
Before you can think of a single coherent reason to not turn around and bolt, Jay glances up. And he spots you.ย ย
His eyes light up even moreโif that's even physically possible. "Y/N?" He calls out, grinning widely.ย ย
Great. Now you're here. He's happy to see you. You're standing in the middle of his gallery with a robot baby that can most definitely smell your fear.ย ย
Fantastic. Just fantastic.ย ย
Jay's voice cuts through your existential spiral, "Y/N!" He's waving you over as he calls out your name again, like you're a long-lost friend who's just returned from war.ย
Well, to be fair, you are fighting a warโagainst your own dumb feelings.ย ย
"Hey!" You croak, trying to sound casual but ending up somewhere between a dog's favorite squeaky toy and a rusty car horn. You internally flinch at your own voice.ย ย
"Wow, you came," he says, his sweet smile still on display as you shuffle over to where he's standing. "And you brought Jisoo! My biggest fan."
He reaches out to cup Jisoo's cheeks, and you almost smack yourself in the head for feeling jealous over your own robot baby.ย ย
"Yeah, well," you start, trying to sound nonchalant. "I figured, you know, project partners should support each other...teamwork and all that."ย ย
Jay raises an eyebrow, clearly trying to stifle a laugh. "Right. Teamwork. Totally."ย ย
You shift your weight from one leg to another, awkwardly looking up, eventually landing your eyes on the wall behind him, scanning the photos on display. Each photo is so himโa little chaotic, a little bold, but somehow...strikingly beautiful. There's a photo of a rainy city street, the light catching every droplet; a close-up of a sunflower against a brilliant sky; a candid of a kid laughing, his face tilted up toward the sun.ย ย
You suddenly feel a weird, warm pull in your chest. Itโs one thing to see Jay cracking jokes and making sarcastic comments during late-night baby meltdowns. But this? This is a side of him youโve never seen beforeโone thatโs thoughtful, intentional, passionate.ย
You donโt realize how long youโve been staring until Jay speaks up, his voice softer now. โDo you like them?โย
You blink, startled, and then nod a little too quickly. You hope he doesn't notice (he does).ย ย
"Yeah. I mean...these are really good, Jay. You'reโ" you cut yourself off, realizing you're about to say something embarrassing. ''โtalented," you finish lamely.ย ย
"Thanks," Jay tilts his head, looking almost shy. "That means a lot, actually."ย ย
His voice is so genuine that it throws you off. You weren't prepared for this level of sincerity. It makes your stomach flip in a way that's both exciting and mildly terrifying.ย ย
Jay gestures toward the wall, his hands shoved into his pockets like he's trying not to fidget. "I wasn't sure if this was your kind of thing, thought you'd be busy and stuff, but I'm glad you came. I, uh..," he scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, "I was kind of hoping you would."ย ย
Oh.ย ย
Oh?ย ย
OH.ย ย
Your brain immediately short-circuits. He hoped you'd come? Like...in a we're-in-this-together-as-project-partners way, or in a please-let-this-mean-something-more-than-project-partners way? Is this what cardiac arrest feels like? Should you call someone? Should you call him? No, wait, you're already talking to himโfocus!ย
You clear your throat and try to channel every ounce of chill you simply do not possess. "Well," you say, attempting to keep your voice steady and failing miserably, "I'm here."ย ย
It comes out barely louder than a whisper, and you immediately regret every life decision that's led you to this moment. But then Jay smilesโsoft, something smaller, more privateโand it's like the world shifts slightly off its axis.ย ย
"Yeah," he says quietly, his eyes meeting yours with a warmth that makes you forget how to breathe. "You are."ย ย
And just like that, the noise of the environment dissolves, and the rest of the world shrinks to nothing but the space between you and him. The moment feels impossibly big like it might swallow you whole, and yet so small it could shatter with the slightest breath.ย ย
You're pretty sure you're about to combust. Explode. Turn into a human firework fueled entirely by sheer tension and whatever it is that's happening right now. God, why does he have to look at you like that? Like you're not standing here internally unraveling?ย ย
You break eye contact to glance down at Jisoo, and you're positive she's giving you a look that screams, Stop being weird, you two. ย
"Anyway!" You blurt out, desperate to break the tension. "Which one's your favorite?" You gesture to the photos, your eyes darting anywhere but his own.ย
He laughs, and the sound is warm and unguarded, "C'mon, I'll show you."ย ย
He grabs your free hand without thinking, tugging you toward the far end of the wall. And just like that, you're helplessly following him, heart racing again, wondering how the hell you got hereโand why you never want to leave.ย ย
So much for in and out.ย ย
Jay pulls you towards the far end of the gallery, his hand wrapped around yours like it's the most natural thing in the world.ย ย
It's not.ย ย
Your brain is in full-blown meltdown mode. Red alerts, sirens blaring, a voice screaming, "WE'RE HOLDING HANDS, PEOPLE!"ย ย
But there's no way you're about to let him see how much this is affecting you, so you shove the chaos down, pretending like your hand isn't currently experiencing the touch equivalent of fireworks...and hoping that it isn't sweaty.ย ย
"This one," Jay says, stopping in front of a photo that's somehow both ordinary and magical. It's a simple shot of your campus football field, taken from the bleacher stands. You've stood in those very bleachers too many times to countโfor school events, games, the occasional half-hearted attempt to pretend you like sports. But somehow, in this shot, the field looks...different.ย ย
The grass glows like it's soaked in liquid gold under a sky caught between dusk and twilight. The field is empty, yet it doesn't feel lonely. There's something about it that Jay managed to captureโlike it holds a thousand stories and secrets, quietly hopeful in its stillness.ย ย
"It's beautiful," you murmur, the words slipping out before you can catch them.ย
"Yeah," Jay lets out a breath. "It's my favorite spot on campus. I go there a lot when I need to think or just...get away a bit."ย ย
You glance at him, startled at the sudden vulnerability in his voice. Jay never strikes you as someone who gets lost in his head; he always seemed too confident, too effortlessly sure of himself. But right now, he's not looking at youโhe's staring at the photo, like he's seeing something beyond it.ย ย
"I took it on one of those daysโI was just overthinking a lot about life. About who I am, I guess," he continues. "I didn't think it'd turn out good or anything, but...I don't know. It felt right."ย ย
Your chest tightens. There's something so raw in the way he's speaking, like he's letting you see a side of him he usually keeps hidden. It makes you wonder how many other layers Jay Park has, and why it feels so important to uncover them all.ย ย
The silence between you stretches as you watch Jay continue to study his own photograph. There's a softness in his gaze, a quiet vulnerability that makes you feel like you're seeing him a way few people ever do.ย ย
But then he blinks, breaking the moment, and suddenly he's looking at you. You stiffen, panic bubbling up at the possibility that he might've noticed you staring at him.ย ย
"Sorry," he says, his voice carrying a self-deprecating chuckle. "It's really cheesy and stupid."ย ย
You find yourself shaking your head before he even finishes his sentence. "No! Not at all, really," you blurt out, the words stumbling over themselves in their rush to escape. You feel the heat creeping up your neck, mortified at your sudden intensity.ย ย
Jay raises an eyebrow, amused, but doesn't say anything, so you clear your throat and try again, softer this time. "I mean it. You have a good eye, Jay." You mean it more than you've meant anything in a while, and you hope he knows that.ย ย
For a second, he just looks at you, like he's taking note of something, his head tilted ever so slightly. And then, slowly, his lips curve into that small, genuine smile that makes your chest feel annoyingly warm. "Thanks, Y/N."ย ย
Your heart does a little somersault. Oh great. There it goes again. ย
And as if Jisoo can sense the moment might be getting too serious, she lets out a cry. You stumble back, jump scared enough by the loud and sudden sound, and Jay reacts instantly, steadying you with his hands on your shoulders.ย ย
"You okay?" He asks, his face so close that you can now confirm there are literal, actual flecks of gold in his eyes. Of course there are.ย ย
You blink. I've officially lost it. Completely, utterly, hopelessly, lost it. ย
You nod, your voice stuck in your throat. Am I okay? No. No, you are not okay. You are decidedly not okay. ย
Jay clears his throat, stepping backโthough his hands linger a beat longer than they probably need to, but still a second too short than you should probably want to.ย
You want to scream into the void.ย ย
"Looks like it's time for Jisoo's dinner," he says lightly with a small chuckle.ย
You fumble for words, your brain still offline. "Uhโyeah. I left her bottle at my place, and I should probably get going anyways," you manage, your voice a little too breathless for comfort.ย ย
Jay glances at his watch, pausing for a moment before looking back at you, something hopeful flicking in his eyes.
"I'm pretty much done here," he says, tilting his head towards the door. "It's late. Let me walk you home."ย ย
You hesitate, torn between insisting you're perfectly fine on your own (you're not) and letting him (you want to). But the way he's looking at youโlike it's no big deal, like he simply wants toโmakes the decision for you.ย ย
"Okay," you say, quieter than you mean to, and before you can second-guess yourself, Jay's already taking Jisoo's carrier from your arms, effortlessly shifting it onto his own.ย ย
"Let's go," he says, flashing you a small smile that feels like a punch to your stomach in the best way possible.ย ย
And just like that, you're walking side by side into the cool night air, your breaths visible in the chill, easily falling into a comfortable rhythm as you walk through the quiet campus, the streetlights above casting long shadows ahead of you.ย
Thereโs something easy about walking with him like this. It shouldnโt feel this naturalโyour heartโs doing somersaults and pirouettes like itโs auditioning for a circusโbut it does. You steal a glance at him, and heโs focused on the path ahead, his profile calm and soft in the glow of the lights.ย
"So," Jay breaks the quiet as he stuffs his hands into his jacket pockets, "Can you believe the project's almost over?"ย ย
You let out a small laugh, tilting your head. "Honestly, no. Feels like just yesterday I was praying you'd drop the class."ย ย
Jay laughs, a sound that seems to echo in the quiet environment. "Wow, Y/N. I thought we were bonding."ย ย
"We were," you tease, turning to him with a barely concealed smirk. "I just also thought you were going to be a disaster of a partner."ย ย
He scoffs, giving you a mock-offended look. "I proved you wrong, right? I was amazing since day one."ย ย
"You handed Jisoo to me like she was a bomb, Jay," you remind him, unable to stop yourself from laughing.ย ย
"I was assessing the danger!" Jay protests, his grin widening. "And excuse me, I've stepped up. I've made bottles, I've cleaned her, I even know how to put on a diaper the right side up!"ย ย
"Jay, the fact that you had to learn which way was right side up is concerning in itself," you manage to let out with a giggle.ย
"Details, details," he waves a dismissive hand. "Point is, I'm practically father of the year."ย ย
You roll your eyes, but you're smiling. A sharp breeze suddenly hits the both of you, and you visibly shiver from the lack of warmth your outfit provides. All that time choosing an outfit, and you still couldn't pick a weather-appropriate one. Stellar, Y/N. ย
And of course, Jay notices immediately. Before you can so much as form a protest, he's shrugging his jacket off and draping it over your shoulders, your body immediately stiffening as his hands brush against you lightly in the process.ย ย
You open your mouth to say somethingโanything, even just a whispered thank youโbut Jay beats you to it, sparing you the effort of finding actual, coherent words.ย
โSo,โ he says casually, like he hasnโt just sent your brain spiraling, โwhat do you think youโll do when itโs over?โ
"Uh," you blink, still needing a second to reorient yourself. "Sleep, for once."ย ย
Jay laughs again. "Fair. You deserve it. But you'll miss me, right?"ย ย
"Not even for a second," you deadpan without hesitation.ย ย
"Liar," he teases, bumping your shoulder lightly.ย ย
You reach your building all too soon, the doors looming in front of you like an unwelcome reminder that this walk, this moment, is about to end. You stop just before the steps and turn to face him, rocking on your heels.ย ย
"Okay, maybe a little," you admit, shrugging. "But only because you make me look like the competent one by comparison."ย ย
"Wow," Jay shakes his head, but there it is again. The smileโthe small, amused one that makes his eyes crinkle just enough to be unfairly attractive.ย
You glance up at him, wishing the walk had been just a few blocks longer. Or a few miles.ย ย
"Well," you say finally, forcing your gaze away from his own. "Thanks for walking me. And for carrying Jisoo."ย
You reach for Jisoo's carrier, and Jay hands it over without hesitation, but not before shrugging like it's no big deal.
"No problem," he says. Then, as you're adjusting the carrier on your arm, he adds, "And thanks again, Y/N. For coming tonight. It really meant a lot."ย ย
Your heart does that stupid fluttery thing again it's been doing all night, and you're starting to think you need a medical consultation.ย ย
"Yeah, well," you clear your throat. "Partner support, you know?" You sound dumb, Y/N. Dumb. ย
Jay smirks, but there's something gentler in his expression now, a flicker of something you can't quite name.ย
"Goodnight, Y/N. And goodnight, Jisoo," he says, giving a small wave to the baby carrier, making you giggle slightly.ย ย
He takes a few steps back, his hands slipping into his pockets, and gives you one last smile before turning to walk away. But before he gets too far, something bursts out of you, unwarned.ย ย
"Jay!"ย ย
He stops, turning on his heels, his brows lifting in surprise. "Yeah?"ย ย
You step forward, closing a bit of the distance between you, suddenly hyper-aware of how your voice wavers. "Um, I was wrong. You're...not all that bad." Why am I doing this? "I'm sorry if I've been...you know, intense. These past few years."ย ย
Jay blinks at you, his surprise turning into something softer. You take a deep breath, pushing through the self-inflicted awkwardness.ย
"You've been a really good partner," you add, offering a small, genuinely smile. "And well...you're pretty cool."ย ย
His studies your face for a moment, the look longing and careful, like he's piecing together something fragile. A faint smile tugs at his lips, and there's a warmth in his expression that sends heat rushing to your cheeks.ย ย ย
For a moment, the two of you just stand here, caught in the glow of the streetlamp. The world around you feels distant, like someone's hit the mute button on everything but the sound of your heartbeat.ย ย
Jay's smile widens ever so slightly, and he nods, his voice quiet but firm. "I'll see you around, Y/N."ย ย
He takes a few steps backward, his gaze holding yours until he finally turns and starts walking away. You watch him disappear into the night, the outline of his figure fading with the streetlights, and only then do you realize you've been holding your breath.ย ย
As you step into your building and climb the stairs to your apartment, the night replays in your head on a loopโhis laugh, his smile, his everything.ย ย
When you finally reach your door, you lean against it for a moment, his large jacket still wrapped around you. Your thoughts crash into you all at once, and two things become alarmingly clear:ย ย
You are completely, utterly, hopelessly in like with Jay Park.ย ย
You're in so much trouble. ย
โCongratulations, everyone!โ Professor Kim clasps her hands together at the front of the classroom, a wide smile on her face. โYouโve survived six weeks of parenting. Hopefully, youโve learned something usefulโand that it hasnโt scared you off from actual parenthood one day. Each baby had a monitor tracking its status, so Iโll be extracting that data, combining it with your progress reports, and factoring it into your grade.โย
Jay leans toward you from his seat next to you, his breath warm against your ear. โThatโs a little creepyโฆsheโs going to take Jisoo apart? The poor thing.โ His smirk is half-guilty, half-amused, and you have to bite down on your lip to keep from laughing out loud.ย
This is new. Six weeks ago, he was Mr. Front-Row Enthusiast, and sometime between then and now, youโve somehow managed to convert him into your next-row-back partner. Heโd grumbled at first when you insisted about your theory that the front row screamed try-hard, but since then, he doesnโt even glance at the seats up front anymore.ย
โGrades will be out soon! Iโll see you all next week,โ Professor Kim announces. โAnd donโt forget to submit your reflection posts!โย
The shuffle of bags and jackets fills the room as students thank her on their way out. Slowly, the lecture hall empties, until itโs just you and Jay lingering at your seats.ย
โWell,โ you say, slinging your bag over your shoulder as you stand. โThatโs it. No more parenting lessons for us.โย
Jay heaves a dramatic sigh, his lips pulling into a pout thatโs far too endearing for your peace of mind. โI canโt believe it. I already miss Jisoo.โย
You chuckle lightly but feel an odd tug in your chest. โRight? I got so used to carrying her and her baby bag everywhere. Itโs weird not having her around.โย
And it is weird. You never thought youโd feel this way about a glorified hunk of plastic and wires, but now, without Jisoo, something feelsโฆoff.ย ย
Or maybe itโs not just Jisoo. Maybe itโs the fact that this project, unexpectedly enough, turned into an excuseโa reason to spend so much time with Jay. Now that itโs over, what happens next?ย
The thought hangs between you as the two of you head out of the building. The campus is alive with the hum of students, the energy buzzing around you as everyone heads to their afternoon classes. You both stop outside, standing awkwardly side by side as the silence stretches.ย
No more 'Jisoo days' to plan for. No more excuses to text. No more shared tasks or inside jokes.ย
Will he go back to his front-row seat, forgetting these last few weeks? Or will heโwill youโpretend none of this ever happened?ย
Jay shifts beside you, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes flicker to yours, then away again, as if heโs waiting for you to say something first.ย
โWell,โ you finally say, breaking the quiet because itโs just too heavy to bear. โI have to head to my next class.โย
โRight. Yeah,โ Jay says quickly, too quickly, his hands both fidgeting with the straps of his backpack. โMakes sense.โย
He hesitates, his mouth opening like heโs about to add something, but then he stops. You notice the way heโs looking at you, like thereโs a thousand things he wants to say but canโt figure out how to start. You feel that familiar heat creep up your neck, the same one you tend to get whenever youโre around him nowadays.ย ย
โAlright,โ you finally say, shifting on your feet. โSee you around, then?โย
Jayโs lips turn up in a small, almost longing, smile. โYeah. See you.โย
He doesnโt move, though. Neither do you. Itโs like both of you are waiting for the other to take a step away first, and the pause grows longer and longer until you can practically hear the universe screaming at you to just go already. Itโs getting unbearably uncomfortable for all of us, Y/N. ย
And when you finally start to turn, before you can even take three steps, his voice stops you.ย
โHey.โย
You glance back over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow. โYeah?โย
Jay scratches the back of his neck, looking like heโs fighting some kind of internal battle. โUh, you were also a really good partner. You know, with Jisoo. I mean, you were kinda terrifying at first with all your color-coded schedules and spreadsheets, butโฆโย
His smile softens, and his voice drops a little. โYou were great. Really. I think I learned a thing or two from you.โย ย
Your stomach flips in a way thatโs both infuriating and addictive.ย
โThanks,โ you say, trying to sound casual even though your brain is short-circuiting. โMeans a lot from someone who had to Google which way a diaper goes.โย ย
He laughs, the sound bright and warm in the cool air. โOkay, one time, Y/N. Let it go.โย
โNope.โ You grin, turning fully toward him now, your nerves settling under the familiarity of teasing. โYouโll never live it down. Itโs my parting gift to you.โย
Jay presses a hand to his chest, feigning hurt. โWow. I pour my heart out, and this is what I get in return?โย
โExactly.โย
He chuckles again, shaking his head before finally stepping back, breaking the invisible bubble thatโs been holding you both in place. โAlright. Iโll see you, Y/N.โย
โBye, Jay,โ you say, forcing yourself to turn and start walking away.ย ย
You make it a few steps before you hear his voice a second time, softer this time, almost hesitant.ย
โY/N.โย
You glance back, your heart skipping a beat.ย
Jay looks at you for a moment, his expression unreadable, before his lips curve into a small, lopsided smile. โText me when you get home later tonight, okay? After your day is done.โย ย
You blink, caught off guard. โWhat?โย
โJustโฆso I know you got there safe,โ he says, shrugging like itโs no big deal. But the way his voice dips at the end betrays him.ย
Your chest tightens in a way that officially feels dangerous. But you know you never want to get enough of this feeling.ย ย ย
โOkay,โ you manage to say, the word quieter than you meant, but it was the most you could muster up with the bubble stuck in your throat.ย ย
Jay nods, his smile widening just a little. โGood.โย
And this time, when you turn away, you canโt stop the smile that sneaks onto your face.ย
โญใป.ใปโซ
By the time you get home, itโs late, and the apartment is quiet. Esther is nowhere to be foundโprobably out with Heeseung or at the library pretending to study. You toe off your shoes and drop your bag by the door, the routine feeling strangely empty without Jisooโs carrier on your arm and her baby bag strapped to the other.ย ย
With a sigh, you find your way to your room and collapse onto your bed, scrolling aimlessly through your phone. Jayโs parting words have been echoing in your head all day, barely letting you focus during the rest of your classesโโText me when you get home.โย
You hover over your messages for a second longer than necessary, typing and deleting a draft once, then twice, then a third time, before finally hitting send:ย
Y/N [8:52PM]: home safe ๐ย
You stare at the screen for exactly three seconds before flinging your phone across your bed. You roll over, face buried in your pillow, half hoping he doesnโt reply so you donโt have to overanalyze the significance of a thumbs-up emoji.ย
But, of course, your phone buzzes almost instantly.ย
Jay [8:53PM]: good ๐ sleep well.ย
A small, ridiculous smile tugs at your lips. You really shouldnโt be this giddy over such a mundane exchange, over a thumbs up emoji, but somehow, here you are.ย
And thatโs when you start going insane. You shoot up from your spot in bed.ย ย
Why did he tell you to text him? Does he say that to everyone? Or was it justโฆyou? And why does he keep looking at you like that? Youโve never been the kind of person to spiral like this, but lately, everything about Jay has you unraveling in ways you donโt know how to handle.
Clearly.ย ย
You groan, flailing your arms like a toddler throwing a tantrum. โGet it together, Y/N,โ you mutter to yourself, but itโs no use. Every little interaction from the past six weeks replays in your head on a loopโhis laughter, his stupid jokes, the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles.ย
Your thoughts are interrupted by a sharp buzz from your phone. You glance over, half expecting a random notification (the other half hoping Jay double texted you) but instead, itโs the one youโve been waiting for without realizing it:ย
Professor Kim: Final grades are posted!ย
Your heart leaps. Practically fumbling with your phone, you open the grading portal, scanning the page with a held breath. And there it is, staring back at you in bold letters:ย
Semester Project Grade: 100%ย
โYES!โ you exclaim, punching the air like a successful cartoon character. Youโre grinning so wide your cheeks hurt, practically bouncing in bed. Itโs the kind of happiness that makes you feel like youโre going to burst if you donโt share it with someone.ย
And thereโs only one person you want to share it with.ย
Before you know what youโre doing, your closet doors are wide open, your hands rifling through. Your hands land on his jacketโthe one he lent you after the showcaseโand something about it feels right. You shrug it on, ignoring the way it smells faintly like him (and comfort), and grab your keys without a second thought.ย
By the time you realize what youโre doing, youโre already halfway to Jayโs apartment. Itโs not like you had a planโjust this overwhelming need to see him.ย ย
Because somehow, heโs become the first person you want to share everything with, want to experience every moment with, want to feel every feeling with, and that thought is both exhilarating and terrifying all at once.ย ย
But youโve never been so sure of anything else before.ย ย
Your breath hitches as you reach his familiar door, hand raised to knock. You hesitate for a moment, suddenly aware of how ridiculous this is. Who shows up at someoneโs place at this hour, unannounced, just to tell them about a grade? What if he already saw it and didnโt even think twice? You look insane, Y/N. Insane. ย
But then you think about the way he looked at you earlier, the way he smiled when he said โgood job.โย
And you knock.ย ย
โญใป.ใปโซ
Jay doesnโt know whatโs happening. One second, heโs on his couch editing photos, and the next, someoneโs trying to break down his door. At least, thatโs what it sounds like. The pounding is so aggressive it makes his mug of tea tremble slightly on the table.ย
Heart racing, Jay tosses his laptop aside and scans the room for a weapon. Nothing. Great. In a flash of panic, he grabs the TV remote because, sure, itโs sleek, ergonomic, and maybe intimidating in the right light.ย
Bracing himself for certain doom, he yanks the door openโย
โOh.โย
Itโs you.ย
At his doorstep.ย
Unannounced.ย
In his jacket.ย
Jay flatlines. All he can do is stare at you in the oversized jacketโhis oversized jacketโlookingย like you walked straight out of one of his dream scenarios. The rational part of him is trying to keep it together, but the feral part of his brain is screaming Sheโs in my clothes. Marriage now.ย
You tilt your head, studying his expression. โJay? Are youโฆokay?โย
He blinks, realizing heโs been standing there for a good five seconds with his mouth slightly open.ย ย
โUh. Yeah. Totally. Uhโwhatโs up?โย
โWell first, why are you wielding a TV remote like itโs a sword?โย
Jay glances down at the remote in his hand, then back at you.
โโฆI thought you were a robber.โย
โA robber?โ you repeat, struggling not to laugh. โWhat kind of robber knocks?โย
โI donโt know, maybe a polite one!โย
You let out a giggle and shrug. โFair enough. But anyway, Iโm here becauseโdid you see?โย
โSee what?โ He frowns, confused, and still recovering from his adrenaline rush.ย
โProfessor Kim posted our grades! We got a 100%!โย
Jay stares at you for a second before the words sink in. โWaitโwhat? We got a hundred?โย
โYes!โ Youโre practically bouncing, a bright smile lighting up your face. โA perfect score, Jay!โย
He laughs and steps forward, grabbing your shoulders in his hands. โNo way. We actually did it?!โย
โWe did it!โ You beam back, jumping up and down. โWe crushed it!โย
Jayโs grinning so hard his cheeks hurt, but he doesnโt care. Thereโs something about seeing you this happy, standing in his doorway like a whirlwind of energy, that makes his chest feel way too full, too complete.ย ย
And for a moment, the two of you are just standing there, caught up in the moment, smiling at each other like idiots.ย
When the excitement dies down, Jay notices the way youโre still slightly breathless, like youโd run all the way here.ย ย
โWait,โ he squints. โYou couldโve just texted me, you know.โย
โOh,โ you shift your weight, suddenly looking a little shy. โYeah. But I justโฆwanted to see you.โย
Jay blinks. His brain is once again malfunctioning.ย ย
โOh.โย ย
Oh?ย
OH.ย ย
โYeah. Soโฆhere I am,โ you add, failing miserably to conceal the wobble in your voice.ย ย
โHere you are,โ he repeats, his voice back to that soft tone that knows how to make your heart go into overdrive.ย ย
His eyes flicker to yours and stay there as the air between you suddenly feels heavier. Charged.ย
โIs that all?โ Jay asks, his lips twitching into a teasing smile.ย
โUh,โ you clear your throat, looking anywhere but at him. โI guess.โย
Jay leans against the doorframe, studying you with that stupidly charming smirk of his. โWell, then.โย
โWell, then,โ you echo, fingers fidgeting with the hem of his jacket like itโs the most fascinating thing youโve ever encountered (spoiler: itโs not. That would be Jayโs face. But weโre not admitting that just yet).ย
Neither of you moves. Not even a millimeter. The silence stretches so long that youโre pretty sure somewhere in the world, a Netflix show just autoplayed its next episode.ย
Then, suddenly, Jay watches as your face cycles through the emotional Olympics: panic, resolve, regret, and whatever it is that makes your eyebrows do that cute scrunch thing he secretly loves.ย
โI should go,โ you say, finally breaking the silence, your voice quieter now. โSorry for barging in like this.โย
You look down at your feet, hands still mindlessly playing with the sleeve of his jacket. Jayโs stomach twists at the sightโat the quiet, unsure way youโre suddenly retreating.ย ย
No. Absolutely not. He doesnโt know where his bravery is coming from (he suspects itโs sheer desperation), but he refuses to let you leave like this.ย
Before you can fully turn away, Jay reaches out and gently grabs your sleeve, tugging you back like youโre his favorite person in the worldโwhich, spoiler again, you totally are.ย
โWait,โ he says, pulling you close enough that you bump into his chest. Both his hands find their way to your waist, steadying you with an ease that feels practiced. Like itโs where his hands were always meant to be.ย
And that's when Jay knows for sure: he likes you. He likes you bad. Painful highlighters, confusing spreadsheets, and all. He likes the way you carry your stubbornness like a badge of honor. He likes the way you chew on your pen when you're deep in thought. The way you turn his every sarcastic comment into a competition he's somehow thrilled to lose.ย ย
โYou forgot something,โ he murmurs, his voice soft and low as his eyes search yours, then your lips, then your entire face.ย ย
Your heart stumbles, your brain short-circuits, and youโre pretty sure your face is now the color of a stop sign.ย
โOh, uh, the jacket?โ you stammer, looking down at where he grabbed your sleeve, grasping for any logical explanation. โYouโre right. Sorry, I almostโโย
But before you can finish, Jay does something both incredibly bold and incredibly reckless. He leans in and presses his lips to yours.ย
For a moment, you freeze. This isnโt real. Is this an alternate universe where Jay kisses you instead of just driving you insane?ย
But then, the realization sinks inโJay is kissing you. Like, actually kissing you. And wow.ย
The first touch of his lips sends a rush through your entire body, like every nerve has suddenly woken up all at once. Heโs hesitant at first, almost like heโs giving you the chance to pull away, but when you donโtโwhen you finally let go of all the confusion, overthinking, and denialโyou lean into him, your hands both instinctively reaching up, gripping the fabric of his shirt to ground yourself as you kiss him back, now realizing how much you desperately wanted this.ย ย
And thatโs all the encouragement Jay needs.ย ย
His hands tighten on your waist, pulling you flush against him, his fingers brushing the hem of the jacket youโre wearingโhis jacket, you remember with a strange, fluttering thrill. The kiss deepens, gentle but insistent, a slow, breathtaking unraveling of all the tension thatโs been simmering between you for weeks.ย
Itโs like the air shifts around you, the space between you collapsing into nothing. You feel his breath, warm against your skin, and the faintest hitch in it when your hand moves up to lightly curl against the back of his neck.ย
Heโs so close, and everything about this moment feels rightโhis familiar scent, the steady warmth of his hands on your waist, the way he tilts his head slightly to meet yours like heโs memorizing the shape of you.ย
Your heart pounds, the world spinning just a little too fast and too slow all at once. Itโs electric, and dizzying, and somehow everything and nothing like you imagined (because, yes, youโve imagined itโso what?).ย
Jay pulls back just slightly, his forehead brushing yours as he grins, his voice a playful mumble against your lips, not wanting to break the kiss. โYou can keep the jacket.โย
Your laugh bubbles out before you can stop it, your forehead dropping to his shoulder as you clutch at his arms for balance.
โSeriously? Thatโs what youโre thinking about right now?โย
โIโm a multi-tasker,โ he replies, deadpan, his lips turning into a teasing smirk as he leans in and steals another quick kiss. He starts to pull back again, but you don't let himโyour hand catches his sleeve as you dart up and chase his lips for one more peck, light and fleeting, but enough to make him smile like a fool. You're completely, utterly, hopelessly obsessed with him.ย ย
"Besides," he adds, the words smug as his arms tighten around you, "I've already sacrificed my jacket. Might as well give up my dignity too."ย ย
You roll your eyes, โYouโre still an idiot.โย
โAnd yet, Iโm the idiot you kissed back,โ Jay fires back, brushing a strand of hair from your face.ย ย
You shake your head, your voice soft and teasing. โYouโre soโโย
The words trail off as you meet his gaze again, and before you can even think about stopping yourself, you tilt your head up, close the remaining distance between you, and kiss him first this time.ย ย
Jay freezes for a second, caught off guard, before he fully melts into the kiss again, one hand instinctively curling around your waist to keep you as close as possible. There's no hesitation now, no teasing, no holding backโjust the two of you in the quiet of his doorway, and the overwhelming certainty that neither of you wants to let thisโthis moment, this feelingโto end.ย
When you finally pull back, Jayโs eyes are sparkling, his gaze holding an undeniable warmth.ย
โYou know,โ he starts, voice light but tinged with something deeper, โif you keep doing that, I might start thinking you actually like me or something.โย
You raise an eyebrow, leaning in just close enough to make him squirm, your smirk playful.ย
โAnd if you keep talking,โ you murmur, your voice low and teasing, โI might change my mind.โย
Jay blinks, momentarily stunned, before letting out a breathless laugh, his arms instinctively circling your waist again, pulling you just a little closer. โNoted. Say less. Iโll shut up forever. Youโre stuck with me now.โย
Stuck with Jay? As in a more-than-project-partners kind of way?ย
Yeah, you think, meeting the smile heโs giving you.ย
You donโt mind that idea one bit.ย
โญใป.ใปโซ
Now that the six weeks of parenthood is over, we ask that you write a reflection post in response to your pre-questionnaire answers we asked you at the beginning of the project. Were your expectations met? Exceeded? Any surprises along the way?
Y/Nโs Submission [11:15AM, October 30th]:
Parenting, even with a robot baby, turned out to be nothing like I expected. Iโve learned that no matter how much you plan, babies (and life) have a way of completely ignoring your carefully crafted schedules. It was frustrating at times, but it also made thingsโฆunexpectedly fun.
Speaking of unexpectedโletโs just say my partnership for this project caught me completely off guard, in the best way possible. Turns out, some surprises are worth breaking the plan for :)
Jayโs Submission [11:30AM, October 30th]:
Honestly? I expected surprises, but I wasnโt ready to lose three years of my life over a diaper changeโor nearly go deaf from tantrums. Safe to say, I learned the hard way that being a little prepared isnโt such a bad idea.
But hereโs the thing: turns out, babies (and certain project partners) have a way of growing on you. Who knew spreadsheets and sleepless nights could actually beโฆkinda great? I guess what Iโm saying is, sometimes the best things arenโt planned. And also, I know how to change a diaper in 30 seconds now. The right side up :)
a/n: i started this after "last night" dropped because i was thoroughly obsessed with the concept. since i went to the last show of their tour, i needed to escape into thoughts of them, lest i wallow in my post-concert depression </3 please enjoy these sweet moments that i hope you share with them in your dreams tonight :,-) pics not mine~
content: dreamwalker!seventeen, supernatural au | wc: 2.3k | warnings: none really! | pairing: seventeen x gn!reader | requests: open
หสโกษห
seungcheolโกโงโห
inside jokes with your best friend, a refreshing breeze on a hot day, pure relaxation
the first time you saw seungcheol, you were charmed by his boy-next-door looks and grounded energy. seungcheol didnโt start with a special plan for your dreams. he wanted, more than anything, to get to know you. in his mind, the better he knew you, the better he could comfort you, bring you joy, and make your dreams a safe space overall. it turned out, however, that the best way to spend your dreams was simply bonding with seungcheol. he was surprised at first when you wanted to know more about him. seunghceol often forgot that he could be the center of attention, but, after meeting you, he was reminded of his worth. it wasnโt long until he happily shared the parts of himself no one else had seen, cherishing every part of you he got to hold through each night. one night, after a particularly vulnerable conversation, he sighed contentedly and admitted, โi hope i get to spend every night like this, with you, for the rest of my life.โ
jeonghanโกโงโห
someone tucking your hair behind your ear, freshly cut fruit, cherry blossomsย
jeonghanโs sweetness was the most refreshing thing you had ever dreamt of. after he grew more comfortable with you, his mischievous side crept out, but, in the beginning, he was the definition of charming. even after he started joking around and fondly teasing you, there was a tenderness underneath every word and action. jeonghan wanted to be gentle with you. he valued the trust you gave him, and he was well aware of the responsibility that came with visiting your dreams. therefore, regardless of the silly activities he conjured up for the night,ย jeonghan always asked you how you were doing. he loved celebrating the highs with you and holding you through the lows. jeonghan, it seemed, thought nothing was sweeter than sharing time and space with you. once, he made you promise that youโd never dream about anyone else, smiling with his pinky outstretched to you and his heart on his sleeve.
joshuaโกโงโห
a happy ending, finding the perfect song when you need it most, the smell of flowers blooming
from the moment you met joshua in your dreams, you knew he was a romantic. you didnโt have to assume; he told you immediately. joshua thought that, if you two were interacting in such a romantic space, then he, as the resident gentleman, should take the lead in curating your dreams. every night, you two recreated movie scenes. at first, it was classic romances. after a while, he asked you about your most beloved characters and ships, wanting you to experience the love you admired on the screen. it was funny, cheesy, heartwarming, and so very sweet to act like this with joshua. at the end of every performance, he would give you a huge round of applause and claim that you both were award-winning actors. though he was too shy to tell you this, joshuaโs favorite scenes to recreate were the ones in which he got to say, โi love you.โย
junhuiโกโงโห
your favorite plushie, fully belly laughs, hearing โi miss youโ from someone you love
you were caught off guard when you encountered an unbelievably statuesque man in your dreams. you were even more surprised when the first thing he asked was, โdo you want to play hide and seek?โ junhui understood the importance of dreams being a reprieve from the stresses of the real world. thatโs why he designed different playgrounds for you to enjoy. every night you met, you would laugh through the night, racing down slides, watching jun jump off the swings, or, of course, playing hide and seek. he always had the biggest smile when he played with you. while he knew he was there to make your dreams wonderful, he never shied away from saying that every moment he spent with you was a dream come true. usually, after saying that, heโd giggle relentlessly and dare you to chase him around the playground. you complied every time, still unable to believe how free and invincible jun made you feel.
soonyoungโกโงโห
sunlight reflecting off clear water, freshly picked berries, a voice sweetly calling your name
soonyoung found you during one of your lowest nights. or, rather, he looked for you, sensing your pain and wanting nothing more than to ease your burden. with every smile, with every gesture, with every word spoken, he made you feel light as a feather, regardless of how heavy the world was. soonyoung buzzed with excitement as soon as you met, and it was contagious during each visit. soonyoung told you stories. he asked you a million questions, wanting to know your habits, likes, dreamsโreally everything about youโbut he always reminded you that you could tell him โno.โ you rarely felt the need to, though. soonyoung was the softest person you ever knew, and the comfort corner he created in your dreams was where you found complete authenticity and peace. the second you confessed this to him, he practically squealed from the elation of it all. soonyoung thanked you over and over, admitting that bonding with you is one of the greatest gifts he has ever received.
wonwooโกโงโห
sunlight breaking through the curtains, a compliment youโve always wanted to hear, a dash of cinnamon
wonwoo believed that dreams were a source of relief, a reprieve from whatever turbulence waking life may offer. when he met you, he saw the tension in your shoulders and that broke his heartโhow could someone like you be carrying so much weight even while you slept? at that first encounter, wonwoo led you to a bench swing beneath a beautiful tree, sitting beside you and breathing peacefully. he let you know that, no matter what, he would offer you quiet time to be yourself. when you suggested you two have a picnic, he happily agreed, ensuring your favorite items were available and that the weather was just right. his most cherished time with you was when you rested your bodies on a soft sofa, and you watched him as he read you his favorite stories. he wasnโt sure what the look in your eye meant. before he asked, you answered, โeverywhere with you feels like home. when i look at you, i see my home.โ the blush that covered his skin let you know that wonwoo saw his home when he looked at you too.
jihoonโกโงโห
the echo of piano keys, familiar footsteps, a promise to return thatโs fulfilled
the first time you saw jihoon in a dream, you awoke with only the feeling of serenity and a brief but vivid memory of his angelic face. even as his visits became more frequent, you were always left with little more than a glimpse of him. jihoon felt just out of reach and entirely a part of you at the same time. one morning, by some stroke of luck, you remembered asking him in the dream, โwhy canโt i ever remember you properly?โ he smiled sweetly, amused by your desire to engrave him in your mind. he admitted, โall i wanted to be was a safe place for you to rest. i never thought youโd want anything more than that.โ when you told him you wished to carry memories of him in your waking life, he promised that youโd remember him each morning when you opened your eyes, just as you had recognized him every night when you closed them. jihoon kept his promise, leaving you with such clear memories that the feeling of safety he created for you every night enveloped you throughout your days too.
seokminโกโงโห
the first day of spring, secrets shared in a pillow fort, laughing until you canโt breathe
you were the first person seokmin ever visited in their dreams, so he had no idea what he should do. in a panic, he told you he could sing before he even told you his name. as soon as you heard his angelic voice, you knew there was no going back. seokmin was thrilled. he kept a running list of your favorite songs, learning them as quickly as he could. seokmin also sang songs that reminded him of you, filling your nights with the sweetest serenades. nothing made seokmin feel more special than the sparkle in your eyes and the look on your face when you listened to him sing. he truly felt that he would be content if you were the only person he ever sang for. you were his perfect audience, which he told you many, many times. once, when you asked how he sang so well, he casually replied, โiโve been practicing all my life because music is one of the most important things to me.โ as he watched you applaud for him, he wanted to add, i never knew that singing would lead me to the most important person in my life, but iโm glad i worked so hard for you.
mingyuโกโงโห
the glow of a fireplace in a dark room, bedsheets hung in the yard to dry, a smile meant for only you
mingyu made your dreams a home. he knew that he could take you anywhere, explore the whole world with you if he wanted, but truly he just wanted to spend time with you. mingyu loved seeing you comfortable. he was enraptured by you, and he loved nothing more than creating a life with you. together you two spent time making meals, rearranging furniture, playing games, having deep conversations, or sipping tea and enjoying each otherโs company. to some, it may have sounded strange, but mingyu insisted that you two plan a future together. you resisted at first, unsure how planning a future with the man who was only in your dreams would be helpful. then, because mingyu is adorably persistent, you played along, not really believing it was more than fantasy. after some time, however, you got the same feeling in your heart that mingyu had all along: we were meant to meet each other. it started here, but itโs only a matter of time before we find each other after the sunrise.ย
minghaoโกโงโห
whispered confessions, your belovedโs fingers brushing against yours, the pink clouds at dawn
dreams of minghao should be considered the eighth wonder of the world. every time he appears, he recreates beautiful places he has traveled to before, so you can experience them too. he cherishes nothing more than walking beside you, either in silent contemplation or excited conversation, through all the locales that left a lasting impression on his mind. minghao cannot fathom spending his time in any other way. you, after all, have left quite the impression on his heart. he will do anything to find you again and again, just to witness the glimmer in your eyes when he shares something beautiful with you. whatโs most engraved in his brain is the moment you stood beside him and admitted, โevery special place iโve been to, i have been there with you.โ minghao spends every night trying to find the right way to express how your dreams have become the most special place heโs ever experienced.
seungkwanโกโงโห
the moonโs reflection in still water, kind conversations on city streets, the smile of someone who knows you well
seungkwan thought it was magical, how he could find you every night. to him, you were the dream. he never wanted to show off or to make anything so spectacular that you wouldnโt be able to enjoy the shared energy between you two. as such, he loved nothing more than to create a star-filled night sky for you. youโd tell him your favorite things, and heโd rearrange the stars to your liking. as clichรฉd as it was, seungkwan adored watching you stargaze. he marveled at your beauty every time your dreams brought you together. one night, when your eyes sparkled while observing a constellation of your favorite flower, seungkwan murmured, โah, you are so beautiful, my sky.โ his ears turned bright red, but the sweet smile on your face meant he had no regrets about his confession.ย
hansolโกโงโห
finding the perfect idea, someone who understands you completely, the warmth of your favorite place
you laughed the first time you met hansol because, rather than a grand entrance, he casually walked up to you and asked, โsoโฆwhat do you want to do?โ this relaxed energy permeated every night you spent with hansol. eventually, you two developed a habit of trying out different crafts together, mostly because you could laugh when you failed and fawn over each otherโs successes. hansol created a place for you to experiment and express yourself, and he did it so naturally you felt he had been by your side your entire life. when you confessed this to him, he confessed that he felt the same way. hansol even had a theory that you two had been meeting in dreams your whole lives, despite only remembering the times you met as adults. at first, you thought it was just another of his silly conspiracies. you changed your mind, though, when you woke up to see the origami he made the previous night next to your bed. your connection with hansol transcended dreams, and this paper figure of your favorite animal proved that.
chanโกโงโห
childhood belief, a long-awaited victory, hearing โiโm proud of youโ from someone you admire
youโll never forget the first time you saw chan in a dream. he was bright, bubbly, and all around ready for a good time. he wanted to show you how far you could push the limits of reality in your subconscious, and he did so by trying out different superpowers with you. there were no villains to fightโunless you wanted themโbut there were plenty of ways to transform with superhuman abilities. chan ran through all the classics with you: invisibility, teleporation, flying, etc. then, he would laugh hysterically while you two tried to invent new superpowers. anything from changing coffee flavors by snapping your fingers or being able to breathe underwater, chan wanted to try it with you. he convinced you that all it took to save the world was a smile, which is something he gave you every time you looked at him.
Where two strangers, in their desperation and vulnerability, take a picture together. One to create a lasting memory, the other to remove the old one.
Genre: Strangers to lovers (kinda)
Pairing: Non-idol Park Sunghoon x gn!reader
Content warnings: Mentions of a breakup, mentions of enlistment, none imo
Word Count: 1.2k approximately
In his mind, what he would do next was stupid, extremely stupid. Park Sunghoon stood solemnly in front of this hole-in-the-wall photobooth he travelled past on the way to uni. He wasn't sure what exactly led him here- whether it was his desperate need to capture a memory, or whether he was driven by pure insanity. He knew a few things had changed since the last time he stopped by. His hair was shaved short, military style as was required of him. There was an increasing sense of foreboding of the future. His heart had never felt this heavy before. Not even when he almost didn't get into the university of his choice. He was about to enlist- only that it didn't help that he'd be leaving in a week. He felt short on time, as the announcement barely gave him enough to physically or mentally prepare himself. His friends had suggested taking a cool polaroid picture for the sake of memories. For a keepsake for the man he was to become, and as a memory of the boy he would leave behind. His heavy feet therefore brought him here,to a last-minute decision after hours of contemplation. He draws the curtains of the tiny photobooth and hesitantly sits on the bench. Unfortunately for him, and to add to his embarrassment, he fails to notice the other person seated right beside him.
"Excuse me?" you squeak, surprised by the appearance of the man next to you.
Sunghoon is pulled out of his thoughts, and he finally acknowledges your presence. "Oh-" he can barely apologise as the click of the automatic booth interrupts you. He notices that he is captured in the second of the four films. Before he is able to process what happened, another click prints the third film. He jumps out of the booth in a second as you're left bewildered there. The bewilderment enthusiastically captured by the last film. As you look at your ruined pictures, Sunghoon find the need to apologise desperately for interrupting you. He peaks his head back in to the booth, in an attempt at apologising. Instead what he sees are teardrops falling down your cheeks, the films balled up in your fists.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, i really didn't mean to interrupt you," he rambles, "I didn't reali-" before he could finish you push past him, exiting the booth. Before you're able to get up again, you're wrist is tugged on by him.
"Let me pay for you, please. It's my fault, please don't cry" he begs. You're too scared to say a word. It really wasn't that deep for you, or it shouldn't have been. it was just a set of photos that you could take again. Unfortunately for you, you'd put too much meaning into this set of pictures. It was after you saw your ex post a set of pictures with his new girlfriend, in the exact same poses he'd once taken with you did you feel the rage erupting from within. You'd come here to re-write or erase whatever that poor memory was. You'd just have to do it alone. It wasn't this stranger's fault for your outburst. In fact you were happy he disturbed your gloomy little photoshoot.
"I-," you look up to meet the stranger's eyes, his eyes ridden with concern. In that small moment of surprise, you didn't really realise how handsome he was. It led you to an idea, a pathetic and selfish idea, but one that'd make you feel better.
"In that case, can you take another set with me. I don't want to do this alone," you request, your voice small as you begin to fidget with your hands.
"W...Why?" Sunghoon asks taken aback. Were you also scared of taking a picture alone like him? Did you also find it pathetic to take pictures alone in a world where mainly couples come here? Why come here alone if you didn't want to do it alone?
"I want to make my ex jealous," you say bluntly. You don't look at him, afraid of judgement at your request. Instead, you hear a small chuckle.
"Sure, I don't mind," you hear the kind boy say. " I might need the company too right now."
You're curious by what his last statement means,but choose to follow him into the booth quietly. He drops some change into the booth, and then looks at you before he presses the button. You nod and move closer to him, knees grazing gently. The both of you seem awkward but try to smile nonetheless. A click disperses the silence briefly, before he puts his shaking hands on yours. "I'm actually enlisting next week," he announces randomly. You look at him in surprise. "I don't know what to say," you can barely reply, when he brings his arms around your shoulder, just in time before the next picture. "Yeah, this is probably my last picture before I leave," he turns to you, smiling at your surprised face. "Good luck," your eyes soften as you pose for the next one, putting out a "V" awkwardly. He follows you, a somewhat shy smile gracing his lips. "Let's do a silly one" he offers to which you nod enthusiastically. You stick out your tongue, a little shy as he winks at the camera, the set of pictures coming out after the last click. The two of you examine the set of pictures, the two of you looking somewhat confused
"I like it," he says. "You look cute in this one," he hands you the last two pictures. You smile, earnestly. Compared to what you expected, you looked happy. Happy enough for you to forget why you'd come here. You realised neither of you had budged an inch, and you didn't feel like leaving.
"I... thought I'd achieve some sort of petty revenge if I could look happier in these pictures than the ones my ex took with his girlfriend."
Sunghoon raises an eyebrow, partly curious, partly in pity. His fingers gently rub against your palm. "In the thirty minutes I know you, I can say with confidence that you're too beautiful for the guy you're worried about. Don't fret it."
His words paint your smile wider as they sink into your soul. "Well, in the thirty minutes that I know you, I think you're so brave and kind that I wish we'd met sooner," you confess.
His smile now mirrors yours as he finally holds out his hand for a handshake. "I'm Sunghoon, by the way," he introduces.
You shake his warm hand, your palms tingling as they meet. "I'm y/n." you reply. After what seemed like an eternity, the both of you finally get out of the cramped booth, the chilly evening wind caressing your face. Sunghoon graciously waits for you to leave first, his eyes following you until your back fades into the city. The encounter felt bittersweet, more sweet than bitter as part of his solemn heart dissipated with the wind. He examines the first polaroid set left with him, where your initials are scribbled hastily at the back. He places it in his pocket, with the realisation that he had a new person, a new memory to bury into his wallet.
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Ahshs two weeks into my first sem of uni and things feel so different. I honestly thought I'd be able to write more but just adjusting to uni life has taken so much time. So far academics is ok, it's paced well and ppl are chill. I also have a teeny tiny (getting massive) crush on a third year senior and it feels so forbidden/ out of my league. But its fun. I haven't had a crush in ages lol. Maybe it'll fuel more scenarios and I'll write about them for my faves (your girl is delulu ๐).
But yeah, my writing has been rusty and I've barely been able to move beyond 200 words for each wip. I felt nostalgic about my ryujin fic and I really want to write about another season too, not just autumn. But if y'all do have small requests, I'll try to get back to them.
Genre: Roommates x lovers, College +Domestic Au, Autumn feels
Pairing: Shin Ryujin x fem! Reader
โชContent warnings: Mentions of a dysfunctional families, slight angst, mentions of homophobia, mention of insecurities
Word Count: 7k+ words
Suggested Songs:
We found Love in October- Girl In Red
I wanna be your girlfriend- Girl in Red
Bubble gum- Clairo
Duvet- Bรดa
October Passed Me By- Girl in Red
Girls-Girl in Red
Softly- Clairo
You know where this playlist is heading- feel free to recommend more
โชnot proofread
Sometimes fall meant that the clarity of summer had ended, and that the dryness wasn't accompanied by sweat, but by the heaviness of hoodies and the bareness of barks. A bore compared to the freedom and excitement that summer offered; a dispirited time when you look back to the last three months.ย
Of course autumn wasn't all bad. The colours took on a warmer palette as the trees bore themselves devoid of its warmth: warmth which could be found in campfires and cosy sheets; in people's hugs and weighted blankets; in hot lattes, crunchy leaves and early sunsets.
But when assignments piled up from the start of the season, finding opportunities to revel in such warmth seemed unsuccessful. You hurriedly tried composing yourself from last month's activities: internships, staycations and pool parties, returning from a whirlwind of adrenaline. It was exhausting, and you were burnt out before the semester even started.ย
But a student you were; a decent one you tried to be, as you file your assignments, albeit slowly due to sleep deprivation. The first week of autumn went by with professors dumping assignments immediately as you try to ease the pace at which you deal with it. Clearly, autumn had you drained from day one.
Autumn hated you more than you hated it.
Autumn, two weeks in wasn't too bad. You took time to catch up on deadlines, you made plans with friends, went on walks and you got especially close to your new roommate. Her name was Ryujin, a dark haired divinity with prominent features that meshed gently. Someone who never forgot to get you your daily dose of iced latte and her favourite mocha bread from the cafรฉ opposite your dorm.
It started when she came back from her evening lectures on a Thursday, holding one mug in her hand, a woolly scarf tucked into her shirt. She came in to see you with hands knitted in your hair, frustrated at the work you had, feet bobbing in concentration.ย
A small 'hi' was all that you returned when you noticed her presence.
"Another stressful assignment?," she asks, concerned. Her low timbre is soothing and takes you out of your sums for a brief moment, a sigh escaping your chapped lips.
"Itโs calculus." You make eye contact for the first time since she entered, a polite smile greeting her, though the frown almost tilted the other way.ย
She waved her hands in a light motion acknowledging your concern, the room key in her palm dangling in it to make a soft clack.ย
"Understandable, it's a real headache, especially since you're in Mr Leeโs course. Anything I could help you with?"
"I just need a break," you reply dejectedly, hoping to get away from your monotonous, monstrous tasks.ย
"Wanna watch a movie?" she asks, a soft grin hiding on her face. She watches your ears perk up and your eyes shine at the suggestion, to which a chuckle remains stuck in her throat.
"Why don't you choose something and I'll join you after I'm done freshening up." she hands you the remote before walking into her room, grabbing her white towel from the laundry rack.
You sit in silence and wallow in contemplation. Choosing a movie, should be easy.ย
Would a sappy rom-com distracting you from your lamentable, gapingly non-existent love life suffice? Or did you need another of those poorly directed and filmed action ones, which would, undoubtedly help you fix your sleep schedule. But then again, would Ryujin watch it? Whatโs a movie sheโd like? Slice of life? Coming of age? Horror?
A change in the lighting of the room, and Ryujinโs tap on your shoulder was what eventually brought you out of your dilemma, and you take your vacant stare off of the blank tv screen towards your roommate instead.
The warm lights had blurred everything in the background in a way that it brought Ryujinโs face into focus, a soft glow emanating from her cheeks. Her hair was wet, the towel lazily wrapped around her supple hair, doing a measly job at keeping it from seeping into her t-shirt. Her oversized black t-shirt had patches of darker spots that clinged to her because of it, making you worried she might catch a cold. You rush to hand her a new towel, one that would actually help.ย
โDonโt catch a cold, not the best time of the year to fall sick.โ you whisper.
She smiles in appreciation and holds your arm, accepting the fabric for you. "You're cold too y/n. It'd probably be best for us to grab some blankets."ย
After ten minutes of rummaging through your creaky cabinets and five minutes of popping corn, you were ready to distance yourself from your headaches, with new-found warmth in your newly washed duvets.ย
Snug and pressed against the cushions of the sofa, with your head on her shoulder. Snug as she pats your back until the television's whisper no longer has your attention and you find your heavy eyelids closing on their own.ย
Snug as you embrace sleep after months of running away from it.
Snug, however, wasn't what you felt when you woke up in the morning, blankets tangled between your legs, and an annoying ache in your ribs, due to the crushing weight of your favourite cushion.ย
Snugness was replaced by the bitterness of another new day, and your long forgotten assignments weighed heavier than they did before.ย
All of a sudden last night's peace was something you regretted. And you regret having been swayed by someone you considered an acquaintance.
If Shin Ryujin hadnโt offered, you'd never have taken a break. You'd never have given yourself the opportunity to be wasteful with time. You shouldn't have been tempted by the thought of a moment's freedom.ย
Freedom that remained a mirage. A mirage that showed you a time of comfort. Comfort that would last one evening until you'd have to revisit everything you ran away from.
What's the point in having comfort if it's given by someone you interact with for three hours a day? What was the point in comfort if it was momentary?
Shin Ryujin was a roommate you'd have for only two more months until her grandparent's apartment was done with renovations.
Shin Ryujin was temporary.
Autumn three weeks in, was no different. Except that your backlog had increased, your sleep schedule got worse and all that you cared about was getting over with your to-do lists. How you had energy to do everything one by one remained a mystery, but you soon realised that it wasnโt energy that drove you to finish work, but the fear of running out of it sooner or later. As if it wasnโt already obvious, you were on the brink of burnout.
Not that you hated burnout. For some reason being burnt out meant that you'd be forced to take time out for mental health sooner or later. You would be forced to slow down like you did last week.ย
Sitting down and finally looking back, last week felt like a distant memory so far away from your reality. It was a privilege you gave yourself, and it was so worth it, contrary to what you felt immediately. She was right, the movie did help, the movie did get you back into a safe space from your anxiety; and you never cared to thank her for it.ย
Youโd do it today. Thanking her. You absolutely had to.
You spent the next ninety minutes planning the best way to return the favour. Essentially, you spent the next ninety minutes going back on all the little things Ryujin did for you. Which led to the realisation that her love language was a careful amalgamation of acts of service, quality time and physical touch.ย
โMaybe Iโll just bake mocha bread. I couldnโt go wrong with that,โ you contemplate. You werenโt the best baker on earth, however you had enough experience to go ahead with it.
All you needed was milk, eggs, flour, yeast, sugar and coffee. Everything you had at home, really not much could go wrong.
Until it did. There was no way the universe would let you have anything good before your semester tests. Of course it had to sabotage you when you tried to do one thing with actual love behind it.
The microwave oven she brought in with her beeped once before a loud pop stopped you in your tracks. It was overheated, and nothing you did brought the irksome device back to life. No matter how many buttons you pushed vigorously, or hit the back of it tiresomely, the emptyย black box on the door showed no sign of the tiny numbers signalling time left.
Time left. You look at the Ikea clock hung on the wall. Ten minutes more for the bread to be baked until completion, and thirty minutes until sheโd come back and discover this mess and the damage to her microwave.
And boy does she love that microwave.
Shin Ryujin knew something was wrong when she entered later at night, almost too late for you to be up right now, just a little before midnight, the smell of sweet coffee greeting her. Sheโd gone to visit the apartment her grandparents had bought for her, a half hour from here. She was so caught up in finalising the layout that she forgot to mention that sheโd be late home. Whatโs worse was that she had got caught in heavy traffic, and her phone lost charge in the middle of dialling you.ย
And when she got up here, completely spent from the work, it took very little for her to be consumed by frustration. Not particularly because of you. None of it had to do with you. She knew that the tedious microwave was ancient and that her parents only gave it to her to get rid of it. She also knew that she shouldโve told you about it sooner, before it actually became a problem. So no, in no way was this your fault.ย
She looked at your head buried under your arm on the dining table with a mitten on one hand and a post-it under your elbow. The post-it didnโt say much, just scribbled and crossed out words that all seemed to resemble different โIโm sorrys" and โmicrowaves". You had multiple other post-its crumpled nearby and she picked all of them up and carefully opened them one by one. Between the creases, one said, โIโm so sorry for the microwave Ryujin, ik you treasure it because your parents lent it to you. I just wanted to thank you for last week and I thought Iโd bake your favourite but -โ it stopped there at which point you mustโve crumpled it.ย
Ryujin let her sight wander across the baking utensils washed and stacked neatly on the drying rack and a box of half baked, burnt dough nearby. She smiles, both grateful and apologetic, an urge to caress your head settling in. She takes a closer look at you, trying to figure how she could deposit you to your bed.ย
She slowly lifts your head up, wiping excess dough from near your frowning mouth, and her eyes wander up, to your slightly fluttering eyelids facing the yellow lights. It was then under the warm lights that she noticed semi-dried tears under your lashes. Another surge of guilt ran through her, thinking of how worried you mustโve been.ย
In the cold kitchen, she lifts you off the chair as carefully as she can and gently drags you across the living room. It was when sheโd propped you against the headboard that you stir awake.
Through half-lidded eyes, you take in whatever you can. Ryujin was holding on to your hand gasping slightly.
โRyujin?โ you whisper.
โShit I didnโt mean to wake you up,โ she looks at you a little surprised.
โIโm so sorry-โ you mumble in desperation.
โShh," she places a palm over your eyes, "donโt worry about it love. Go to bed, weโll talk in the morningโ
You arenโt convinced but you also realise that now isnโt the best time to talk. Ryujinโs eyebags seemed deeper in the warm light and you knew both of you needed a decent rest. It had been a hectic time for the two of you, and all you needed was sleep.
Ryujin still had the benevolence to pull the blanket over you and stroke your hair until you fell asleep.
It was the second time you fell asleep in her arms.
The following weekend you were on a shopping trip.
At a semi-large Ikea warehouse about forty minutes away from the campus. It was Ryujin's idea to come out here despite you convincing her to find a shop closer, but she insisted.
"Trust me, it'll be fun. We can look at furniture too."
Of course, she needed new furniture. It slowly dawns on you that you have very little time to spend with her in your home. Home.
You don't remember the last time you called your dorm a home. For all that you knew, it was a messy damp space that you couldn't wait to escape from, an absolute nightmare with it's cramped furniture. But it was cosy, something you couldn't deny now.
Maybe because you were with her. All her little habits that grew on you, her impeccable daily routine that had become a source of stability in your life, even her lesser known quirks such as keeping a picture of her two cats at home framed on her desk and kissing the before going to her classes in the morning.
You admired all of it, and it wouldn't have been the same if it were someone else. You never felt like this with your previous room mates. They were just people who lived in their own solitary spaces. But with Ryujin, somehow you were involved in most housework together. You felt involved, and somewhere more loved than in your own home.
Your family wasn't bad, at least on the surface. They never compromised when it came to your education or your standard of living. But somewhere between those lines were impossible expectations they wouldn't hold themselves to either. And you got tired of them easily. They hid toxicity behind "criticism", where criticism only meant negatives beyond your control. Your last year of high school, particularly faced extreme criticism, and you felt your confidence dipping. You managed though. You're not entirely sure how you coped, but with support from school, you managed a scholarship, a meagre one but still enough to get away from your family.
You hadn't seen them in three years.
Ryujin, on the other hand, had a lovely family, and you were, at times jealous of how perfect she seemed; how perfect everything around her seemed.
She seemed to have every aspect of her life in order. Whether it be top of the class majoring in Business, or being captain of the girl's football team, or the fact that she could spare three hours to stay with her paint brushes and that they would come out having the entire beauty of the universe encompassed in them. She could manage being both a homebody, while still being popular in school, she could be assertive when she needed to be without actually disturbing the fragile ego of most in her class.
She surpassed every definition of balance mentioned in the dictionary. She was living it, breathing it. Stability.
You admired her, a lot, but you couldn't stop this ridiculously miniscule base of malevolence in your heart. And every day you were scared it would become worse.
Especially now, when all she wanted was to spend precious time with you, constantly putting effort into your friendship whereas you were held back by bitter thoughts. And you hated yourself for it.
You force back your envy, distracting yourself by browsing through the shelves of cutlery displayed. You notice the absence of Ryujin's presence, and slowly find yourself lost in this maze of a shop. Maybe it was better that she wasn't in this aisle now, or else you wouldn't be able to face her with the guilt of having thought of her so poorly.
You find yourself interested in the array of pretty pink melamine plates stacked in front of you, in the stainless steel spoons with animal handles, and little napkin holders shaped like boats. You pick up different pans, weighing how heavy each is, looking to keep your brain unnecessarily busy. If you spend a second more comparing yourself with Ryujin, you knew you wouldn't be able to think of anything else for the entire day, or week.
You remember what your therapist told you, all the comfort and validation that you needed pouring in through words. You open up your notes, all the affirmations typed out one by one. You repeat them in your mind, with a new goal in sight.
You wouldn't let your insecurity ruin another good relationship. Especially not with Ryujin.
She emerges after some time, holding in her hand, a grey device, and a grin painted on her face. "I think this is the one. It's a cool toaster cum oven sort of thing, and it's cheap," she winks at you.
How was she so decisive? you think again. It had only taken her fifteen minutes. If it were you, you'd have taken forty minutes more.
"I trust your decision," you reply, giving her a soft smile. You notice her eyebrows raise a little. "You sure?," she asks. "You usually don't agree this fast. You have this terrible habit of sitting on decisions for ages." she rambles on.
You take a moment to process this. You knew it was true, and she probably didn't mean malice, but it was not something you'd accept easily.
Ryujin never had to think twice about what she wanted. She knew exactly what she wanted, and she always got it. Whereas every decision you seemed to make bore consequences you didn't want. And often, the times you didn't heavily weight them out was when things backfired. The last time being with the microwave oven.
It was the only way you knew to trust yourself.
So it irks you greatly when Ryujin calls it a "terrible habit". Because for you, it was a habit that gave you security. Certainty wasn't achievable, but you'd try as fucking close as you could get, and Shin Ryujin won't tell you otherwise.
She'd never understand how imperfect you were. She'd never understand the little complexities that hold you back. For the most part, she had life easy. What would she ever understand?
You ignore her comment, instead picking up a ceramic mug from the shelf, thumbing on the floral patterns glazed onto it.
Ryujin barely senses your predicament, instead grabbing onto the mug placed besides the one you hold onto. "These are pretty, it's like a cute matching set. We should get them," she winks.
The rest of the day follows with more furniture in your cart, and mostly unnecessary plushies plaguing your living room. New pillows, potted plants, wardrobe organisers, a work desk and the biggest Djungelskog bear lying near the couch.
It dawns on you the next morning, after waking up to the chaos, that she was shifting out in two weeks.
On the first of October.
All of a sudden she was busy, very busy, and the two of you barely met, with bigger gaps in your schedule. Part of it was because of Ryujin arranging her main furniture in her new house, and part of it was because you were busy with academics, only that it was voluntary this time. It just so happened that you needed a few more credits to retain your scholarship, the only thing weighing your new found freedom. Along with that, you busied yourself so that you didn't have to face Ryujin later at night.
You were scared. Other than the obvious rent that you'd have to pay by yourself, you also avoided other parts of this change that bothered you. Which was spending time with her. You were scared you'd miss her a bit too much.
Sure, you were friends who were only half an hour away, but now that her colourful room started fading into a bleak white, the emptiness of it reminded you of why you hated autumn. The fall orange left you feeling lonely, and like the very leaves that craved pigmentation, you craved more life. Regardless of the minimal time you spent with her in the evenings, she slowly integrated herself into your life in the smaller ways.
Now they weigh too much in your life for you to be able to cope without it. You ended up distancing yourself from her, in a pathetic attempt to cope with the anticipation of absence. Maybe you just needed more friends, the thought crossing your mind a lot more these days. But you had plenty of them at uni, most of who you loved. But none of them were Ryujin.
None of them cared for you as much as she did. None of them taught you how to care for yourself like she did. None of them held you in their arms throughout the night, until you felt rested and loved. Nobody inspired you as much as Ryujin did.
Maybe Ryujin wasn't just a friend, something you were scared to consider in the past few weeks. It was a feeling completely new. Other than a failed situation-ship in high school, you never considered the possibility of a relationship, much less exploring your sexuality.
It was an intimidating prospect that you hadn't considered. Something that initiated urgency more than curiosity. Unlike the diverse spectrum that your feelings for Shin Ryujin belonged to, your thoughts focused on just one. She was important in more ways than platonic, and the distance that was to be would be extremely difficult to cope with. The distance that you had created seemed silly, but at the same time there was nothing you could think to resolve the conflict. You were going against this wall you'd built for yourself, and the facade of distance only grew day by day. So much so that at one point, Ryujin stopped approaching you first.
In a way, you deserved it. For someone who had been so unreceptive to her life as a coping method, this is the least you deserved for being a little jerk. Why would someone pursue any relationship, even platonic if you'd put yourself back into the mega cage you thought you'd escaped from. Something you'd escaped from only temporarily in her presence. Something you're going back to by the next week when she's gone.
You suffer multiple sleepless nights, the mid terms only a catalyst to your loneliness, when all you remember is Ryujin and her quirks.
You do accept another roommate later on, a mutual contact in your friend group, someone who was introduced to you by Ryujin herself. She'd dropped in a small text at 8 in the morning, on the way to class, you'd assumed. All it did was talk about how a common friend, Yeji needed a room to stay.
You accepted it of course, because you didn't have to foot the entire month's bill but also because you thought having someone else would curb your loneliness. And this loneliness was stupid. Ryujin wasn't the only thing you had in your entire life, and she should've been inconsequential, the same way the daylight hours gradually decreased. But it isn't too hard to notice once the sun's gone down.
The new roommate was like a transition from summer to winter, but unlike Ryujin , who helped ease the transition between the seasons, this one only reminded you that it would be cold. She wasn't a bad roommate, no she was perfect, did the laundry on Wednesdays, did the evening dishes at 6 and gave you lots of personal space. She was nice, but not like Ryujin.
You hated how you compared her to Ryujin, how you compared everything to her. "She isn't your entire world," you remind yourself. "Shin Ryujin was only temporary."
You'd decided that your feelings for her were only a means for you to be validated. That was all you'd craved from her, and that was all she'd given you- validation.
On October 15th, you feel relieved. Your mid terms were over with and you had a little bit of free time. Were you going to spend it wisely? Of course not.
You were going to sit in bed all day, scrolling through Youtube, a luxury you'd afford yourself rarely in the last month. You went home early, to a somewhat excitable Yeji. Another rare sight.
"What's up?" you ask her, noticing her vibrant demeanour.
"Nothing much, Ryujin's coming over today."
You're surprised to hear this, and a little disappointed that Ryujin never told you herself. Or maybe there was no reason to, it's not like you kept in touch with her.
"That's cool, are you guys ordering something? Or should I make food for you two?" you offer, realising the amount of free time you had.
"We'll just order pizza," she replies. She hesitates for sometime, as if she has something to say. "Y/n?" she calls out slowly.
"Hmm?" "...you're nothing like what Ryujin described you as."
You still in your spot.
"It's just that you're really kind you know. I thought you'd be more distant, and cold."
"Ryujin said that? About me?"
She nods her head.
Is that really how she saw you? Distant and cold? Sure you were closed off towards the end, but is that really who you were to her? After all the good memories? You weren't sure anymore, insecurity creeping inside you.
It hurt. Was it this easy for people to be unforgiving? But then again, you never apologised, so in a weird way what Yeji relayed sounded justified.
You offer her a stiff smile.
"I'll be in my room then, tell me if you need anything."
Dejected, you go back to your blank room, where even the orange of autumn feels comforting, something you hated previously. You stay inside the entire evening, occasional sounds of muffled laughter behind your walls being all that you focus on for the duration. Every time you heard her laugh loudly from behind the door, you wondered if she ever laughed like that in front of you. Did you ever make her feel happy? The same way she did to you?
You want to go out and say hi, but after what Yeji said, you stop yourself. She must hate you now, there was no other way.
It isn't later at night, after you're sure the laughter was no more, and only when the silence of the room becomes comforting, you step out to see a dim blue light in the darkness of the living room, Yeji working on the dining table. "Y/n, didn't come out to say hi to Ryujin?" she asks, with pity that sounds forced.
"Yeah, no I was just napping," you lie, "did anything fun happen?"
"Mhm, we were discussing Ryujin's blind date tomorrow with a senior from the engineering department. Apparently, he's handsome," she shrugs her shoulder.
"Ryujin likes boys?" you ask without realising.
"Hmm, I'm not sure actually."
A small part of you feels dejected as you get a glass of water, all while contemplating if you should have reached out.
"You like her don't you?" Yeji whispers, looking up from her laptop.
It's the second time you still in your spot. Yeji had brought up something you never thought was prominent.
"Your lights were on, I could tell from your slightly ajar door. You weren't sleeping were you?" she gives you a knowing smile.
"I'm not judging you- it's just that it's obvious that you miss her. It may or not may be romantic- but you do miss her don't you?". You don't know how to reply to her. You barely knew Yeji, but somehow she very accurately read your emotions.
As if she knows what you're thinking, she continues.
"You know, every time that I've tried bringing up Ryujin, you've always changed the conversation, instead isolating yourself in your room."
Looking back, it made sense. You didn't want to think about her anymore. Your meeting with Ryujin's was temporary and never mattered. It was almost crazy how dependent you were on her within just a few months.
" I realised that I don't know much about Ryujin, nor does she about me. Sure I know she loves mocha bread, she loves her big Ikea Djungelskog soft toy, that she's watched the perks of being a wallflower more times than she can count; but I don't think I could be truly vulnerable with her. I'm scared to be vulnerable with her."
Yeji sighs, almost disappointed. She went back to working, despite her twitching lips, like she had more to say.
That night, you reflect for longer. Why was it that you felt scared to lean on Ryujin? Technically you told her about troubles with academics, problems with some of your classmates- that is considered being vulnerable right? Then what was it that you wanted her to know, but you never wanted to admit? Was it your insecurities? Was it the thought she'd never understand it?
It was like your mind had accepted that you and Ryujin had come from two different worlds, and if you invited her into yours, she would run away, like your family. Despite you coming to terms with it, the distance with your family was a wound still fresh. And nothing would change, until you could put it behind you.
25th October, Yeji handed you an invite to one of her friend's Halloween parties.
After your confession, she'd been a little nicer; she was more active in initiating conversations, and you realised she was more extroverted than your first impression. Eventually, you did watch the Maze Runner with her again, and you appreciated how she gushed about Dylan O'Brien throughout it, dispelling any awkward moments.
"I designed this invitation by the way, cool isn't it?", she asks about the party invitation in your hand. It had black bat details engraved in a glossy reflective paper. "Please come, we've had a difficult week, one party won't hurt will it?" she states, the question more rhetorical.
You agree quietly, excitement bubbling in you.
Until it did hurt, a week later.
Barely five minutes after you enter the loud, congested apartment, with strangers in costumes, you felt a part of your heart drop. There was a tight feeling in your chest, something you were sure wasn't because of the new corset you wore. Because you felt comfortable seconds before you saw Ryujin with her hands wrapped around this guys neck, kissing him on the couch as if he were her entire life. At first, you weren't even sure it was her- her hair was shorter, dyed a platinum blonde. She wore a leather jacket and a white skater dress, dressed so differently than what you were used to seeing her in.
You weren't able to comprehend how good she looked in his arms, with all her attention focused on him, smiling. The same smile that you'd missed for a month. When she does look away from the vampire- you assumed was her boyfriend, her eyes scan the crowd and she almost looks bewildered. You were stood so motionless near the entrance from where you could see them, that even the crowd that pushed past you couldn't bring you to move. It was suffocating, and unconsciously you head for the exit, looking to get away.
But fate wouldn't be so kind would it? The universe wouldn't just let you be would it? "Are you leaving already y/n?" Yeji screams from across the room, which you were sure was audible to everyone. She finds her way to you, a smile on her face. "You just came in, why are you leaving? Cool outfit by the way."
"Thanks," you offer her a stiff smile, eyes going back to Ryujin, who because of Yeji, had finally found you.
Yeji, who just noticed the tension, holds your hand and pulls you towards Ryujin.
"Atleast say hi, y/n, it won't hurt."
Yeji's assurance of "it won't hurt" was what brought you here, it was indeed what hurt you. Her saying this now wasn't helping, and you scoff. It was almost like Yeji knew this was going to happen. It was like she knew how much it hurt you, and may even enjoy it.
"Why did you invite me Yeji? You knew about this didn't you? It hurts, I..I shouldn't have come." you spit out, trembling.
"Y/n, there's something you need to know."
"What? that she has a boyfriend?" you spat, annoyed by her deception.
Yeji sighs, holding onto your shoulders, somewhat urgent.
"No, it's something only Ryujin can tell you. Please, just talk to her. This once."
At this point, you couldn't trust anyone, neither Yeji, Ryujin, nor yourself. It was like you were at different crossroads- to run away, or to confront her again. She hadn't even done anything wrong, all she did was kiss a guy. She didn't owe you anything.
You choose to run away, until you notice Ryujin approaching you with her boyfriend. It's like she withheld any decision you make, with her forcing you into a circumstance you would not choose for yourself.
"Y/n?" she asks softly. Her otherwise comforting voice now made you uncomfortable, almost bringing you to tears by how much you missed it.
"It's been so long," she holds your hand gently.
Her hands felt colder than before, and before you could say anything, the tall, matching vampire spoke up.
"Hi y/n, I'm Jason, her boyfriend. I've heard a lot about you." he looks friendly, and he doesn't seem to hold any malice. But you still hated this guy.
"You have?" you ask saltily. "...good things I hope." you couldn't help but say drily, hands fiddling with the witch hat you'd worn.
"A moment please love," Ryujin signs to her boyfriend, who goes towards the bar with Yeji.
Ryujin takes your hand and drags you towards what you assume to be the bedroom, away from the crowd.
You enter the bedroom with her, with your head ringing because of the way she called him love. You remember how she'd called you love the day you'd tried baking, the day you'd fallen asleep in her arms. You thought the word "love" meant nothing, that it was an endearing term with no implications. But if that was the case- why did she address him as love?
Jealousy eventually overrode the confusion, and the hurt that stained you previously had multiplied. You couldn't feel more stressed, it was so much more than any calculus assignment you'd ever come across.
"Are you crying?" she eventually speaks, eyes concerned. You didn't even realise the visible tears falling down your cheek slowly, your mascara ruined in the reflection of the mirror behind her.
"What do you wanna talk about Ryujin?" you huff. "Y/n, do you need time to calm down? I don't think you're in the mood to talk."
"I'm fine. Just get to the point please." you say, barely concentrating on what was going on. She comes in to hug you, but you step back.
She looks upset by this, seemingly as confused as you. "I...I thought we were friends y/n," she whispers in the same tone she'd always used to comfort you. "We weren't this far apart were we? Why do you hate me?" she raises her voice in desperation.
This was an accusation you could not believe she had made, hate was too strong for what you felt for her.
"I don't hate you Ryujin." you speak, resigned. "Then why do you look so upset, why can't you even say hi?" she emphasises, her voice breaking in between.
"Because it hurts... I can't"
You fall against the bed post. Eyes finding the bear plushie you bought her. You slowly realise that this is her bedroom, and that you were in her new house- the apartment you'd never come to before. You were barely able to process all of this when she speaks up again.
"You can't what y/n? You can't accept the fact that you like me?" You look back at her, eyes widened, as though whatever little sanity you had remaining was destroyed like the branches of an autumn tree- fallen, and weak. It was almost humiliating.
"I don't like you Ryujin," you hide behind your words like a coward. "Don't lie to yourself y/n, is it that difficult to accept that you like me?"
You don't know where this was coming from. If she knew you liked her, couldn't she just let you down gently?
"What does it matter? You have a boyfriend. Even if I did like you; no even if I loved you, nothing would change." you say dejectedly. It must have been true, because there was silence that persisted for longer than you wished it would be.
"What if it did change? What if I said I liked you too? Would you believe me?" she asks quietly, reverting back to her calm persona as she takes a big breath. You scoff, noticing how different she had become in a month. The audacity she had to ask you if you believed her, right after making out with her boyfriend in front of everyone in the room disgusted you, something you don't think you'd ever be able to comprehend.
"Why would I believe you? I saw your boyfriend. Besides, if you did like me, you'd be honest with me. I think that's the least I'd expect from you, so don't play with my feelings; because unlike yours, I can say with conviction that mine are real."
You see her expression change, her eyes becoming teary.
She sits beside you, against the wooden footboard. "I can't be honest, because I'm scared. There's so many people watching me- so many people who my family knows. I barely had, or still have any privacy in my life. Do you know why my grandparents left me this apartment? Because they don't trust me." she pauses for a minute. Taking another deep breath, eyes now fixed on to the floor.
You don't know where she's going with this, but don't say anything because this may be the last time you'd get any closure.
"There was a girl I really liked in high school, but we could never be together, because my family refused to let me meet her. They pretend to be liberal in their thoughts- but they're as homophobic as they get. There's no way they'd understand. The only time I felt safe was in our dorm, because there was no one who would snitch on me, nobody who cared. It was utopia- where you were my solace, and I just basked in the temporary peace.
But when my grandparents asked about you, they'd worry I'd gotten too close to you, refusing to believe you could be just a friend. Two months after I shifted in to our dorm, they made preparations to isolate me in this house of theirs."
She couldn't continue, as tears you'd never seen from her before, collected as a tiny stream between the cracks of the tiles on the cold floor. You understood what she meant. In an evening's moment, you realised that she wasn't this perfect being that she always projected. Yes, she was amazing, but she had her own challenges, something you thought she'd never had. Unlike the two different worlds you thought you were in, your access into her world made you realise you were more similar than you could've imagine. All of a sudden you hated your past self for being so mean to her, for harbouring insecurities that in hindsight were not worth the pain.
"Jason, is my neighbourhood friend, and he's the one of the few people I can trust. He's pretending to be my boyfriend, so that if my family ever found out, they wouldn't doubt me." she explains, trying to resolve your distrust.
"I'm so sorry," you whisper, leaning your head against her shoulder, gently holding onto her hand."
The two of you sit their in silence, reflective, though relieved.
She gently kisses your forehead, arms wrapping around your waist.
"I missed you y/n. So much. But I'm also scared to go back to you, to our place. I don't know what we're going to do. I'm sorry too, for the situation I put you in. For the situation I've put both of us in."
You rub her arms gently,
"It's ok, we'll figure it out slowly. I'm sorry too . You were always there for me- and I, like the coward I am was scared of being attached to you, your generous love . I was also so insecure of how perfect you were- but now it's all so inconsequential."
To this Ryujin laughs, and she wipes her tears. "It's funny how both of our insecurities hurt us in the end. I promise, I wont' let it affect us in the future. I won't ever hurt you again y/n. I love you, so much."
"I love you too Ryujin."
You know that it's going to be a long road ahead of the two of you, but you'll be alright. You comb through her hair, leaning in to meet her lips. Her quivering lips are not soft as you expected, but slightly chapped, brushing against yours. She drags a cold finger down your spine, causing you to lose your breath. Her pulling you closer, slipping behind your corset, unzipping it. Your hands are tangled in her short locks, and you pull away in between to breathe.
With the kiss, and this new path, the autumn you hated so had come to an end. Autumn had become easier to think about, among the loneliness of the dry leaves and the warmth devoid in the air, you'd treasure the warmth that she provided. Shin Ryujin, unlike autumn wasn't temporary. Autumn will come and go, but Shin Ryujin would always stay, and you'd treasure her in every season. In the end, autumn didn't hate you as much you did, because despite everything, autumn gifted you Shin Ryujin.
Am I actually posting an autumn fic when its almost summer? Yes, yes I am. This is long overdue and idk why it took me this long to finish it ahhhh.
I appreciate any feedback, feel free to interact with this post!
member โ junhui x f reader
genre โ romance, smut, strangers to lovers, soulmate au
word count โ 8.8k
synopsis โ an all expenses paid trip to greece for your friend's wedding seems too good to be true, but it gets even better when you meet a handsome stranger on the beach. with the help of a mysterious old lady, her magic deck of tarot cards, and one too many coincidences, you're starting to believe things really do happen for a reason.
warnings โ descriptions of female anatomy, unprotected sex, fingering, marking, an oddly romantic one night stand, mentions of past hookups, reader wears dresses, way too much yearning, happy ending !
notes โ my part for the @svthub world tour collab; check out the masterlist here! thanks to @multi-kpop-fanfics for answering all my questions and the biggest thanks ever to @onlymingyus for proofreading & helping me brainstorm throughout !! inspired mostly by the spell mv but also a little bit from nana tour and in the soop bc of the vacation vibes. disclaimer i know nothing about tarot but i did a ton of research so i hope that part makes sense anyway :) this fic was a huge challenge to write so please please reblog if you enjoyed reading, the feedback is super appreciated and it helps me keep writing!!
read bonus material here!
they say time flies when youโre having fun.
it felt like just days ago when your best friend had announced she was flying everyone to athens for her destination wedding. between helping prepare for the wedding and getting yourself packed for the trip of a lifetime, a weekend on the beach sounded like exactly what you needed to unwind.
but now that youโre here, youโve quickly realized that your dreams of lazy spa days, massages, and lounging on chairs in the sand with cocktails arenโt on your friendโs itinerary.
what is on her itinerary, however? clubs. lots of clubs, and bars, and raves.
the night before the wedding, youโd showed up at the place you had all planned to meet at for her bachelorette party, a popular bar right on the beach in the center of everything. you hadnโt been sure what to expect, so youโd worn your swimsuit underneath your sundress just in case. between wedding plans and jet lag, you hadnโt yet had the chance to explore the beaches, and you werenโt about to let your favorite white strappy one-piece go to waste without wearing it the whole trip; especially not when youโre surrounded by gorgeous clear waters you donโt get to see while youโre at home.
you tug at your dress a little awkwardly, a simple off-white piece with buttons all down the front. cute and casual, the perfect thing for an evening on the beach. except an evening on the beach is not what youโre getting.
โnext round is on me!โ
all the girls let out a cheer, clapping and whooping as they raise their glasses. youโre still not even halfway through your first drink; the night is young, but your friends are more enthusiastic partygoers than you are.
you lean away to check the time on your phone, trying not to feel defeated when you see how early it still is. youโve been trying to hype yourself up for tonight all weekend, but it doesnโt help that your friends are bigger partiers than you. that isnโt to say that you dislike parties, or that you never go out; but parties like this, huge events with hundreds of people packed into a small space with loud music and flashing lights, arenโt really your ideal way to spend a saturday night. even for such a special, rare occasion like a bachelorette party in another country, you canโt bring yourself to get lost in the scene. you shouldโve known how this would go, and yet here you are, standing at a cocktail table by yourself surrounded by drunk women.
you turn back around and suddenly the bar is a sea of unfamiliar faces, everyone around you lost in their own worlds jumping and dancing to the music that booms from the speakers. you stand up on your tiptoes to see above the crowd, trying to push your way through in search of someone you recognize, but it seems like theyโve all vanished.
the pounding of the music is starting to give you a headache, so you down the last of your drink and head away from the bar, pushing past people until the crowd eventually starts to thin and you break out into the open air.
itโs still light outside, but the contrast from the darkened bar makes it feel like stepping into another world. the noise gets quieter the farther away you move, and you find your feet carrying themselves down the beach. you walk backwards, turning to look over your shoulder one more time to see if you can spot your friends, but all you see is a crowd full of strangers.
itโs easier to breathe out here, feeling the freshness of the ocean breeze and the salty air in your lungs as you get further and further from the people and the businesses. you turn around again and almost run straight into a man walking from the opposite direction, and you stumble into his arms before you realize whatโs happening. you let out a little squeak in surprise and jump backwards, almost tripping over your own feet but his hand instinctively shoots around your waist to help keep you upright.
your cheeks burn with embarrassment, an apology already ready on your lips, but he beats you to it. โsorry,โ he says with a shy laugh, slowly letting go of you and offering his hand for balance as you slip your sandal back on that had come off. he steps back and gives you a polite smile, trying to move out of your way. โyou look like youโve got somewhere to be.โ
โthe opposite, actually. escaping my friend's bachelorette party," you explain.ย
"we're in the same boat, then," he chuckles, tucking his hands into the pockets of his shorts. "trying to ditch the bachelor party. itโs a popular place for weddings, huh?โ
โseems like it.โ you hum, turning to look out over the water. the setting sun glints off the surface, a clear and bright sparkling blue, and you lift your hand to keep the glare out of your eyes. โi just didnโt think itโd be soโฆโ
โโฆhectic?โ he asks, and you laugh a little.
"yeah, you could say that.โ a warm breeze ruffles through your sundress, and you cross your arms over your chest. โi guess all weddings are like that, though.โ
he nods, following your gaze off into the horizon. you go quiet, listening to the music still loud in the distance and the sound of seagulls cawing above your heads. "i was hoping to get a chance to explore more of the beaches while i'm here. i donโt get to see it often."
"wanna go for a walk?โ you ask suddenly, uncrossing your arms. maybe itโs the fresh air of a new place, maybe itโs the comfort of finding another person wanting to get away from it all, but some part of you wants to stay here and find out. youโd wanted to see more of the landscape anyway, and now seems like as good a time as any, especially now that youโve got company.
he looks over at you, judging your expression before his face softens. โthat sounds perfect.โ
itโs still early enough that the beach is still mostly full of tourists, adults lounging on towels while reading books and kids splashing water at each other and playing in the sand. you walk further down the beach, passing in front of a grey haired old woman sitting cross-legged on a towel, shuffling a deck of cards in her wrinkled hands.
"always lovely to see couples enjoying the islands,โ she calls out to you. thereโs an almost rhythmic lilt to her voice, and itโs so sudden that it makes both of you pause and turn around, having paid her no mind as you walked past before. she gestures down at the deck and you finally notice that sheโs holding a set of tarot cards, a deep matte black that seems to glitter and sparkle even while shadowed. โwould you like a reading?โ
your cheeks start to warm, and you push down the butterflies that flutter to life when she assumes youโre together. "oh, no, we're notโโ
"sure," jun says over you, and you sneak a glance up at him when you think he's not looking. "how much?"
she clucks her teeth and shakes her head, staring directly at you although sheโs answering his question. "no, no, no, my dear. just offering a bit of friendly advice. wonโt cost you a thing."
jun nods, but she seems like sheโs waiting for your answer so you quickly nod, too. โokay. whatโฆ do we have to do?โ
she places her palms over the deck and closes her eyes, falling silent. you stand in front of her, feeling a little awkward to be hovering over her like this, but she itโs like she doesnโt even notice. you share a look with jun, but after a beat he grabs your hand and grins as if to say, just go along with it.
her eyes suddenly fly open and she seems pleased with whatever she was doing. โi knew i could feel it,โ she says cryptically as she begins shuffling the cards. โbut letโs just see what fate has to say about it.โ
she stops and pulls the top two cards from the deck, placing them face down on the towel as she motions at them with her hand. at her signal, jun bends forward and turns over one of the cards, reading it aloud. โace of cups.โ
โace of cups,โ she repeats. โan invitation. the open, uninhibited flow of emotions, creativity, and love; the awakening of your spirit. this is a new beginning for you, the start of a new season. trust yourself and your feelings, and embrace the opportunity to grow with your emotions.โ
jun nods seriously like heโs taking in her words, but you can see the hint of a smile at the corner of his lips that heโs trying to suppress.
she looks at you expectantly, and you hesitate before realizing sheโs waiting for you to flip over the second card. you cheeks heat as you read it, but you try not to let it show. โtheโฆ lovers?โ
she smiles, and although her face looks kind you have a sense that thereโs something sheโs not telling. โthe lovers,โ she says, almost solemnly. โmany people think this card is strictly about romance. and in some ways it is, but what it really represents is a choice. two diverging paths, two responsibilities. will you choose with your head, or with your heart?โ
she stares at you for another moment, then looks back at jun. you both stay quiet and still, subconsciously hanging on her every word as she pauses, clearly having more to say. โhaving these two cards come up togetherโฆ now, thatโs fascinating for you two, isnโt it?โ
you find yourself nodding silently, although you have no idea why. you feel junโs hand in yours, warm and soft and grounding, and the smallest shiver runs down your spine.
โthe lovers and the ace of cups are the potential for new beginnings and the fulfillment that comes with following your heart,โ she says, her eyes locked with yours. โthis is a very powerful and meaningful connection, but only if you make the choice that is most heartfelt. you must be willing to be your most authentic self and hold nothing back. keep your eyes open, and you will be rewarded with profound joy and happiness.โ
immediately you turn to look at jun to see his reaction. he looks just as confusedโbut is that a hint of excitement in his eyes?โas you do. the womanโs words areโฆ cryptic, to say the least, but it stirs up a feeling of excitement in the back of your mind that youโre trying to ignore. it probably doesnโt mean what you think it does, right?
"hey, wait, so what doesโโ
you turn back to look at the woman for another explanation, but there's no one there. the beach is empty except for you and jun and the slowly setting sun, a few boats tied up at the dock. youโve walked so far down the beach that even the distant music has faded into obscurity and youโre left standing alone together, surrounded by nothing but the sounds of the waves. even the wind has died down, and it feels eerily quiet but in an almost comforting sort of way, to be alone together in a place like this.
"you believe in that kind of stuff?" you ask curiously as jun starts to walk away.
"mmโฆ not really. but she seemed like a lonely old lady. i thought it'd make her day." he looks down at your entwined hands and squeezes lightly, almost teasing as you look up and see the grin on his face. "why, do you?"
you can't help the butterflies that instantly flutter to life in your stomach when you feel his warm hand in yours, but you shrug. "why not?"
jun doesn't reply, just nodding thoughtfully as you continue to walk hand in hand.ย
with the way the atmosphere has suddenly changed, it feels like time has stopped as you meander your way along the edge of the water. you chat off and on with jun, but thereโs a hefty amount of silence that neither one of you feels obligated to fill. talking to jun feels like talking to an old friend, and maybe itโs the beautiful scenery or maybe itโs the way both of you had found yourselves here looking for company.
after a while you come to a stop just below the rocks where youโd started. your footprints from where youโd run into each other are still visible, little indents in the damp sand, and it reminds you of what you were running away from in the first place. maybe you donโt want to run anymore.ย
"wellโฆโย jun says, inhaling slowly. "we should get you back to your friends. i'm sure they're looking for you."
"would it be so bad if i said i didn't want to find them?"
he pauses to gauge your reaction, and you donโt miss the flicker in his eyes as he looks at you. after a moment nods and points up the shallow cliffs, towards a little stone staircase worn down from years of being travelled on. "my hotel is just up there. ifโฆ if you wanted to stay a little longer? with me?"
you pull your lip between your teeth, looking up at him and the way the fading sunlight shines through his soft brown waves, and it only takes a second to make your decision. โiโd really like that.โย
it turns out that missing out on your friendโs party for a few more hours is an easy price to pay for more time with jun.
the door of his hotel room barely has time to shut before your hands are on each other. you tug him closer by shirt with an eagerness you rarely allow yourself and he immediately reciprocates, pulling you by the waist until youโre pressed chest to chest.
his hand skims over your collarbone towards your neck, and you shiver at the warmth of his fingers caressing the side of your jaw. he angles your chin upwards and leans in as you meet him halfway and your lips finally touch, a low sound escaping from your throat as his nose brushes your cheek.
he makes a soft noise as he inhales, deepening the kiss until you feel your knees go weak. his hand cups your jaw harder, trying to draw you further into him, unwilling to break apart. he kisses you so softly yet you can still feel the intensity behind every movement of his lips, exploring your mouth with a gentleness that feels more natural than anyone youโve ever kissed before.
jun curls his arm around you tighter, and youโre sure he can hear how fast your heart is beating as he kisses you again and again until youโre breathless. you slide your hands away from his chest and start to undo the buttons at the front of your dress, but he stops you. you look up and meet his gaze as his hand on your cheek moves to wrap around your waist, carefully walking you backwards until the backs of your knees hit the bed and you let yourself fall back onto it.
he lets out a quiet groan as you pull him down with you, landing on top of you and catching himself on his forearms beside your head. his face is inches away from yours, staring into your eyes for a beat before he presses down to capture your lips again.
his kisses feel like magic, and you almost forget exactly what youโre here to do. youโd be content to spend hours with his lips on yours and nothing else, but youโre quickly pulled away from it when he sits back and starts to slide his hands down your body, his nimble fingers skillfully undoing the buttons of your dress one by one.
he pulls the fabric away and lets it fall to the floor before leaning to kiss you again, and a grateful sigh slips from your lips at his touch. your fingers tug at his shirt and he breaks away once more to quickly pull it off over his head, tossing it behind him without a second thought.
your hands slide earnestly across his body, your fingertips trailing down his torso and the deep lines of his abs. his fingers brush over your swimsuit in tandem, tracing the cutouts of the fabric where your skin is visible and making you prickle with goosebumps at his touch.
he seems equally as content to just continue doing this, but eventually his hands make their way upwards and gently slip the straps off your shoulders. he doesn't move any further than that, waiting for you to move instead, his fingers resting at the base of your neck just beneath your chin.ย
you follow his actions and shimmy the suit down, letting it bunch up at your hips. only then does he finally break apart from you, moving his mouth down to your exposed breast and letting his tongue glide over your peaked nipple. your skin tastes like salt and sweat, like sunny days and warm breezy nights, and he can't get enough of you.
the first moan you let out is like music to his ears, and immediately he craves more of them. he wraps his mouth around your other nipple while keeping his hands attached to your body like magnets, desperate to be the one to draw more of those pretty noises from your lips.
you lift your hips just a little and he quickly gets the hint, wordlessly pushing his fingers between your skin and the fabric of your swimsuit before tugging it all the way off. he pulls it down your legs and you help him kick it away, leaving you completely bare beneath him.
your hands slide across his shoulders and up the back of his neck, tangling in his hair with another moan that sends a shiver down his spine. you canโt help but roll your hips upwards against his body, squirming for more friction as your nails scratch at his scalp.
his face stays buried in your chest for a long time, moving between your breasts and planting wet kisses all along your skin. your head is spinning at the sight of this gorgeous man working his magic on your body, his hands wandering up and down with a tender purpose. you don't even know his name but you already know you're gonna be thinking about this night for months, probably even years. you're shocked at how good he is at this; there's a melancholy feeling looming in the back of your mind, knowing that this is probably the first and only night youโll get to spend with him, but you don't have time to focus on that when you have the tingly feeling in your stomach to focus on instead.
despite not saying anything aloud you can tell exactly what he wants from you, and something about how easy this is sends a feeling of relief through you. all of the mistakes of your past hookups feel like a distant memory. thereโs none of the empty conversations meant to do nothing more than fill the silence and the awkward, tentative movements that youโve become accustomed to from strangers who arenโt familiar with your body.ย
but something about the way jun touches you does feel familiar, like youโve been waiting all your life for it, for him. his silence, something that most of your partners in the past had fought so hard to avoid, now only leaves more room for you to enjoy the sounds that often go overlooked: the wet hum as his lips connect with your skin, the distant crash of waves outside the window, the quiet whir of the ceiling fan.
jun leans down and kisses you again, shifting on top of you as his hand wanders down your hips. you pull him closer and let your hand travel a similar path, and you bite your lip in excitement when your fingers skim over the bulge straining against his shorts.
he lets out a strangled noise almost like a whimper at the contact but the sound only encourages you to add more pressure, soaking in his reactions. he whines again, pushing his hips into your hand and exhaling a shaky breath as you continue to palm him, feeling the hard outline of his cock as he struggles to keep his composure.
his knee is against your thigh and he repositions himself to press it higher between your legs, returning the favor and giving you something to grind on. instinctively your legs widen a little to give him easier access, and he rewards you with another hot, messy kiss.
you groan at the feeling, pushing your hips down towards him and rubbing yourself on him. itโs a little rough at first, but youโre already so wet that it doesnโt take long before his knee is coated in your arousal and you slide along him easily.ย
after a minute he pulls back just an inch, giving you room to breathe, but one hand is still on your hip and the other curled behind you to support your neck. โgood?โ he asks breathlessly, and even though itโs clear as day that youโre enjoying this as much as he is, you still nod and give him an encouraging smile, and he returns it with a smile of his own. โjust let me know,โ he says, and the sultry yet sweet tone of his voice makes your heart skip a beat.
at your approval his hand begins to wander again, trailing over the top of your thigh. his finger slowly make their way down and you shiver, your hand stilled against his abdomen as you anticipate his next move.
you take this moment to get a good look at him; youโd been too shy to stare earlier on the beach, unsure how things were going to go. but now that heโs on top of you, shirtless and obviously just as eager as you are, you let your gaze roam unabashedly across his body. your eyes glide over his torso, the hollow slope of his collarbones and his hardened nipples, the deep-set grooves of his abs and the faint lines of his ribs beneath his skin. you want to reach out to touch him and run your hands over every inch of him, but youโre trying to be patient. and although you know your time here is limited, it seems like jun is only just getting started.
his fingers finally make it to your inner thighs, tracing the area around your pussy, but itโs still not close enough for your liking. you wiggle a little to try and encourage him, whining softly and letting out a little plea. his lips quirk up and he nods, his grip on the back of your neck tensing and tangling in your hair.ย
his fingers finally brush against your entrance and you gasp, writhing at how gentle his touch is. he dips his middle finger into your heat before pulling it back out, trailing upwards to your clit to circle it for a moment before heading back down and repeating the process. itโs barely enough, yet it leaves you breathless almost instantly.
heโs staring down between your legs with an intense focus, spreading your arousal around before sinking back into you for more. and just when you think you canโt take it anymore, he pushes his finger in deeper, holding it still for a second even though youโve already adjusted to it. he waits until you start moving, arching your back and trying to get him to go further, before he adds his ring finger and begins slowly thrusting both fingers in and out together.
you whimper and curse under your breath, trying to roll your hips to match his rhythm. he starts to curl his knuckles and you swear you see stars, despite the fact that heโs barely moving at all.
after a moment when youโve regained the ability to breathe normally again you start to move your hand back against his bulge, shaky fingers dipping beneath the waistband of his shorts. you wrap your hand around him and your eyes widen at the thickness, the heavy weight of him in your hand and how youโre sure he must be aching by now. you feel the way his cock jerks when you squeeze ever so slightly, his fingers inside you freezing for a split second as his brain tries to process before he plunges them in even deeper, curling into you with even more fervor than before.
you hold him tighter and run your thumb over his tip, swollen and leaking with precum. he gets a little noisier with every move you make, unable to contain the pleasure he gets even from this. even the smallest touches from each other have both of you on edge in a way youโve never felt before, drawn to each other like no one youโve ever had before.
his clothes in the way are starting to frustrate you, so after another second you release his cock and move your hand up to the waistband of his shorts instead, trying to tug them down but itโs difficult from the position youโre both laying in.
โplease,โ you pant out desperately after having little success, and he obliges, pushing his shorts away as fast as possible before resuming his motions. heโs still almost completely ignoring himself as he continues to focus on you and only you, and his complete devotion gives you another boost of confidence.
now freed, his hard cock slaps against your thigh and you moan happily at finally being able to see all of him. it looks even better than it felt, thick veins bulging out across his length and his tip flushed a deep red. you wrap your hand around him once more, flicking your wrist as you start to jerk up and down.
his fingers curl upwards to massage the spot that makes your eyes roll back, and if you had any functioning thoughts left you wouldโve marvelled at the fact that he was able to find it so easily, but youโre too busy arching your back against his pillow to think about that.
he can feel you starting to clench harder around him, making his fingers stutter inside you, so he pushes his other hand down on your hip to stop you from moving so much. he pulls his fingers out and your eyes dart back up to his face for an explanation, unable to stop the whimper that escapes from you at the loss, but the look in his eyes instantly puts you at ease. you can already tell he knows what heโs doing, and somehow he seems to know exactly what you need, so for once you donโt mind sitting back and letting someone else call the shots.
โcan i fuck you now?โ he murmurs, and it takes you a second to even hear what he said because youโre shocked at how low and rough his tone is since the last time you heard him speak. he wipes his fingers against the inside of your thigh as he waits for your reply, and you shiver at the cool wetness on your skin.
the best you can manage is a stuttered โyesโ, and without a word of acknowledgement he pulls you off the bed, guiding you off your back and onto your hands and knees.
you let out a squeak at the sudden change but you let it happen, and a second later you hear his voice beside you, his breath warm against your ear. โstill okay?โ he asks, and despite the gruffness in his voice you can still hear the soft edge to his words.
โyeah,โ you repeat, suddenly losing the ability to say anything else to express your pleasure, but somehow you know he understands. your stomach flutters at the low tone of his voice, steady and calm but so full of warmth and lust.
you feel the heat from his face move away from your skin, and you know heโs sitting up on his knees behind you. his hands slide down your sides, reaching under you to cup your boobs with both hands as he groans at the feeling. you let out a matching whine, pushing your hips back against him to feel his hard length against the soft flesh of your ass.
his hands still holding your breasts, he leans down over you to keep you flush to his body, your back pressed against his chest. he presses a kiss in between your shoulder blades, letting his tongue trace lightly over the ridges of your spine.
you grind backwards against him harder, your body on fire from his kisses as he starts to suck gently at the back of your shoulder. youโre not sure if itโs hard enough to leave marks, but you kind of hope they do, because then youโd be sure this encounter wasnโt a dream. what other explanation is there for the fact that youโve not only met the most handsome man youโve ever seen in your life, but that youโre currently on your hands and knees in his bed as he runs his lips over every single inch of you, waiting for him to fuck you? itโs too good to be true.
but it is true, and you know it when he pulls away to brush your hair to the side and expose more of your back for him. his fingers are still so gentle against your skin, his touch heavy but soft, and it makes you even more desperate for him.
after a while he lets go of you and leans back, taking his cock in his hand and gently tapping it against your ass. you groan and fall forward, pressing your face into the pillows and arching your hips up into the air. his hands slide down your sides, gripping your waist with a low groan as he leans forward to kiss the side of your neck again.
he finally pushes all the way into you, and it feels so good it takes your breath away for a second. you can feel your walls throbbing around him, struggling to adjust to the feeling of being so full in the best way, a way you havenโt felt this strongly in so long. itโs a feeling like no other, and it makes you wonder why you ever settled for anything else before this.
his hands are all over you like he canโt decide what to do first, but after a while they settle at your hips and give them an encouraging squeeze, waiting patiently for you to set the pace. finally you bring yourself to move, tipping forward to let him slide out of you just a bit before you lean back into him.
he adapts quickly to your rhythm, thrusting in and out and matching your pace, using his grip on your waist for leverage to push himself deep inside with every stroke.
โfuck,โ he moans under his breath, finally breaking the silence, and with just that one sound you feel yourself starting to let go.
the words tumble out of your mouth and you ball your fists into his sheets, clinging to the bed to keep you grounded while your head is spinning. โplease, please, yesโโ
everything finally hits you all at once, like a tidal wave pouring over you as you fall forward and bury your face into the pillow with a broken whimper.
โdonโt stop, please,โ you whine breathlessly. your words are muffled by the pillow, but you can tell heโs heard them because his grip on your hips tightens even more, slamming into you with just as much force as before and carrying you through your orgasm.
jun has to bite his lip not to sail right over the edge with you, focusing all his energy on holding himself back until he feels your body go limp all at once, the waves finally subsiding and you let out a deep, pleasured exhale. heโs so close he can practically taste it, his skin flushed and damp with sweat and his abs burning with exertion. only once heโs absolutely sure that youโve finished cumming does he let himself break, pulling out as fast as he can and wrapping his fist around his length with all the energy he has left.
he moans weakly at the loss of your tight, warm walls hugging him so perfectly, but the view as he jerks himself over you all but makes up for it. the sight of your ass pressed flush against his thighs, your lower back arched and on display like a gorgeous blank canvas, and it gives him such a rush until he canโt hold on anymore.
the warm, sticky liquid hits your back and you whimper into the pillow, instinctively lifting your hips even more towards him. his cum spurts out in thick ropes, painting your skin and pooling in the little divot at the base of your spine, running down your ass until it feels like youโre soaked in it.
he finally pulls back and lets out the breath he didnโt know he was holding in, groaning as he sees you sitting still on the bed with your hips in the air. you feel the bed shift with his weight as he gets up, but you donโt pay any attention to it as you focus on trying to steady your breathing instead. something in your gut tells you to stay put, and sure enough, a minute later you hear the sink running and then feel the cool fabric of a damp washcloth brushing over your back.
he lays his hand on your ass and gently gives it a little squeeze to signal that heโs finished, and you finally fall over onto your side. youโre coasting on cloud nine, and everything feels both dulled and hypersensitive at the same time. the whir of the overhead fan is a little more prominent now, and the quiet drone echoes around in your brain.
โdo you need water? or do you want a snack, or something?โ jun asks, and while his voice still has a touch of shakiness as heโs recovering himself, you can tell his tone is back to the gentle and polite sound youโve become used to hearing from him.
you shake your head, and he hums softly in acknowledgement as he points to the nightstand on the side of the bed closest to you. โthereโs an extra water bottle there, if you need it. i havenโt opened it.โ
you nod against the sheets, suddenly too tired to even think about forming words. jun climbs back onto the bed next to you, stretching out his long limbs and leaning against the headboard with a satisfied sigh.ย
you surprise yourself when your body automatically reaches out for him, curling into his body and laying your hand across his forearm like a weight keeping him close. but what surprises you even more is when he mirrors the action, scooting closer to you and letting your head rest against his stomach. your first thought is that he makes a very comfortable pillow, and you let your eyes fall shut for a moment as your breathing returns to normal, wanting to savor this moment as you collect yourself and prepare to leave.
you open your eyes what feels like minutes later, but when you reach over to check your phone you realize youโve been asleep for more than an hour. you inhale slowly and swallow, blinking a few times as the sore feeling in your hips reminds you of where you are.
instinctively, you start to panic a little. your friends are probably looking for you. you disappeared without telling anyone, and now you have to get back to your hotel and make sure you have enough time to sleep properly and get ready for the wedding in the morning. never mind that it was probably the best night youโve ever spent with another person, and never mind that your friends are probably still out partying and havenโt even noticed you missing yet.
you slide off of the bed as quietly as you can, stumbling a little when your feet hit the floor. you crouch down to pick up your swimsuit off the floor and put it on, hopping on one foot as you slip each leg through the holes. it's darker outside now, but the street lamps and the moonlight shining through the sliding glass door that leads to the balcony of his hotel room are bright enough that it still feels like day. you're so focused on getting dressed and mentally running over your to-do list that you completely forget there's another person in the room until you hear his voice cutting through the silence.
โyou donโt have to do that, yโknow.โ
you freeze and look up, your half-buttoned dress hanging loosely from your shoulders, your cheeks burning at the realization youโve been caught.
jun swings his legs off the bed, crossing the room in a couple of strides before heโs standing in front of you. heโs wearing nothing except for the boxer shorts he threw on right before you fell asleep, and your cheeks flush even harder at the sight, despite the fact that youโve already seen much more of him than this.
it takes every ounce of restraint you have to keep your eyes from straying, locked on his face before your gaze falls quickly to the floor where your sandals are left in a heap.
you didnโt mean to sneak off. but what else were you supposed to do? you hadnโt meant to fall asleep and stay as long as you did, either, and now you were stuck with the awkward conversation that always comes afterwards. the inevitable hurried goodbyes and uncomfortable tension as you try to put yourself back together and leave as fast as possible.
jun takes a small step closer to you, and despite all the confidence you know he has, it feels almostโฆ tentative. as if youโre meeting for the first time and he isnโt sure whether or not heโs allowed to touch you yet.
there's a lingering feeling that you can't quite put your finger on yet. it's conflicting, because you know you can't stay but everything in you is screaming not to leave. maybe there's something you can do, anything you can do. is it all worth it? to turn your life around in a complete 180 for someone you barely even knowโ and yet, the last few hours that youโve spent with him have been incomparably the best of your life.
after a moment he reaches out and starts to finish buttoning your dress for you, his fingers working them back through the loops with just as much care as he did when he was taking them off earlier.
โsorry,โ you manage quietly, though youโre not even really sure what youโre apologizing for. a lot of things: sorry for running away, sorry for having feelings you probably shouldnโt be feeling, sorry for knowing this wonโt work out despite the way you really, really wish it could.
but he just shakes his head as he finishes buttoning the last button. โi took it off. i can help you put it back on, too.โ you can tell he knows what you had actually meant, but heโs ignoring it either for your sake or his. something about his words feels so easy, like all the problems in your head donโt mean anything anymore. here you are, an anxious and awkward and confused mess, and there he is, smoothing out the wrinkles in your dress like itโs something heโs been doing all his life.
he adjusts the strap on your shoulder with a gentle pat, but his hands linger for a few seconds longer than they should, and you lift your eyes to meet his. โcan i kiss you again?โ he asks quietly, and for some reason his choice of words sticks with you. not one final kiss, not a goodbye kiss, just again. like heโs refusing to admit this will probably be the last time youโll ever see each other.
and you nod, and his hands slide up to cup your cheeks and pull you back into his lips, just as warm and just as soft and just as familiar as the first time. thereโs something so innocent about kissing him, even in the midst of a complicated and confusing mess of emotions that makes you second guess everything. somewhere in the back of your mind you vaguely register that this is the last time youโll ever kiss him, but as long as his lips are on yours it doesnโt matter. youโll figure out how to deal with all that later; for now, the only thing youโre concerned about is the way he grips your chin and pulls you even closer.
it feels like hours later when you finally pull away, letting out a slow exhale as you try to blink yourself back to reality, and you know what has to happen now. โcan you find your hotel on your own? do you want me to walk back with you?โ jun asks, and you can feel the hesitancy in his voice.
โitโs not far,โ you sigh quietly, turning away to slip your feet into your sandals that wait by the bed where youโd taken them off earlier. you shouldโve said yes. โbutโฆ thank you.โ your words hold a sincere weight to them, and itโs silent for a few seconds as you cross the room quicker than you want to.
โyou could stay,โ he says finally, but his hand is already on the doorknob and you both already know the answer. you hate that you have to be the one to tell him no, even though itโs been clear from the start what the outcome would be. you give him a small shake of your head, and he pulls on the knob.ย
he stands and stares for a minute, watching you walk down the hallway and praying youโll turn around. and then you do, glancing back at him over your shoulder, and he almost allows himself to have a little bit of hope that you might come back, even though you both know you canโt. when you find him still standing in the doorway your eyes light up just the slightest bit, and finally you disappear with a tiny little wave.
the door clicks shut again, and the silence that follows is louder than anything heโs heard all day.
โand you didnโt even get this guyโs number?!โ
you wince at the tone in jeonghanโs voice, rubbing the back of your shoulder guiltily. โhis name, either.โ
โeven after the magic old lady said all that shit about soulmates?โ
โshe didnโt say that!โ you huff. your tone rises almost defensively, although it probably has no reason to. she didnโt say anything about being soulmatesโฆ right? โshe said something like, โkeep your eyes open for stuff around youโ. but he said he didnโt even believe in it, anyway.โ
a waiter carrying a tray of champagne glasses walks past, and he snags a couple of them, holding one out to you. โwell, it doesnโt sound like youโre keeping your eyes open. it sounds more like your eyes are closed, actually. are you blind?โ
you scowl and take the glass from him. โmy flight home is tonight, hannie. iโm not gonna see him again.โ you take a sip, letting it sit in your mouth for a second before you swallow. โand besides, he said he was here for a wedding, too. he could be from anywhere in the world. it would be impossible to find him.โ
โdoesnโt hurt to at least try.โ you both stop in front of a circular table covered in flowers, with a little placard next to one of the plates with jeonghanโs name on it. โi guess this is my table. you want me to help you look for yours?โ
you shake your head, pointing to a table a little ways away. โi saw mine on the way in, itโs over there.โ
โwhatever,โ he hums at you, but you know heโs just teasing. โi still wouldnโt blame you if you ditched and ran off to try and find him.โ
โnot happening!โ you call over your shoulder as you walk away, matching his playful tone. but you canโt help but feel like maybe heโs right.
jun taps his fingers against the table, staring mindlessly at the bubbles floating in his glass of champagne. heโs stuck in his headโ no, thatโs not right. thatโs not the problem. youโre stuck in his head. itโs nearly a full day later and he hasnโt been able to stop thinking about you, the taste of your lips, the feel of your breasts in his hands, the scent of the shampoo in your hair. if that wasnโt the most perfect hookup in the history of hookups, then he doesnโt wanna know what is.
he still feels bad for not even paying attention during the ceremony, because he was too busy imagining you and him up there on the altar kissing instead. god, what he wouldnโt give for another kiss like that. but just like you, he knows it never wouldโve worked out, and despite the what-ifs that are chewing him up inside and the fact that he definitely, absolutely, totally wouldโve tried to make it work however large the distance was, he knows itโs probably for the better. even if it means heโs gonna spend the rest of his life pining after a girl he met on vacation for less than a single day, and heโll never even know your name.
he takes a swig of his champagne and tries to put on a cheery face. this is a wedding, after all, and he canโt afford to spend all his time pouting when heโs in a beautiful city by the seaside enjoying delicious food and near perfect weather.
and then he sees you.
not really, of course, because itโs probably the champagne going to his head after chugging the majority of his glass like a frat boy at a college party. but then he blinks, and it really is you, wandering around for a second before you sit down at a table on the other side of the venue, wearing a soft blue dress thatโs even prettier than the one he saw you in yesterday.
he blinks again, not fully believing that itโs you and not just the combined effect of the alcohol and his daydreams, but youโre still there when he opens his eyes again. and he knows itโs you, because he can see the faint hickies on your back and shoulders that you clearly tried to hide with makeup but couldnโt fully reach.
the chances that heโd see you againโnot even that, but the chances that youโd be attending the very same wedding he wasโmust be one in a billion. maybe even more. yet there you are, picking at your nail and staring wistfully at your empty plate as you wait for the reception to start.
he stares for another minute, just to make sure youโre actually real, before he stands up and makes his way to the terrace at the back of the venue where the groom is standing next to a tower of cupcakes.
โgyu,โ he greets him, โhey. are we allowed to switch tables?โ
โiโฆ donโt think so?โ mingyu hums, a little off guard by the sudden question. โi made sure we put you next to hao, butโโ
โif i give you twenty bucks, can you put me at table 8 instead?โ junโs eyes flicker with desperation, and he has to force himself not to look back over at you.
mingyu whines apologetically and hesitates, glancing at his bride a little ways away as she talks to a table full of guests. โshe did all this planning, jun, i canโt just change everything nowโฆโ
โitโs not changing everything.โ jun pulls his wallet out of his pants pocket, already rifling through the bills. โiโll make it a hundred. mingyu, please, just switch me,โ he says.
the whine in junโs voice makes him pause, and he bites his lip as he considers it. on one hand, he could have his brand new wife a little bit mad at him for a while (whoโll probably forgive him the second she gets in bed with him tonight), plus get to help his friend and get an easy hundred dollars out of it. or, on the other handโฆ he could not help him, and his wife would never know, and jun would probably hate him for some unknown reason even though he doesnโt think jun has a single bone in his body capable of hating anybody. the decision is easy.
mingyu takes the bills from junโs hand and stuffs them in his pocket before anyone can notice. โgo ahead,โ he says, tossing his head in the direction of the table. โi donโt know what it is you want, but donโt let anybody see you.โ
โthanks! i owe you!โ jun grins and hugs him, letting out a noise almost like a squeal before he turns and dashes away.
youโre barely paying attention to the reception anymore as you sit with your chin in your hands, again mentally running over all the things you need to pack and how on earth youโre going to be able to board your flight tonight and leave everything behind. the beaches, the cityโฆ and him. how are you supposed to just get on a plane and get on with your life, knowing that heโs out there somewhere in the world, and youโre never going to see him again.ย
youโre trying not to sulk, but you canโt help the way your mood has been sour all morning, already filled with regrets and you havenโt even left yet. maybe you shouldโve skipped the wedding altogether and spent another day in his bed, wrapped up between his sheets and lying in his arms. but then the rational part of your brain reminds you that he was also in town for a wedding, so even if heโd wanted to or even been okay with doing that, he probably had other plans anyway.
youโre still trying to figure out what to do about your hopeless situation when you hear a sound close behind you. it startles you into putting a smile on your face, preparing yourself to socialize although you really arenโt in the mood to.
โis this seat taken?โ jun asks as he pulls out the chair to your left and sits down.
your brows furrow in confusion, trying to place the familiar voice, until you turn around and your jaw drops when you see who it belongs to.
you stare at him in shock, your eyes darting back and forth between his trying to figure out what to say. โyouโre not joshua,โ is the best you can come up with as your mouth hangs open and you whip your head around to check the list of names assigned to this table. you recognize them all, yet here he is: the nameless stranger youโve fallen so helplessly in love with in so short an amount of time.
he smiles at your reaction, and itโs such a genuine smile that you know heโs feeling exactly the way you do right now. โi guess youโre right. iโm not.โ he brushes the name card in front of him to the side and sets his own down in its place instead before he holds out his hand to shake. โitโs nice to meet you. iโm jun.โ
you pause for a minute, staring at his hand. you canโt believe this is real, you canโt believe heโs real; youโd almost been able to convince yourself that the whole encounter last night was a fever dream, if you hadnโt woken up in the morning with a soreness between your legs that screamed that it definitely was not a dream.
finally you reach out and take his hand, and even in that little touch you can tell it really is him, from the way your heart picks up when you feel the familiar softness of his skin and the gentle squeeze that sends goosebumps down your arm.
โitโs nice to meet you, too.โ
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Genre: Undercover detective x gang leader; the roaring 20s
Paring: Minho x fem reader
Content Warnings: Spice (no smut),mentions of alcohol, inaccurate historical representation, not intended to be factually correct, please forgive any inaccuracies.
Word Count: 5.6k
Suggested Songs:
Taste- Stray Kids
Whatever Lola Wants- Ella Fitzgerald
Fall in Love With Swing- Trio Manouche
Smooth Operator- Sade
Refer to this for context regarding specific terms in bold
No one would ever fathom how utterly guilty Lee Minho felt with his tongue driven down your throat in one of the many dressing rooms the jazz club contained. He hated how his sweaty palms digging into your lower back barely managed to keep both of you steady against the rough wall.
He despised how desperately you held onto the lapels of his tweed suit, as the cold pearls around your neck jingle against his watch with every turn of your head. Every jingle was followed by a gasp, and together they seemed to override the perky jazz coming from the stage.ย
He hated how he was stuck here, unable to release himself from his hedonistic urges, to the point where he neglected his work, the reason he entered this shabby club.ย
Priv. Detective Lee wasn't supposed to be here today, not in your embrace, not under your enchantment, not under the influence of something he was prohibited from.ย
Alcohol.
Despite his deceptive actions and seemingly careless attitude towards alcohol at parties, Lee Minho had a restrained regimen for himself. Especially when heโs working, which is almost everyday.
He only lets himself go when necessary in social gatherings, inย those crowded salons where everyone had their eye on him, forced to follow skewed norms to strengthen his reputation as an owner of a winery acreage in France. A false identity pasted on him to get any sort of tip-off in this industry.
The industry where smuggling had become as common as a family buying a car.
Last Sunday, when he happened to be at another one of these parties, he was invited by his neighbour Mr Brown to a different wine tasting session at a strange, albeit new jazz club, rumoured to sell cheap booze. Of course heโd go.
Not just because of the "good" alcohol, but because of the fact that any place selling cheaper goods meant that it was smuggled. Not necessarily, and not always; but in this day and age he was sure it could be nothing else.
So he enters this somewhat run down club behind the busy streets of downtown Chicago, surprisingly packed with locals, a pungent smell of alcohol immediately welcoming him. A smell he thought he was used to, but clearly not enough to refrain from wincing, his eyebrows furrowed at the chaos and the crowd; at the suffocation he felt walking in.
At the centre of this chaos stood, in all her glory, the lead singer, her sweet voice accentuated by the saxophone, the quartet following it. She stood below the dim yellow chandelier hung above her as a spotlight, in her white satin, semi beaded dress which fell just below her knees, rather provocative.
He doesn't look away until Brown reminds him of the wine testing and ushers him towards a VIP parlour.
He makes his way through the crowd, pushing against bodies dancing the Charleston, a recently popular dance that Minho found amusing. All of this while he probes the ins and outs of the club, looking for all entry ways through which big cartons could arrive, as well as places for them to be stored.
All he found was a door that appeared to lead into the dressing rooms. That didn't deter his ambitions though, because he knew that behind this lively exterior, there had to be secrets involved . He would do whatever he had to in order to uncover the operation.
If he had any flaws, it would be this, that he was too stubborn to give up on what his intuition said. He was hard headed, but in no way was he stupid. He'd be devious if it was necessary, he'd lie if he had to. He'd also seduce if it was extreme.
It wasn't his first time trying seduction. He'd done it before, at least six attempts, and maybe five successful ones. The last one was into girls, and he hoped, fairly desperate that this one wasn't.
After a while, he uses needing a trip to the toilet as a somewhat acceptable reason for leaving the now boring session. The drunk men weren't their most reasonable, and paid no heed to the poor excuse. Apparently being a connoisseur meant taking proper breaks. He shrugs it off with a smile, promising to come back in some time.
Lies.
He was long gone to meet his mysterious flapper who he surveyed every corner for.
Under the new frosted light bulbs bought for the bar, you find yourself in the company of many men and women alike, all desperately trying to sink their teeth into your precious minutes. All of whom you appreciated but wanted nothing to do with. Most of them were here to sign record deals from new radio channels wanting to capitalise on the upcoming modern woman movement. All of which you supported but didn't see yourself working as.
Not because you liked working as the main singer for a rundown jazz club. But because your actual work meant that you were never supposed to find fame. Fame meant prying eyes, and nosey neighbours; something you'd have none of in this lifetime.
Why risk it for fame, when you had important business to take care of here?
You had to make sure that not a single thing was out of line and that not a single person would ever find out about the second business run here.
So far, you've done a good job at pretending to be the club's owner's sister. And although it was true, the story behind renovating your grandma's old house into a jazz club wasn't. There was no grandma's old house, there was no renovation, no grandma either. This was always a place for trade.
Your kind of trade. Where youโd find the good dupes and sell it at a higher price, and the actual bottles would be shipped out for a lump sum.
The excess or the bad bottles would be sold in this club, at a discount. It was pretty simple actually, and it made you money.
Sure it was illegal. But sometimes you needed the money, no questions asked. This was how your family knew to fend. This is how you'd continue to fend for yourself.
The risks you took were calculated, and you weren't afraid.
While your brother looked after the actual shipments, you'd deliver intel, in control of all the information passing through here. Nothing happening in town would ever slip away from your grasp.
So what if it was a jazz club?
Most people from different backgrounds always ended up at "The Charmer". Most people let themselves go. They always end up telling the bartender about their business, the dirty dealings that they've also been up to. The fact that most were more grey than the white that they appeared to be.
It was no different for you.
And if there was any difference, it was that you'd never let yourself slip-up. You weren't stupid. You weren't a naรฏve little Tomato like most believe. Even if you did find yourself faltering, you'd know how to convince others into changing their mind about you.
The same way you knew you could convince Mr Brown that you were interested in the specificities of wine when he almost caught you switching bottles from the basement. You barely convinced him, saying that true wine from France would have plum and black cherry aromas, which it did have. Lucky for you, Mr Brown had no idea that dupes could have chemical fragrances added to them too, because he'd never had to collect wine right from the port. Defeated, he said he'd ask his "very dear friend" to figure out the truth.
At first, you were shocked that there was another wine connoisseur you didn't know of, but after asking your people to investigate, you realised why Mr Brown was so confident. Why he was after your tail.
You knew he was new to this part of town; an insanely handsome, Big Cheese foreigner who wasn't yet used to life in America.
That his speciality was French Wine, and that if he was rich here, he was even richer back home. That he might even be a scofflaw, since he hung around in as many alcohol parties as he could, including the ones for the middle class. This piques your interest, and in a long while, you haven't been as excited to unearth someone's mask.
Now, all you had to do was wait. Because you hoped, no, you knew he would come to find you tonight, regardless of never having spoken before. Because most people do the first time they visit this club.
Most people come looking for you when you're done singing. Because they're enthralled, curious, or physically attracted to you. Because you're almost too beautiful for them to admire from a distance.
These weren't just based on what you heard, but accounts from your members, beyond tired of regulars ravishing about you. But that wasn't enough . You needed beyond sensuality to tempt and guarantee clients. Sure your circle of customers had grown over the last five years since you took over, but that didn't mean the risk had dissipated.
So while your confidence was with justification, your anxiety insisted on you keeping things tight-lipped. You had to know everything that occurred in this paltry but pertinent place.
Maybe that was why you were grateful when your target approaches you of his own accord. His deep brown eyes intent on yours, his long hands embellished by his expensive Rolex oyster- an wrist watch only few would dream of affording-, an orange tie loosened as though he had drunk the daylights out of himself.
He was perfect. Both handsome and tipsy, there was nothing more you'd want out of a potential threat?
"Stunning performance," you hear a deep voice say, in a slurred accent, you can't tell if it was because he was French, or just drunk.
"Thanks, first time here?" you ask.
He nods, leaning ahead. "Mr Brown told me, you have some really good wine down here, something I might be familiar with."
"Ahh you must be the foreigner Mr Brown keeps raving about... Mr?"
"Just call me Claude," he replies sweetly.
You raise your eyebrow. Was he so private as to not let his last name slip? You call the bartender over.
"A bottle of our finest Cheval Blanc." you look back and smile at him.
Claude smirks. "I'm familiar with this wine you know. It's made from the labour of my vineyards."
You examine his face, looking for any sign of deceit. You'd come across many con artists, most of whom didn't have adequate expertise in alcohol. Nobody knew the real in a world where fake was deliberately greater. But here's someone who claimed to know, here's someone who you were sure was lying, despite no hint of deceit.
Why would a rich French billionaire come down personally to your shabby store, instead of asking someone else to collect it?
Unless he had something to prove.
Soon the glasses are laid out, and half a bottle poured. You wait as he swirls the glass in his hand. Despite the loud jazz, you hear nothing but the sound of ice clinking in his glass, and the aroma of plum piercing through, making it difficult for you to breathe. You realise, that after a long time, you're nervous. You see him smell the alcohol briefly.
The cup reaches his lips, and he closes his pretty eyes. You watch him gulp a miniscule sip down. It is silent as his eyelashes flutter slowly as his mouth twitches in slight distaste. Just as anyone else would frown, but for some reason his seemed deliberate, somewhat dangerous.
Dangerous was what Lee Minho thought you were, with the real thing in the glass in front of him. Somehow, he knew it wasn't a dupe. It had the same percentage of alcohol as he knew it should, and not one flavour felt out of place. But then again, he couldn't be sure; he wasn't actually the person he claimed to be. He wasn't an actual connoisseur. If this was the real thing, then it made no sense for you to sell it at a discount.
"Why is one bottle so cheap?" he asks carefully, leaning against the counter. This time, he looks at you in search of deceit. Instead all he reads is a hint of surprise on your face, along with a little bit of glee, he couldn't be sure.
"You should know after tasting them shouldn't you?" you ask, eyebrows raised, a small smile on your lips, as though you had it all figured out.
Lee Minho falters, suddenly unarmed. What did that mean? Did you admit that it was fake? Or were you trying to gauge his identity?
A wrong answer now, and he'd give himself away.
"Of course I know why, but I'd rather hear from you." he avoids, to which you don't reply.
He needs to draw everything from you. "The discounts are unreasonably low, especially for a Cheval Blanc. It almost hurts my pride," he playfully pouts.
He sees you shaking your head in slight disappointment, an amused smile along with it. "You shouldn't worry about that, you're not losing any money here," you whisper close to his ear.
He tries so hard to ignore the smell of may rose and jasmine that accompanied your Chanel no. 5 parfum, and he tried to ignore how some of the others gaped at him, envious of how close he'd gotten to you.
"How can I be sure?" he questions his breath slightly arrhythmic.
How would you know rather, whether a rich business man would have lost his money? Really nobody would know unless they went through the ledgers. Something you were sure didn't exist in his company, or else he'd know just how much he'd lost.
Everything he said pointed to him being a careless business owner, something you thought would never be possible for a man so rich. You scan through his appearance again, his suit looked genuine, the tweed proper. You even gently caress the back of his broad lapels to confirm. He was rich, but was he anything close to the person he says he is?
Out of all the people you met in this small place, there was one thing you knew too well. If something or someone is too good to be true, it probably was. He was no vineyard owner from France, foreigner maybe, but not someone who knows business.
Something about the way he tried so desperately to gauge your business instead of you meant that he wasn't here to play, nor was he here to strike a deal. Most businesses that advertise try to get their way into you, instead of the business. They usually came knowing you were a snake charmer, someone who could sell all the bad ones for better prices. Selling rejected alcohol ended up being a way for them to reduce their losses.
The man in front of you, "Claude", could be one of two things. An embalmer like you, jealous of the profit you're making; or someone here to investigate your business. A situation you were familiar with.
Multiple cops had come to investigate before, all of whom were easy to shut up. However the person in front of you didn't feel like a cop, he didn't try to exert power, nor did he try to undermine yours. A man so hard to read, you weren't sure how to make head or tail of who he really was.
"Hmm, only if you tell me why you don't think it should be sold for less" you offer, laying out your cards in front of him. His response would determine if he was a tremendous master of deception.
"It is indeed the real thing; however the aroma feels diluted, although the drink's concentration seems correct. It is from a batch of wine of secondary quality made from bad grapes. However the year it was made in, suffered from excessive rain, and the waterlogged condition meant that production had reduced that year. It would make sense for you to sell it for a higher price due to excess demand."
You smirk, as he answers correctly. Somehow, he knew his stuff. The details however did feel as if he had thoroughly prepared for an interrogation.
"Unfortunately the people who buy here don't care about a particular year, they care just for the alcohol. It matters to only a few, such as Mr Brown and your friends who care enough to investigate, Claude."
"We're just curious, since we're linked to the same industry. I hope you don't take it the wrong way miss...?" he enquires, his eyes never leaving your lips.
"My name is a secret for those the first three times, if you return after our third meeting, I'll tell you. For now, goodbye; I have other patrons to meet."
With that you leave hastily, already unnerved at the fact that he somehow picked at your disguise. Annoyed yet excited.
After a long time, you find something vaguely resembling a challenge, and the following meetings would ensure that you get every second worth of thrill from him. You'd make sure that Claude, or whatever his handsome name was would only tread carefully from now.
Lee Minho should've known better, that a woman so beautiful was so secretive. That a woman so desired in this mysterious club would obviously play hard to get. Did it help that she was also the owner of this place? No it did not.
But what did help was that a set of the smoothest pearls had fallen into his lap, and either on purpose or by accident, you had left him your necklace. Lee Minho couldn't decipher your intent, but at the very least, he found himself an excuse. It was as though petty fate that stopped him before was helping him proceed in this mission.
He searches for you in the crowd with continuous effort, but you seem to have disappeared a long time ago, as though your conversation with him was just another of his delusions. Lee Minho also realises that he's a little tipsy. He's starting to sweat under the warm suit in the crowded room, and he feels his heart rate pick up rapidly. Unlike how he had become tolerant of the alcohol here in Chicago, he wasn't used to this club as an entity, he especially wasn't used to you. For a trained detective like Minho, two minutes was all it took for him to decipher what a person desires, what their intentions are, but you were so hard to read. He had never felt so incompetent, so out of it before. He looks back at the bartender, who had offered him another free drink.
"What do they call her, that flapper?"
"She isn't just any flapper," the man replies with a smirk, "she's the most famous in the city, her stage name is Estelle Vin."
"Is she always that... mysterious? I can't help be drawn to her," Minho confesses foolishly, wanting to gauge the bartender further.
"Well, you're not the only one." the bartender jokes.
"Well then I'll need these," he reveals. the pearls dangling from his hand, "if you know what I mean," he flashes a wink, pretending to be a lovesick fool, unsure if it was pretention on his part.
Lee Minho leaves with a small stumble, feeling the blood rush to his ears, his entire body getting warm. His vision is somewhat blurry, as he pushes his way towards the door he was eyeing before, his hands clutching the pearls close to his chest in his breast-pocket, holding on as though his entire life depended on it, and maybe it did.
He had to duck through the entrance to the dressing rooms, where he found himself standing in a complex maze. There were doors to the right and left of him, and a long corridor leading down. The shabby exterior was deceptive of the space within the club, and he could barely believe that it was just a small, rundown club that lured people in. He walks further down the corridor, when a singer comes out of a door on the left. She looks at him, startled by his intrusion. "Who...?How did you enter? It's authorised personals only."
He quickly apologises, and in convoluted sentences that his brain pushed out, explained that he had something to return. "The door was unlocked, and I need to see Ms Vin."
The lights dimmed nearby, signalling that a new performance was about to start. The stranger looks rushed and tries to shoo him away.
"Get out, and stop acting like a stalker. This would ruin your reputation Mr Claude Landry."
Lee Minho's eyebrows furrow in confusion. Why did a singer working here know his surname? He had only disclosed it to Mr Brown and a few other aristocrats. He was sure that most of them were tight-lipped about it, but now he was somewhat alarmed. Of course, as a man of public curiosity, along with him being a foreigner, it may not be as alarming. Maybe a clerk saw him sign as Landry, and he overruled his previous suspicions. Absorbed in his thoughts, he slowly back away from this new area shrouded in mystery, until he feels the floor under his feet vibrating, as though something heavy was moving below.
"There's no way what I'm feeling is an earthquake now ma'am?" he questions, his suspicions aroused for perhaps the hundredth time in the night.
"I think you've had too much of hooch Mr Landry," the stranger replies.
Sure, he was somewhat intoxicated but there's no way he'd be this gone. He also made sure that the bartender didn't have any chance to spike his drink, which makes him feel fluky. The feeling increases, and he swears he can hear glass shatter below him, although faint. The Whangdoodle from the stage increases their volume as this happens, and Minho finds his ears ringing.
It was at that moment you spring out of your dressing room, almost alarmed. "Why are they so lou-" you exclaim but stop when you notice Minho.
His eyes look into yours, and for a second he feels relieved to see someone he knows, though barely. At least the situation didn't seem as unfamiliar as it did before.
"It's loud isn't it Ms Vin?" he asks, back to his stoic self, as though examining your anxious demeanour.
You hold back a breath, unsure how to answer the question. A new shipment was supposed to arrive today, and they're usually stored in the basement, which unfortunately happened to be right below where you were standing. You'd ensure that the entrance to this area was secure, but most of the men had gone to help carry the shipment in, which happened to be in excess today, and you must have left it open when you came back with your head muddled with thoughts of Minho. It was scary. The fate that usually favoured you, happened to be sabotaging you today.
"Yeah, the band is louder than usual, I should probably check on them."
You locked your door to stop him from entering, and nod at your colleague. She tries to usher Minho back to the main area, and you also try to leave past him. He grabs your hands instead, and you feel his eyes on the back of your head.
"This must be yours," you see your pearls drop from his hands, clinking against his watch.
You only now notice that your neck was bare, putting your hand against it. Another sound erupts from the basement, and you get frantic. You watch as your colleague runs down to the basement to make them aware of how conspicuously loud they were being. Minho is quick to follow her with his eyes, suspicion written all over his face.
In spontaneity, you pull him into the dressing room you had previously locked. It was a last resort to distract him, stupid as it was.
"I... I can wear the necklace here," you say, pulling him closer to you. "Or maybe you'd like to put it on me?" you try flirtatiously hoping to keep his attention on just you. You sit down on the red chair, and remove the makeup from the counter. Luckily for you, Minho seems to appreciate this opportunity just as much as you, walking closer until his hand rests on your naked shoulders. He carefully held your long bob in a fist, placing the cold pearls as delicately as he could around your neck, taking his sweet time. As he moves in closer, you feel his warm breath fanning your ear, where you're taken aback by his rapid breathing. You could feel his sigh travel down your spine as he bends to snap the necklace in place. It felt like he was holding himself back, deliberate. Careful. Once he's done clasping the necklace, you look at him through the mirror, his eyes focused on you. You see him take your appearance in, and a small gasp leaves his mouth.
"You look beautiful y/n," he says in a deeper voice, taking you by surprise. You weren't taken aback by the compliment itself but by the fact that you had never once given him your real name, and the only thing he could find out was your stage name. Even some of your closest workers were hidden from your real identity.
But you didn't want to confirm this with this stranger, deciding it would be best to feign innocence. You furrow your brows as though it was annoyance. "Who's y/n? Your wife? A lover? A tomato you fell in love with?"
He smirks, "Future wife, maybe. Lover, if we're looking to start from today" he counters, snarky, yet in a weird way seductive. At this point you were beyond alarmed and tried extremely hard to keep yourself grounded to this new predicament.
"What do you mean by we? Besides if you want to address me, then you can call me Estelle."
"Well, are you jealous Estelle? Cause to be honest I'd rather call out your name later instead of y/n. I really hope you aren't y/n."
Who was he and Why did he care so much? Maybe he was mistaken, your name might be popular in France, or wherever he's from. Because there's no way he was referring to you.
You wanted to change the conversation desperately, you absolutely had to. In so many years of hiding behind a faรงade, it was scary having it disintegrated, crumble in seconds by a mere stranger.
"I'm not jealous, Claude. I don't think you should be here, unless you have more to speculate?"
He says nothing, instead he reaches for his breast-pocket for the umpteenth time, removing his linen handkerchief engraved with C.L and a classic fountain pen with gold borders.
"Time and date, for our next meeting," he asks sweetly, a charming smile painted on his lips.
You take his pen and examine it carefully. "Looks expensive, must be a family heirloom," you ask carelessly.
Minho smiles, as though he had already won this game of deception. Did he actually know your name? No. But he made a somewhat educated guess. Like most of the women of the time, you had tattooed on your back your social security number. As a celebration of autonomy, it had become a popular trend, which you also seemed to have followed. Luckily, for him, he had access to the case of a few bootleggers who were hidden so well that the only thing that could be traced was the social security number on someone's back. The number belonged to y/n l/n. Did it help that the social security number had no pictures? No. But did it help that the numbers on your back were visible to him as he placed the necklace on you? Of course it did. He decided to take a dangerous bet, and observe your reaction.
Beyond your unperturbed expression, he could see a shift in your body language, your fingers clasped onto your necklace tighter for some time, before you recovered, your confident face wavering and your beautiful eyes shifting away from him . All he had to do was catch you in the act.
"You're such a liar Claude." you say out of nowhere. "What are you? A cop? you say also catching him off-guard.
"A cop, those incompetent people with a meagre salary? Of course I'm not, don't be ridiculous darling." he replies slowly.
He watches you smile, a menacing one that pretended to be comforting. "It was a joke, of course you're not a cop, you're big cheese around here," he takes the handkerchief from you, where he sees all you've written on it is "today" with a red lipstick stain on it.
"Today?" he raises an eyebrows in surprise. "Yeah, unless your bank's closed?" you entice.
He smiles and pulls you in swiftly. His unexpectedly rough hand that you would not expect someone rich to have, is on your back, drawing circles as his lips are pushed against yours. You taste the same cheap wine you had offered him towards the back of his tongue, except that it tasted so much better this way. You could taste remnants of the fake plum flavouring, mixed with the scent of your Chanel no 5 parfum taking over all your senses. You feel as his cold fingers trace definitely around your back. "Three" he whispers, "Eight," he continues, moving leftwards, causing goosebumps where he'd left his impression. "One" he continues. You pause for a moment, confused at the numbers he was repeating, until it eventually dawns on you. You push him away worried, your pearls clinking as you move back. "Anything wrong?" he asks innocently. You knew you couldn't directly admit to being a criminal. He wouldn't know just by your social security number, unless he was working with someone important. But he also somehow knew your name.
At this point you knew he wasn't a French Casanova, observing how his supposed "heirloom" had different initials engraved on the pen, L.M., which you were sure didn't belong to a Claude Landry, or that of a real family. It must have been a stolen good bought illegally, or that L.M were his real initials. The only way you could find out was if you played along.
"Nothing, I just needed a breather, your kisses are quite intense," you make a stupid excuse. Despite realising that you weren't yourself around him, you go back to making out with this handsome stranger, his hands going back to where they were until he managed to trace your entire number. He removes his tweed suit, and lifts up your dress until it was hiked far above your thighs, and with every movement the tassels of your dress get tangled up near his zip. You unbutton his cotton shirt, holding the fabric close, revealing his chest which was so much warmer than your hands. A chill blows through the window, and you shiver in between his warm touches. He stops there for a minute, and eyes the bottle of rum on your counter. He lifts you with ease, and places you on the counter, where your social number was reflected in the mirror, as though everything about you had finally been revealed.
"We should make our last toast," he speaks up breathless, sipping out of the bottle, then holding it to your lips. You accept, and gulp down more than you usually do. Something tells you it would be the last time you'd be this delirious, yet so satisfied. It was like with every kiss, he meant to take you down, in more ways than one. His kisses travelled down your body, scattered, frenzied. He kissed as though this was the first and only time he'd be this close to you. Soon you also gave in to the delicate pressure with all your being, overruling your innate intuition, lost in his seduction.
You were so guilty of doing this. Of finding comfort in the way he moaned your name, your real name, in low whispers, something you'd never trust anyone to do. And it didn't matter what secrets he hid when he made you feel this good. Though you were always guilty of lying to others, so was he. In a weird way, for tonight both of you would be equals- equally guilty parties for betraying yourselves.
Similarly, no one would ever fathom how utterly guilty Lee Minho felt with his tongue driven down your throat, enjoying it despite knowing you were a criminal. It was as though he couldn't let go, and for a minute he felt like none of it mattered, and that you were as innocent as your kisses fluttering over his collarbones. For tonight, he'd become the sinner, not you.
The same Lee Minho who hated being drunk during work hours, was beyond pleased, convincing himself that it was just for tonight. For just this night, he'd given into this hedonistic urge, of wanting nothing but a taste of your body, of your attention and your entire world which he would eventually have to destroy tomorrow. But tomorrow was so many kisses, so many secrets and so many bottles of alcohol later. So he continued deluding himself with your moans and soft lips, until he could no longer despise himself for his new intoxication: you.
Hi there, a small repost. I thought this read better as a single post instead of a two part, hence why some transitions may be bad.
Hi everyone, I know I've been mia for 2 months but there's just been so many changes going on in my life recently including university interviews, graduating, and shifting houses, that I havent been able to give time to this blog.
I've logged in randomly and I really appreciate the love you've given my works, especially This Autumn. I'm sorry I havent been able to respond to everyone of them but do know that I appreciate it. I have a few wips that I need to get back to. Unfortunately im not in the mind space to get back to writing but I hope things are settled in another 2 weeks, after summer becomes a little easy on me๐
I might repost older fics and i have to apologise in advance for the quality. Besides that, you can expect a lot of summer fics and I'm planning to start writing for new groups that I havent written for before.
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jay (ft the love of his life, you!) , fluff , no warnings
( one ). trying to come up with names for your pet fishes, each varying in degrees of silliness, is a pastime jay would not trade for the world. reaching a point where you have a designated folder in your notes app for each name and the many bizarre reasons why one of them just had to be "pickle" and another "mary poppins" (among the tamer names), jay thinks life could not get any better than it is now.
( two ). an ice cream is held merely inches away from his perplexed face, relaxing back into a fond smile when he realizes it's just you (justโ how wonderful of a word to have you so close by his side, so safe and so obvious of a telling that you're his closest and most beloved haven). you take the folder in his arm filled with sheets of music notes despite his indignation and scuttle away after handing him the treat you believe he deserves after his long day of classes.
( three ). his stance is something of a child's night terrors, awaiting the distinct buzz of the fly disturbing your weekend camping getaway. the electric tennis racket let's out a brief static noise, signalling his successful catch and you try your best to disguise your laugh at his victory pose with a couple coughs. jay doesn't take offense (he never does) and instead plays along to prolong this little pocket in time where it's just you, him and the mild scent of pine trees in your surroundings.
( four ). when does a man become a fool? jay had never planned on actually writing each individual time he felt like an absolute lunatic, but the more he looks at the list of things he's written in his notepad that loves about you (your lashes when you blink at him, the yawn escaping your lips after a few rounds of video games, the sound of his own name coming from you whenever you're annoyed by his teasing in private, the time you'd cried in joy after seeing him again following months of being away...), the more he realizes how he's accidentally done it anyways. extensively, at that.