recognizing the voiceless

gorgeous hair

kissable lips

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All I could see was the blood dripping down your bodies, staining the sheets though they were black.

Egyptian cotton I bought from Macy’s. I told you not to get blood on them when your feet had open sores from all the 10k marathons you embarked on.

You and her were carved open. Guts out and everything.

Two lovers who were sound asleep.

You didn’t know our marital bed would be your coffin, did you?

This whole scenario was in my head, too.

I looked up from the froth of my Chai Tea Latte. You and her were sitting across the coffee shop still in love. Still oblivious to the life you destroyed of the woman across from you who was too meek to make a move when she discovered you in her 200 dollar sheets.

Interesting enough, however, you also don’t know that this is my week two of stalking you.

Recognizing your patterns.

Learning your habits.

I read an inspirational quote somewhere that said I needed to stop thinking and start doing.

one hundred and one rain drops

balanced themselves

on

a tautly stretched blue wire

sparkling

like

uncut diamonds

in the

gray mornings

After many seasons, I return

alone upon the old rope cot

on the roof of my ancestral home.

And above me, 

the sky waits unchanged,

vast and patient,

wearing its familiar ornaments

of planets and stars,

the way my mother once 

adorned my world

before sending me away

with tears of joy

in my wedding procession...

.

The roof remembers.

The cot remembers.

The sky too remembers.

Only the hands are gone.

Those hands that pointed upward

and named the wandering lights,

that turned darkness into wonder,

and the open terrace

into my first observatory...

.

No astronomy lessons 

are held here anymore.

The teacher has left.

Or perhaps,

she simply changed classrooms.

She used to tell me

that those who leave us

do not disappear;

they become stars.

And one day,

without ceremony,

without announcement,

she joined them...

.

Tonight, after years,

I finally look long enough

to search for her.

The city never allowed 

such starry meetings: 

streetlights too proud,

glass towers glowing too bright,

their glitter swallowing the old sky.

But here,

the darkness still keeps its promises...

.

As a child,

I would watch airplanes 

crossing the heavens of stars,

following their blinking lights

until they vanished,

dreaming that one day

I too would rise that high...

.

Another plane passes tonight.

And suddenly her voice returns:

“No matter how high airplanes fly,

they must come back to earth.

If you wish to become something,

be the Pole Star,

steady enough

to guide others home...”

.

The cot beside me is empty.

No second bed.

No stories of kings and fairies

threaded between constellations.

Only silence.

Only stars and planets.

And sleep stays away.

I never knew my grandparents well,

perhaps they too

were in a hurry

to become part of the sky...

.

Then, slowly,

something changes.

The loneliness loosens.

I realise:

I am not alone.

All these stars are mine.

One by one

I begin searching among them:

for ancestors,

for known voices,

for forgotten laughter.

And somewhere between

finding my grandfather,

missing my grandmother,

and finally reaching my mother;

my eyes close,

as though once again

she had spread her pallu over me,

brushed my forehead 

with her quiet hands,

and tucked me into sleep

beneath her endless sky...

.

I have a pertinent question-

Quite an important thing:

Are four leaf clovers still lucky

i fall apart

in every place

when i think of your touch

when i imagine you on me

lightly and swiftly

looking into you as you move

moving closer to me

following

my every breath

naturally i’m falling

flowing into you

come

take my breath away

undersharing

ask me now

who are you

and i’ll tell you

i’m a bird who’s got her wings

ask me anything

truth be told i don’t know a thing

but i know loves the way

and it’s all we need

ask me who i am and i’ll tell you

rays beaming life into every corner

laughter sounds radiate my ear drums

the sparkled lake watching us in pride

it’s a beautiful day, though my mind strays

thoughts of you tormenting and echoing

i should be grateful for all i have, but

a need

a desire

a necessity

The way she wrapped herself around him;

an opening

a giving

a dare

She wanted to free herself by possessing him

It was he who possessed her completely

amply doling out the erotic antidotes

And she felt safe and cherished in her surrender

Sober minds drunk on friendship

gather round the hearth

Hardy meals filling bellies

Words flowing like wine

Love in abundance, belonging is evident, and loyalty obvious.

Fill my cup with Grace till overflow, they cheer, they do

the raucous sounds of our blessed contentment

this tribe is my serenity.

…

Follow a scent it leads me to this forest,

Lives growing in accordance with the seasons,

Branches intertwining, fitting sympathetically

Winds singing freely, leaves conversing in harmonious rhythms.

Fill my cup with Grace till I overflow,

That I should be so cherished as roots taking nourishment in rich soil,

as stalks standing strong soaking in the radiance of the sun

That I should be so connected

a wild tapestry; verdant and vibrant, lush and expansive

That I should belong so surely, beautifully, and freely,

anchored in this serenity.

yearn for yours to fill the gaps.

The empty side of my bed craves your body.

My waist patiently anticipates your arms.

The beats of my heart know your head isn't placed on my chest listening to the thumping.

Thoughts of you know you're not present.

The entirety of me mourns the fact, I'll never have the entirety of you.

What's missing from me

will always be you.

R.A.

you’ll find I’m not in.

this creeping around, pretending to be alive when inside those voices vying for the light.

beside me always, this trickery; give us a laugh and we shall bow, give you some rhymes to pass the time. sipping wine & passersby stop and stare for just a moment longer.

oh, dear me. forgive a jester for their bemusement; tis all we have left to pester. Fore this facade hides such fester not fit for consumption.

no need to applaud that which seems so febrile

so foolish to us all

But also do it when you’ve been dumped

When you’ve been abused

When you’ve been heart broken

When your family pisses you off

When work sucks

you dwell within me in a way

a person should not fit,

and yet,

my hungry love can't drink enough

of what your runneth-over cup

cannot but give.

our love's a labyrinth-

deeper that it goes,

the more there is.

i glow upon the threshold,

knowing only home

in a heart destined to heal. 

I have not been able to exist like I used to

After you left

Biological clock that does not change the hour

Always pointing at the minutes

Fixed in time and space

I ended, and you began

Days that felt like decades

Decadence of will

Sadness that seeps in through the cracks within my ribs

My heart is heavier than my body

And within it, the weight of my love is being measured

How many pounds does a broken life weigh?

I skip through the endless pages of my journal

All of them wrinkled, some torn

Beautiful blue pages, I write in pink ink

To remind myself of hope amongst sorrow

Rainbow after rain

But you rain perpetually

The day I was born was also a wednesday, I told you

And you asked me why I said this

On the next day, you abandoned me

Who was only born

The day before

Since then, time has been stuck

Nine in the morning, I was in a boat

And though you were with me

It never gave me any comfort

How do you recover from abandonment?

How do you heal from pain?

Every time I see the clock I am reminded