⋆˚꩜ 𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ . . .

so you've been stealing your roommate's birth-control pills?

how the hell am i gonna get a new roommate this late in the semester?

okay, please, please make it.

run out of gas?

could you come inside for one minute, please?

is there a problem?

someone's in the backseat!

spit it out, [ name ].

had yourself a little frat boy protein shake, did you?

should i, like, get my stomach pumped or something?

i think the only thing you need pumped is the air out of your head.

sweetie, the world is not ready for you to reproduce.

how exactly does [ name ] come up with this stuff?

that's not the point of the story, paperboy.

he takes that little knife and he cuts their throat, ear to ear.

well, it's a bullshit story you hear on every campus in the northeast.

i mean, where's the proof?

if there's another e. coli crisis in the cafeteria, i want you to have the biggest, juiciest burger on me.

he is such a babe.

did it seem like he was giving me the eye?

should i ask him out anyway?

the story's not true, it's just a legend.

if it's just a legend, then what's the problem?

i won't encourage this.

come on, cut me a little slack.

now, what exactly happens when i say "bloody mary" five times?

come on, it's time to raise the dead.

you called?

she was trying to summon the dead, [ name ].

is this what you do with your free time, [ name ]?

you know, he was half-way normal before pledge week.

shut off the fucking light!

well, that really happened to a girl in my hometown.

don't worry, you'll probably survive.

he is such a moron.

hey, what's going on?

is this true?

the only lunatic on this campus is you.

can i quote you on that?

let's get out of here.

hold on a second.

this was someone's life, [ name ].

my voice was probably the last she heard. can you imagine?

what if there is a lunatic on campus?

hello? space cadet?

yeah, and i'll miss her too, because that girl gave great head.

you seemed kind of weird this afternoon.

isn't it horrible about [ name ]?

i was in the neighborhood.

we can just go someplace and talk.

a little something to warm you up?

i'd really rather not talk about it anymore.

it's completely understandable. if you don't wanna open up, that's fine.

i still have so much love inside of me left to give.

you're lonely. you're repressed. you're aching to break loose.

that was a fairly good impersonation of a human being.

you don't have to act like such a bitch.

it's not an act, believe me.

one black eye or two, [ name ]?

they killed him. somebody killed him.

if you don't mind me asking, what the hell are you on?

come on, it's just like that urban legend.

what are you trying to say, [ name ]?

well, then my big question is, what is he gonna do next, huh?

is someone there?

this is definitely not a myth.

thanks for the warning.

so you never actually saw anyone there?

who would have thought she would do something like that?

i know that this is a really bad time for you.

how did you get that?

why didn't you tell me you knew her?

hey, look. i'm just doing my job here, okay?

it's a stretch.

what's that got to do with anything?

so this is where you research all your lurid articles.

reality is lurid, alright?

i'm only the messenger.

did anyone die there?

would you look at that?

something i can help you with?

how can you suggest that i had anything to do with that girl's death?

what was all that about?

what do you wanna talk about?

hey, i just wanna know what's going on here.

[ name ], nothing is gonna happen to me.

i don't know, i think i should go home for a few days.

you need to relax and have some fun and come to the party. okay?

promise you won't leave me alone?

i'm gonna go get something to drink. you want anything?

look, i'm sorry i doubted you before.

nothing's gonna happen to you, okay?

what was that all about?

you trying to give me a heart attack here?

why don't you have another drink?

why do you always have to be such a jerk?

you're gonna die tonight.

am i right? hello?

now, don't get shy on me all of a sudden, fuckface.

please, i don't wanna die!

hey, [ name ], i'm on your side.

you have my number. use it.

okay, you can just let me out right here.

what's wrong with you?

i'm sorry, but i can't understand a thing you're saying, doll.

if i remove the gag, you've got to promise me that you won't scream.

you're fucking crazy.

i prefer the term eccentric.

i guess you could say i'm a little nutty.

you still haven't figured it out, have you?

payback's a bitch, isn't it, [ name ]?

you won't get away with this.

don't you want to be an urban legend?

i am really gonna enjoy watching you bleed to death.

you're cute, [ name ], but you're not that fucking cute.

where's your proof?

were you even listening?

i believe you, but you didn't tell it right.