Drowning In Ship

(Wonder if Benton ever took Carter down to the jazz club….)

And the very gentle way Benton reassures Carter and his hand cradling his elbow - oh, these two….

AND Benton talking - admiringly - about Carter on his date!

And for a second Carter focuses on Benton….

(Yes, I’m watching THAT episode. The one where Carter gets stabbed and Benton practically takes out a police officer in his rush to get to him. Where he runs into the room demanding to know if’s breathing)

The interplay and dependence and responses between these two is exquisite

The way Benton orders Carter to stay with him, to look at him, look at him in his eyes and even though he’s slipping away, Carter still has to obey, turns his head…

‘I’m glad it’s you’

‘Hey, I’m getting you through this man, you hear me?’

The way Benton can’t take his eyes off Carter even when scrubbing up - and Anspaugh and Corday watch Peter, knowing how difficult this is for him.

And Benton utter desperation as he operates and it’s all going wrong and he’s shouting and moving as fast as he can and he’s still losing Carter…

(Huh. They gave Carter a colostomy. I had one of those. It was a very difficult and painful recovery, hopefully Carter does better, if anyone is writing fic about it I’m happy to answer questions)

(Poor Lucy - it must have been terrifying - having enough medical knowledge to know what was happening to her and how it could and would end)

Benton’s sigh of relief when he hears Carter is out of the OR. And then the way he looks after him in recovery - the constant ‘good, good’, the order to be up and about - he likes to take care of Carter, doesn’t he?

That was incredibly shippy, which is the reason for my rewatch.

He’s just so damn competent in wrangling Ethan right from the start.

He had about five seconds of saying he wasn’t going to deal with Ethan’s bullshit before saying ‘fuck it’ and giving in and then between Ethan’s signals and movements and Benji reading of them and timing and his own intelligence managed to get Ethan and Bogdan out of there.

He brings the climbing gloves even though there was no reason to think they’d be needed, and explains them perfectly to Ethan. He obeys Ethan’s instructions immediately in the hotel. He manages to get Ethan in better mood at the airport with the ‘love the car’ bit (and I bet it was him Ethan called)

Do you know what I think? When Luther and Ethan were talking about the mission before the others got there? I think Luther listened to ‘and Benji did this and luckily Benji remembered the gloves and Benji did agree to come and Benji….’

And Luther listened to his oldest friend and realised that Benji was already pretty skilled in handling Ethan - and god knows, Luther needs help with that. And Luther decides Benji is good for Ethan and maybe it would be handy to keep him around…and just keep him for Ethan, no one else.

Benji appreciation right here. Feel free to add your own Benji appreciation. I would love to see all the Benji love today.

(All too often I see Benji described as an idiot or a dolt or just comic relief and he isn’t any of those things)

So the whole Walker thing….the idea that Benji can successfully play an active role in a ‘long con’ type of job was set up with Benji playing both the driver who crashed into the scientist and the newsreader.

But it’s not until later we find out that Ethan has been playing Walker all along with Benji playing a role as a nervous glasses-wearing tech geek - we see him behind the scenes calm and competent when Walker isn’t around (he seems to be in charge of co-ordinating the actions in Paris, making sure Ethan’s plan runs on time) - as soon as he is around Walker, Benji gets nervous and jumpy.

And Walker is completely fooled. It’s a masterful deception, incredibly skilful piece of work.

And Ethan is there, playing his part, barely able to speak to Benji in case he gives something away, just watching Benji be brilliant and flawlessly fool Walker and Lane, and not able to say a damn thing. No wonder he grins so wide when he tells Benji he never had a doubt.

Fallout Benji, I am in awe of what you have become

You can see Ethan looking out of that opera house window and in real time having the ‘oh no, he’s hot’ reaction.

And then just purring ‘talk to me Benji’ into those comms.

And just completely taken aback by Benji shouting at him.

And just gazing at Benji all the time….even when Ilsa is trying to seduce him.

And who can blame him.

And I love the evolution of her character - currently at season six and Malucci has just come in after getting in a fight to get some illegal medication. S1 Kerry would have told him off. S6 Kerry just says ‘guard with your left next time’ and walks away.

I adore her so much.

In the dream we were going to an event - I’d dressed up as I was told the dress code was formal. But they were casual as the dress code had been changed and no one had told me. And they were, as usual, making fun of me for getting things wrong and when I complained that I hadn’t known they replied with I should have known.

And it all felt very familiar - I wasn’t told something, got things wrong, became the butt of the joke. And I was supposed to take the lack of communication and the joke and just be nice about it because other people’s feelings mattered so much more than my own and it was rude to get annoyed and I wanted them to like me so much so I just took it…

But in the dream, I got out of the car and walked and didn’t look back.

I’m so proud of dream me for doing that.

And it reaffirms my choice. I didn’t make a big dramatic declaration or any demands - I just stopped being the one always giving in, always making way, always begging for attention. I left space for them to reach out to me and let me know they wanted me around.

And they didn’t.

And I think I made the right choice. Nice of my dream brain to confirm that.