everyone was joking about trump dying today and I think that's really horrible and cruel. PLEASE do not joke about trump dying unless it's true and confirmed!!! I got really excited and then when I found out he was still alive i was really disappointed!! like that's so mean to do to people
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the worst extremely low-stakes consequence of societal fatphobia is when a low-calorie/""""healthy"""" recipe is actually good and suddenly everyone thinks you're sharing it as a diet aid and not because it fucks hard
anyway put some frozen raspberries in a bowl and pour just a leetle bit of cold oat milk over it and the oat milk will semi-freeze into a kind of ice cream texture. and now you have fake raspberry ripple ice cream that's 90% raspberries by volume
born too early to buy youtuber merch for $25 at walmart, born too late to send strongbad an email. born just in time to watch top 10 pieces of real slenderman evidence on 3ds youtube
is she exhibiting "male socialization" or is she learning to advocate for herself and take up space, something we once understood to be feminist and progressive?
Being a trans woman will have you hearing shit like "if you were a real woman you'd be a perfectly submissive doormat who never pushed back and knew your place, you misogynist"
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BREAKFAST IN BED ⋆˚꩜。 spencer reid x girlfriend!reader
summary: you’re sore. spencer’s smug. apparently, breakfast is best served between your thighs.
genre: smut, fluff | w/c: 1.7k
tags/warnings: soft dom!spencer, implied semi-rough sex from the night before, reader is sore from said sex, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasms, slight overstimulation, spencer calls reader angel/sweet girl/good girl, spencer is a smug little shit, written with later season spencer in mind, basically porn with almost no plot, no use of y/n
a/n: based on this anon request! this was delicioussss to write. I am a munch!spencer truther to my core. enjoy!!
It’s the ache that wakes you.
Not sharply, and not all at once. Just a slow, blooming kind of soreness that curls warm around your hips and tightens when you shift — bare skin sliding against the sheets, muscles pulling in places that don’t usually pull. There’s a spot high on your thigh that throbs in time with your heartbeat, and another deeper in your core that stirs when you exhale too hard.
Last night comes back in flashes: Spencer’s mouth at your throat, your wrists pinned above your head, the sound he made when you told him not to stop. A little rougher than usual. A little more. He’d warned you, breath hot against your ear, that he wasn’t going to be gentle, and you’d nodded like someone deprived of air being offered oxygen.
You remember the way his hands shook a little when he touched you afterward, how quiet he got. The press of his lips to your knuckles in the dark, like he still couldn’t believe you gave him everything, no matter how many times you did. Like he couldn’t believe you wanted him that much.
You stretch now, half-heartedly, and the soreness reasserts itself with a wince. You hiss through your teeth quietly.
Spencer is still asleep, one arm slung across your stomach, face buried against your shoulder. His hair is a halo of tangles, his breath steady and warm against your skin. He smells like his usual bergamot soap mixed with sleep and sweat and sex.
You think to yourself that it should be illegal to look that peaceful after doing what the two of you did last night.
Your fingers twitch, tempted to wake him just to say so.
But you don’t have to. A beat later, he shifts — just enough to murmur something soft and incoherent against your shoulder blade and press his nose to your skin.
“Mm,” he hums, a little more awake now. “You’re warm.”
“So are you.” You blink your eyes open and glance over your shoulder back at him. You move again, trying to sit up, and this time the soreness flashes sharp.
Spencer lifts his head and blinks blearily at you. His hair is in his eyes, and he looks younger like this, all sleepy and soft. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” you say, even though your hips are definitely plotting a day of revenge. “Just a little sore.”
He smiles like he was expecting that answer. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
He hums, amused. “Where?”
You give him a look. “Where do you think?”
Spencer grins fully now, eyes crinkling at the corners, and he kisses your shoulder. “You’re welcome.”
You scoff, but it’s breathless. “Cocky.”
“Confident,” he counters, smug. His hand moves, gliding down your side, dragging the sheet with it. “You didn’t seem to mind at the time.”
“No,” you admit. “But I am going to be walking funny all day.”
He tucks his face back into the curve of your neck, voice low and scratchy with sleep. “That’s my favorite kind of damage.”
You laugh, but your eyes flutter shut again as he moves over you and rolls you onto your back. He kisses down your collarbone, a little lower, then lower still. His hand spreads over your stomach like he’s staking a claim, and his mouth follows suit.
“Spence,” you warn gently, though your voice is already going soft around the edges. “You don’t have to.”
“I’m aware of that. I want to.”
You lift your head to look at him. He’s already halfway down the bed, nosing at your hip, lips brushing skin. He glances up at you, hair falling in his eyes, smile lazily forming.
He presses a kiss just below your navel.
“Besides, breakfast,” he says, licking his lips with shameless smugness, “is the most important meal of the day.”
Another kiss, lower.
“And I very much like the taste of you in the morning,” he says, and the grin that follows is pure sin — cocky and sleepy and devastatingly pretty.
There’s no room to argue, not when he’s already mouthing down your thigh, parting your legs like it’s second nature, like this was inevitable from the moment you woke up. His fingers curl under your knees, coaxing you open even further, and he breathes in against your skin.
You brace a hand against the sheets, the other sliding aimlessly into the tangled mess of his hair. “Spencer…”
“Shh.” He presses a kiss to the inside of your knee. “Let me make it better. You said you’re sore.”
“That doesn’t mean you need to—”
“I know what it means,” he says, firmer this time. His voice drops low, smooth and certain. “It means you let me wreck you last night, and now I get to take care of what’s mine.”
That word lands hard, curls low in your belly. You don’t answer — you can’t. You’re too busy trying to steady your breathing. He’s already shifting closer, already locking an arm under your thighs to hold you in place.
You feel the brush of his mouth where you’re still tender and already aching again, and the first drag of his tongue is slow and deliberate.
“So sweet,” he hums softly against you. “You know the average person has up to 10,000 taste buds?” He glances up, breath hot against your skin. “Pretty sure mine were made just for you.”
You squirm involuntarily — too sensitive, too much, too soon — but his grip tightens just slightly, pinning your thighs down with practiced ease. His fingers splay against your hips. You’re not going anywhere.
“Stay still for me, angel,” he murmurs, voice warm and unbearably soft, challenging you to complete an impossible task.
You try. God, you try. But he knows your body too well by now. He knows exactly how to curl his tongue just right, how to flatten it where you’re already throbbing — like he’s learning your body the way he learns languages, through repetition and obsession. Like it’s the only fluency that ever really mattered. He moves with a rhythm designed to undo you molecule by molecule, like you’re his favorite unsolved equation.
“That’s it,” he says against your skin when your thighs start to tremble. “God, you’re so soft like this.”
He noses deeper, then closes his mouth around your clit and sucks, and your entire spine arches off the bed.
“Spence—”
“I’ve got you,” he soothes, licking back up, hand sliding to your stomach to press you down with gentle, unrelenting pressure.
You squirm again, and he catches your movement immediately.
“I said stay still,” he warns, low and firm. You whimper, and he smiles against you.
He shifts one arm to slip a hand beneath you, fingers curving under your ass to tilt your hips higher, and when he sinks his mouth back down and—fuck. Your whole body jerks.
“Too much?” he asks, voice hoarse.
You shake your head, breathless. “N-no. Feels good.”
“I know it does, angel girl.”
It’s not fair, the way he’s still so vocal even with his mouth buried in your cunt — praises every breathless twitch of your hips like it’s a gift, worships every sound you make with a reverence that borders on unbearable. His tongue moves like he’s memorizing you, like he’s been starving, like this is the only thing he knows how to do anymore.
He tightens his grip again and devours you, slower this time, deeper, and you come like that — spread out and trembling, jaw slack, hands fisting uselessly in the sheets. Breaths leave you in broken gasps, and still, he doesn’t stop — licking you through it, slow and thorough, like he’s savoring every drop.
You expect him to pull back once your breathing slows.
He doesn’t.
Your thighs twitch, instinctively trying to close, but he just presses them wider with maddening ease — like your body belongs under his hands. Like he’s barely getting started.
“Uh-uh,” he murmurs, voice rasping with satisfaction. “Not done yet.”
“Spence—” It’s barely even a protest. More like a warning, and he knows the difference. Knows the way your hips buck even as you pretend you can’t take more. Knows that the shaky whine in your throat means please, not stop. Knows you too well to listen when your mouth lies and your body begs.
“You can take it,” he whispers, tongue hot and sure. “You’re gonna give me one more, sweet girl. Yeah?”
You try to argue, but then his tongue flicks just right — again, and again, and again — and your spine bows like a live wire. You nod helplessly.
“You taste so good,” he breathes. “Don’t make me beg. One more, angel.”
He holds you down, murmuring praise between licks, talking you through it in a voice that’s simultaneously achingly tender and overwhelmingly filthy, and you feel yourself unraveling all over again. Your thighs tremble, heels digging into the mattress, and he doesn’t stop. Not until you’re gasping his name on a broken sob, not until your second orgasm rips through you with twice the force, leaving you wrecked and open and shaking.
Only then — when you’re boneless and panting and whimpering beneath him — does he finally ease up. His mouth slows. Softens. Presses one last kiss to your overstimulated skin.
He looks up at you, flushed and glistening and smug, but his eyes are all warmth.
“Good girl,” he says, kissing your thigh again. Then again, higher. “So sweet like this.”
You can barely manage a breath, let alone a sentence.
He grins, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand as he pushes your trembling legs gently back together, palms smoothing over your skin like he can’t quite stop touching you. He crawls back up the bed, gaze sweet and tender, and kisses the corner of your mouth. Then your jaw, then your collarbone, then your shoulder.
“Hi,” you finally manage, dazed.
He huffs a soft laugh, leaning over you to press a kiss to your forehead. “Hi.”
You blink up at him, and for a second, neither of you says anything. The quiet hums, warm and full.
“You okay?” he murmurs.
You nod, still in a bit of a trance. “Yeah. Yeah, just…”
“Wrecked?” he teases, brushing a knuckle down your cheek.
You roll your eyes in faux annoyance. “Completely.”
He smiles and settles beside you, and you curl into him instinctively.
“You didn’t have to do that,” you mumble.
“I know. I already told you, I wanted to.”
Your cheeks warm. “Still doesn’t count as a real breakfast.”
Spencer grins. “Speak for yourself. I’m full.”
ᝰ.ᐟ
masterlist
PSA: likes do very little for promoting posts on tumblr! if you'd like to support a fic, please reblog!
summary: Spencer thought he was in a long-term relationship— turns out, he forgot to tell her.
warnings: none, babe. this is pure fluff <3
“Come on, man,” Derek said, arms folded as he stared Spencer down across the break room table. “You can’t just read a thousand relationship books and think that’s the same as the real thing.”
Spencer looked up from the folder in his lap, utterly unbothered. “Thirty-nine books. And they’re peer-reviewed studies. It’s not about anecdotes, it’s about data.”
Penelope leaned over her coffee, eyes sparkling. “Oh boy. He’s going full empirical. This should be good.”
“It’s not that I think I understand relationships,” Spencer continued, adjusting his glasses. “It’s just that I recognize functional dynamics when I see them. And I happen to know what one looks like.”
Derek snorted. “Yeah? Like what, The Notebook?”
“No,” Spencer said. “Like me and Y/N.”
There was a beat of silence.
Y/N, seated two chairs down with a half-drunk coffee in her hand, turned very slowly. “I’m sorry, what now?”
Spencer blinked at her like she’d asked if water was wet. “What?”
“What do you mean ‘you and me’?”
He frowned, confused. “I mean us. Our dynamic. It’s a prime example of a healthy relationship.”
Garcia dropped her muffin.
Derek leaned in like he was about to watch a car crash in slow motion. “Go on.”
Spencer tilted his head at Y/N. “You seriously didn’t know?”
She blinked. “Know what exactly?”
“That we’re in a relationship. Or— at least something adjacent to one. I assumed we were both aware of that.”
Y/N stared at him.
Spencer, sensing the disbelief, leaned back in his chair and began to list things off like he was briefing a case. “We text every night before bed. You bring me coffee the way I like it— three sugars, not stirred— almost every day, without asking. I’ve picked you up from the airport twice. You’ve stayed over at my apartment more than once, and you steal my hoodies.”
“That’s just…” She trailed off, looking helplessly at Garcia, who was frozen mid-bite.
Spencer wasn’t done.
“We hold hands when we walk across busy streets. You braid my hair when I’m stressed. I read you poetry once and you cried, which I took as a positive emotional response and not distress.”
Y/N slowly set her coffee down. “Okay.”
“I’ve memorized your Chipotle order,” Spencer added, like that sealed it.
“Okay.”
Spencer leaned forward, eyes narrowing. “We literally hold hands all the time.”
“…Okay, yeah, I see where I went wrong.”
Derek lost it.
Garcia was fanning herself with a napkin, whispering “my stars” under her breath.
Y/N looked like she was debating the moral and logistical weight of throwing herself into the nearest garbage can.
Spencer, meanwhile, just looked vaguely betrayed. “How did you not know?”
She gave him a look. “Because you never said it out loud?”
“I thought it was implied!”
Derek clapped once, loud. “Oh, I live for this.”
Garcia blinked. “Cool, so I’ve been third-wheeling a relationship that wasn’t even technically happening. Love that for me.”
Y/N turned back to Spencer, who was still trying to solve the mystery of how she missed this.
“Are you mad?” she asked.
“No,” he said, after a beat. “Just… surprised. I really thought we were on the same page.”
“Well.” She exhaled, slow and a little amused. “We are now.”
Spencer tilted his head. “Does this mean we’re officially dating?”
Y/N shrugged. “Statistically speaking?”
That got the smallest smile out of him.
“I’ll take it,” he said.
a/n: first spencer fic can i get a whoop whoop (i hope this is good, oh god)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming