m.

He shows up so much you've stopped being surprised.

So much that you start anticipating his presence.

So much that you feel a sense of relief when he walks into the faculty social space—administration's initiative from three years ago that was meant to address the burn out and stress by providing a vending machine and a ping pong table rather than doing something more palpable like raising wages—and finds you at one of the tables, sorting through small cardboard cutouts with Carrie.

"Your professor charming alert." Carrie sing-songs. She's been taking every single chance at playful teasing ever since you and Spencer 'officially' hard launched your 'relationship'. You can tell she's gloating; Carrie seemed to have the notion—a childish one, in your opinion—that your initial annoyance at Spencer was borne out of attraction.

Now she feels vindicated, and you can't set the record straight without ruining your arrangement with Spencer.

"Behave." you murmur, just as Spencer approaches. He's windswept and smiling, as if unburdened by his workload. You can only assume that teaching and academia is a welcome reprieve after his high-pressure job at the FBI. You welcome him with a smile, and it feels natural, "Hi Spencer."

"Afternoon, ladies." He pulls up a chair and sits next to you, knees brushing against yours under the table. His gaze sweeps over the spread of pictures on the table, and a crease forms between his brows in confusion. "What's all this?"

"A fun little activity for my graduate students." Carrie replies, "The hear me out cake. Well, no more cake and just hear me outs now."

"Oh, you mentioned this a few weeks ago!" Spencer looks pleased when it registers, beaming at Carrie, "You said it helps keep your students motivated after the midterms."

"Yep. Free cake, they get to gush about hot characters and engage with our readings in a low stakes, almost casual way. Win-win." Carrie says with flourish.

You lift a cutout of Mufasa from The Lion King. "Whoever put this on that cake is brave and deserves the highest marks."

Carrie laughs. "Oh, I love that student. She's so outspoken and funny."

Spencer's frown deepens at the picture. He reaches over, gently taking it from your hands. "I'm afraid I don't understand. I thought the purpose of this activity was to share which Shakespearean character you find attractive."

"The Lion King is a Hamlet adaptation." you say, ready to defend the student.

"Yes, but with lions." he deadpans.

"Arguably attractive ones."

Spencer blinks, and turns to Carrie for explanation.

"It's an ongoing trend online, it's meant to be for characters who are more… unconventional." Carrie explains, holding up a Simba picture this time, "Hence, prefacing the whole thing with hear me out."

Spencer looks equal parts intrigued and concerned.

"When it's more broadly applied, it isn't always animals," you add, giggling at the utter bewilderment at Spencer's face, "Sometimes it's characters people normally wouldn't find attractive… like Beetlejuice."

"Or horror figures, like Ghostface or Pennywise from IT."

Spencer's brows are furrowed differently now, less in confusion and more focused, the way they always get when he begins contemplating. He doesn't laugh or seem horrified, now that it's been more clearly explained.

"You're right, though," Carrie adds, "I did specify only Shakespearean characters for my class, only because I had to connect this activity to the course subject. But it's much more lenient when it's just being done between friends."

"Interesting. So it's almost a showcase of someone's deeper desires." he murmurs, eyes skating over the variety of Shakespearean characters on the table—some quite tame, like Timothée Chalamet as Henry V; others funnier, like Bill Murray as Polonius. "Participating in it means opening up about your attraction to what other people would consider taboo."

"Yeah. It's a great bonding activity." you nod, smiling at how earnestly he's taking the entire thing, processing it through a scholar's lens. Without mockery or judgment, simply with the desire to understand.

"I see." he nods, watching Carrie sort the characters together.

She's trying to see if there's a common character that everyone secretly pines over. Last year, there was an overwhelming amount of Falstaff entries; this year, it seems to be Simba/Hamlet. You're busy helping her, when suddenly:

"Who are yours?" Spencer asks, twisting in his seat so his body is angled towards you, open and curious.

Carrie bursts out laughing. "Oh god, she has some crazy ones."

"No, I don't." you grumble.

"Yeah, you do." Carrie turns to Spencer, lips stretched in a massive grin, "You're about to learn some very fascinating things about your girlfriend, professor."

Spencer returns her smile, and you're struck with the desire to conk their heads together. They'd deserve it, matching grins and all.

"No." you shake your head.

"Why not?"

"I don't want you to judge me."

"I won't!"

"Or psychoanalyze me."

"I…" he pauses, "I'll try not to."

Carrie laughs. You glare at both of them, betrayed.

"He'll find out sooner or later," Carrie says, shrugging innocently, as if that would absolve her of her betrayal, "Honestly, I'm surprised it hasn't come up yet, with the amount of time you guys seems to spend together."

The teasing implication is clear. You feel your face burn, annoyed that you can't even refute it. Fake relationship or not, you had been spending a lot of time with Spencer.

Beside you, he chuckles, looking sheepish and caught, ears turning rosy. "Guilty. And now that it's been thoroughly explained to me, I'm very curious."

You groan, burying your face in your hands. "I hate you both."

"Come on, I'll start." Carrie compromises with a giggle, "One of mine is Waluigi."

"From… from the Mario Brothers?" you can hear the amusement coloring Spencer's voice.

"Yep." Carrie says, proudly popping the 'p'. "Another one is Shrek. I love a grump. My husband's a grump. And quite rotund. He gives great hugs."

Spencer laughs, "Shrek is a very well developed character, I think I understand the appeal."

"Thank you!" Carrie's foot makes contact with yours under the table, a gentle prod. "See, he doesn't judge. Your turn."

You don't lift your head from your hands, muffling the sound of your voice when you answer. "Loki."

"The Norse trickster god?" Spencer clarifies.

"Sure, but specifically the Marvel version."

"Oh, you can do better than that, Tom Hiddleston is objectively very attractive. That defeats the purpose of a hear me out." Carrie protests, nudging your foot again, this time more insistently. This woman thrives when it's time to tease you, a fact that you normally enjoy and encourage—what's friendship without some healthy ribbing?—but right now it feels like a curse.

You groan, regretting ever divulging your list to her. There's no point in lying, when you've had this conversation a million times prior, and Carrie knows you have quite an… eclectic taste.

"Ugh, fine. The balrog."

Carrie snorts in satisfaction. Spencer shifts beside you, and you suddenly feel he's much too close for comfort. His thigh presses against yours, and you can feel his warmth despite the layers of clothing.

"From Lord of the Rings?" Spencer asks.

You lower your hands and slump in your seat, braving his reaction. Despite your indignation, your response comes out weak.

"Yes."

"The one that Gandalf fights in Moria?"

"Yes. Fiery demon with muscles and a whip, come on, I don't think I have to explain myself here." you huff, directing your sheepish gaze at the spread of pictures on the table. "And for the record, they end the fight in Zirakzigil, not Moria."

He chuckles, scratching his jaw as he considers. "But that's not even really a human."

"So? Carrie wants to fuck an ogre and her students want a lion."

Across the table, Carrie throws her head back and guffaws.

"So this goes beyond… physical compatibility."

"Yeah," Carrie manages through her laughter, "Sometimes, people want non sentient things too. Or full on monsters, like, I dunno, the Kraken."

"Or demons, like the balrog." Spencer turns to you.

Your fingers slide under your glasses and rub at your eyes. "You promised not to make fun."

"I'm not, I'm just realizing that I'm so far out of your type." Spencer says.

You stop what you're doing and risk a glance at him. A dimpled smile greets you, so impish and sweet you have no choice but to return it.

"You could get a whip." you mumble.

His smile turns devious. Devastating. Everything in your stomach turns molten, and, with nowhere to go, simply spreads inside out. You wouldn't be surprised if you've miraculously turned lobster red. You want the ground to swallow you whole.

You wish he'll keep looking at you like that, with that exact smile, welcome the utter void it creates in your normally overactive mind.

Thankfully, you're saved from responding when Carrie interrupts. She raps on the table, chuckling.

"Okay lovebirds, save the dirty talk for when I'm not here."

"I swear to god, Carrie." you kick her under the table, hard, which only elicits a laugh from her.

And, because her ability to tease apparently extends to your current 'boyfriend,' she turns to Spencer, shoulders still shaking. She manages to silence her laughter just enough to ask:

"Now that you know about it, Doctor Reid, who would be your hear me outs?"

You perk up, turning to him.

Who would be his hear me outs? What sort of character or creature would entice Spencer Reid that way? You try to predict one, but he seems like an anomaly. He's the kind of person whose choices could range from something relatively tame like Morticia Addams, to something utterly wild and out of left field.

Honestly, you half expect him to say Cthulhu.

"I don't think I can beat the balrog." he laughs, running a hand through his already messy curls.

"You don't have to beat it." you reassure him with a smile, though you do want to add you can try though.

"Yeah, sorry this is kind of on the spot. Just give us one off the top of your head." Carrie says. Both of you stare at him curiously, but he doesn't seem to mind the attention. He's deep in thought, fingers trailing over some of the cutouts on the table.

"I've always enjoyed reading about the Sphinx," he mutters finally, the crease between his brows deepening into a valley the more he concentrates, "Depending on which culture you read from, the symbolism will differ, but one thread seems to connect all of them—sphinxes are guardians. I think I quite like how it goes in Greek mythology, where she's ruthless and unbending. Takes a clever man to get through to her. Certain versions show her to give Oedipus the answer, hoping he'd fall in love with her, showing us that she yearns for something human too."

You blink, staring at him. At this point, it really shouldn't come as a surprise to you, how much thought he gives into everything. But it does. Especially when it's something as silly as this, an online trend that got explained to him five minutes ago, but he's answering with careful consideration.

It's touching. And, you have to admit, however begrudgingly, quite endearing.

"You both said the game encompasses anything, right?" he says, when he realizes the silence has stretched, glancing between you and Carrie. "Or did I do this wrong?"

"You did it perfectly." the words leave your lips too fast. You smile anyway, encouraging him.

Carrie nods, lips stretched in a smirk. "Yeah, I think that answer ties with the balrog, at the very least. God, you two are a match made in freak-heaven."

Spencer laughs, cheeks turning pink. "I think I'm just attracted to strong, feminine figures."

"Oh, sure. But that doesn't negate what I said." Carrie points out, winking at you.

This time, you don't bother kicking her under the table. Not when Spencer's smile is once again directed at you, victorious and sincere.

Thank you deeply for reading, please reblog if you enjoyed!