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Accepting that you had fallen in love with sweet Sejanus Plinth, your childhood best friend was not easy. From the time you both met, Sejanus had been a constant and welcome presence in your life. One of you two always trailing after the other, hot on each other’s heels. The pair of you could often be found pouring over books in the library, comparing what you had read versus what you had not. Or, you could be found at a small cafe on the Corsus, sharing a sweet pastry or sipping tea and studying.

With the frequency of your hangouts, and the fact that you had few other friends, it was impossible for the other Academy students not to notice and gossip. You had grown accustomed to hushed whispers and jeers directed at the both of you. After all, what business does someone from the Capitol have with a District transplant who makes a display of his disdain of the very place he lives? You found that befriending Sejanus Plinth has been a lonely experience, isolating you from many, but not all of your peers. However, it only made the bond you two had stronger.

A hand slapped your shoulder, and a shrill voice called out “Tag! You’re it!” From behind you. Clemensia Dovecote sped off, her jet black hair flying out from behind her. You watched her climb up the iron monkey bars and perch at the top, flashing you a crooked smile. She had just lost her two front teeth, leaving a large gap in her smile. To you, she was the coolest girl in school. 

“You have to chase us now!” She yelled at you from her spot on the monkey bars. You hadn’t even been in this game of tag, but you took this as an invitation. Not wanting to disappoint her, you took off, running full tilt to the group of children. You picked the easiest target, Felix Ravinstill, and chased after him. You weaved in and around the play structure, dodging large beams and the occasional rogue ball. While Felix didn’t have speed on his side, he had fast reflexes and was quick at evading your every attempt at catching him.

Felix leapt onto the pavement, running straight through a game of foursquare. You dodged the wonky chalk barrier marking the borders of the pitch as the players yelled at Felix for ruining the game. Felix rounded a hard corner. You sped up, the collar of his shirt almost within reach.

“Get him!” Clemensia cheered. Your head snapped in her direction, she was beginning to climb down from the monkey bars. The momentary loss of focus resulted in your shoe colliding and hooking under a rock on the yard. You sprawl forward. You had just enough time to put your hands out and prevent your fall before you hit the pavement hard. You yelped out in pain, your knees and hands hot from the impact. You barely registered that you’re crying until Clemensia runs up to you, teacher in tow. A crowd had begun forming around you, and you found yourself crying thick, hot tears. The teacher helped you up, offering kind words of encouragement as students gathered asking if you’re okay. The tears that started didn’t seem to stop, and you sobbed a little harder looking at the state of your bloodied knees.

 And so the game of tag abruptly ended. Nobody on the schoolyard blamed you, of course, but you found yourself sitting out for the rest of recess. You sat cross-legged on the hot pavement holding a large wad of gauze to your bleeding knee and sniffling occasionally. You stared off at the play structure, watching the others go down the slides and run around. You don’t think anyone thought too much of it, but the embarrassment you still had over the situation hung thick around you.

A shadow above you blocked out the beating sun, and two little legs obscured your view of the play structure. You looked up, squinting a little.

“Hi,” said an unfamiliar voice. Your eyes focused on the shape in front of you. Sejanus Plinth, the new boy who just arrived from District 2 stood above you. He was well-fed, dark curls above his eyes and his chubby hands clutched a bag of colourful, sugary gumdrops.

“I saw you fall,” He stated. Great. Someone else who saw your tumble. You said nothing, did he come here to make fun of you?

“Want some?” He asks, shoving his bag of candy in your face. You were a little shocked at his blunt kindness. You had not spoken to Sejanus since his arrival at the Capitol a month ago. His arrival was instantly marked with hostility and distaste from other students. The others in your class rejected him entirely, opting to make him the object of their bullying, leaving Sejanus utterly friendless. You never participated in the bullying, but you never stopped it. You were simply indifferent, and maybe that made you complicit.

“Sure,” You sniffled, and wiped leftover tears from under your eyes. Sejanus moved to your left and sat beside you up against the grey concrete wall of the school. He ruffled through the bag, placing a bright blue gumdrop in your palm. You plopped it in your mouth, its sweetness enveloping your tongue. While your family wasn’t poor, the war had been rough on your family. Candy and sweets were only for birthdays and special occasions now.

“I’m Sejanus by the way,” The boy smiled, sticking out a chubby hand, waiting for you to shake it. You’d met enough of your mother’s coworkers to know what to do. You awkwardly reached out and shook his hand and returned the greeting. His hand was sticky.

“You ran really fast out there,” He said, reaching into the bag and grabbing a gumdrop for himself. 

“Thanks,” Your voice broke a little, tears still threatening to spill. Sejanus looked down at your hands, trailing his gaze to your knees, Bloody scrapes littered them, pieces of gravel still stuck to your left side. He reached forward and brushed it off for you.

“Do you wanna play hide and seek?” He asked, turning towards you.

“Can’t,” You sniffled. “M’knee hurts.”

Sejanus thought about this for a moment. A look of deep concentration washed over his soft, round features. 

“Want me to kiss it better?” He asked, his voice filled with innocence. 

“What?” You asked, a little shocked. “A kiss,” he repeated. “When I fall and get sad, my Ma kisses me better.”

Before you can say anything, he leans down, placing a feathery kiss to your knee, lips barely grazing your skin.

“There, now you’ll get better!” He smiled sweetly. It was contagious, a small grin crept up your lips in return. Sejanus rummaged in his pocket for a moment before he pulled out a packet of cards.

“Wanna play go fish?” He asked eagerly.

“I don’t know how to play,” You said quietly. Sejanus thought for a moment. “We can make a card tower if you want?” Now that, you could do.

“Sure!” You chirped. Sejanus’s joy was infectious. He spent the rest of the recess making you laugh, cheering every time you both successfully added another level to your tower. When the bell rang signaling the end of recess, you quickly knocked your 4-level tower down and helped Sejanus put the cards away. 

“Thanks for playing with me today!” You smiled, a new spring in your step, your injured knee long-forgotten about.

“Do you wanna play together tomorrow?” Sejanus asked, looking down at the ground. You knew he was used to people not wanting to play with him, let alone be near him.

“Of course!” You beamed at him and lined up behind Coriolanus Snow. Some of the other students shot you dirty looks, seething that you would associate with a District boy. You paid it no mind, however. You were just happy to have a brand new friend to play with.

It's funny how tripping on the school yard completely altered the course of your life. A familiar voice snapped you out of your thoughts. 

“If I have to write one more paper for Dr. Gaul, I think I’m going to drop out and join the Peacekeepers.” Sejanus sigh, tapping your shoulder from behind. You glance up and follow him with your eyes as he sits across from you in the dining hall. 

“Don’t,” you groan in mock annoyance. “Who else will I have to annoy and pester during class?” you say, knitting your eyebrows together in concern.

“I’ll talk to Coriolanus, I’m sure he can annoy you at least once a day,” Sejanus smirks, pulling his notebook from his satchel. You tut and roll your eyes. Sejanus rests his elbow on the white marble table, placing his head in his hands as he skims his notes. His dark curly hair falls over his forehead, largely obscuring his face. His cheeks look soft, lips pursed as he concentrates. His baby fat from childhood had now melted away and made room for a strong, muscular build that differed from the usual physique of Capitol boys. Sejanus definitely looked District, but maybe that’s why you found him so attractive now.

“Are we still going to the White Pony?” He asks, referencing one of the restaurants you both frequented. He never looked up from his notes. Good, he didn’t see you staring. Your eyes snap down towards your lap, making it look as though you are utterly engrossed with your red cloth napkin that you're playing with in your hands.

“Can’t today,” you sigh, leaning back in the hard dining hall chair. “Clemensia and I are meeting for coffee.” Your eyes drift around the cafeteria. The low light of the late afternoon cast shadows across the pristine white floors, bathing everything in a golden light. A few stragglers from the day remained in the cafeteria, chatting and reviewing notes, much like you and Sejanus were.

“That’s unfortunate,” he said, only glancing up at you momentarily. The single beam of orange light from the large arched window behind you illuminated his eyes perfectly. The caramel-coloured specks in his eyes lit up only for a moment.

“I was hoping I could show you some of the renovations they did.”

Now you feel guilty. You cursed yourself internally for making spur of the moment plans for a coffee date with Clemensia.

“I’m sorry Sej, tomorrow?” You ask, your voice softening. His eyes flick up to your face momentarily at the use of the nickname. Only you called him that. You reach your hand forward and stroke his wrist, covered by the crimson fabric of the Academy jacket you both wear. He lifts his head up, smiling at you, but visibly unhappy. You’ve known Sejanus for almost 10 years now, and you know when your best friend-turned-crush is upset.

“How can I make it up to you?” You loosen your grip on his wrist and trail your hand downwards to his fingertips, tapping yours against them gently as a comforting gesture.

“You can’t,” he groaned. “I will never forgive you for this,” He slumps forward, touching his head to your hand. His curly brown hair feels so soft tickling against your hand. “I see your loyalties lie elsewhere, I’m devastated,” he sighs, voice muffled and shaking as if he is on the verge of tears. You’d be tempted to believe it, if it were not for the fact that you can feel his lips smiling into your palm as he speaks. You choose to play along with his pretend outrage.

“Oh no! This really is terrible! I am so upset that Sejanus Plinth, my oldest and best friend, hates me!” You spoke almost too loudly. Two ginger-haired boys nearby shot you a glare, but you quickly disregarded it. “How ever will I regain his trust?” You ask, voice dripping in sarcasm and a smile creeping up your lips. Sejanus kept his head pressed in your hand, his shoulders shaking as he attempted to stifle his laughter. You continue.

“Maybe…” You hesitate for a moment. “Maybe I can bring in one of my chocolate muffins? Would he forgive me then?”

Sejanus’s head snaps up, beaming at you. “Deal.” He laughs. You giggle in return. Sejanus loves your baking, often saying it was almost as good as his Ma’s baking. That was high praise for you, always hoping you can outdo Ma Plinth but never fully succeeding.

You squeeze his hand gently before removing it. Your heart flutters at the loss of contact, wishing you could have that connection for even a moment longer.

“I have to get going,” you say, moving to get up, Sejanus stands too. You smooth out the wrinkles of your jacket and shirt. “Clemensia is going to kill me if I’m late again.”

“I don’t think you’ve been on time to anything in your whole life,” Sejanus smiles at you, teasing you. He picks up your bag as well as his own.

“You are so rude! I don’t know why I put up with you!” You gasp, laughing as you give him a playful shove, walking out the swinging white doors of the cafeteria and down the hall.

“Probably because you love me,” Sejanus laughs. You could tell it was supposed to be a joke but you feel your breath hitch in your throat. He knew? How did he know? Who told him? His words echo through the high ceilings of the hall and your mouth opens and closes like a fish. Sejanus sensed the shift in atmosphere and his laughter died out too. 

You muster a dry chuckle.

“Yeah,” you smile. “Something like that.” The tension in the air still hangs thick between you. Sejanus stares down at his shoes, shifting his weight between one foot and the other awkwardly. He opens his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.

“Thanks for carrying my bag!” You chirp, trying to diffuse the tension. You reach and grab the brown satchel off his shoulder, pulling it close. Before he can speak, you glance at the watch on your wrist. 

“I really have to get going, I am officially dead to Clemensia,” you muster a nervous laugh. He chuckles half-heartedly in return. “Yeah. I should get home too,” he said softly. You turn and wave goodbye to him, before starting at a quick pace down the hall. Sejanus’s booming voice shouts out from behind you.

“Don’t forget the muffins!” He calls, cupping his hands over his mouth. The high intricate ceiling of the hall echoes his words.

“Muffins! Muffins! Muffins!”

You smile, not turning back to face him. “I won’t!” You yell back, before ducking into the stairwell. 

Exiting the school, you gasped in the crisp spring air. The embarrassment hit you a second time. 

“Idiot!” You curse yourself, slapping your temples as you march down the road.

…

“Oh my god, you didn’t,” Clemensia claps a hand over her mouth. “No, you’re messing with me, you didn’t,” She gasps in disbelief. You offer her a wonky smile as an answer. “Oh my god, you’re serious,” She sighs, running her hands through her raven hair, eyes wide. Clemensia had become a close friend of yours after that day on the playground - one of your only other friends aside from Sejanus. Coincidentally, she was the only person who knew of your huge crush on him.

“I’m so worried he’s going to hate me, Clemmie,” You sigh, waving your hand in dismissal, but accidentally almost knocking your rose tea over. You caught it before it fell, taking an awkward sip. “I don’t know why I froze up, I know he meant it in a friendly way.”

Clemensia picked up her latte, a look of concentration etched on her face. She pauses for a moment, the chatter in the warm cafe filling the silence.

“I don’t think you messed anything up,” she speaks slowly, lowering her cup. Her red lipstick is smudged against the dainty china. “But I do think you have to be careful. He probably won’t think too much about it, but if he reads too much into it, he’ll get suspicious.” She says pointedly. You groan and cover your eyes with your hands. For the last two years, you had successfully kept your crush on Sejanus under wraps. You already showed physical affection to one another through playful nudges, hugs and you would even occasionally hold hands. And it satisfied you for a while, content with the limited physical affection. But as time passed, Sejanus grew more into his features, and his demeanor only got sweeter, and suddenly affection between friends was insufficient. You found yourself lying awake at night dreaming about him, wondering what it would feel like to have his body pressed against yours, drifting off to sleep together. More than anything, you wanted to know if those soft pink lips felt as gentle on yours as you had imagined.

“Promise me you won’t tell a soul,” you peak up at her from your hands, glaring slightly. Clemensia laughs, her dark eyes crinkling at the corners. Her laughter was a sweet sound.

“I promise,” she said, kicking you gently under the table. "When have I ever told anyone? I might make you start paying me to keep a secret, though," She winks. You roll your eyes playfully. Clemensia looks to the side, gazing off at the art and floral arrangements in the elegant cafe. A devilish grin appeared across her face. “If things between you and Sejanus don’t work out, you could always try that guy over there instead,” she pointed to her right, her finger obscured by her latte cup. You know the drill, you crane your neck, pretending to stretch and follow Clemensia’s gaze and finger with your eyes. You snap back into place. “Clemensia, he’s old!” You whisper-yell at her. She snorts with laughter as the old man dressed in tweed in the corner she pointed to is none the wiser to the interaction.

…

“So I told Festus that if he so much as looks at me again, I’m going to report him to the Dean and have him sent to what’s left of District 13 myself,” Clemensia jokes as you walk around the Capitol park. She had insisted you go for an evening stroll through the park. The sun has set now, and the only light to be found in the park is that from the dim street lights. Crickets nestled in the bushes and dewy grass chirp their song into the evening. While the students’ overall opinion of you is not favourable at the Academy, you were thankful for having Clemensia by your side. It was nice having at least one friend who wasn’t complicated the same way Sejanus was.

“God, do you think Festus'll try anything again?” You giggle, cocking an eyebrow as you walk around the park together, gravel crunching under every step. “Doubt it,” she smirked. “Consider it handled.”

You round a corner, approaching some sleeping ducks, the moon shining bright over the pond, casting its reflection into the water. Further down the path, a tall figure stands, skipping stones into the water. They bounce one, two, three times before sinking with a loud plop. The dim street lamps provide no light where the figure stands, surrounding him in mystery.

“Who’s even out this late?” Clemensia said, judging the figure ahead of you. You turned to her, staring blankly into her eyes.

“Us, Clemmie. We’re also out this late.” You said flatly, Clemensia rolled her eyes. “Do you think maybe he’s a murderer, preying on unsuspecting people in the park?” She grabbed your shoulders, startling you. Your heart pounds a bit harder in your chest at her actions.

“If he is, I’m pushing you and running,” you tease her, smirking. She laughs loudly. You had been so engrossed in the conversation with her that you failed to notice the winding root of a willow tree poking out of the pathway. 

“Careful!” Clemensia yelled, trying to get your attention. It was too late, your foot had already hooked underneath the root and sent you flying forward. You lift your hands quickly to protect your face and you hit the gravel of the path below with a loud thud. You slide on impact, loose gravel flying everywhere.

“Are you okay?” Clemensia shrieks. If the figure was a murderer, he was definitely coming for you now. The sound of rapid footsteps comes pounding up to you. A familiar voice calls out your name in panic. Glancing up from your position on the floor, you saw Sejanus running up to you from a distance. So that’s who the dark figure was. You groan, partially from pain and partially from the situation you just got yourself into with him. You glance over at Clemensia as she tries grabbing your arm, attempting to help you up. You mouth the words “help me,” to her. She only stifles a laugh, leaning in to whisper in your ear, “You’ll be fine, you still have your humour.” You really don't want him to see you like this, especially not after such an embarrassing fall. You groan again as she tries lifting you a little higher. The pounding of Sejanus’s footsteps stops abruptly and you feel a second arm snake around your waist. 

“I’ve got you,” Sejanus whispers softly as he lifts you. His face pressed into the side of your head as he lifts you, breathing softly against your hair. He's stronger than Clemensia, helping you to your feet with ease. You stand, but your knee buckles under you. Sejanus catches you, firmly holding your waist in place with his arm. “C’mon, over there,” You hear him say to Clemensia, he cocks his head gesturing to the bench nearby. You hobble over to the bench, both of your friends holding you up. With every step, you feel a sharp sting in your knee, shooting up your body. You wonder how bad it looks. You hadn’t even had the chance to assess the damage before your friends rushed to your aid.

Clemensia helps you lower yourself onto the wooden park bench as Sejanus sits beside you. He gently lifts your leg and pulls it onto his lap as he sits to elevate it.

“Guys, it's really not that big of a deal,” you groan. You feel your face flush darker at all the extra attention.

“Let me just look,” Sejanus mumbles, pulling something out of his bag. “Can you even see in this light?” You ask incredulously, raising an eyebrow at him. “Mhmm,” he mumbles again. “This will sting.”

Before you even have time to process, a sharp burn hits your knee. Rubbing alcohol. You hiss through gritted teeth, throwing your head back. Sejanus has a look of absolute concentration on his face, his head lowered close to your knee. As you suspected, he couldn’t see well, but the idea of him trying to help you regardless makes your heart beat a little faster.

“I… I just remembered I have a paper for Professor Click due tomorrow.” Clemensia stutters, awkwardly taking a step back from you.

“What? No we don’t!” You exclaim, staring at her open-mouthed.

“Well, it's an extra credit paper!” Clemensia gazes down at her feet, starting off down the path.

“I want extra credit!” You call after her.

“No you don’t!” She yells back, you could barely see her wink in the dim light of the path, giving you a thumbs-up gesture. What a jerk. You'll be sure to give her a piece of your mind tomorrow. You roll your eyes and chuckle slightly as she takes off out of sight. Your focus falls back on Sejanus. You see that the red Academy pants you wear are ripped open, blood coating your knee. You gasp a little at the sight. Sejanus picks up on this, still tending to your knee.

“It looks worse than it is,” he said, attempting to reassure you. You sigh, tilting your head back. The budding tree above your head rustles, and the rushing water of the duck pond calms your nerves slightly.

“I’m sorry,” you start. “I didn’t mean to ruin your evening. I didn’t even know you’d be here.”

Sejanus chuckled softly. “You could never ruin anything. I’m just happy to see my best friend.” You swallow hard. ‘Friend.’ Yeah. Because you two are friends and little else.

“I’m happy to see you too,” you swallow. Sejanus dabs at the blood on your knee with his handkerchief, rummaging through his satchel some more. “It’s like we’re kids again,” you whisper quietly, tears pricking at your eyes.

“Hm?” Sejanus mumbles, concentrating on tending to you. “The playground, when we were eight,” you mumble. Sejanus laughs softly. “Yeah, it is actually.” Silence washes over you two again. He was so warm beside you, giving a little extra heat in the cool spring night. An owl hoots softly in the distance as Sejanus reaches into your pant leg to wrap gauze around your knee. You think back to the day you properly met him. How sweet and innocent he was, providing a childish love to you, who had never shown him the same courtesy until that moment on the pavement. The tears gather at your eyelashes, not yet spilling. He’s so attentive to you, face scrunched in concentration as he finishes dressing your knee.

“You forgot something,” you whisper, your voice barely audible. Sejanus lifted his head, giving you his full attention.

“What did I forget?” He asks, leaning his elbow against the back of the bench. You can just make out a sweet smile on his face in the moonlight. A single tear trails down your cheek, he looks perfect. Sejanus leans forward, wiping it away, rough hands caressing your face. You lean into his touch.

“You always kiss it better,” you say quietly. Sejanus lets out a low laugh. “Where does it hurt?” He asks, his voice matching your volume. You choke up and point to your knee. Sejanus chuckles, adjusting himself on the bench. He leans down, gently bending your leg at the knee and places a soft kiss to the fabric of the gauze enveloping your leg. You feel the slight pressure of his lips and sigh, content.

“Anywhere else?” He whispers playfully. You nod slightly, stretching out your lightly scraped hands and forearms.

“Here.” You say flatly. Sejanus sits up, shuffling closer to you on the bench. His arm wraps around your waist and pulls your body a little closer to him on the bench. He gently takes your hands in his, bringing them up to his pink lips. He kisses your fingertips gently, smooth lips touching the pads of your fingers. He presses one, two, three, four, five kisses to the tip of each finger, before repeating on the other hand. Your eyes flutter shut, and another tear rolls down your cheek. 

Sejanus brings the palm of your hands up to his mouth, his lips ghosting over them before pressing his mouth gently onto your palms over and over again. The contact stings slightly, but that melts away quickly, your body relaxing into his touch.

You barely register as he pulls the arms of your shirt and jacket up to reveal your slightly scraped forearms. He kisses your arms, starting at the wrists and gradually working his way up to the elbow. You feel your eyes glaze over and your breathing becomes shallow. He's perfect. His breath tickles your sensitive skin as his plush pink lips touch your skin. Sejanus lifts his head up.

“Anywhere else?” He asks under half-lidded eyes. His kind dark eyes flit down to your lips before back up at you. You swallow. It's now or never. Before you lose your nerve, you take a deep breath and lift your hand up. You gently tap your own bottom lip with your fingernail.

“Here.” You whisper, voice barely audible. Sejanus gasps softly. He doesn't hesitate, tilting his head slightly. He places one of his fingers under your chin and gently tips your head up towards him. His eyes scan yours for a moment, searching for a sign of hesitation. When he doesn't find it, he closes his eyes, as do you, and his soft lips grace yours momentarily before meeting for a full kiss. Your head spins immediately and your surroundings melt away. All you can focus on is him. You wrap your arms around his strong, broad shoulders, kissing him back. Sejanus’s grip on your waist tightens as he pulls you in, your chest presses against his and you can feel his heart hammering against his shirt. You tilt your head a little, deepening the kiss. His lips are sweet like sugar, parted mouth pressing gently against your bottom lip while you capture his upper lip with your teeth, pulling gently. His tongue swipes over your bottom lip, you gasp a little and arch your back. Sejanus’s tongue slips inside your now-open mouth, his tongue immediately finding yours. You push back against his slightly, still allowing him control. He sighs into your mouth and the sound lights something up inside you. You kiss him deeper, tilting your head and alternating directions. Sejanus's hands rub your back, while you grab a fistful of his hair, pulling lightly. He groans, teeth clacking against yours. You don't register the pain, too consumed by Sejanus as he grips you tighter.

You break apart for air first, panting. He rests his forehead against yours, his soft dark hair gently rubbing against your skin. His gaze falls into your lap, where he now holds your hands in his.

"Wow," he breathes, wiping saliva from the corner of his mouth. You giggle, still gasping for air.

“You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that,” he muttered, leaning in again and pressing another chaste kiss against your lips.

“How long?” You ask smiling, your heart pounding in your chest. Sejanus thinks for a moment. He jokingly places a finger against his chin and stares up at the moon in mock consideration.

“Hmm, probably since your 15th birthday party,” he smiles back at you. You gasp, grinning. “Your mother turned out the lights and you blew out your candles, and I remember how perfect you looked in the low light.” He continues. “And I have been hopelessly in love with you ever since.” He rubs his nose against yours.

You melt against Sejanus, throwing your arms around him and burying your face into his neck. “I think I’ve been in love with you for two whole years now,” you whisper against his neck, and he squeezes you even tighter.

“Really?” He whispers the question into your hair. You nod, your hair rubbing against his face. Pulling back, you smile at him.

“Your kisses are like magic, I feel better already,” You giggle. He laughs in return, leaning closer.

“You sure? Want another one just to be safe?” He asks softly, smirking as he already knew the answer. He leans in and captures your lips in his again.