These Are Real

“I am technically their god…. But I want them to think of me like their benevolent land lord” 🍵

*shaking in fear and rage* “AND COWS…. I am cautious around cows” 🍵

“Even if your standing on business, your still too damn short” 🦴

“Everyone always calls me big dog, but then they get mad when I start eating their homework”🍃

“I’m not single, I’m on a completely voluntary detox from being loved” 🦴

“Give me yaoi or give me death” 🍵

“Get grassed or eat ass ig” 🌪️

“I can’t hear you white boy, there’s boobs in my ears” - 🐙

“If you weren’t supposed to climb up and down Gandalf…. Then why would he have built in climbing jugs like that?” 🦴

“Nothing is wrong with dating twinks… but damnit I need a twink with a job” -🐣

“I’m tired of being overworked, so now I skip class and eat soup with a book” 🦴

“If your gonna goon… goon responsibly” -🌪️ said in a public gym

“We aren’t the same, he’s playing checkers… and I’m fucking his dad” overheard a phone call

“Maybe the true titty town was the friends we made along the way” -🦴

“Awwww your father didn’t shit his pants… anyways shuffle this deck of cards” -🦴

“You almost killed me…OVER YOUR FICKING POTATOES” -🦴