The Real Housewives of Silvermoon City

A digital oil painting of Ashleigh Vancleave. by: same-van-rijn Wow, first off I have to say I’m blown away by how the artist managed to capture this character. Her eyes are almost glistening in this piece, as well as her crown, and I know painting metal is hard. Give them credit where it’s due! The hair tousles gracefully to her shoulders, and the overall piece just looks amazing. I’m at a loss for words to describe how elated I am with this piece!

A tarot card of Ashleigh Vancleave of The Real Housewives of Silvermoon City on WRA-H! By artofawang.

Wow! I’m really impressed with how this turned out and I love all the symbolism that was captured and brought to life within the card, like the essential oil diffuser in one hand as she runs a MLM scheme in Silvermoon known as Sin’tscy (obvious parody). The lit cigarette resting in the rose, because she’s a smoker as well as a romantic. The stacks of toilet paper as House Vancleave was the only house in Quel’thalas to keep their toilet paper artisans employed full-time post third-war, and with that it quickly became a fortune for the house.

The Real Housewives of Silvermoon City

Fashion Crimes, Season 1, Episode 2, Part 1.

Scene is set in Court 37 of Silvermoon City, court of Fashion and Noble Complaints.

Court room chatter as we wait on the accused to show up to court.

Judge Kapalarn: “The Accused seems to be running a little late.”

Jizelle: “Guilty! For Wasting everyone’s time!”

Harpsie: The goblin turns to Velva  “If you need legal representation, come tah me when the judge calls ya name.”

Ashleigh: She crossed her arms, “I can’t believe the gall of the accused, late to their own trial.”

Jizelle: “They had better come here looking marvelous!”

Judge Kaplarn: “Quiet down. Now, could the accused, Velva VanSprocket please step forward?”

Jizelle: She scoffed in a haughty and snarky tone, “Guilty! Guilty, I say!”

Velva: She turns to Harpsie, “I don’t need representation,  I can handle myself but thank you.”

Jizelle: Jizelle looks at the accused and shouts, “That’s you! Ugh.. those globes do not blend well at -ALL-” after eyeing her up and down.

Judge Kaplarn: “You are accused of property damage for the hideousness of your tentacle hilted daggers, bear paw covered hips, and overall sense of style. Please make your defense.”

Velva: Velva speaks up, “Propety damage? Who was damaged?”

Jizelle: interrupts, “Everyone’s eyes from looking at you!”

Kaplarn: “According to the information I have been given, the property value of an entire neighborhood was damaged by your utter hideousness and standing idle for three consecutive hours in that neighborhood.”

Ashleigh: interrupts, “Yes the value of those luxury spires decreased because their view was blighted by her devastatingly mediocre fashion sense. She should be ashamed of her crimes!”

Velva: She tries to keep a straight face, “The fur covers my hips pads, and enhances my hourglass silhouette. The daggers..”

Jizelle: “An hourglass if the center was inversed maybe…”

*Jury laughs*

Ashyrne: “I can personally attest to seeing those daggers, they are unacceptable. The dripping and oozing can be found trailing across the streets of Silvermoon.”

Velva: “Well sure it is, they have tentacles… It’s ichor..”

*Jury gasps*

Jizelle: “Ichor? I’ll ick-all over that outfit! Ugh.”

Velva: stares the woman down, her eyes narrowing, “I would wear something more fabulous, but I can’t have every elf in the city tracking me down for a recommendation. My seamstress can only work so hard.”

Ashleigh: “Is your seamstress blind, is that in your defense VanSprocket?”

Velva: “No, she sees fine. She studied in Silvermoon and was smart enough to see the same garbage over and over again, and she works for a real celebrity.”

*Jury of elves is now crickets*

Jizelle: “If you’re a repeat customer she definitely sees the same garbage over and over again.”

*random crowd member shouts, “She’s a celebrity? Who?”*

Ashleigh: She sighs and wipes her forehead, “Oh blessed belore, the gall of such claims.”

Velva: Snarks, “Sis. I can wear a trashbag and make it chic. You’re wearing garbage.”

*Courtroom Collective Gasp*

Judge Kaplarn: He slams his gavel down several times, “Order! Order in the court! Jury can you make a decision based on the observation and the testimony against the accused?”

*Jury is sequestered in the enclave separated by sheer curtains and bickers among themselves.*

*Ashleigh speaks for the collective jury as they come out.*

Ashleigh: “The jury finds the accused, guilty. Your honor.”

Judge Kaplarn: He turns to Velva, “You are found guilty of property damage. I sentence you to one week of community service cleaning the streets of the exchange, and a mandatory fashion class taught by Ashleigh Vancleave. Try not to dress as gaudy as her…”

Velva: Her mouth hangs open, “Fashion classes with her?!”

Ashleigh: exclaims, “Hey it is not gaudy, it’s couture!”

*onlooker shouts, “A fair punishment.”*

*A wardrobe of last season’s Keelen Sheet’s clothing is portaled in by the magister retainers of the court.*

*The second person accused of heinous fashion crimes is brought to be judged*

The Real Housewives of Silvermoon City’s Promo-shoot. By artofawang

“Season 1, Episode 1, Part 2.

Jizelle Eveningdawn shades Ashleigh Vancleave and things get heated. Halindel, the intern walks into the tavern attempting to aid Countess Vancleave.

Ashleigh: She eyes a stranger who tries to sit at their table, “Sir this table is reserved.” the stranger quickly departs after recognizing the local celebrity.

Jizelle: “Ugh they should really close that exit going out to the row, bad architecture on this city’s part, but what else is new.” She rolled her eyes.

Halindel: Halindel the intern to House Vancleave walks into the scene.

Jizelle: “Now I have to go get another cleanse, those undesirables have ruined my vibes, right after I cleansed them on that week-long cleanse. UGH!”

Ashleigh: “I was always jealous of the sunstriders, the ‘tea’ was they were able to get colonics of liquid gold and those were supposedly life-changing. Increasing your good-vibes tenfold, and holistic too.” Jizelle: interrupted after mention of the sunstriders, to name drop herself in the tavern. “I Jizelle Eveningdawn was going to marry Kael’thas at one time, but he went and died. Completely selfish.”

Ashleigh: Intensely rolled her eyes and shouted, “AS IF! Like you would marry a royal?!”

Halindel: He whispered to Ashleigh, “Is that your mother?”

Jizelle: She stood up and waved a hand towards Ashleigh, “PUH-lease, look at me, then look at you, then back to me. I am a freakin’ -goddess- okay?”

Halindel: He shouted, “No, I’m a god if anyone here is a diety in the mortal flesh.”

Ashleigh: “I am the embodiment of the sunwell’s grace and beauty itself.” She gloated proudly.

Halindel: “Everyone wants my firm yet supple tenderloins..”

Jizelle: She rolled her eyes and scoffed, “Pfft. The sunwell after Arthas destroyed it maybe..”

Ashleigh: Ash screeched, “AHHH! You take that back!” She took her glass of wine that was in hand and sloshed it toward Jizelle, before slamming it on the table breaking the cup to make a shiv.

Jizelle: She was able to conjure a frost barrier that turned the wine into snow. Jizelle gave a harpy laugh, before sipping on her wine. “Please, Honey, you couldn’t cut me just like you couldn’t cut modeling for the Eversong Gazette!”

Ashleigh: Ash shouted at Jizelle, “You’re trash! I bet your muff has mana-wyrms in it from all the manaphetamine you do, you’re Muff-GAHBAGE!”

Halindel: He screamed at both of them, “Stop! Stop fighting you’re scaring Haute Dog and Accessory!”

Ashleigh: She turned her attention to Hal, and then back towards Jizelle before calming down slightly, “I would put both my hands around your neck right now but the fact that they can’t physically wrap around it because it is so fat disables me from doing so.”

Jizelle: “You’d know all about wrapping your hands around fat things wouldn’t you! That’s how you got your ex-husband, a handy at the charity-gala!”

Ashleigh: She walked towards the exit, mumbling her mantra, “Secure the bag.” then screamed. “HAL let’s go!”

Halindel: “But wait, Ashl-”

Ashleigh: She continued belting, “I SAID HAL, LET’S HIT IT!”

 “Season 1 Episode 1 of The Real Housewives of Silvermoon City

The Countess Ashleigh Vancleave meets Lady Jizelle Eveningdawn at a tavern in the city to discuss her new business venture with House Vancleave.

Ashleigh : She plopped down into the velvet cushioned seat. She groaned, “Eugh, I finally made it sorry for the delay. Paparazzi have been following me all over town, but what else is new?”

Jizelle: moaned, “Mmmhmm doll, they’re just all clamoring to know what you’re going to do next in this town.”

Ashleigh: “So Jizelle what have you been up to lately, I haven’t seen you in a few days.”

Jizelle: “Oh, I just got back from my week get-away deep cleanse spa treatment with the hubby.”

Ashleigh: She began to shiver from withdrawal most likely before shouting at the bartender nearby. “Turn the heat up, it’s cold as hell in here and outside. Someone must be plowing mother nature in the ass tonight!” She saw two strangers sit down at the table with Jizelle and herself, rolling her eyes.

Jizelle: She snapped at the two, “Ugh this table is reserved, it’s obviously not a family-style restaurant you heathens.” Jizelle turned to Ashleigh and gloated, “I feel absolutely rejuvenated. Sometimes I wonder if we’re the disease and nature needs to cleanse us, well not me.. er.. us.. of course, I mean the poors.”

Strange Man : It looks like a public table to me.

Jizelle: She screams, slamming her hands on the table, “You can’t sit with us!”

Strange Man leaves the scene

Jizelle: “Ugh why do those from the row come in here, they stink this place up.”

Ashleigh: “Ugh thank belore he’s gone.” She turns her attention towards Jizelle, “So did you get the new products to test that House Vancleave is about to launch?”

Jizelle: “No I don’t believe I did.”

Ashleigh: “Well our courier delivered a shipment of espresso enemas to your estate from our new line, they’re infused with certified free-trade and organic shalassian coffee beans, and mana-dust. We branded them as Espresso-Shots, hopefully these could help out the denizens of the row that like to shoot constantly, with these being holistic it would fare much better for their health, so in essence it kinda is charity work right, but did you try them Jizelle?”

Jizelle: “Oh no, I don’t do enemas they make you fat.”

Ashleigh: She rolled her eyes, “No they don’t! They literally cleanse your colon and do the opposite of making you fat, trogg for brains.”

Jizelle: “Well when I did them, they made me gain two pounds.”

Ashleigh: “I don’t see how?”

Jizelle: “Well you didn’t see your husband leaving you either did you?” She jabbed, as she swirled her wine in one hand before sipping it.

Ashleigh: Ash scoffed, “Well I’m glad you’re drinking again.” Ashleigh noticed the bong on the table and lit it up before taking a hit of bloodthistle, and then immediately rolled a small joint with the loose leaf and wrappers on the table before lighting it up, and sticking it in her mouth.

Jizelle: She shouted, “Well someone has to! This city is lacking class, and I intend to bring it back.”

Ashleigh: Puffed on her joint and smiled, “Well I think I... We, more than compensate for everyone else in this city, but it is lacking class. I remember about twenty years ago when the fashion laws were enforced in this city and people would get vaporized in the streets by the arcane servitors, if those committing the fashion crimes received enough complaints. We need to bring that back!”

Jizelle: “Hmm yeah, it’s a shame Arthas didn’t kill all the poor in this city and just left the nobility alive.”

Ashleigh: “I totally agree with you, yes it was tragic but thankfully I was away from everything in my estate in the mountains. I wish people in this city would stop being poor, because it’s literally so easy to get rich atleast it was for me. Everyone here is just lazy.”

Jizelle: “Mmmm yes, thankfully my husband chose to be rich so it all worked out for us.”