I Spy

i have to be silly every day or my brain will start growing mold

Someone in my younger siblings class said they were “yandere for them” and my sibling responded “first of all cringe, second of all red flag” and no phrase has entered my daily lexicon so fast

im happy they worked it out

you weren’t a “well behaved” child you had anxiety and were terrified of conflict

BuzzFeed: VR Furries Are Now Running Around The Four Seasons Total Landscaping

i have never seen a more accurate photos set

inside we are all wizards, and we all know a spell called love

it does 6d12 necrotic damage

This is modern poetry

In which the spouse and I both realize we’re vindictive southern belles. 

There’s nothing quite like when a Southerner blesses you out

no offense but I heard the evil scientist say he likes studying me better than you

Then why’s he up all night diluting my saliva? Check and mate.

well IM getting moved to a separate chamber tonight so he can keep an eye on me. What about that?

Please, he hasn’t even probed your mind yet. Besides, yesterday he told me that my blood diagnostics were, “abnormal” and “potentially hazardous”. How could you possibly compete with that?

*telekinesis throws a soda can at your head* 

How dare you!!! Evil Scientist!!! Evil Scientist they’re resorting to violence!!! I do not feel very enriched right now!!! I need a bandage and an IV of juice!!!

this is exactly the behavior i’m talking about. You still need juice rewards and screens. I have evolved past these childish activities, I am a model experiment

*sounds of an evil scientist hurriedly scribbling down notes*

What’s up with the fairly recent trend of leap years all being bad fucking years like 2008? Shit. 2012? Fucking shit. 2016? Absolute fucking shit. I’m just gonna predict 2020 is gonna be the Most Absolute Stinky Piece of Shit year to date

Date of Origin: July 3, 2018

Reverse Robin Hood where you rob the poor and give to the rich

#u know what’s so cool about this photo? #they both dead and in hell

his eyes say it all and it really really makes the video from an 8/10 to a full tenouttaten