A man with a tender heart who knows how to use it is infinitely more attractive to me than one who has spent thirty years constructing an identity around never showing one. Compassion, generosity, benevolence, attunement to the people around him are the things that make a man genuinely worth being with, no amount of money will make up for a lack of these and the distinction matters more than most people admit until it is too late and they are stuck with someone who cannot access a single one of those things.
Ironically, I think a lot of the traits considered less masculine by society are exactly what make a man an ideal partner to me. I want a man with high emotional intelligence and empathy, someone perceptive and deeply attuned to the needs of the people around him; I want a man who is nurturing, compassionate, generous and someone who doesn't spend his whole life suppressing what he feels because he was taught that's what strength looks like.
The men who are excessively preoccupied with performing masculinity and monitoring whether everything they do passes some invisible test are always, without exception, the least masculine. If you do not trust your own masculinity enough to sit with a difficult emotion or be generous with someone you love without feeling threatened by it, you have told me everything I need to know and none of it is good.
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