hurgusburgus.

on heaven:

When I envision paradise, I immediately conjure up images of the Windows XP wallpaper. While it certainly seems idyllic and thoroughly peaceful, I can also assume that it would also become incredibly boring once you get tired of frolicking in endless, lush fields of grass under a vast powder-blue expanse of sky. It reminds me of how people used to describe heaven when I was in church. "There would be no sin, no death, no destruction," they would say. "Only peace, harmony, and eternal worship of Jesus." Of course, I have reminded a few people just how utterly braindead and weird that sounds...

On the other hand, in a universe in which the concepts of "boredom" and "suffering" are nonexistent, none of that would matter in the slightest. That, of course, begs the question: if an all-powerful entity can create something called "heaven", it follows that this same entity can eliminate the possibility of "wrong" or "right". We wouldn't be automatons, but we would not even be able to conceptualise the very ideas of "good" or "bad".

Photo: me (Clayton Jones Images)

on the current state of america:

We're fucked. Preternaturally, corporeally, indubitably fucked. We're playing Russian roulette with six rounds and by ourselves ... and for no reason other than to appease a few old men with an absolute horror show of festering corpses and foreign interests in their collective closets.

Can we defuckify this?

Well, technically, every situation can undergo defuckification, but unscrewing this problem which has been thoroughly scrown will take a Herculean effort along with a healthy dose of Father Time's blessings, neither of which is guaranteed. As we have initiated a war with Iran at the behest of Israel, we have extended a proverbial middle finger to everyone who has ever cared about us, including those who came to our aid in Iraq and Afghanistan, while Trump's relief of sanctions of Russian oil provides Moscow with the freedom to fuel support for Iran as well as continue their aggression in Ukraine.

As gas prices and other costs soar due to this unpopular conflict, there are no clear off-ramps or contingencies other than continually escalating attacks. Congress has proven toothless in any attempt to rein in the war effort, and due to both a lack of reasonable justification and economic and political snubbing, allies are less than willing to put their manpower and resources on the line to help. Coupled with the rapidly spreading lawlessness that is permeating our country, it appears as a concerted effort at self-destruction.

It is readily apparent that bullying is not an acceptable strategy, both for domestic safety and/or longevity and for international stability. It might seem appropriate to some to (wrongly) see this fiasco as some sort of accidental, once-in-a-lifetime aberration, but this has only occurred due to the relative impunity those who perpetuated our nation's worst calamities experienced. The only way to salvage any semblance of America's standing and stabilise the ship is to at least prosecute and punish harshly those who attempted to take a wrecking ball to the rule of law to personally enrich themselves and their cronies. Sidestepping this in the name of "restoring order" or even to advance other necessary social programmes is begging for this paradigm to return, and if it does, it will be so...

Much.

Worse.

"no sugar added" ice cream.

I discovered something new, but not in the way I expected.

Thinking I was being health-conscious, I bought a tub of Blue Bell "No Sugar Added" ice cream. While eating it, I didn't notice any significant taste difference from regular vanilla ice cream. Good choice, I thought.

Then came the rumblies.

I have IBS and am a bit lactose-intolerant, but I had already consumed lactase to offset that. I thought it a bit strange, but not alarming, but about 30 minutes later, my lower abdomen began bothering me, and I felt what initially seemed to be gas ... except it wasn't. I made a beeline for the bathroom.

The floodgates opened the moment I plopped my ass onto the toilet seat. I gave my commode absolute hell for what seemed like an agonising 30 minutes. Thinking the worst was over, I cleaned up and went back to my computer in the living room to continue editing photos.

Destiny had other plans, however: not even 10 minutes later, I was sent scrambling back to the loo for another abominable abdominal debacle. When I was done, it felt like the essence of my very being had gone down the drain with the disgusting dump I deposited.

I was also dehydrated as fuck.

To my relief, the gastrointestinal discomfort I felt afterwards was only a fart and nothing else. However, it did leave me with lots of questions. As I was almost positive I had eaten similar products which didn't give me this result, I wondered what the true cause of the diarrhoea was. I didn't eat much that day, but I didn't think it was possible for any food to rocket itself through your body and be expelled so soon after consumption.

I had a quick glance at the labels. I saw that it had a large amount of fibre and initially assumed that to be the issue, but other fibre-heavy foods did not produce such a result. Then I perused the ingredients. Milk, skim milk, polydextrose, cream ... sorbitol. Hmm ... interesting. It was then that I noticed the 5 grams of sugar alcohol in each serving, and it all clicked.

A frantic Google search ensued to verify my suspicions. Much to my disappointment, sugar alcohols, which include sorbitol, aren't fully digestible and absorb water from one's colon, which can apparently act as a sort of laxative. Even so, I would not have expected such an effect to be so damn immediate and violent.

Lesson learned.

Photo: Clayton Jones Images (me)

on politics vs. personal beliefs

If you had asked me about this even a decade ago, I would have tried to make the case that the two were separate entities, but the more I have learnt, the more I have come to understand how inextricably intertwined the two are, especially in the current landscape.

From my perspective, the best ways to choose a candidate are to determine their stances on key issues, as well as their political and personal track record. Of course, there is no such thing as a "perfect" choice -- even if your pick ticks all the major boxes, there will inevitably be some flaws.

That said, a large swath of Americans are single-issue or single-party (or both) voters. Often, very little thought goes into their choices: they zero in on the person who happens to support their particular hot-button issue of the time and unflinchingly support them, regardless of misdeeds or controversial beliefs.

This myopic mentality is what largely contributed to the combative hellscape that is modern American politics. Our Overton window has shifted so far to the right that even the neocons who brought us the War on Terror look like leftists in comparison.

It has also highlighted just how much politics acts as our society's litmus test. How much negative behaviour from a particular political figure is a person willing to stomach before eventually abandoning them? Reasonable people, even the more forgiving ones, have dealbreakers. If a person finds a way to justify even the most heinous of actions by someone in a political position, then it signifies either support for and/or willingness to participate in the act(s) in question, or at the very least, a toleration of those actions.

...and you might just be in a cult.

[some thoughts]

I always find it interesting when I find a person who affirms that they are against dis/misinformation on a particular topic, after which they immediately launch into bizarre, fallacious non sequiturs about it.

As alarming as this era of overt, virulent bigotry and authoritarianism terrifies me, it is also highly informative. Not only can I see how the rhetoric spreads among a population, but I can also identify who has been masking their bigotry the entire time.

In our society, we attack other victims instead of focusing our efforts on rectifying systemic issues.

on government shutdowns:

As I write this, the US government is in the middle of a shutdown. This latest one, having begun on 1 October, is the second-longest shutdown in US history, and could potentially eclipse the 34-day 2018-2019 shutdown which occurred in the first Trump presidency. Typically initiated by budget disputes, these recurring fiascos simultaneously cause rumbles amongst taxpayers and hinder the government's ability to function properly. This situation is unique in that the current administration has seen fit to use this shutdown to wield executive authority as a scythe to slash previously approved funding and to undercut congressional fiscal authority.

A reimagination of the 1884 Anti-Deficiency Act under the Carter administration, which effectively barred spending in the absence of a budget, triggered the shutdown era, the first of which occurred in 1981. In other democracies, this is simply not an occurrence: should certain parties reach an impasse, services continue. It is simply unfathomable to cause an entire population to suffer because a few legislators happen to butt heads on a particular issue.

Shutdowns are dumb and should not occur in any functioning democracy, especially the richest country in history.

"nothing good comes easy"

Like most anecdotal expressions, this is only partially true. While it can be said that a gruelling trial can make you appreciate a particular positive outcome, it conveys the notion that a desired result can neither be good nor appreciated if there were no seemingly insurmountable obstacles in your path to achieving it.

Frankly, that's bullshit.

While truly extraordinary feats do typically require a considerable amount of effort, this statement misleadingly portrays achievements with less-than-onerous pathways as less valuable. Furthermore, it can open the door to "struggle Olympics" -- the idea that, because your successes took more time or grit to obtain, they are inherently better than those of others (which is false).

While I think it's important to appreciate the small things and challenges in the journey, at its core, it boils down to individual valuation. Regardless of the experience, what does it mean to you? If something has significant meaning and improves your life, it is likely you will want to hold on to it. Though I value the things which necessitated a grind, some of my most cherished memories and accomplishments were either happenstance or took little effort at all.

on free-speech absolutism

There are two things I believe must be clarified before I begin:

There is a reason why the First Amendment to our Constitution is first -- it's really, really important.

Absolutism, like its polar opposite, relativism, is dumb and unrealistic.

The anti-intellectualist movement which dominates contemporary America has placed free speech -- and many other things -- under a microscope. Even before the assassination of self-professed free-speech advocate Charlie Kirk, there has been a concerted effort by ultraconservative groups, such as the ironically named Moms for Liberty, to eliminate sizable swathes of books which fail to meet their particular tastes from both libraries and schools.

Following the shooting, the administration encouraged punitive action against critics of the late podcaster, initiating a firestorm of firings for things as simple as quoting his own controversial statements. Conversely, far-right figures, including Mr Kirk, have gone relatively untouched throughout their careers despite being beacons of inflammatory rhetoric. Fox News' Brian Kilmeade retained his position after suggesting the extermination of the homeless. Ergo, the freedom of speech is only interpreted as being absolute for a select group of people.

Even so, in a healthy society, the concept of unbridled freedom of expression by any party is farcical and demonstrably harmful, which is why the literalist approach to the First Amendment has been largely shunned by the US Supreme Court. Absolutist proponents often argue that: 1) words are just words, and thus, can't cause harm; and 2) it becomes a slippery slope once certain forms of speech are curtailed. This, of course, downplays how inflammatory and/or violent rhetoric creeps into the public consciousness and its role in the manifestation of actual violence. Adolf Hitler's electrifying speeches infamously fanned the flames of race- and religion-fuelled tensions and barbarity. More recently, in the days following Kilmeade's 10 September statement, several shootings occurred at homeless encampments -- one in Charlotte, North Carolina, and two in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

I swore an oath to defend the Constitution, which includes the First Amendment, and the right to free expression is a cornerstone of most modern republics and is proven to be crucial to a functioning society, so I support that by default. That said, everything has limits: with a handful of exceptions, absolutism is a harmful ideology, and that indubitably also applies to speech.

You know ... the fusillade of weird and disturbing events has been thoroughly exhausting, but there were a few items that I believe merit discussion based on direct observation.

on "sanewashing" of villains

The path to progress is often paved in human bodies: many of our achievements -- legislative, scientific, or otherwise -- were preceded by an immense amount of bloodshed. Even the actions of the Imperial Japanese Unit 731, events rarely matched in both their unbridled barbarity and intended nefarious purposes, yielded some headway in the field of medicine and in the understanding of the effects of various diseases and extreme conditions on humans.

That said, in recent times, an extraordinary amount of historical revisionism has surreptitiously slithered into the public consciousness, whether intentionally or through tumultuous political climates. Russian President Vladimir Putin has orchestrated the lionisation of infamous dictator Josef Stalin in his own country, and that propaganda has seeped into other circles, particularly enthusiasts of the former Soviet Union or the modern Russian Federation. I have personally come across a Stalin apologist on Instagram. "He wasn't that bad," he said. Well, I guess if you consider man-made famine and mass murder (even of his own trusted people) "not that bad", then I guess he would be a pretty swell guy (though I'm sure the millions of dead people would disagree vehemently).

While Hitler fandom is not exactly a new thing, in light of Israeli atrocities against Palestinians, it has had quite a resurgence. "Maybe the Austrian painter was right," they say. The opposition to Israel created an extremely rare point of agreement between racist white people and anti-Zionists, with the glaring difference being that regular anti-Zionists staunchly denounce violence against Jews and simply oppose apartheid and genocide. In what is likely an unintended side effect, verbal clashes have erupted between Zionists and white supremacists, which have resulted in some of the most entertaining displays of fascist-on-fascist violence I have seen -- it was one of the only times I have ever witnessed avowed racists advocating for a minority.

Witnessing the extremism which defines the current American sociopolitical climate has been quite telling. Our tolerance threshold for bad behaviour is essentially subterranean at this stage, and it has not only allowed our administration to implement its own brand of domestic historical revisionism, but it has also nurtured a culture of conspiracy and acceptance of what would ordinarily be objectionable thought processes and ideas, including, but not limited to, pro-Hitler propaganda.

on the assassination of charlie kirk

I had some other things bouncing around in my head for this edition of random crap, but the significance of this took precedence.

If you haven't already seen, on 10 September, Turning Point USA founder, podcaster, and far-right conservative advocate Charlie Kirk was gunned down during debates (ironically, about gun violence) held at Utah Valley University in Orem, Utah, in a grisly display which shocked both the throng of curious onlookers and people on the internet sharing the video. This was hot on the heels of the 22 August Charlotte, North Carolina, train stabbing of innocent 23-year-old Ukrainian refugee Iryna Zarutska by Decarlos Brown. At least three students were wounded in a mass shooting at Evergreen High School in Colorado shortly after the Kirk assassination.

A Trump ally and darling of the far-right Christian nationalist movement, Kirk was known for fiery, politically-tinged debates and expressing highly controversial viewpoints which often targeted specific groups of people. He callously dismissed school shootings as "worth it" for the preservation of the Second Amendment; he opposed the Civil Rights Act of 1965 and lambasted Rev Dr King; he shunned the very idea of empathy, calling it a "new-age term". He also embraced the repeatedly debunked "great replacement theory" and misattributed the Zarutska stabbing incident as the fault of Democrat actors, rather than a systemic flaw which allowed Brown to remain in public. He saw women's sole purposes as being wives and bearing children. Lastly, he denied the existence of Palestine and blamed Hamas, rather than Israel, for the wanton killing of Palestinian civilians in Gaza. That said...

I have made an unfortunate observation: Kirk's killing could very well be America's Reichstag fire in what has been a conflagration of recent political violence.

Though the shooter has neither been identified nor apprehended, that fact has not prevented prominent figures on the far right, such as Laura Loomer and Elon Musk, from placing the blame squarely on Democrats, characterising the party as a "domestic extremist organisation" and describing the assassination as a declaration of war by "the left". Conversely, many of the same figures revelled in and mocked the shootings of prominent Minnesota Democrat legislators, even going as far as to blame "the left" after the shooter, Vance Boelter, was determined to have voted Republican.

I will unequivocally and vociferously decry any form of political violence, bar none. However, what people also need to understand is that, despite that, we're not obligated to mourn him like some kind of folk hero or love him because he had a family -- plenty of evil, despicable people had families. While there are some who might be jubilant about Kirk's death, reasonable people understand the effects of political violence and its cascading effects. Moral implications notwithstanding, harming or killing these people also creates martyrs and galvanises an already-restless and deeply indoctrinated base to act on their behalf with violence of their own, often eclipsing the scale of the original act and affecting many more innocent people.

Actors who seek to retaliate on behalf of Kirk will seek to target anyone perceived to be part of their problem, be it black people or other racial minorities, the LGBTQ+ community, or anyone they have determined is on "the left" (which is nebulous at best). This results in the various affected groups being forced to choose hard lines, resulting in shattered trust, relationships, and even lives.

All I want to say is to choose your idols wisely (or idolise no one), reject extremism, and most importantly, chill. Put the guns down. Embrace objectivity. Check your sources. And have conversations with intent to learn, however difficult.

(This was way longer than I wanted it to be.)

Nothing to see here, just people defending crime.

on feminism:

I have said it before, but I will say it again: I am a feminist. I will always maintain that women deserve equal rights, equal pay, and equal representation: after all, they are the glue which holds society together. The perspective of a woman being good "for a woman" needs to be dispelled, especially for matters of cognitive ability -- if you are good at something, you are simply good at it.

I also understand there is still a lot of progress to be made in all of those categories, but I am also forced to acknowledge that, despite the handicaps, there is still an element of privilege that exists. Women typically receive preferential treatment and increased value due to appearance (though this can backfire at times), and are treated favourably in legal matters. That said...

When did feminism become overt misandry? When did attacking the patriarchy become attacking men and believing that they should be subject to collective punishment for existing? Should I, as a black person, have a vendetta against all white people and treat them as subhuman because we experience systemic racism? Any form of supremacy practised against any people group always leads to disastrous results. Speaking of which...

on settler-colonialism:

Every people group on the planet, including religious sects, possesses the right to self-determination. That self-determination, however, cannot come at the cost of another people group's self-determination. There are no "promised lands" or predetermined geographic outcomes: there are only people who live in and cultivate the places which they occupy. You don't even have to agree with how that society conducts its affairs -- it gives no one any right to interfere unless said nation is an active (not potential) danger to global or regional stability.

If I discovered that I were (hypothetically) of West African descent, would it give me and people like me licence to travel en masse to West African nations and to seize their land and property for my own living purposes because I was told I had a title deed to it? The native population would be justified in treating us as hostile invaders because we clearly have no respect for them.

Anyway... Yeah.

As a slew of major companies began to feel the effects of the tariffs and the stock market nosedived into depths unseen since the peak of the COVID pandemic, he encouraged followers on his Truth Social platform to buy. Shortly thereafter, he announced a reprieve on the levies, and the market showed a massive jump in response -- a sequence of events which drew suspicions of intentional market manipulation.

Trump's "big, beautiful bill" seeks to etch in stone the provisions from 2017's Tax Cuts and Jobs Act, which could widen the fiscal gap by 50% and primarily benefit those making $450,000 and higher despite increasing market incomes. Elon's DOGE previously slashed 12% of the Social Security Administration's personnel, and this bill aims to cut the Social Security tax, which, in effect, eliminates 91% of the funding to the Social Security Trust Fund, slated to dry up by 2034.

To make up for the cuts, Republicans plan to remove funding for social safety nets like the Supplemental Nutrition and Assistance Programme (SNAP), Medicaid, and Medicare. The DoD would gain an additional $150 billion, university endowments would be taxed more, and public lands would become accessible for drilling, which I'm sure will have absolutely no effect on the environment.

We kinda had a Revolutionary War about this. (Photo: Clayton Jones Images)

Crime pays -- if you're rich, white, or a Trump supporter (or all three)

The January 6 pardons sent a clear message: unquestioning loyalty, no matter the circumstances, would be rewarded (well, unless you're a brown person who voted for him).

In his first term, Trump (somewhat justifiably) pardoned Alice Marie Johnson, who was serving life for her involvement in a cocaine trafficking ring; she was appointed pardon czar in February 2025. Johnson was probably the impetus behind the pardon of rapper Kentrell "NBA YoungBoy" Gaulden, set to go to prison after drug and gun convictions. Controversial rapper Ye lobbied for the commutation of the sentence of Chicago-bred Gangster Disciples founder Larry Hoover.

Todd and Julie Chrisley (Photo: Jordan Strauss for Invision/AP)

Pardoned reality TV figures Todd and Julie Chrisley were convicted in 2022 after fraudulently withdrawing millions in loans and evading taxes. Former Las Vegas councilwoman Michele Fiore held a fundraiser for a statue for fallen police officers Alyn Beck and Igor Soldo, killed in the 2014 Las Vegas shooting; rather than using the funds for the statue, she instead directed them toward personal expenditures, landing her federal convictions for conspiracy and wire fraud. She received an unconditional pardon in April 2025.

Paul Walczak, a nursing home executive whose sentencing judge specifically indicated that the rich would not be evading the law, received a pardon from the president, saving him from an impending 18-month prison sentence and approximately $4.4 million in fines for evading a litany of taxes owed. His mother, Elizabeth Fago, paid $1 million for a face-to-face dinner with Trump three weeks prior to this pardon.

The president now considers pardons for Barry Croft and Adam Fox, convicted of a conspiracy to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer in 2020. The pair, who held anti-government views, had likely sought to use the kidnapping to ignite a civil war.

Much like journalists' phone numbers into Signal chats, the current administration is a massive Hoover vacuum in which all the garbage just gets "sucked in" ... and it just sucks. (Video: CNN)

"A republic ... if you can keep it": what does this mean for us?

There's really no positive way to spin this. It's a hair-on-fire, pants-pooping, DEFCON 1 situation -- and it can still get worse, and that is something that people need to understand. It's so beyond the pale that I could stew for months at my keyboard attempting to document every backwards step this nation has taken in the last few months, and I would still barely scratch the surface.

This is when one considers the "American idea". While one's ability to live freely and to determine their own happiness has always been a centrepiece in the American experiment, it hearkens more toward actually having something to defend; that our flag stands for something; and that we strive toward "a more perfect Union". That requires the knowledge that, as such, the union is imperfect and requires continuous improvement to ensure its survival. Where would we be currently without the fighters, the pioneers, and the peaceful resisters of years past?

Yes, in Star Wars, the Empire are the bad guys, and you don't make your case for being good by behaving like a Sith Lord. (Photo: Clayton Jones Images)

The comforts of contemporary society have caused many Americans to rest on their laurels. The relative absence of large-scale domestic turmoil has given way to a sort of apathetic, privileged complacency and the feeling that what we have at present is simultaneously the best we can do and the best the world has to offer, despite obvious signs of that not being true. While a significant portion of Americans may have visited one other country, only 26% have been to five or more countries, and 23% have never left the United States. Even fewer have actually lived abroad and allowed themselves to absorb other ways of thinking.

This blissful unawareness makes it easy to accept the idea of nationalism, which is not to be conflated with patriotism. Nationalism requires blind allegiance to and acceptance of a particular paradigm. It often idealises harmful traits and the notion that those things make their nations inherently superior. On the other hand, a patriot, while acknowledging the positive things their nations offer, can constructively critique, often harshly, certain attributes of their countries which require either an update or, in some cases, elimination. Had the USA not had abolitionists or civil rights activists, black people would still be slaves. Women would still be trapped in their homes and unhappy marriages, unable to work, vote, or make independent financial decisions.

Two can play that game. (Photo: Clayton Jones Images)

The COVID pandemic exposed our collective lack of academic literacy and susceptibility to pseudoscience, which has not only caused unnecessary death, but has also had lasting effects on American society. Fast forward to today: vaccine scaremongering has taken centre stage in RFK Jr's HHS. Citing oft-debunked studies positing a link between vaccines and autism, he has proposed a national autism database, a move eerily like eugenicist Nazi Germany registries of disabled people. His "Make America Healthy Again" (MAHA) report either deliberately misinterpreted or completely fabricated studies to link vaccines and diets to a variety of conditions, including autism, cancer, and health conditions in children.

These moves are reflective of a much larger problem not limited to medicine. Anti-intellectualism has lingered in the United States for some time (think McCarthyism), but, while elitism has often plagued academia, Trump (in unsurprising fashion) has fingered the pus -- ahem, pulse of society and waged a multi-pronged and murderous assault on higher knowledge. In true fascistic fashion, he seeks to simultaneously rewrite the past and shape the future into one more palatable to racists, social Darwinists, and elites.

Imagine raising nearly $800,000 from total strangers purely off unadulterated hate toward a 5-year-old.

This appeal to the lowest common denominator has obvious consequences. In an era during which the myth of "reverse racism" has gained significant traction, people have become much more comfortable saying the quiet parts out loud. The spectre of January 6 still rears its ugly head as we witness increasing political polarisation and the placing of entire groups of diverse people into distinct, neat packages not fit to adequately hold their contents. This line of thinking is a slippery slope toward politically motivated violence and anti-democratic behaviour.

People have lost trust in "the system". On the surface, such a feeling would seem merited, until you realise that said system is the US Constitution. You see, any system is only as good as the people who maintain it, who see to its upkeep; if those charged with that duty are either too selfish or too incompetent (both?) to uphold that responsibility, then "the system", along with the people subject to it, will go the way of the dinosaur. If those who take their oaths to our Constitution seriously do not have a sense of urgency about checking unabashed abuses of power and shameless corruption, they are effectively throwing constituents to the wolves.

To even the lowest bidder. (Photo: Clayton Jones Images)

If I had the chance to ask those in leadership positions anything, my main query would be...

...why?

Think of all the good you could do with all that power. Rather than systematically dismantling the pillars of our institutions which hold our nation aloft to suit your own personal whims, you could choose to reinforce and reform them to better serve the people of the United States. Instead of pandering to those who have the least to offer, why not use your platforms to build and not destroy? That way, Americans -- and the history books -- will remember you fondly and not as tyrants.

A lasting pax Americana will arrive through a helping hand, not through an iron fist which crushes all in its path. There is no need to hurt others to make ourselves look good. We could be strong and benevolent, like the tree that shades the weary traveller as he makes his way to drink at the oasis of freedom. Those of us who are in need or are different are not lesser -- they are Americans.

How does abandoning the sick and poor help America? (Photo: Clayton Jones Images)

Rather than extorting allies and undermining relationships forged in blood and in time for a fleeting, ham-fisted, and self-serving appearance of superiority, why not make America even stronger and globally vaunted by further reinforcing the foundations of our friendships? Would you not want people to look up to us instead of transforming us into a global laughingstock?

Why sabotage our own national security to provide unconditional diplomatic shielding for openly genocidal rogue states who have no regard for international law or even for America herself? If we are willing participants in evil, how does it make us any better than our adversaries? Why not focus our resources and energy on regional powers likely to reciprocate?

A fact. (Photo: Clayton Jones Images)

In conclusion...

As a patriotic American, I weep internally as I witness nearly everything good about my republic be consumed like charred wood in a raging Roman inferno, powerless to stop any of it. While it is important to know that many others like myself have a firm belief in the tenets of our Constitution, those who hold the reins have no interest in such things as laws, especially if said rules can't be rigged or rewritten in their favour.

If we are to recover from this, those with the biggest platforms and voices must form a united front. Up to this point, the courts have largely been stalwart in attempting to hold off the advances of authoritarianism, but lawmakers must do what they were elected to do and stand on behalf of their constituents -- and to hold accountable those who brazenly and gleefully trample all over the rule of law.

Any day now. While my loyalty will remain, I'd love to return to being a proud American, but for now, I'll just be an embarrassed and terrified one.

We the People. (Photo: Clayton Jones Images)

To be brutally honest, for as much as I have mulled writing about the current (and future) state of my nation, the daily deluge of unfortunate news put a damper on my will to do so. It would be impossible to attempt to list each attack on the institutions which have shakily held us aloft and preserved not only our credibility on the world stage, but also our status as a free nation.

While the first Trump administration was nothing short of abysmal, Trump 2.0 managed to take the bar for American standards and drill it into the earth's mantle ... and continues to dig while we helplessly observe. The regime is characterised by an abhorrent admixture of blatant corruption, stratospheric levels of incompetence, and abject, wanton cruelty.

I will do my best to outline where we are with a few examples as well as describe where we can go in the short and long term.

That was Timothy Snyder, a Yale professor, historian, and expert on fascism. He authored On Tyranny in 2017 and released this video with Business Insider shortly after that publication. What is notable about this video is that, despite being nearly a decade old, it describes what is currently happening nearly perfectly. To boot, Snyder, having recognised what is unfolding, recently relocated to Canada.

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes" -- the farce of American exceptionalism

Snyder is right: Americans, by and large, are not historically savvy. We are not only blissfully unaware of global occurrences, but also -- perhaps even more so -- our own past. This is by design, possibly: to colour the USA as a bastion of liberty, there have been efforts to euphemise and oversimplify the darkest portions of our history into mere footnotes, rather than simply recognising and decrying them as the atrocities they were. The result of these revisionist efforts is a less-than-firm grasp of the machinations which led us to this point, but also a misplaced faith in the system to be able to correct itself should anyone attempt to undermine it. Many are outright dismissive of the historical parallels between our current state of affairs and those of Nazi Germany, not understanding that the worst parts of authoritarianism do not manifest until the latter stages of their implementation.

When I have had discussions with others regarding this phenomenon, the most frequent response is that the American system cannot fail or be compromised; that we, as the pinnacle of all things free, could not, under any circumstance, become beholden to the whims of an authoritarian. I described an event, which is sometimes acknowledged, but is then brushed off in the same breath. "As long as we have been a country, we haven't had any authoritarians." I then cited examples and hallmarks of authoritarian regimes from all eras of history, even recalling our current president's declaration to become a "dictator on day one". "But they're not America," they insist. "I don't believe that." Le sigh.

Trump and racism

Many Americans were rightfully alarmed when Project 2025, the Heritage Foundation-championed draconian initiative for our nation's future, was revealed, so much so that Trump, in the lead-up to his eventual November 2024 victory, flatly denied ever hearing of the programme. Since President Trump's second inauguration, implementation of key Project 2025 goals has proceeded with abandon, and his embrace of the plan has poured gasoline onto the flickering flames of right-wing vigilantism.

The racists that Trump disavowed and that many claim do not exist

Trump declared war on diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility (DEIA) programmes, decrying them as "illegal and immoral" under the guise of restoring a merit-based system. Trump fired Gen Charles "CQ" Brown Jr, an overwhelmingly qualified Air Force general and only the second Black Joint Chiefs Chairman, to replace him with retired Air Force Lt Gen Dan "Raizin" Caine. Instructional videos which include the storied Tuskegee Airmen and the Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASPs) were scrubbed by the Air Force, only to be restored after massive outcry.

An email from the National Museum of African American History and Culture (NMAAHC) to Rev Dr Amos Brown, a close associate of renowned civil rights figures Medgar Evers and John Lewis, notifying Dr Brown of the impending return of his Bible and his copy of History of the Negro Race, both used in the museum's exhibit, Segregation.

Citing "improper ideology", the president issued an executive order which targeted the Smithsonian Institution. He also mentioned a "divisive, race-centred ideology", almost certainly referencing the Smithsonian's National Museum of African American History and Culture, which chronicles chattel slavery, segregation, and notable (and often overlooked) achievements by Black Americans. Efforts have been made to quietly remove significant artefacts loaned to the museum and return them to their owners.

Trump repealed civil rights-era legislation preventing contractors from engaging in discriminatory practices, including segregated facilities.

President Donald Trump and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu shake hands in the White House (Photo: unknown/Fox News)

Funding and aiding Israeli atrocities and fanning the flames of war

Vast sums of money provided by Sheldon and Miriam Adelson in Trump's first administration provided an impetus for Trump to declare Jerusalem as Israel's capital and to broker normalisation of relations between Israel and Arab nations in the Abraham Accords. A further $100 million from Miriam for his 2024 candidacy further solidified his staunchly pro-Israel stance: he has since vowed to "own" the beleaguered Gaza Strip, populated by approximately 1.8 million (down from 2.2 million) Palestinians subjected to a systematic and genocidal extermination campaign ceaselessly funded by the US and facilitated by the Netanyahu government.

As a part of this ethnic cleansing campaign, Trump has been in communication with Libya, itself a war-torn, violent nation with actual slave markets, to forcibly settle 1 million Palestinians there. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu insists on the "Trump plan" for Gaza -- the aforementioned forced resettlement and redevelopment of the enclave as a "freedom zone" -- as his condition for ending the conflict there. Nations formerly friendly to Israel, such as the UK, France, and Canada, have become increasingly intolerant of the Netanyahu regime's actions.

Though Trump himself scrapped the 2015 Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA) deal negotiated by President Barack Obama and agreed to by several other nations, he has pined for a renewed agreement with Tehran, even as Netanyahu has growingly pressed for strikes against Iran's nuclear enrichment facilities in what he sees as a moment of weakness.

Trump pledged to end the Russo-Ukrainian conflict, which began with a Russian invasion in April 2022, in 24 hours. As anyone who keeps track of time might realise, more than a day has come and gone, and the fighting, characterised by World War I-esque trench warfare and high casualty counts, continues. After embarrassingly disparaging Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy in the White House and instead appealing to Russian President Vladimir Putin to hash out a peace settlement to no avail, rhetoric between the frenemies has soured.

Discriminatory and racist immigration practices

On his campaign trail, President Trump championed the mass deportation of immigrants, labelling them -- in what might be the biggest projection in American history -- as the "enemy from within", accusing them of being the source of an uptick in violent offences in America, despite it being the opposite. To achieve his campaign goal of deporting 1 million immigrants per year, he has empowered Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) to execute this task -- with disastrous results. The haphazard, racism-fuelled, malicious, and sweeping implementation of immigration enforcement that followed has had no shortage of consequences, likely by design.

Since then, at least 233 immigrants -- the vast majority law-abiding -- were whisked away (sans habeas corpus and any due process) to El Salvador's Centro de Confinamiento del Terrorismo (CECOT), an infamous detention centre reserved for the worst of criminals, which include known violent gang members. This number includes at least 50 legal Venezuelan immigrants.

In another bizarre case, convicts from Cuba, Myanmar, Vietnam, Mexico, and South Sudan were shipped to South Sudan, violating a court order.

This is an altered photo of Abrego-Garcia's hand. As a Photoshop expert, not only can I confidently say that this is Photoshopped, it's not even good Photoshop. In fact, I can tell you that this particular edit was simply typed out letter by letter in the Tahoma font. Amateurs.

Despite the campaign rhetoric being centred around illegal immigrants, lawful residents, including permanent residents Yunseo Chung and Mahmoud Khalil, student Rümeysa Öztürk, and Kilmar Abrego-Garcia, the latter who held a protected status and was granted a work permit from the Department of Homeland Security.

Most alarmingly, ICE attempted to deport US-born Juan Cárlos López-Gómez, and only released him after his mother produced documents proving his citizenship. ICE detained another US citizen, Leonardo Garcia Venegas, at his place of employment in Alabama. The officials told him that his REAL ID on his person was fraudulent and only released him after he gave them his SSN. In many cases, ICE agents neither produced a warrant nor clearly identified themselves as agents.

Arrest video of US citizen Leonardo Garcia Venegas (Video: Telemundo Noticias)

Amid the endeavour by the Trump administration to stifle local entities who fail to adhere to federal immigration enforcement guidelines, the FBI arrested Hannah Dugan, a Milwaukee County, Wisconsin, judge, for obstructing their attempted apprehension of Mexican immigrant Eduardo Flores-Ruiz, who was eventually caught outside of the courthouse.

In stark contrast, Trump, alleging a nonexistent "white genocide" in South Africa, expedited Afrikaners' immigration to the US, labelling them as refugees; this follows the cessation of refugee programmes for oppression- or genocide-plagued places such as sub-Saharan Africa, Iraq, and Afghanistan. Trump even attempted to lecture South African President Cyril Ramaphosa on the completely imaginary scenario in the former apartheid state, in which Afrikaners still hold much larger portions of private land compared to their black counterparts.

Of course, there's more...

This excuse for leadership is the equivalent of sugar-fuelled toddlers zipping around a playground and playing hacky-sack with world-ending thermonuclear devices at each other as they giggle and hurl insults at each other in full view of everyone else. Never in my life have I seen this level of weaponised, reckless incompetence in a government -- and I thought the first administration would be as bad as it gets.

Tesla and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk, the patron saint of privileged sycophantic Nazi know-it-alls and single-handed ruiner of Doge memes [photo: Kenny Holston for AFP/Getty Images]

Elon Musk & DOGE

Trump got right to work on weeding out the government corruption and fraud that plague our nation, and who better to task than the esteemed super-genius nepo-baby, ketamine-addicted semi-aquatic rodent, and insecure half-trillionaire with a breeding fetish to do it! I'm sure the meagre $288 million charitable contribution to Trump's campaign had absolutely nothing to do with it and was just a mere coincidence.

Musk's cleverly named Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) got right to work hacking away at nefarious, unforgivable things, such as the US Agency for International Development (USAID), which performed such dastardly deeds as assisting with global health initiatives; the National Institute of Health's (NIH) heinous efforts to fund research for cancer, Alzheimer's, and many other things; and workers at the National Nuclear Safety Administration (NNSA) who perform the menial, insignificant tasks of safeguarding and maintaining our nation's nuclear warheads.

As of May 2025, DOGE has haphazardly terminated over 10,000 government contracts, all while Musk's Starlink and SpaceX services rake in billions from the government. To justify the SAVE Act, which Trump touts as combatting widespread voter fraud and abuse of the system, DOGE gained access to and illegally siphoned sensitive data from our Social Security Administration (SSA) databases.

A protester holds up a sign noting Elon's data thievery, with a nod to his ties to Nazism. (Photo: Clayton Jones Images)

A whistleblower revealed that DOGE members entered the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB) facility and demanded top-level user privileges exempt from logging, which they used to exfiltrate at least 10GB of sensitive data to an unknown destination. Only minutes after, more than 20 users with Russian IPs and valid credentials for the DOGE accounts attempted access, but were only turned back due to system policies restricting non-US logins.

As has probably been made plain, DOGE's actions have done very little in the arena of actually saving the government any money, it has been extraordinarily effective at slashing and burning through obstacles to the Trump regime's aims of consolidating power.

From the war on drugs to a war on education

If you assumed that Trump's unrelenting assault on women diversity would stop at the military and museums, you would be wrong. The regime has had its sights set on colleges and universities for some time now, as evidenced by widespread threats of withdrawal of funding from institutions which fail to comply with Trump Department of Education directives against DEIA. Many states have since filed suits against the department in response.

Of particular note is the president's confrontation with Harvard University, a private institution whose 1636 founding predates the United States itself. Unlike universities such as Columbia, which folded when pressured by the regime concerning student activism for Palestine, the storied school put on its Law Suits and combat boots and went to legal war. The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary, Kristi Noem, revoked the university's Student and Exchange Visitor Program (SEVP) and withdrew $2.2 billion in grants and contracts to the school, accusing the institution of "fostering violence, antisemitism, and coordinating with the Chinese Communist Party". They demanded a list of legal and academic records of student visa holders, which Harvard denied, and in a humorous twist, the university promptly published a free course on constitutional foundations on its website.

Hot on the heels of the Harvard hullabaloo, Secretary of State Marco Rubio has pledged to "aggressively revoke" visas for Chinese students and ordered the Department of State to halt visa appointments for those seeking student or exchange visas. Foreign students make up a sizable portion of enrollees, and, since many pay full tuition, eliminating them from the applicant pool would also axe funding for those who require aid.

HHS Secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr, the world's leading expert in nescience and arguably the least of the Kennedys (Photo: Tasos Katopodis for Getty Images)

Robert F Kennedy Jr, somehow the Secretary of Health and Human Services despite having zero medical degrees, a literal tapeworm in his brain, a past heroin addiction, and an openly anti-vaccine stance, has proposed to ban federal scientists from publishing in highly reputable scientific journals such as The Lancet. Citing widespread corruption from pharmaceutical companies, he has stated that the scientists instead publish solely in new government-run journals issued by the National Institutes of Health, which themselves lost at least $3 billion in funding and 20,000 personnel due to cuts. Additionally, the health secretary has removed the COVID-19 vaccine, which has been proven safe and effective for those six months or older, from the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) immunisation regimen for pregnant women and healthy children.

Nearly 75 per cent of scientists are considering leaving for places like Canada, Australia, or Germany due to the erosion of academic freedom and a dearth in funding, among other reasons.

President Donald Trump at his January 6, 2021, "Save America March", right before his supporters stormed the US Capitol in an attempt to reverse the results of an election called for Joe Biden. (Photo: Pete Marovich for The New York Times)

Rewarding those who do harm to our nation

On his very first day, he got right to work fixing all our nation's issues and prioritising what matters most -- pardoning all the January 6, 2021, insurrectionists who assaulted law enforcement and attempted to overturn a lawful election, of course. Some of the participants had lengthy criminal records, including some with prior convictions for egregious offences such as rape, manslaughter, domestic violence, drug trafficking, sexual abuse of a minor, and child porn possession. Some went on to commit further crimes, and one was killed by police mere days after his pardon.

The regime also chose to pay $5 million to settle a $30 million lawsuit issued by the family of Air Force veteran and January 6 rioter Ashli Babbitt, who was fatally shot during an attempt to breach a door in the Capitol.

A definitely-not-illegal $400 million gift from the Qatari royal family, no strings attached. (Photo: Roberto Schmidt for AFP/Getty Images)

Qatar? I hardly knew 'er: Emoluments Clause violations and flagrant financial corruption

The Trump administration formally accepted the offering of a $400 million Boeing 747-8 luxury jumbo jet from the Qatari government. Dubbed a "palace in the sky", the interior is laden with enough opulent gold-coloured furnishings to make Scrooge McDuck blush. It includes offices, guest bedrooms with their own bathrooms, and dining areas. Trump insists that this replacement for Air Force One would be going to the Department of Defence; he said it would be donated to his "presidential library" and would definitely never be used following his presidency, which is totally believable. Furthermore, for the aircraft to be viable as an Air Force One, it would need to be retrofitted with the latest defence technologies and secure communications methods available, which would take years and would likely not occur until the end of his term, conveniently.

The Trump Organisation finalised a deal with Doha's Qatari Diar for Saudi Arabian company Dar Global to build a luxurious Trump-branded golf resort in the Persian Gulf nation in what is widely criticised as a massive ethics violation -- including of his own company.

Former Binance CEO, Changpeng "CZ" Zhao. (Photo: Juliana Tan for WSJ)

The $TRUMP stablecoin, created by Trump's World Liberty Financial in commemoration of the president's electoral victory, saw its value skyrocket in the days following the confirmation of his presidency. The cryptocurrency venture, which seeks to circumvent banks, launched USD1, a USD-pegged stable coin; the Abu Dhabi, UAE, firm MGX announced they would use USD1 to secure a $2 billion investment into crypto exchange Binance. The company's CEO, Changpeng "CZ" Zhao, who plead guilty to money laundering activity for terrorists, drug lords, and sanctioned entities, coincidentally pursues a pardon from the president in a bid to return to the US, all while Binance executives met with Department of the Treasury officials concerning slackening of government oversight.

The 29th US Secretary of Defence, Pete Hegseth. While he may not have had to pass a bar exam, he might know his way around a few bars.

Open secrets: national security threats and gross incompetence

The highly decorated and respected retired US Army General Lloyd Austin, the first Black man to hold many of the leadership positions he held throughout his Army tenure, was succeeded by former US Army National Guard Major and Fox News host Pete Hegseth. Despite combat experience in Iraq and Afghanistan, his having only been a low-level field-grade officer cast a long shadow of apprehension over his qualifications for SecDef ... and that's before you consider his alcoholism and espousal of Christian nationalist views.

If anything, future events confirmed people's suspicions about his capability to do the job. In March, Jeffrey Goldberg, The Atlantic editor-in-chief, was mysteriously added by then-National Security Advisor Mike Waltz to the "Houthi PC small group" chat on Signal, an encrypted messaging application not approved for classified communications, partly due to its vulnerability. With Goldberg present, Hegseth revealed details on strikes on Yemen-based Houthi targets, such as times and aircraft used, to the group, which contained national security officials, including Hegseth himself, Vice President JD Vance, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, and others. Besides obvious operational security (OPSEC) concerns, people very intimate with this type of information know that it's very classified (for a reason), and the Director of National Intelligence (DNI), Tulsi Gabbard, acknowledged as much, though she failed to place culpability for the leak on any specific individual. Waltz was since dismissed from his post and demoted was nominated for the position of UN ambassador.

Big ... and not so beautiful: foreign and domestic economic impacts

In what would be a dramatic escalation of actions taken during his first term, Trump got right to work implementing extensive and indiscriminate tariffs, promising to "enrich [US] citizens". While the previous Trump administration primarily targeted China, they enacted levies on various products and services from our northern and southern neighbours and European allies alike, prompting responses in kind. Agriculture exporters, particularly in the soybean industry, continued to bear the brunt of these actions, just as they had in the first term. The exorbitant fees have brought with them an avalanche of fraud.

I previously wrote about what could spell the potential end for America, and its effects do not bode well for the future.

A tattered Old Glory, Chalmette, LA. Photo: me

Like many others, I grew up a proud American.  While at school, I recited the Pledge of Allegiance with a certain vigour, blissfully oblivious to its meaning or why I repeated it before classes.  Having been born and raised in New Orleans, I was privy to certain issues that plague Black America on a surface level, but that knowledge was overshadowed by the cloak of evangelical Christian indoctrination.  According to what I learned, any suffering I endured was a necessity and part of God’s plan, and I should be proud to be here, as America is the freest nation on the planet and, thus, the pinnacle of human civilisation.

I joined the Army in 2005.  Although I did not enlist for patriotic reasons, there was a sense of pride in my nation that surged through me as I toiled through training and deployment.  Even as I completed my service and embarked on a career as a contractor, this perception of duty to my country never departed me.  Though I retain the desire for my country to be the best of which it is capable, the combination of my experience living in and travelling to other nations and observing behaviours among my fellow American citizens has left me with a rather fatalistic outlook on the future of the place I call home.

We're not nearly as free as we think we are, and it's getting worse

In order to fully understand what I am attempting to convey, one should ask themselves rhetorically: “In an unequal society, is everyone truly free?” (The answer is “no”, of course, in case you're confused.)

For starters, many an American possesses a peculiar and often paradoxical agglomeration of rugged hyperindividualism, an adherence to conformism and faith, and a somewhat justified distrust in government institutions. Modern Americana is characterised by a love affair with the Second Amendment, the American flag, its colours, and the ideals it is interpreted to represent, namely, the concept of freedom.  It is also, perhaps not so coincidentally, the theme of many a T-shirt.

Loosely interpreted, a “free person” can act, speak, or think unfettered. However, freedom is a somewhat nebulous and subjective idea, and is by no means absolute: it is, at its core, a responsibility of sorts.  In fact, should one breach the laws of a particular society, one can very likely lose said freedom ... or even your ability to breathe.

Thomas Jefferson, in the Preamble to our Declaration of Independence from Great Britain, famously scribed:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

This, of course, occurred during a time period during which Black individuals were not considered human and women could not vote. Oh, and Jefferson himself owned 600 slaves, and further, FDR authored the Four Freedoms speech while Black Americans still did not have equal rights under United States law.

It is for these reasons that the modern conservative co-opting of the words freedom and liberty is thoroughly unsurprising. After all, freedom in America has traditionally been reserved for straight, white, and Christian males, and the extension of that freedom to other people groups has historically been more of an afterthought, regardless of the words enshrined in the Declaration.

While overall progress has been made in terms of protection and acceptance of marginalised groups, emotional consciousness, and other similar progressive social issues, things such as divisive rhetoric, hypermasculinity, and the weaponisation of key offices in favour of hardcore conservatism (e.g., SCOTUS) have threatened, and in some ways, succeeded, in turning back the clock on any forward advances in freedoms and a better society. A certain tangerine-coloured, wispy-haired megalomaniac managed to galvanise the far right and nearly transformed my nation into a dictatorship, which, last I verified, is the total opposite of freedom. (Update: he's back in for 2025. Yikes.)

Our inexplicable adulation of people who are famous or who we perceive to be extremely wealthy has enabled such a scenario to occur; we almost unequivocally defer to the dollar sign as a determination of intellect or success, which it is not. Speaking of which:

Our sole standard. Photo by me.

We're really, really, really obsessed with money: late-stage capitalism

In my city, it is not a strange sight to see hustlers looking for a rapid road to riches and to put on the ritz roam the streets proudly. It isn't too different across America: egos abound, and many possess an inflated sense of self-worth and envision themselves as the next Bill Gates or Pablo Escobar, some even willing to resort to crime to get those elusive wads of green bills. As a budding entrepreneur myself, I highly encourage other enterprising individuals to maximise their gifts and, if possible, earn from them. Good news for you: if the circumstances are right, an individual has approximately a 1 in 32 chance of becoming a millionaire. The bad news is that you have about a 1 in 578,508 chance of breaking a billion, so you are roughly 38 times more likely to be struck by a bolt of lightning.

In this ultracapitalistic sphere of existence in which obtaining obscene amounts of duckets has become the proverbial golden calf, not only do few have the characteristics or the means to push beyond the status quo, but even fewer acknowledge the statistical unlikelihood of reaching those lofty milestones. While few would shun access to boundless material resources to be able to pursue their wildest dreams, the vast majority of humans would at least be content to be able to make a decent living without needing to struggle for every penny. In America, the opportunity to do so dwindles as the gulf between wealth and dearth further separates us.

I have met my fair share of genuine, sympathetic, and well-meaning Americans, and I am privileged to call some of them my associates or friends.  However, society at large does not reflect this, and this extreme level of individualism will be one of the main contributing factors to the destruction of America. We really can't society good.

Society, loosely defined, is a collective effort toward a common purpose. There are certain things to which we adhere to avoid catastrophic results for those around us: for example, it is frowned upon to barrel through a busy school zone at 80 mph or to dump hazardous waste in low-income or minority neighbourhoods. While there has never been nor will there ever be a perfect society, the general rule is to create an environment that is best for as many people as possible. Our efforts to do such a thing, despite near-limitless resources at our disposal, are underwhelming at best.

Pedestrians and cyclists commute, Kamakura, Japan, December 8, 2015. Photo by me.

For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, our lack of preparedness, coupled with a lackluster response effort and an overall callousness and unwillingness of the public to not quite so literally come together to stem the spread ("oh, they would have died anyway") has caused, to date, over 1 million deaths. That number approaches the number of deaths in the entire European Union, and is nearly one-sixth of the deaths which have occurred thus far in the entire world. By comparison, Korea, a nation of over 51 million which bore the immediate impact of the outbreak, has only recorded over 26,000 deaths.

Some sense of self-sufficiency is a positive trait: overwhelming numbers of people unwilling (but not unable) to perform basic societal functions do indeed contribute negatively to overall welfare.  On the other hand, in the American sphere of thought, an individual’s fortune (or misfortune) is almost solely attributed to that person’s actions, rather than any external contributing factors. If you failed miserably, it's completely your fault; if you have accumulated obscene amounts of wealth, it's because you're simply smarter and more diligent than everyone else. Duh.

One can reasonably acknowledge that some individual choices can contribute negatively to upward mobility, but it is also important to note that external factors, such as environment and dire situations, greatly influence an individual’s choices. Those with not much to lose and plenty to gain tend to take drastic and reckless measures to achieve upward mobility, which can often lead to dire consequences. On the other hand, those with lots of resources, particularly capital, allow individuals exponentially more flexibility and significant cushion in the event of failure. In turn, those people look down on others and perceive them as inferior, further reinforcing the caste system in a society that is already rapidly heading at breakneck speeds into oligarchy.

A woman walks in the Guryong Village slums, Gangnam, Seoul, Korea, December 30, 2015. Photo by me.

A utopian society may be out of reach, but what we can do as a country is attempt to understand the roots, however deep, of problems in order to formulate solutions rather than metaphorically placing a tourniquet around the issues and expecting everything to work out perfectly via divine providence. We can listen to and show empathy toward people who are different; we can be helpful to others; we can be slow to judge. To me, to do so within a societal framework which has elevated impenitence and apathy to the level of necessity for survival would be real freedom.

I will preface this by saying that I absolutely love jiu-jitsu. Aside from debilitating and potentially permanent injuries from zigging instead of zagging, a perpetually bruised ego, and constant gasps for life from training partners using you as a sentient, pyjama-clad Bosu ball, it can be a beneficial fixture in one's life: it can allow for a (relatively) healthy form of stress relief, foster a cult environment in which people can learn from each other, and pressure-test difficult scenarios to achieve optimal results. Jiu-jitsu will also let you know, often in the most miserable ways possible, just how much you don't know.

In a sense, it is its very own Petri dish, complete with its own set of infections.

My Beginnings

The last-known picture of myself (with my 1SG) while I was still in the Army. Notice how perfectly our uniforms blend with the grass.

My jiu-jitsu journey could be classified as an accident, much like me. After I returned from Iraq in 2009, I was scheduled to attend Level 1 of the Modern Army Combatives Program, or MACP. Mandated by Army for NCO development, the week-long course purports to familiarise participants with the bare essentials of hand-to-hand combat, to include strikes and grappling. Though I had a few conflicts in earlier times in my life, I could hardly consider myself a "fighter", and, despite having an above-average PT score, my thorough unfamiliarity with combat techniques sapped my energy like a hungry mosquito in the middle of a blistering Philippine summer.

During live training on one of the final days of the course, I was partnered with someone who was much smaller than my 225-pound self; he could not have been much heavier than 170. This shouldn't be so bad, I thought nervously. What's the worst that could happen? The timer rang.

From the go, I deferred to the tried-and-true, time-tested, culture-spanning methodology utilised by many an untrained individual: the classic hnnngh. I huffed, heaved, and hnnnghed around this dude's short legs for 30 desperate seconds trying to get past them, and just as soon as I thought I was getting somewhere, the last thing I saw was a crotch fly toward my face.

My left arm and my head were suddenly incapacitated and trapped in a vise made entirely of human limbs. I saw every constellation in the known universe in those three long seconds, and it was then that I pulled out my trusty ace in the hole, a technique I had learned earlier to escape any position, no matter how dangerous -- furious and repeated taps. I stared at him with incredulity as he released me from the impending throes of unconsciousness. "What in the hell was that?" I asked laboriously, still struggling to regain my faculties. "A triangle," he responded. "I do jiu-jitsu." Neat.

A few months before my ETS in 2010, a friend and fellow Soldier I originally met in Korea, Larry, told me about a Brazilian jiu-jitsu gym near our home base of Fort Hood (now Fort Cavazos), and proposed that we both go. Why not, I thought, reflecting on my dismal MACP experience. I clearly have a lot to learn.

So I made my choice.

Myself (as a purple belt) and some new friends I had the privilege of training while in Afghanistan.

American Fight Company. Hardcore, I thought. But makes sense. A large, hand-painted mural of Royce Gracie's logo loomed over the gym's white mats, which teemed with students in equally white robes conducting warm-ups. I would apparently require one of those silly garments to train; to that end, I purchased my first "gi", as I learned they were called, and an accompanying crispy white belt. Ripping the plastic packaging open, I examined my new training apparel: the pants' stitching appeared to be quite tough, especially in the crotch area, and the collar on the jacket was extremely thick, especially when compared to my ACUs, which were made of one-ply toilet paper. Flowery embroidery enveloped the upper left of the gi top, whose black threads elegantly trailed down to a bold monochromatic patch on the lower lapel. "BREAKPOINT", it read. Gnarly.

Jarrod, a rugged Texan and veteran with a grizzled, grey-speckled beard, demonstrated a technique on a student. The tattered brown sash which encircled his waist danced through the air like ribbons in the wind as he floated from position to position, methodically settling into an armlock submission at the sequence's conclusion. Now it was our turns to try, and it went about as well as expected for me: I flopped all over my training partner, a much more experienced white belt, with all the grace and finesse of a disoriented three-legged deer, narrowly avoiding clobbering him in the dome with errant knees or heels as I practiced getting to the submission.

Then we had to go live.

To say that I learnt valuable lessons that day was an understatement: while I proved tough and indubitably capable of sustaining a lot of pain, it also made clear that I knew absolutely nothing about grappling, even if I was already pretty sure of that fact before. The trifecta of sheer top pressure, staving off innumerable submission attempts, and overall physical exertion filled my muscles with lactic acid and caused my lungs to burn with the intensity of a thousand thermonuclear explosions.

Despite my exhaustion and ineptitude, I was lauded for my perseverance, and that alone was enough to keep me returning to American Fight Company for more knowledge (and, of course, punishment). I received my first stripe on my white belt from Jarrod before accepting a contract in Korea, where I continued on the pathway of martial arts development in the realms of muaythai, jiu-jitsu, and eventually, mixed martial arts. Jarrod earned his black belt shortly after I departed.

Before my fight in Korea, during which I expertly tore nearly every ligament in my left knee (photographer unknown).

As of this post, I am a three-stripe brown belt, and by all measurable metrics, the world's most awful: I have two herniated cervical discs, including one fusion; my knees are shredded beef, and, in addition to being deconditioned, I experience a myriad of inexplicable, and often sharp, pains throughout my body. Nevertheless, my time around jiu-jitsu, both as a participant and a photographer, has afforded me the opportunity to make a variety of observations and criticisms about my beloved sport, which brings me to my point:

Jiu-jitsu will never be a mainstream spectator sport.

I can hear it already. "Hold your horses, buddy! It's more popular than ever!" Well, actually, you would be 100% correct. It is more popular and practiced than it ever was at any point in history, if only due to the fact that, as a standalone martial art, it is only a century old. An ever-growing list of celebrities, including Meta founder Mark Zuckerberg and actors Tom Hardy and Mario Lopez, have embraced the grappling art and have even competed in it.

If your martial art can make it into a popular show that is definitely not about your martial art, then something is working, even if no one has a clue what's happening. And yes, even if you're black, I will not call you "master".

The appeal to training it is in its relative ease of access: there is no real bar for entry for anyone regardless of sex, age, or previous martial arts experience, and it is possible for a practitioner to train indefinitely and (mostly) without injury so long as you are doing so safely and intelligently (which I did not, hence my injuries). While competition is encouraged as a test of skill and willpower, it is not a requirement, and a practitioner can advance up the ranks if deemed appropriate by a "professor", as we call sometimes call black belt instructors in BJJ. That said, there is an obvious distinction between popularity as an activity and ubiquity and appeal as a spectator sport, hence this article.

Jiu-jitsu is cursed. No, as far as I know, there aren't any warlocks hidden deep in the forest conjuring hexes specifically to sabotage the community, but it suffers from the same inherently self-limiting handicap as its ancient, much more established, and slightly more naked and action-packed grappling counterpart, wrestling. For all the cartwheels, blast doubles, and the plethora of exciting techniques at a grappler's disposal, its appeal to an audience pales in comparison to striking arts, whose concussive forces produce emphatic impacts and easily discernible and *ahem* striking results. When a precisely placed punch slips through an opponent's guard and leaves them splayed lifelessly on the canvas, relieved of consciousness, there is very little doubt as to what happened and how: somebody just got knocked the fuck out.

The aftermath of Muhammad Ali vs. Sonny Liston II, as captured by Neil Leifer, a sport photojournalist, in 1965. It is likely the most famous shot in all of sporting.

Rulesets such as those of the Abu Dhabi Combat Club (ADCC) and UFC Fight Pass Invitational, itself a derivative of ADCC rules, encourage excitement by penalising grapplers for inaction, but, while these parameters effectively force activity, it must be noted that such constant movement is not necessarily endemic to and can even run contrary to the essence of jiu-jitsu, which emphasises control. Scrambles and chaos do indeed ensue when neither player has control over the other, but what happens when a person has passed their opponent's guard and is working toward a submission? I recall a particular scenario during the 99kg finals 2022 ADCC Worlds in Las Vegas.

With no lack of effort, Kaynan Duarte, the 2019 ADCC's +99kg champion, had just passed fan favourite and 2019 ADCC silver medallist Craig Jones' nearly impenetrable guard, securing the mounted position as the exhausted Mexican Ground Karate grandmaster attempted one of his infamous bottom-side Ezekiel chokes on the powerful Brazilian. The ten-thousand-strong crowd in attendance at the Thomas & Mack Arena erupted in what sounded like a peculiar mix of awe and disappointment. Craig spammed his usual array of unorthodox submission attempts from bottom as Kaynan sought to secure a finish of his own without undoing any of his previous endeavours.

Only one person I can think of will attempt to submit you while you have double unders in mount. Also, if you flip this image, Craig is mercilessly strangling Kaynan from inside his guard, and also in thin air. Photo by Clayton Jones Images (me).

Then something strange happened.

Unsurprisingly, there were warnings for inactivity, but as more time passed without a submission from Kaynan, the penalty points started racking up -- and very quickly. At one time, the negatives were so high that they were equal to the positive points Duarte accumulated from successful passes, which would mean that, had the match ended at that time, the score would have been tied, and it would go into overtime; had he not relented and maintained the position, Craig would have actually gone on to win the match by negatives. Kaynan did go on to score additional points to win and cement himself as the 2022 99kg ADCC champion, but it was nonetheless one of the most bizarre things I have ever witnessed in combat sports.

While absolutely no one wants to see two heavily perspiring people lying motionlessly atop each other for 15 entire minutes like the world's worst attempt at coitus, it is patently absurd that someone who is being controlled can become the victor in a contest primarily dictated by superior control -- that is, unless the dominant player is deliberately stalling and making zero attempts at finishing. The onus should ostensibly lie on the controlled player to facilitate their own escapes and counterattacks.

Furthermore, while strength and conditioning are quintessential elements of any combat athlete's regimen, gratuitous stalling calls put the "art" in "artificial"; they distill the essence of what makes jiu-jitsu formidable in self-defence by overly emphasising physicality and athleticism over technical prowess and forcing competitors to take unnecessary risks, often costing them matches (and however many pennies are being offered) in the process. Of course, competitors are free to go absolutely bananas at their own discretion (and spectators' delight), but that should not be mandatory.

Even after many years of training, I simply cannot fathom how Floyd can so deftly dodge a flurry of lightning-fast punches and fire off perfect counters all in one motion.

Let's take an example from boxing's Floyd Mayweather. Widely regarded as one of the greatest boxers of all time and known largely for his finely tuned defensive acumen, his style has been decried for being "boring" and too conservative. He was derided for "running" during fights due to what people perceived as fear or an attempt to avoid action, when, in actuality, neither were true: he had incredible ability to avoid punishment in the pocket and proved to be a very effective counter-puncher. More importantly, he embodied what it means to be a boxer: to hit and not be hit. He understood that being consistently clobbered in the noggin for brownie points is stupid, and developed a method which allowed him to remain both relatively unscathed and undefeated as a professional. And winners get paid.

You know who usually doesn't get paid? Losers, and especially jiu-jitsu people who lose. There are certainly outliers in that regard, to be sure, but ultimately, if you are not running a major YouTube platform and/or creating entertaining monetised content, doing seminars, selling loads of instructionals, heading an association or major gym, or competing and winning a lot (or a combination of some or all of these), you really aren't making much, which, when considering that top competitors are professional-level athletes who, more often than not, dedicate their livelihoods to jiu-jitsu, is rather pathetic.

One of the very few people who have managed to make it using only jiu-jitsu, which says a lot. Photo by CJI (me).

The sport is plagued by a glass ceiling and is largely a closed circuit in which, generally, the only people who generate income for jiu-jitsu people are other jiu-jitsu people or combat sports entities and enthusiasts. Almost no one, perhaps aside from ultra-hardcore BJJ enthusiasts, would care to purchase a pay-per-view of IBJJF Pans or Who's Number One like they would a UFC event, and the attendees of the most prestigious events, such as the ADCC World Championships, are almost entirely composed of jiu-jitsu people, many of whom possess only a rudimentary understanding of the rules of the contests they watch.

...and the rules are always changing. Is back control worth three points? Four points? Will I get an advantage for this near-takedown? Is this EBI overtime or sudden death? Nearly every organisation has its own individual ruleset, typically geared toward action, some sort of decisive conclusion, or an amalgam of the two. For example, some submission-only rulesets will call a draw if no finishes occur, and other sub-only entities such as the Eddie Bravo Invitational have three overtime shootout rounds in which competitors start in common finishing positions. The International Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Federation, or IBJJF, utilises a position-based point system, and the ADCC ruleset emphasises wrestling and rewards action by strongly penalising inactivity or deliberate stalling, and features overtime rounds in the event of an even score or no submission.

Emma Reusing executes a head-and-arm throw at the 2021 IBJJF Worlds. Photo by CJI (me).

While there are certainly merits to facets of these rules, such as the need to keep score and to encourage finishes, the fact remains that, for as much as grappling has grown, there is no real cohesion, regulation, or sanctioning entity in jiu-jitsu. The oft-criticised IBJJF long sat atop the heap as the governing body of all matters jiu-jitsu, but as the sport evolved and outgrew its competitive and regulatory confines, its influence has weakened, although it maintains an iron grip on yes-gi matters. While uncertainty regarding rules can be a recurring theme throughout sports, the lack of parity between the various jiu-jitsu rulesets in addition to the relative absence of a central administrative entity for athlete matters sows confusion amongst viewers and even causes doubts about its legitimacy as a sport to be taken seriously.

The Silver Lining

A select few individuals' attempts at pouring money into grappling may have bolstered the sport's profile, yet few entities have provided a decent payout for participants or winners, even if backed by nearly unlimited resources, and, in some cases, the vast majority of the resources spent have largely gone to every aspect of the grappling event except the athletes, which are the entire reason your event exists.

We don't have the broad appeal of team sports like basketball and soccer or the visceral impact of striking arts, and dorks who wear profanity-laden, dubiously labelled, or flamboyantly coloured clothing articles (or lack thereof) and hug each other aggressively for up to hours at a time in a niche sport that no one understands can hardly afford to take themselves seriously, so it stands to reason that someone has to get top-level competitors a decent chunk of change in lieu of spectatorship.

Some second thoughts, if you will.

Enter Craig Jones, the knight in silver armour, wielding duffle bags full of duckets and plans to upend the status quo via an eponymously named invitational, commonly referred to as CJI (like me, but with more value), and frequently mispronounced "CGI". The Craig Jones Invitational, which occurs concurrently with ADCC 2024, boasts a $3 million budget, most of which goes to athletes, and promises $1 million for winners of each division. Hosted in the Thomas & Mack Arena, CJI competitors will battle it out in a Karate Combat-inspired depression dubbed "The Alley", and will debut MMA-influenced rounds and an open scoring system. High-profile legends are also rumoured to be participating.

Marcelo Garcia explains a technique at the ADCC "Super Seminar" prior to the 2022 ADCC world championships. Photo by CJI (me).

And it's all streaming on YouTube.

Craig makes several valid points, namely, regarding venues and production. Ultimately, while marketing is certainly paramount in terms of fostering interest, if the sport as a whole is to grow, it must be organic in nature. Grandiloquent displays of pomp and circumstance alone don't bolster the profile of a sport -- people must also be curious about the sport itself. Being "the best" of a thing is useless if no one cares about the thing, and you cannot artificially fill shoes you are not currently capable of wearing.

However, an increased payout will inevitably attract more competition and competitors, which has a net benefit for the sport.

Except by some miracle, jiu-jitsu will indefinitely drift along down the river of obscurity, discovered and embraced by a select few, but never truly understood or even recognised by the general public, who still think judo people kick and that we do some form of weird extraterrestrial taekwondo. I would love nothing more than to be proven wrong regarding the future of this art we have come to hold dear, but at the very least, the professionals who have become the face of this game through years of steroids hard work and sacrifice should be able to afford to make a decent living from their passions.

Hi, people.

I want everyone to know that I do still deeply enjoy writing -- the process of conveying specific thought processes to people who may not have a single clue who you are or what you represent can be quite a thrilling proposition. Furthermore, real research takes quite a bit of time, as one needs to check, double-check, or quintuple-check the information for bias, but the result, for me, is well worth it.

That said, I write not out of obligation, but out of inspiration. I refrain from saying "that can't happen to me", because a few of those can't-happens became did-happens, but a truly unanticipated thing occurred to me:

After over a decade-plus-long stint with no incident, my Instagram account was hacked.

It started with a message: one of my followers (someone with who I was acquainted in real life) sent me what appeared to be a message asking for help in "her" account recovery. The message did not initially appear out of place, as I have personally needed help in that regard previously, and I have also successfully helped others in similar ways. "She" asked for my phone number, which I had no problem giving, and with it, a link and six-digit confirmation codes for two-factor authentication (2FA) were sent through Meta's short code.

To be fair, it literally says "Don't share it," so maybe I am slightly daft.

This gave me pause, as I am typically suspicious of links, but my naïve giving nature overrode my wariness, and I forwarded it. Not long after, the phone number asked for a six-digit code:

A lot of Americans are total idiots and can't spell to save their lives, but they never say shit like "pls" or make these specific spelling errors. Ever.

I didn't actually give the correct code, but the damage was already done. That wasn't all:

This was the mother of all red flags: this motherfucker was not my friend, and he was definitely not American. I like WhatsApp -- it's not only great for corresponding with foreigners without exorbitant fees, but it's also great if you want a non-email method of sending large files or full-resolution images. However, this was neither of those -- this was a cleverly disguised spoofing and social engineering attack, and WhatsApp is used quite frequently for such things.

I don't own an iPhone and probably never will, so that's a bigger red flag than all of the others combined. Also, the phone number is an Indianapolis area code and definitely not actually located in Pontiac, SC.

Once this became obvious, I searched for the username letter by letter, and lo, there were two accounts! After viewing the legitimate account holder's story post about the fake account, I subsequently reported the fraudulent account as being such, but soon, my own account accesses began to go awry, and I was soon rendered unable to log in at all, despite multiple attempts. It wasn't long after this that I began receiving texts and calls from actual friends that someone using my account was asking for money:

See, I do have friends. Sometimes.

The Aftermath

Having acknowledged the situation, I attempted to resolve it by the only way I saw possible: another login attempt! After all, the cheeky bastard didn't bother changing the damn password, so it still worked. However, Scammer McScammerton enabled 2FA, so following my successful password input, I was left staring at a screen asking for a six-digit code from an authenticator, which I obviously didn't have. I selected "Try another way", and then "Get support". Conveniently, "support" didn't actually exist, but rather, a prompt to send a verification code to my email to take a "video selfie", which involves rotating my head in every direction like an oversized bobblehead.

Actual instruction on how to do an Instagram video selfie verification

Several hours and tens of tries later, a whopping zero attempts worked. I went through my browser instead to report my account as having been hacked, which led me through a virtually identical process, but with a twist: there was a chat button! Never before had I been so excited to see a chat button since America Online.

Anyone who really knows me knows that I'm not an optimist, but rather, a stark realist, so I didn't really expect much. Of course I was right:

About as useful as a flaccid weiner in an orgy in a fraud case, but swoops down on a slight perceived violation of Community Standards like Batman. Oh, and it won't even allow me to get to this screen anymore, because reasons.

Twisted Meta

After numerous reports from a variety of people, including myself, you would think Meta are surely aware that this is an issue -- they would have a complete timeline of events leading up to and following the hack. I mean, they quite literally asked me to detail what happened in chat. They should also have a record of devices used, and while it can be frustrating in certain specific situations, it's quite useful when Google forces you to verify new devices from the old ones. While it's understandable that everyone won't have access to everyone's information, when there is such overwhelming evidence in favour of there being a hack, the obvious thing to do is to move past the "did you turn it off and on again" phase and start verifying some damn identities, especially when you're aware of actual crimes being committed on your platform.

And I have plenty of identities, er, identification.

Many people, including large banks, have called for Meta to take action against the rampant fraud that takes place on their platforms, yet the outcries are met with inaction. From my perspective (and others', presumably), it would make sense for such a large platform used by half of the planet would at least attempt to curb criminal activity, but not so.

Of course I returned the money. He's one of my best peeps, and I try to not be a scumbag.

It's bigger than me, of course: though I happen to use Meta platforms to further my business and to network, the harm extends well beyond me. I may not be a fan of crime in general, but scammers rest comfortably on one of the lowest tiers of humanity's totem pole, and it's for one reason, really.

There are very few "victimless crimes", but most crimes are those of opportunity rather than malice, and typically affect small numbers of people. Fraudsters, especially these types, go full scorched-earth: they steal money from people who have nothing and either think nothing of it or enjoy it. It typically takes an exceptionally low level of skill and effort, and they deliberately target vulnerable people, such as the elderly, or simply people who have good hearts. This results in more bitter and heartless individuals who are reluctant to give.

On the bright side, I do have the scammer's information:

Not very bright, are you, Uvuvwevwevwe Onyetenyevwe Ugwemubwem Ossas? Ol' black Q-tip lookin', ultra-minimumweight, barefoot, ashy knuckle- and knee-havin', witless, bummy dunderhead...

This dude's entire life is spoofing accounts and using them to gain access to others' shit in order to peddle their information on Facebook or wherever he pleases, because he is incapable of honest work. Stop giving hard-working and intelligent Nigerians a bad name. Feel free to bombard him with hate mail and/or phishing attacks. Fucktard.

And to the social media giant which has helped me in numerous ways in terms of networking, yet also enables malicious behaviour such as this: become more aware and act against criminals. You know, because that would be very...

Meta.

"The Universe is a yawning chasm, filled with emptiness and the puerile meanderings of sentience."

Pictured: a multidimensional space jellyfish. Art by onikafei

Back when I heard Ulyaoth utter this cryptic phrase while playing Eternal Darkness on my GameCube in my precocious (and heavily indoctrinated) late teen years, certain thoughts did come to mind, yet its gravity did not manifest itself until much, much later.

Little did I know that the story of my very existence would be carved from a quote from a Lovecraftian survival-horror game.

We don't mean a damn thing, even though many of us believe the contrary.

How many of you have grown up reinforced with the idea, whether through parents, friends, or anyone, that you are a unique snowflake and have immense inherent value due to your humanity? That you are irreplaceable, or that we're individually "fearfully and wonderfully made" by an unseen infinite and emotionally unstable dude, who also somehow cares about your particular situation on a speck of dust in the middle of the universe?

If only due to your genetic encoding, yes, you are, by default, "unique", as any being of sentience is, and once you have sentience, you do have a right as an individual to live whichever life deemed fit until you no longer have it. That said, you are not special. You're just ... you.

Pictured: a sea of bipedal organisms somewhere on Earth, rendered in glorious 1p. Image credit: WIQN

"But Mom told me I'm special!"

As of November 15, 2022, the Earth's population has ballooned to 8 billion people, and has increased by a whopping one billion people in the span of 12 years. For an even more mind-blowing perspective, our population in 1950 was only 2.5 billion people, and remained below 1 billion until 1804. It has been projected that our population will cease to grow in 2086, once it has reached approximately 10.4 billion. This near-real-time perpetually adjusting population growth calculator fascinatingly illustrates this statistic.

Pictured: instant gratification. Image credit: FE News

The thing to understand is that, despite this being an age of instantaneous data sharing and social media exploitation, it is exponentially more difficult to truly stand out, especially since you're having to do amongst a vast ocean of ever-increasing billions with accesses to the same platforms. Even if you are not a completely average person and do possess some remarkable attributes and work hard at your craft, the overwhelming likelihood is that your capabilities will fly under the radar unless you encounter a particular set of circumstances that propel your craft to another level, or your work is so far beyond anything anyone has seen that you have no choice but to become lionised. Even still, exceptionality is no guarantee that you will see success in your lifetime: history- and genre-defining icons such as Vincent van Gogh and Franz Kafka left this ethereal plane almost completely unrecognised, and their legacies consist nearly entirely of posthumous recognition.

"I am a legacy" -Kendrick Lamar

Pictured: me, taken by me, edited by me, and uploaded to this article written by me, Clayton Jones Images.

There is a lot of "legacy" talk: it seems that, whether subconsciously or not, many have come to terms with their own insignificance within this mortal coil; they seek desperately to carve out their own niche within the annals of history, despite having done nothing noteworthy and befitting of remembrance. To this end, they typically relegate this task to their descendants, hoping they will somehow keep them alive for eternity (despite that not being their purposes, but I digress).

No, I didn't die in 2019. This is my dad's casket. For the love of everything, do not put me in a casket or hold a funeral for me, or I will haunt you.

Gone ... and totally forgotten

The uncomfortable reality is that, regardless of any efforts to the contrary, almost everyone, to include exceptionally wealthy or otherwise outstanding individuals, will be completely forgotten within around 2 or so generations (though this figure varies slightly). An infinitesimal amount of people are remembered throughout history, and even fewer are revered. You might be one in a million, but not in the Aaliyah way.

Many, understandably, want to feel as if they're a part of something greater -- to belong, whether in life or in death. Many defer to religion to provide this sense of greater meaning to what would otherwise be without; looking forward to a place such as heaven can provide them with a sense of hope, even if they inevitably just return to the place from whence they came, regardless of their circumstances. To that end (heh), the way that I have resolved to reconcile this apparent meaninglessness is to fill my fleeting existence with as many joyous and personally fulfilling experiences as possible before until I inevitably suck up more dirt than an excavator.

I seek only to create things as often as I am inspired, to travel this planet extensively, to learn new things, and to enjoy the company of those who I deem worthy of my time. Money is important if it is to create additional positive experiences, but peace of mind does not possess a price tag. If I am to be remembered in any way, let it be for the things I have created, and perhaps as an inspiration to live as one chooses.

Because life is fast, and it can pass you quickly before you have even had a chance to live it.

사진: 서울 남산제2호 터널

...panic, grab a towel the gift of gab with a trowel can you dig it?

this life's too stupid to keep simple the missing piece to the thousand-piece puzzle we assemble.

feel the earth tremble, strong and nimble a needle with no eyes, but disguised as a thimble.

the face of death, once obscured by the smoke headed in the same direction, but not sure when to go...

anchored, remain moored, but this boat to the final destination is on tour 'round the globe

i screamed, "you haven't seen my last," but see, i couldn't escape the shadow darkness casts on me