Random Fandom Kingdom

OP is a genius

i found a d20 in my kitchens junk drawer and i absentmindedly rolled it and got a 1 and was like, aw dunk, and then i immediately stubbed my toe into the trashcan while trying (and missing) to throw something away

what goosebumps book is this

OKAY I WORK IN A FABRIC STORE AND ONE TIME THIS LITTLE OLD LADY CAME UP TO ME AND SLAMMED THE INDEPENDENCE DAY ONE DOWN ON THE COUNTER AND SAID, “THIS. THIS IS WHAT OUR COUNTRY NEEDS.”

I had an older man come into the fabric store that I used to work in and dropped 3 bolts of the firefighter one on my counter and said, “I need this. I don’t know what I’m gonna do with it, but I need it.” a man behind him then yelled, “Pyjamas!” and the first man said, “My husband recommends pyjamas.” 

Why is it?? That I can go through the whole day feeling fine and dandy but the second I lay down for bed impending doom settles on me?

Washington State (not DC) is the only state in the union where you can legally have a fistfight with somebody (with police as referees) to settle your differences

That should be a law all across the country.

Fuck. Yes.

@jooshbag ?

This is tied to an archaic law that isn’t enforced anymore.

So if you beat the shit out of someone they won’t do anything?

@fiiyerotigelaar

bruh

honestly missionaries are evil. the idea of traveling the world to tell people Who Didnt Fucking Ask that their beliefs are wrong in the hopes that theyll adopt your beliefs seems sinister

An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: “If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?” “No,” said the priest, “not if you did not know.” “Then why,” asked the Inuit earnestly, “did you tell me?” ~Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek