lmao no

Does anyone know what to do

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

Not me painting a portrait of tomorrow with the colors of today

Not that I think all marriages are doomed but when deciding who to marry you should ask yourself “is this someone I’d want to divorce?” As in, is this someone I believe would be mature and fair, even when they’re upset and don’t particularly like me at the moment. Is this someone I could continue to trust while going through an adversarial process? And if the answer is no, don’t marry them.

BLUE ALIEN GF: our universe is much like your own, but in our timeline, dj khaled never returned from being lost at sea

I’m ready to be transformed by the ibuprofen . I’m ready to be born again in its purifying light.

No Homo We Smokin Penisas

I am having a full throttle giggle attack…I am dying. I need to get off this app & get chicken & pasta stat!!!!

So so so fucking real

here's the local abc affiliate for ongoing live updates (including a spanish version)

nice personality disorder did your mom give it to you