The Ghost In Ur Mums Attic

it's good that I will never be a dog breeder, bc I would make the elephant dog. long borzoi snout, chunky pitbull body, ears of a papillon

it’s still so wild that I managed to find my mom’s lost cat. but also, hyper obsessive autists get things done!!!! every single morning for months, I would check a series of local facebook groups, until finally she got spotted in a campsite. then from the time I saw that post, it took about 24 hours to organize her retrieval. and now she’s back to being a house cat! after being lost in the woods all spring and all summer! death via coyote is canceled, she will live into her 20’s and be a pivotal memory for my niece and nephew, who always ask on facetime to see her

This is the best, most on-brand way for roller skates to be introduced to the world.

“One of his ingenious novelties was a pair of skaites contrived to run on wheels. Supplied with these and a violin, he mixed in the motley group of one of Mrs Cowley’s masquerades at Carlisle House; when not having provided the means of retarding his velocity, or commanding its direction, he impelled himself against a mirror of more than five hundred pounds value, dashed it to atoms, broke his instrument to pieces and wounded himself most severely”

the internet tells me that five hundred pounds in 1760 is the equivalent of over a hundred thousand dollars today, nice work.

tumblr users being generally knowledgeable about phishing attempts and scams and yet not hesitating to click various links from unknown users because they say such things as "spin the wheel to determine your alvin and the chipmunks band persona based on my favorite italian desserts" and we go "heck yeah."

i could be your pet rock. id be very good at it

ive had some time to think and honestly i dont think id be a very good pet rock. i dont know what i was thinking. theres too much anger in me

does anyone know how to respond when people text you

social energy life hacks

talking with my friends who i love strategy & guide

they should give bus and train drivers control of the aux so they can blast passengers with whatever music they choose. this would not improve the experience and in fact largely make it worse for everyone but i dont think that should stop them.

being the second child is so lame when your older brother has no fortunes to inherit or power to come into. all of my scheming younger brother tendencies are being completely wasted like it’s not even worth putting all my efforts into usurping him and taking his place as heir. it’s not even worth it

like obviously I’m still going to do it because plotting and scheming are natural responses to being the second child but it’s just not the most lucrative career option anymore

I do think it’s hilarious JD Vance is sooooooo loud and open about being a Catholic convert and being so Catholic and Christian and godly and the pope is like “I do not fuck with you. I condemn the Trump administration in the strongest possible terms.” they would be licking his ass if he was still an evangelical Protestant but he is so committed to his Catholic cosplay humiliation fetish that he will not give up, even if the head of the Catholic Church is releasing the papal equivalent of strongly worded hate mail. It has to be a fetish. That is the only way it makes sense.

You guys hear about that 18 month old baby at a zoo that wandered away from their parents (who were on their phones…), entered a restricted zone, stuck their hand into the wolf enclosure and got bit? The parents are being charged with child endangerment but what I want to know is why the fuck does this keep happening? You do not have to take your toddler to the zoo, especially a one and a half year old who is too young to fully appreciate the zoo. You could have stayed at home and scrolled on your phone while ignoring your baby in an environment containing 0 carnivorous apex predators. You would think the zoo would be one place parents feel the need to constantly supervise their kids but no, they’re like “Oh yeah, honey, go ahead and go swimming in the stingray tank, I’m going to play Candy Crush for 45 minutes.”