Your mind is a garden

I still always get so annoyed when people are like “wait why do you have two fish in such a big tank!!!1! I kept my goldfish in a dirty bowl and it lived for a year! Isn’t that amazing” or my friends visit my house after a month and are like “wow how are your fish still alive what your secret?????” it’s like ummm clean water? actually caring for me pets. Like it honestly blows my mind away how much little respect people have for fish.

literally I am ok with being smothered in affection and soft kisses

you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch oUT, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETT–

one of my friends is a very pregnant dog and like 3 times a day i say to her “hello! you are full of several other smaller dogs!” and she wags her entire body at me like “it’s true!!! i contain multitudes”

hey look it’s your daily reminder that it costs $0 to be kind and respectful to broadway performers

I’m pretty sure it’s physically impossible for a human to mention mitochondria without calling it the powerhouse of the cell

@tabbran please add lemon man story to this

That was a wild goddamn ride

yall im fucking crying i had a dream last night that aliens came to earth and they were kinda real serious like vulcans and so obviously we were all serious too trying to impress them and it was all very civil and then they saluted their leader but their salute was a fucking dab and we all lost it and nearly started a fucking war

me before taking a personality quiz: [deep breath] remember who you are