i've got a weakness for external weaknesses

“He continues to ask for you,” Teyla says as she comes closer, peering over his shoulder at his laptop. She’s one of the only people he doesn’t mind like this, that he doesn’t try to shoo away, instead turning to computer so she can better see his screen. “Have you found anything?” “Nothing,” he says. “Absolutely nothing, which doesn’t mean anything because the data base is so large and I know there has to be something here, I just--.” There are a million other things that need his attention. There are simulations he needs to run to check for inconsistencies in the power grid to the newly cleared tower on the far west side of the city and there are still strange, intermittent energy readings from different places within the city that he’s delegated Zelenka to because this… this is all he can focus on. “He understands though, right?” Rodney asks, almost hesitantly. “Why I’m not there, I mean.” “I believe so, yes.” She’s quiet for a moment as Rodney taps away. “His headaches are growing worse, Rodney. Each one more painful than the last.” Rodney’s fingers go still. “Ronon and I do not know what to do to comfort him and the medicine Doctor Beckett gives him seems to wear off quickly. I must confess, I do not believe I have ever felt so helpless before.” Something twists in Rodney’s chest and he nods. “Yeah,” he mutters. “Trust me, I know how you feel.” Teyla nods and lifts her hand to rest it against Rodney’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “I must get back to relieve Ronon.” “Teyla,” Rodney calls as the doors slide open and from the corner of his eye, he can see her pause, but he resolutely does not look at her. “Tell him… tell him that I’m going to fix this, okay?” “He already knows. As do we all.” ---- It's sometime after midnight when Rodney steps into the infirmary, laptop tucked under one arm, coffee gripped in the other. It’s quiet tonight, empty save for the lone patient all the way down at the end, the one curled up on his, fingers gripping the leather of Ronon’s pants as the giant pets through his hair. Ronon’s head is tipped back, eyes closed, but as Rodney grows closer, he speaks. “About time you showed up.” “Yes, well,” Rodney says, trying to ignore the light sheen of sweat on John’s face and the rosy cheeks against otherwise pale skin. “…how is he?” “Sick,” Ronon answers. “Scared. Says she’s mad at him.” “… she?” “The city.” At his side, John shifts fitfully, snuffling his nose against Ronon’s leg as Rodney considers, lips turned down in a frown. “What do you mean?” “Dunno,” Ronon says with a shrug, and Rodney knows that the other has never felt it, the way the city thrums beneath them. But he has, courtesy of Carson’s gene therapy and while he always knows it’s there, he always feels it most when he’s with John. There’s no way the city would ever be angry with him, assuming, you know, sentient were with a thing (and Rodney’s not discounting that, he just doesn’t quite have enough proof yet to know for certain), because John Sheppard is the only one she well and truly lights up for. Huh. “Well,” Rodney says and he gestures behind him like he intends to go. “I should--.” “You should stay,” Ronon says instead, eyes still closed. “He’d want you to.” Rodney never could say no where John was concerned but he doesn’t sleep. He can’t, and his eyes burn from the hours, the days he’s spent trying to decipher and decode various parts of the database. There are so many things he’s been neglecting in the pursuit the knowledge of how to fix John and it’s with that thought that he switches over to the main power system to see how Zelenka’s coming along with the data on the unexpected power surges. What he finds makes him curse. He stands quickly, untouched coffee and a quizzical look on Ronon’s face left behind as he hurries to the main control room, bodily moving Amelia out of the way as he sits down, fingers flying over the controls. He lifts his hand, tapping his comm. “McKay to Weir and Zelenka, come in.” “Zelenka here.” “Go ahead, Rodney,” Elizabeth says,

--- The thing that John notices is how loud it gets in his head the closer they get to the East Pier. He can feel ‘Lantis almost all the time now but he likesher. She’s soothing and even though he knows she exists only in his head, she’s warm and he knows that he’s her favorite. He knows it just like how he knows that Rodney likes Blue Jell-O, just like he knows that Rodney and Teyla and Ronon are his family, in that no one has to tell him or remind him. It’s just there. But now, ‘Lantis seems unhappy with him, the thrum of her in his head getting louder. He stops in the hallway, pressing his hand to his forehead as Rodney continues on and he’s loud and he talks a lot but usually it’s comforting. Now though, it just hurts. “Rodney,” John says and Rodney stops, turning back to him. “Well, I told you it was a long walk from the lab,” he huffs and he comes back toward John. “What’s—oh.” John can feel something trickling down his nose and he reaches up, touching it with his finger. Blood. He can hear Rodney, sort of, on his comm calling for someone, but it kind of feels like that time they were on vacation at Nantasket Beach and a big wave knocked him under water. The thrumming has gotten louder and he gasps, dropping to his knees, hands gripping the sides of his head. He thinks he hears someone calling his name before there are hands touching him, guiding him to floor before something explodes inside of his head. --- Rodney remembers the first time Jeannie had a seizure. She was five and they were in a department store, the two of them left to their own devices outside of the fitting rooms while their mother tried on about twelve different dresses. Jeannie was hiding in the clothes racks, trying to goad him into finding her but he was too old for such nonsense and besides, he knew Mother would be incredibly unhappy if she came out to find him engaging. He was sulking near the doorway, hands in his pockets when all of a sudden, Jeannie’s giggles stopped. She came out from one of the clothes racks, complaining about her fingers having gone numb, eyes wide in something that Rodney would later come to understand as a feeling of panic that presented just before. She opened her mouth, called his name and before he closed the space between them, she dropped to the floor and began to seize violently. He remembered screaming for Mother, remembered the well meaning trying to hold Jeannie down, remembered the feeling of not being able to breathe until it finally stopped just under three minutes later. It would be several seizures later before there was an official diagnosis as initially, Mother and Father wrote it off as some attention seeking behavior, and Rodney had already hated them for some years prior to this but that just cemented his opinion that they never should’ve been allowed to procreate. He doesn’t need Carson to tell him that John had a seizure. Rodney remembers, thankyouverymuch, and what he needs for Carson is for him to explain whyit happened. Which, of course, he cannot. Which, of course, sends Rodney in an almost apocalyptic rant about voodoo scientists and shitty ancients and this entire god damned galaxythat takes both Teyla and Ronon to drag him from the infirmary. Thankfully, or horrifically, John remains unconscious for the whole thing. Rodney hates this place. --- He spends the next twenty seven hours in his lab. He bars everyone except Zelenka and between the two of them, they manage to decode a disgusting ten percent of the database specifically on off-world outposts. Teyla stops by several times, twice to bring him food and a third time to tell him that John was awake and asking for him. Rodney likes to think that John will forgive him for not coming, given the fact that he’s trying to figure this out before there’s another seizure and perhaps the loss of valuable brain cells. After twenty seven hours, one minute and thirty nine seconds, Ronon shows up and drags Rodney bodily from the lab with an order called over his shoulder for Zelenka to go get

This morning though, Teyla’s gone to the mainland and John sits miserably in the mess with Ronon and Rodney, barely touching his breakfast. His head hurts again and Teyla’s real good at cuddling when him when it does and--. “Hey,” Rodney says and he snaps his fingers in John’s direction. “What’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with him?” “Shut up, McKay,” Ronon growls and he leans across the table to catch John’s eye. “Hey little man, what’s wrong?” But John’s not supposed to be sad, he’s supposed to be a big boy and he wasn’t and that’s why he’s here while Dad and Davey aren’t and John just misses her, misses Mom and it’s easy to not miss her as much with Teyla, but she’s not here. She’s not here like Mom’s not here, like Dad and Davey aren’t here and he won’t look at Rodney or Ronon because he doesn’t want them to know that he wants to cry. “Perhaps we should…” Rodney gestures to the rest of the mess and John doesn’t know what he means but Ronon does and so he stands, reaching for John’s hand. “C’mon,” Ronon says just when it’s starting to get hard to breathe and John doesn’t even realize Rodney’s following them too until they spill outside onto a pier. He doesn’t know why, but this place feels really familiar. “Why here?” Rodney asks, mouth turned down in a frown and John thinks briefly that Rodney frowns way too much and he also thinks that that’s maybe his fault somehow which only adds to his misery. “I dunno,” Ronon grumbles quietly. “He comes out here sometimes when things are hard, right?” Ronon walks over toward the edge of the pier and he gestures for John, maybe Rodney too if Rodney actually wants to come and surprisingly he does, plopping down next to John until he’s sandwiched in between the two of them. “What’s wrong?” Ronon asks again, and he bumps John’s shoulder with his. “I miss my mom,” he says, his voice cracking before he reaches up and swipes angrily at the tears that have started to fall. He’s not supposed to cry. Dad would be so mad if he saw him now, but now that the dam’s opened, John doesn’t know how he’s going to stop because he just wants her again. “This…” Rodney says, “is so far out of my area of expertise,” but Ronon tells him to be quiet. “It’s okay to be upset, little man,” but it’s not and he shakes his head as Ronon drops an arm around his shoulder, John going against his side easily. “My dad says--.” “Yes well, your father is an idiot and I don’t even have to know the man to know that,” Rodney says viciously. “No wonder you’re so emotionally constipated, for Christ’s sake. Is this when that started?” John swipes his hand over his face again and then Rodney’s patting his hand and he looks like maybe he doesn’t hate John as much as he did that morning. “If you want to be sad, then you be sad. Don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re not allowed to be. Do you understand?” “But--.” “But nothing,” Rodney says. “Do you understand?” “…yes.” “Good,” he says and he pushes himself up from where he’s seated, snapping at John and Ronon like maybe he wants them to follow him. “Well? Sometime today.” “Where are we going?” “There’s something I want to show you,” he says. “Perhaps it’ll take your mind off of… things.” John and Ronon stand and follow after Rodney as Rodney taps his ear comm. “McKay to Weir.” “Go ahead Rodney.” “Ronon and I are taking a Jumper to the Mainland. Don’t let Zelenka blow anything up while I’m gone.” Ronon raises an eyebrow but Rodney doesn’t even look at him. “Sheppard,” he says and John forgets for a second that Rodney’s talking to him. “How do you feel about flying?” --- “I heard what you did for John today,” Elizabeth says quietly as she sidles up to Rodney where he’s standing on the balcony outside of the Gate Room, peering up Lantea’s bright moon. She holds out a cup of coffee as an offering. “Although I’m not so sure I agree with you letting him fly the Jumper, that was still very kind of you.” “Yes, well,” Rodney says but he doesn’t turn the coffee down, “I suppose it’s about time someone did something nice

She looks pointedly at the tray in front of him and John sighs loudly, but he picks up his fork and pokes at the not-chicken, but a moment later, his eyes shift back to Ronon who promptly makes a face. John dissolves into a fit of giggles and Teyla finds herself hard pressed not to smile. Ronon would have made an excellent father had this galaxy given him the chance. “Well,” a familiar voice says scathingly, “isn’t this cozy.” “Hello Rodney,” Teyla greets before she turns to see him standing there, hands gripping his own tray so tightly that his knuckles have turned white. “Perhaps you would like to join us?” “No.” She raises a brow at him, because Teyla has never tolerated Rodney’s bad manners and Rodney wilts just a bit. “Which is to say… I need to get back to the lab so I can keep working to fix… this.” “C’mon, McKay,” Ronon says as he drops his pudding cup onto John’s tray with a wink, “sit down.” Teyla can see that he’s anxious to flee, clearly uncomfortable with the miniature Colonel Sheppard but finally, he sits down on the opposite side of Ronon, frowning at the boy. “John,” Teyla says, settling a hand on the back of his chair, “this is our friend Rodney.” “Actually,” Rodney says, shoving a heaping spoonful of mashed potatoes in his mouth, “it’s Doctor McKay. Always Doctor McKay until you’re—” he gestures broadly in John’s general direction, “you again.” “Whaddya mean? I am me. I’m John.” “You’re a munchkin.” “I’m the tallest in my class. Even taller than Joseph Saddler and--.” “Mm. Nope, sorry, don’t care.” “Rodney,” Teyla admonishes and he holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Look, I’m sorry, but I can’t possibly be the only one who thinks this is incredibly weird. Like, weird, even for this galaxy weird. Forgive me if the thought of my—of him speaking so familiarly with me in his current stategives me the creeps.” “Don’t listen to him, little man,” Ronon says and he leans back in his chair, glancing over Rodney. “He’s just mad that Andrews gave you the last blue Jell-o instead of him.” “That is absolutely--.” “Here,” John says as he plucks the Jell-O off of his tray and holds it out to Rodney, blinking up at him. “I don’t even like the blue kind. ‘m not sure why I asked for it. You can have it.” Teyla shares a look with the two other men; John had always made sure to grab Rodney’s favorite dessert when they arrived before he did. Rodney sits, frozen, not reaching for the cup but then Ronon reaches out to pluck it from John’s hand, dropping it onto the other’s tray. “That is very kind of you, John,” Teyla says, dropping a hand into his hair. “Rodney, what do you say?” “I--. I have to go.” He stands up so quickly that his chair very nearly tips back before Ronon grabs it to keep it from clattering to the floor and then he’s gone, fleeing the mess as if it’s on fire. John’s turned, glancing after him and when he turns back around, he’s frowning unhappily. “He doesn’t like me.” “I can assure you, little one,” Teyla says gently, “Rodney likes you very much. He just has a very difficult time showing it sometimes.” John does not look convinced. --- It’s late and Ronon makes it a habit not to come down here much unless he’s with Sheppard. John, however, is currently with Teyla, preparing for bed and Ronon figures that someone needs to talk some sense into McKay before he crosses paths with Mini Sheppard again. His hands are in the pockets of his pants as he steps into the lab and he’s not surprised to find McKay alone. Most of the other scientists keep fairly normal hours, but even on his best day, Rodney would spend the entire night down here unless someone came to drag him away. Usually, that was Sheppard. “You can’t be a jerk to him,” Ronon says by way of greeting and he takes a little satisfaction in the way McKay jumps, clearly startled. “Could you not with the sneaking up thing,” but he’s not quite as snappy as he was earlier so Ronon figures this whole thing is finally settling in. It’s a good thing though; the sooner Rodney gets used to

their current predicament, the sooner he can get past it and channel all of his energy into actually fixing it. He works best under pressure or threat of death, they all know that, but only when Sheppard is there to help him channel that fear into something productive.

It’s not Mom. It’s another lady with pretty tanned skin and nice eyes and she’s smiling at him like she’s happy to see him. It makes his heart hurt; no one smiles at him like that anymore. “I don’t—where am I?” “You’re in the infirmary here in Atlantis,” she says. “Do you remember Atlantis?” John remembers a lot of things, like Mom’s favorite color and the smell of the baby shampoo she used to buy for Davey until she couldn’t be the one to give him baths anymore, but he doesn’t remember Atlantis, but it sounds like a place. “No,” he answers and he tugs his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and the thing is back in his throat again that he can’t really breathe around. “Is… did my Dad send me here?” Because it’s just Dad now and John knows that Davey is just a baby who still needs a parent, but John… maybe Dad couldn’t keep him too. “Just for a visit,” the lady says and she holds her hand out to him so he reaches for it carefully like maybe he’s afraid she’s going to pull it away again. “My name is Teyla and I know this must be very scary for you, John, but I promise, you’re safe here.” He swallows hard but he feels a little more brave with her holding his hand so he allows his gaze to shift, to take in the room around him. It’s sort of like the hospitals room Mom had been in and out of and he doesn’t like it. He wonders if he’s sick too; maybe that’s why he’s here or maybe it’s just because he was a bad boy, maybe he did something wrong and Dad had to send him away and he doesn’t realize that he sniffles until Teyla squeezes his hand like Mom used to. “I would like for you to meet a friend of mine, John. His name is Carson and he would just like to talk to you for a moment. Would that be okay?” “I… am I in trouble?” Because if he’s done something wrong enough to be left here, he figures it must be bad and maybe he’ll never be allowed to go home again. “Of course not,” she says and she smooths a hand through his hair and he closes his eyes against the feeling. “You just had a little bump on your head, that’s all. Perhaps that is why you do not remember Atlantis, and that is okay but I’d really like for Carson to make sure you’re alright. Is that okay with you?” He knows it’s not polite to tell grown ups no, she nods and when she pulls his hand away from him, he reaches for it because he just wants something to hold on but he’s not quick enough. He’s not quick enough and she’s going to go away and--. Why does everyone always leave him? --- She can’t imagine how scary this must be for him. There’d been tears in John’s eyes when Teyla returned with Carson after the briefest of moments and as soon as they were within reach of one another, she’d reached for his hand, which he’s been clinging to since. She doesn’t mind though. She sits on the edge of his bed, his small hands clasped in hers as Carson does a brief check up now that John is awake. It’s always nice to see the doctor with children and she thinks that perhaps there could be no one better suited for this as by the time he is finished, John’s still holding her hand but not quite so tightly. “Well,” Carson says as he reaches into his coat pocket to pull out a red lollipop for John, “he’s healthy and other than the obvious, there still seems to be no deleterious effects. I’ll get with Rodney, see if he’s found anything in the database but for now, lad,” he ‘boops’ John on the nose, “I think we’re done here.” “Will you speak with Elizabeth?” Teyla asks. “Advise her of your findings… or lack thereof.” “Aye,” and he smiles at Teyla. “Not to worry, young lady. I’m most certain that Rodney’ll have this figured out in no time.” Teyla does not doubt that; she knows how strongly Rodney feels for John and though he’d attempted to hide just how concerned he’d been once the change had taken place, Teyla knows that it hurts him more than he lets on. She always believes in Rodney, but her faith is strongest when it concerns John. She turns back to the boy in question who is still taking everything in with bright

---

They all wait with baited breath as the scanner makes another pass over the little boy—over John, she has to remind herself. He’s still unconscious and the circles under his eyes look darker now in the harsh infirmary light and Elizabeth crosses her eyes, never pulling her eyes away.

“Okay,” she says, lifting a hand to chew on her thumbnail. “Walk me through this again. You were exploring an Ancient outpost.”

Ronon growls in frustration, hands digging into his dreads at the thought of having to go through this again, but Teyla remains unbothered.

“Correct. Rodney was picking up a strong energy signal. The outpost was empty, but there was a machine in the very center of a large dais, pulsating. Once Rodney determined that it was the cause of the signal, he decided that perhaps we should get a closer look, fearful that it might have been similar to the one on M1B-129.”

“The one that caused the hallucinations.”

“Exactly.” Teyla’s eyes returned to the boy’s face before she continued. “John stepped up onto the dias to get a better look and the next thing we knew, he was surrounded by a blue light, screaming.”

“Then what happened?”

“Then I shot it,” Ronon answers.

“You shot it,” Elizabeth repeats.

“Uh huh. And I’d do it again. We had no way of knowing what it was doing to him, but he needed help and we needed to get him out of there.” It’s almost as if dares Elizabeth to challenge his decision, though she thinks after studying his face for just a moment, perhaps he’s reconsidering himself.

“Yes, well,” Teyla says, reaching to settle a hand on Ronon’s wrist as if to calm him. “Once the machine shut down and the blue light dissipated, John was… well.”

“Do we have any idea what this has actually done to him?” Elizabeth asks and she glances at Carson for answers, but he has none. “Is he still… him? Will he have his memories or--?”

“He has been unconscious since the machine shut down,” Teyla answers. “We are not sure exactly what the outcome will be.”

“His scans look good,” Carson answers, sighing as the machine comes to a stop. “Well. For a six year old boy, anyway. I see no ill effects from the machine, other than the obvious, but until the lad wakes, we won’t truly know what we’re dealin’ with.”

“But he will, right? Wake up?”

“I see no reason why he shouldn’t. But perhaps we ought to prepare for the worst. There’s a chance that he’ll wake up and have no idea where he is or who any of us are. Perhaps we should clear out, leave one person in here to lessen the confusion or fear.”

“I’ll do it,” Ronon answers immediately, and Elizabeth is unsure of the most delicate way to thank him for his offer while gently declining. Thankfully, Teyla speaks up again.

“No,” she answers and she smiles up at Ronon before she turns her attention back to John. “I will stay. Why don’t you go find Rodney and see if he’s managed to find anything in the database that could possibly provide answers as to what’s happened to John, but importantly, how to reverse it.”

“I’m going to send a team back through,” Elizabeth decides. “See if we can find any spare parts that weren’t destroyed that we may be able to use to retrofit one of the Ancient devices here.”

“Aye,” Carson agrees. “Teyla, if he wakes—”

“You’ll be the first to know, Carson.” And he gives her a smile, dropping a hand to her shoulder to squeeze gently. “Perhaps,” she says as he moves to take his leave, “you would be able to dim the lights? It may be startling with the bright lights once he wakes.”

“Of course, love,” and then he’s gone, leaving Elizabeth and Teyla alone.

“Never a dull day in the Pegasus Galaxy,” Elizabeth tries to joke, but she feels like it falls short when the child on the bed snuffles and turns his head to the side, face relaxing just a bit as the lights in the infirmary dim. “Keep me posted, okay?”