Fun things to consider about cruise ships:
THEATERS. Usually a minimum of three, all of varying levels of #fancy
Grand staircases. PLURAL. Most ships have at least two massive grand halls with massive staircases and plants and indoor creeks n shit.
Nightclubs. Actual nightclubs. Usually segregated by age brackets. They also have attached age-segregated hangout places. Older ships (pre-2009) are all stuck in hilariously 90s era stylings.
Casinos. Either two of them separated by machines/tables, or one entire floor.
Library/board game room. Think a big old fashioned menâs smoking room. Like fat leather chairs and floor to ceiling shelves.
Restaurants of various levels of fancy and quality. Pick each tier of passenger (usually 3-5 tiers, but it depends) and give them each about ž options.
So. Many. Fucking. Elevators. And not all of them go to an equal number of floors.
Not to mentionâŚ.STAIRS. ALL STAIRS ALL TIME.
Endless, ENDLESS identical hallways of doors to rooms. ENDLESS. These will usually span the ENTIRE length of the ship, with the middle class rooms breaking into the main staircase areas. The lower decks are monotonous in the extreme.
Shopping mall. Smaller than the word typically implies, but segregated by need and price. So from everyday basic necessities to extremely fancy jewelry stores. These can be entire floors.
Movie theaters, usually for kids. A lot of weird 90s theming.
Random TVs that sporadically pick up the signals from whatever island or land mass youâre nearest to. Some weird shit every once in a while.
The top-most deck often has a minigolf course and a running track. Usually looks like a little garden.
Spas. These places have full on spas.
The penthouse rooms. Legit some of these will be likeâŚstraight off the titanic level grandeur. Talk about some irony poisoning.
Surprisingly placed lifeboats to remind you of your mortality. First thing after you get a room is an evacuation plan and it takes FOR EV ER if people arenât cooperating.
Legit actual doctors office. Some Big Fancy Boys have minor surgeries.
The rooms often also have multipurpose and hiding furniture. That room for ants actually comfortably sleeps 6 adults.
The cleaning crew is also Very Sneaky.
They will often leave little towel animals or some other cute themed gift. This is very exploitable for horror.
The purely utilitarian design of the non-customer sections are brutal in their simplicity. And monotonous.
Most of these ships, away from the money makers, are monotonous.
One of the BIGGEST unintentionally creepy factors is the hollow illusion of wealth these ships try to sell you.
LikeâŚthey have all the splendor and grandeur of a McMansion. The gold paint is faded, the jewels are plastic, the wood is worn. The lights are yellowed and dusty, but all around you the ship screams luxury. But itâs not. Itâs something you notice after being on one more than a few times. You can feel the cheapness and emptiness of it all.
Even the highest priced areas have a sense of wear to them. Like, unless youâre the first bitch on the maiden voyage, even the biggest and most expensive penthouses have a cheap, used feel to them. Itâs eerie once you notice it.
And lastly. Bigly. Most importantly.
Okay so like obviously waves on the ocean. And you expect to feel the swaying of the ship, but most people expect that these bad boys are too large to really get spicy.
Nah. Iâve been on MASSIVE ships where the waves are so large that the deck would literally be at a 45 degree angle.
THIS is why you see railings everywhere. Youâll be moseying along and then suddenly youâll be walking with one foot on the wall, dizzyingly swaying back and forth and desperately clinging to the wall as your legs threaten to come out from under you when the ship leans away. Iâve even seen the crew members get sick.
On the lower decks and rooms, youâll have the joy of seeing your fucking window GO UNDERWATER. Iâm not kidding. Upper balcony rooms can appear to sway hideously close to the water. Itâs TERRIFYING.
AnyWAY the end point of this is that I AGREE. CRUISE SHIPS ARE SO FUCKIN RIPE FOR HORROR.
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