I like your face

it’s so hard for me to not doxx myself every single day btw. my oversharer’s spirit is being stifled by internet safety

"I have never seen a cat that showed affection/love for it's owner" is the pet ownership version of "I don't believe in Female Orgasms they don't exist, after all, my wife has never had one"

“An actual wedding ring for your spouse” Ok Dan. Ok. I’m not a fool. I’m not an imbecile. I know these games. I’ve been here before. There is no way you’re bringing up weddings at every single opportunity just for funsies. This is getting absurd. I know a soft launch when I see one. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE PLOTTING.

why is it always declarations of love through condiments with these two. ranch. ketchup. the two most important things really are that dan loves dips and dan loves phil

they knew they were three months from telling everyone they’ve been in a relationship since they met and dan wrote d <3 p in ketchup and made a beeline for a camera to show it off before walking back and letting phil see. and they’ve never fucking talked about it since.

stop calling it a girl dinner and call it by its formal name: Fend For Yourself dinner in an ingredients household