▪︎▪︎》Content: MAIN. 99% reblog dump, 1% random opinions.
▪︎▪︎》Fandoms: Supernatural, Demon Slayer, My Hero Academia, Hazbin Hotel, Stargate SG-1 & Atlantis, so many others
▪︎▪︎》CWs: gratuitious foul language, political commentary, violence/blood, moderate to explicit sexual content, religious insensitivity/sacrilegious commentary
▪︎▪︎》Other: SOMETIMES NONSPEAKING AND USES ONLY EMOJIS, Traumagenic plural system BUT endos welcome; undiagnosed AuDHD likely(send me $2300 & I will); chronic illness gang; not the best option for a mentor but I will cut a bitch that's threatening a child so come to me if you need scary dog privileges; I love my "supermutt" dog; I emotionally identify as a demon 90% of the time; #krieg misc bs
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Ughhhhhhh I hate that each month I feel the depression just getting slightly worse
Tw vent
Like my grandma's mental and physical health is failing, she's probably not gonna live that much longer. It's kinda one of those things where she might continue declining for another couple years, but she also might die in her sleep any day. I'm starting to mourn her early because she really isn't there mentally the way she used to be.
My mom's health is worse, and it's not like she's in danger of dying any time soon, but it's just reaaaally getting to me, and I'm just not fucking ready. Like if she were to die tomorrow I don't think I could cope, I think I would lose it.
Hubby and I are both disabled, he's showing signs he may be developing a schizoeffective disorder or perhaps he already had one and it's getting worse. My only full-blown support system is my husband, and my husband's system if you can count that.
We are completely surrounded by nothing but homophobic people who don't really accept non-Christian beliefs. Many of them are MAGAts but we don't have the resources to move unless we become unhoused entirely (in a way we're homeless right now in the sense that we are living with relatives with no other options). We're fortunate to have that, don't get me wrong, but it is so soul-sucking to be grown-ass adults but entirely dependent on these people.
I feel worthless. And then my car broke down this week, so we're dipping into savings again. Savings that we depend on if we ever want to get the fuck out of here.
I can't contribute monetarily. I can't contribute much physically around the home. I can't speak my mind except around my husband. I feel judged for my appearance and existence and lack of work even if those we live with have been kind in that regard. My insides feel all twisted up.
I tried going to the low-cost clinic for therapy and the assigned therapist was nice but it kept feeling like she was religious and we weren't clicking since I have religious trauma and issues with Christians, despite that she never once identified as Christian, I could just feel the hesitation and restraint every time it came up. Then it didn't feel like I could trust talking with her about gender and sexuality issues because of that.
And so I feel like I'm squandering time and energy at home doing fucking nothing and being a worthless pile of cells. And I kinda hate myself, like a lot.
It's getting harder to enjoy things anymore. Recently I had some acute suicidal symptoms but that was PMDD. But this general depression and low mood has been clinging and worsening gradually over time. And I don't think it's my meds no longer working, I think it's just the environment and atmosphere.
I mean look at the fucking state of the world, especially the US where I live, the elites are in control and the common person has no say in anything. War is being waged to boost the stock market, which on the one hand seems like it may be giving some other countries a wake-up call for not relying on fossil fuels anymore but holy shit, my country fucking sucks and everyone is right to hate it.
I'm tired. I don't wanna live here anymore, haven't in so long, and I don't have a choice, and it's slowly again becoming that I just don't want to live in general.
My husband has been my anchor for a long time but... I don't know. I feel this crushing weight in my soul and heart.
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The main difference between pre-space launch Grace and Stratt:
Grace sees people (including himself) as individual persons with human rights. Sacrifice is acceptable, within reason. He will not kill or die for love, but he will give up his freedom. He lived on a boat for four years!
Stratt sees people (most of all herself) as means to an end first, and people second. This is what enables her capacity for sacrifice. Stratt's not a person. She's the Petrova Taskforce Director. Grace was a person, but he can't be, not anymore. He's the Tertiary Science Officer, now. He has to be. Stratt will do anything for humanity. Anything at all. Everything else is inconsequential. Even Grace. Especially her.
Twilight, and it's basically the same except the love triangle is Jessica, Rosalie and Leah. And it would be an actual triangle too.
i've grown from making niche twilight yuri to twilight yuri that's never been heard of before. All using the smallest farm of clips ever imaginable. But will that stop me? No way. I just regroup for a sec and go again.
I have no idea what the ship names would be. Maybe Jessalie? And I don't have a clue what the name for Leah and Jessica is, and what all three would be hmm
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I actually ADORE it when a character crashes out. Let them YELL let them SCREAM let them HURT THOSE AROUND THEM with or without meaning to. I need to see more crash outs
i hate it when i can tell my perception of a character is diminishing in real time because of fandom wank. like nooooo i want to maintain an objective relationship with the text but everyone is so annoying about you nooooo
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Ok i know that too some people it will just look like a question mark but i am in love with this new emoji apple added it dosent even feel realdo the people know about this