We're strangers to Love ♪

it narrows the legal definition of who counts as transgender. transgender would go from having the broad definition of anyone whose gender doesn't match their gender assigned at birth, to only including people with a certain sociocultural identity such as hijra, and intersex people.

a new medical ‘authority’ would be introduced in the form of a medical board which the district magistrate must consult before issuing transgender identity certificates, adding a layer of medical gatekeeping.

medical institutions performing gender-affirming surgeries would also be required to report details of patients to the relevant district magistrate and the newly created medical authority.

advocate raghavi shukla called the bill “an existential threat to trans-queer persons across the country”, warning that it risks “undoing years of hard-fought legal and social progress”. her central concern was the departure from self-identification — “clearly recognised by the supreme court in the NALSA judgment” — and what that means in practice. for many in the community, she noted, the legal recognition of gender identity is directly tied to access to identity documents, welfare schemes, healthcare, education and employment. “weakening these protections could leave many trans persons uncertain about their legal status and access to basic rights,” she said.

trans people deserve the right to self identification without having to jump through bureaucratic hoops and prove ourselves to medical institutions and to the state. we deserve the dignity of being respected when we say who we are. we don't need government officials to go through evidence before they determine whether or not they approve who we are.

13th century - Beguinage: to house religious women who lived in community without taking vows or retiring from the world Qing dynasty (17th century) - The Golden Orchid Society: included women who married other women and women who did not wish to marry, have romantic, or sexual partnership Late 19th century - early 20th century - Boston marriages: the cohabitation of two women who were independent of financial support from a man. Some of these relationships were romantic in nature; others were not 1979 - Dorothy Tennov spoke of “non-limerant” people in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love, and recognized that romantic and sexual love were not necessarily linked 2002 - Possibly the first use of the word “aromantic” on Haven for the Human Amoeba 2005 - Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage by Stephanie Coontz discussed that historically marriage wasn’t originally about a relationship between a man and a woman, but about making ideal relationships such as having desirable in-laws, strong alliances, and increasing that family labor force. 2006 - the word "aromantic" used on the AVEN forums 2010 - The term "queerplatonic" was coined by S. E. Smith and Kaz 2011 - National Coalition for Aromantic Visibility founded 2011 - First flag proposal 2012 - Professor Elizabeth Brake defined amatonormativity as "the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship" in her book Minimizing Marriage 2014 - Aromantic Awareness Week suggested (later becomes Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week) 2014 - Second and third (current) flag proposal 2016 - Arocalypse created 2017 - Aromantics Wiki created 2018 - “Aromantic” added to the Oxford English Dictionary 2019 - Aromantic-Spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy created 2021 - Aromantic Awareness Month first observed 2023 - Aromantic Awareness Day and Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Day first observed

Read the rest HERE!

A piece about survivors guilt.

This comic isn't perfect. I started it back in October 2023, and every time I picked up my pen, I wept.

I bring this to you today, on 9/11, in hopes that you reflect on this day a little differently than how most Americans would. Let it move you to continue to boycott, protest and challenge your family, friends and colleagues. You have a bigger impact than you would believe.

Thank you for reading this with an open heart.

From the river to the sea...

Let’s talk about miscarriages. 

First of all, a simple definition: A miscarriage is when a pregnancy ends on its own before the baby can grow enough to survive outside the womb. 

When we say “miscarriage”, we refer to the pregnancy spontaneously ending in the first 20 weeks (so up until halfway through a typical 40-week pregnancy). If it happens closer to birth (after 20 weeks of pregnancy), it’s referred to as a “stillbirth”. We will focus on miscarriages rather than stillbirth in this letter.

A pregnancy spontaneously ending in an early stage is more common than it happening closer to birth. Most miscarriages happen in the first 13 weeks.

A miscarriage usually involves vaginal bleeding. It can range from light spotting to heavy bleeding. It may also include the passing of tissue or blood clots. Abdominal pain or cramps may also be present. (This is why a miscarriage that occurs before the person is even aware they’re pregnant may be confused with a heavy period). 

However, some people may only experience the lessening of pregnancy symptoms (such as a sudden stop of morning sickness) that alerts them to the miscarriage. Some miscarriages also occur without any noticeable symptoms at all and may only be discovered at the next ultrasound. 

Let’s look at some myths and facts about miscarriages: 

Myth: Miscarriages are rare. 

Fact: About 10 to 20% of all known pregnancies end in miscarriage (and the “real” number is probably even higher, since many miscarriages happen before the person even knows they are pregnant). 

Myth: Miscarriages happen because you do something wrong or aren’t careful enough. 

Fact: Most miscarriages happen because of severe problems with the unborn baby’s DNA. These are usually random genetic glitches in the egg or sperm - meaning there’s nobody to “blame”. The baby wouldn’t have survived, no matter how careful the pregnant person is. 

Myth: When we talk about “medical treatment” for a miscarriage, we are talking about people who choose to have a miscarriage. 

Fact: Nobody chooses to have a miscarriage. It’s by its very definition the spontaneous ending of a pregnancy. A person may need to undergo medically necessary treatment because of a miscarriage. It may be necessary to remove tissue that remains in the uterus. This isn’t the trigger of the miscarriage, it is done after the pregnancy already naturally ended. It is done to prevent infection or stop heavy bleeding. This procedure is called a D & C (dilation and curettage) and it can be a lifesaver!

Myth: If you had a miscarriage, it’s a sign you deep down resented the baby. 

Fact: The most wanted pregnancy ever could end in miscarriage. People who tried  for years and finally got pregnant could experience a miscarriage. People who jumped through legal hurdles and spend a lot of money to be able to undergo sperm donation or IVF could experience a miscarriage. This is just a horrible and untrue thing to say about people who experience a potentially traumatic health event that’s entirely out of their control. 

Myth: It’s easy to get over a miscarriage. 

Fact: It’s a life-changing experience. It’s always emotionally challenging. There’s the aspect of the unexpected (and potentially scary) health event, and of course there’s also the aspect of a loss, of grief. It shouldn’t be surprising that, for most people, it’s not something they can easily shrug off. There are a lot of emotions that can come up - during, right after and also months or years after. There’s no time limit on when someone will be “over it”. In fact, they may never feel “over it”, just learn to live with it as part of their reality. 

Myth: If it was an unplanned pregnancy, the person should be relieved to have a miscarriage. 

Fact: There’s no “Should” in loss. Even if they didn’t want to be pregnant, they may still grieve. Even if they do feel some relief, it may be tinged with emotional pain, frustration, feelings of helplessness or guilt… And all of that is valid. Nobody but the person who experienced the miscarriage has a right to say how they feel about it. 

Myth: If you had a miscarriage, it means you’ll never be able to have biological children. 

Fact: Nearly 90% of people who miscarry will go on to have normal pregnancies and healthy babies! 

With all my love, 

Women can't speak to each other in Afghanistan

Women can't speak to each other Afghanistan

Women. Can't. Speak. To. Each. Other. In. Afghanistan.

No conversations

No hearing another woman's voice, no hearing her speak or pray

No way to share experiences no way to ask questions no way to organize

And if you ban education then they can't communicate by writing either

Women can't speak to each other in Afghanistan

Women can't communicate with other women in Afghanistan

People can't communicate with other people

That's how low we've gotten

Charity Navigator rating 4/4

“children live here”... “people”... “people here”... “children”... “people and children”...

May 17 marked 20 years of marriage equality in Massachusetts and the 20th anniversary of our wedding.

The Town of Brookline MA put up a display in their public library & featured us because we were the first same-sex couple married there.

There is some real, legitimate, Uncomfortable Weird Shit that turns people on, and some of it, *is* going to set off all your gut reaction alarm bells. You're going to be so so sure that there is some harmful angle to it and you're going to be fucking wrong.

If you agree with the ideas above, the best way you can prepare yourself for whatever kink you don't know about that will one day squick you is to interrogate why you think Wrong actions are Wrong. In most cases when you examine a scary kink or fetish closely, you'll realize that it isn't actually causing any harm to anyone, and while you can judge as you like, you won't be any better than the people practicing that kink. Furthermore, you need to be able to do this to take an effective stand when something is actually wrong. For example, if you're walking around knowing that Pedophilia is wrong, but you can only think as far as "it's bad because I know to hate pedos" then you're going to be basically worthless at protecting children from sex crimes because your disgust prevents you from learning that there even is an issue, and your fear of the topic makes you totally unable to teach children proper safety practices. It makes you attack two random trans girls because one asked to be called "Mom" in the bedroom, while actual serious harm happens to children all around you without you even noticing because you think Ageplay porn is what actual pedophilia looks like.

Your fear of people practicing the wrong kind of sex is blinding you to real harm and you're causing real harm of your own by trying to go on a stupid crusade anyway. Basically all you will ever be able to check about someone's morality based on their sex life is: 1) Are they only sexually interacting with adults, 2) Do they seek consent before physically interacting.

"But that's only two things someone can do wrong sexually that I should ever care about!"

Gisèle Pelicot is a 72 year old woman living in Mazan, France. She has 3 children and grandchildren. For a decade, she was systematically drugged and assaulted by her husband Dominique, who invited dozens of men to rape her while he filmed it. This was arranged primarily through a website, and was never reported

Gisèle found out after her husband was caught taking upskirt videos of women in a local supermarket. After the police searched the house and her husband's computer, they found the videos. She didn't recognise herself at first

Gisèle chose to waive the protection of anonymity that French law guarantees to victims of sexual assault because she believed the case would have a bigger reach with her name and story attached to it. Trial proceedings were made public at her request

Gisèle suffered several health issues as a consequence of the drugs and thought at one point she might have brain cancer. She also contracted multiple STDs.

Of the 72 men recorded by Gisèleʼs husband, 51 could be identified. One died of cancer awaiting trial; the other 50 were all convicted this week. Multiple other cases came to light during the investigation, including other rapes, hidden cameras, and possession of child pornography

by victoria villasana

i. the monster's body is a cultural body

ii. the monster always escapes

iii. the monster is the harbinger of category crisis

iv. the monster dwells at the gates of difference

v. the monster polices the borders of the possible

vi. fear of the monster is really a kind of desire

these are all direct quotes from jeffrey jerome cohen's "monster culture (seven theses)" (full pdf linked) i highly encourage you to read it yourself!

that said, while i think cohen's writing is evocative, it can be a little dense, so while i'm here, here's my capsule summary (you can also hear me talk about this in the first episode of my podcast) (listen to @ghostswerepeopletoo)

i. the monster's body is a cultural body - The monster is a work of fiction to be analyzed through tools of literary and sociological theory.

ii. the monster always escapes - As long as the cultural fear from which the monster stems persists, the monster will reappear in retellings, reimaginings, and sequels.

iii. the monster is the harbinger of category crisis - Monsters defy binaries and challenge easy comprehension or categorization.

iv. the monster dwells at the gates of difference - The monster represents the Other.

v. the monster polices the borders of the possible - Tales of the monster exist to discourage unacceptable or taboo behaviors.

vi. fear of the monster is really a kind of desire - Subjects can vicariously participate in the disruption of the social order through the monster.

cohen's theories are useful for analyzing propaganda, and we can recognize the way that transphobes monsterize transgender people in their rhetoric. monster studies has roots in the analysis of how gender deviance is punished; not only does cohen mention and dissect this in "monster culture (seven theses)", he borrows the concept of category crisis from majorie garber's book, Vested Interests: Cross-Dressing and Cultural Anxiety.

i've spent a decent amount of time researching the relationship between transphobia and monsterization. i implore that you read "my words to victor frankenstein above the village of chamounix: performing transgender rage" by susan stryker. here's an excerpt:

Hearken unto me, fellow creatures. I who have dwelt in a form unmatched with my desire, I whose flesh has become an assemblage of incongruous anatomical parts, I who achieve the similitude of a natural body only through an unnatural process, I offer you this warning: the Nature you bedevil me with is a lie. Do not trust it to protect you from what I represent, for it is a fabrication that cloaks the groundlessness of the privilege you seek to maintain for yourself at my expense. You are as constructed as me; the same anarchic womb has birthed us both. I call upon you to investigate your nature as I have been compelled to confront mine. I challenge you to risk abjection and flourish as well as have I. Heed my words, and you may well discover the seams and sutures in yourself.

and i would also like to turn your attention to the book Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, And the Rest of Us by kate bornstein:

So much violence is perpetrated in the name of that fear and that loathing [of gender transgressors]. […] Transphobia is one term in vogue with some transsexuals. Fear of crossing? Fear of transgressing? If this term were allowed that sort of breadth—that is including the fear and hatred of any kind of border-dwellers—then it might have some possibilities.

bornstein's book reads as an early nonbinary manifesto (one that predates terms like "gender nonbinary" and "cisgender") and so much of what they have to say connects to this topic of monsterizing trans people, i hope you consider looking for a copy

First three couples who registered their marriage in different districts:

some openly queer actresses and a director celebrating this historical day: