And if a double-decker bus crashes into us

Oasis

north vs south, working class vs posh wankers.

- On Blur: Noel called them "a bunch of middle-class wankers trying to play hardball with a bunch of working-class heroes."

- On Suede: Early Noel was not impressed by the art-school vibe: "I think a lot of kids find Suede too intellectual... But with Oasis... it's the bottom line: here's a guitar, here's the songs, you have them."

Blur (started cocky, ended exhausted)

Damon and co went from revenge mode to "we regret everything."

- On Suede: Damon was still salty about Justine + Brett: "I knew that my moment for vengeance would come... I wanted to prove to myself that I could dethrone Brett and his group of cretins." Alex James went harder: "little pricks from fucking UCL."

- On Britpop itself: Damon by '96: "I had this romantic idea at one point that it was Britpop against the world... But of course it was every man for himself. It’s all over now, though. As far as I’m concerned, we killed Britpop, chopped it up and put it under the patio long ago."

- On Pulp: Alex apparently hated them more than Oasis because of messy social-circle romance: "devious little fuckers." (one of the pettiest and funniest bits: "We felt a common cause with Pulp at first. We really supported them. But in a lot of ways, they were even bigger cunts than Oasis. They were in our birds’ knickers: devious little fuckers. We definitely tried to help them; we thought they were cool.")

Suede (too cool for this peasant nonsense)

Brett & co always acted like they were above the lad lager frenzy.

- On Blur: Brett played aloof: "All I can say about them is, I think they've always been obsessed by their career. Suede have always been obsessed by their music. That's the difference."

- On the whole Britpop scene: "I feel absolutely no connection with Britain whatsoever... to stand Britain up as this paragon of virtue that everyone should try and emulate is nothing but a load of bullshit." Later: "When we started, it was edgy: it wasn’t this big gang of people all slapping each other on the back and drinking lager."

- Bonus Morrissey beef: After Brett called Moz "ridiculously shy" and "boring," Morrissey clapped back that Brett seemed "like a deeply boring young man with Mr Kipling crumbs in his bed." (heh... deliciously passive-aggressive flirting)

Pulp

Jarvis stayed classy but still read Blur for filth.

- On Blur’s Parklife: "I felt that off Parklife, for example... there’s that patronizing social voyeurism... there’s that noble savage notion. But if you walk round a council estate, there’s plenty of savagery and not much nobility going on."

Paul Weller (the disappointed dad of Britpop)

The Modfather was not feeling his children.