This Is The Water And This Is The Well

very torn because the guy who noticed me in the bar who I met before in the fetish club invited me to a life drawing date and also perfectly recognised every artistic reference I had in my drawings and actually works in an art gallery but he’s not cute at all (TO ME! I don’t think hes ugly just not my type) but on the other hand last time we talked he had a really cute partner and they’re open so like. But I don’t want to have to have sex with him. But I don’t HAVE to have sex with anyone. Ugh. There is a side of me saying it could be slightly advantageous for my career cause he asked to see my portfolio before. My mother would say that’s because I have a Venus in Capricorn but I’m just an opportunistic bitch

Sometimes I think about when I started having sex and was very paranoid about doing something wrong and getting my partner hurt/sick and one time we had come back from a shift at the gay bar we both worked at and I was fingering her ass and had a mini internal panic attack because I couldn’t remember if I had washed my hands or not after I cleaned and bleached the bars toilets (I drank a lot at work so my memory wasn’t the best) and then I very sneakily tried to smell my other hand to see if I smelled like bleach and she went “what the fuck are you doing”