I swear to God I'm gonna change the world

As a scientist I find the concept of Cecil freely yapping about Carlos on the radio so funny because if I was in the lab just going about my experiments and then some person on the radio started talking about how hot I am I would get clowned on it by my coworkers beyond belief. Every time I walked into the lab the grad students there would’ve been like “there he is with his perfect hair 😩” and if the centrifuge broke “try asking it to work with your sweet caramel voice 😫” like deadass the lab would be insufferable for months

a customer returned a drink because a fly flew into it and said: “one of your flies flew into my drink” and my coworker was so confused that they just said: “…my fly?”

#MyFly

People don’t even say w00t anymore.

how do i say "horror novels these days are too woke" without sounding like a right winger. what i mean is: this one is about a woman serial killer who kills Bad Men, that one is about ~anticapitalist activists~, this one is ~queer~, that one is about *spins wheel* someone dealing with the ghosts of their immigrant roots, all of them are about intergenerational traumaaaaa. okay. cool. but is it good though. is it fucking scary

something something, losing the ability to convey horror through abstraction, through metaphor, through symbolism, through allegory, through raw unexamined un-psychiatrized feeling. if the real horror is.... dun dun dun! the patriarchy then i just feel preached to. don't use fiction as a vehicle for Saying Something About Society. write with total vulnerability and then see what it says. it will be probably be far more interesting and horrifying than what if the monster was uhh my mom's abuse or whatever. this brand of new horror writers are all so terrified of actually disclosing anything about themselves. it's like if an instagram infographic performance was a mediocre contemporary novel