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whoever's idea it was to have womens t-shirts have those tiny sleeves that go way up into the armpits must have done that maliciously

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

pop health science is so annoying bc it'll be like "did you know? eating strawberries will give you mega cancer" and you're like pfft whatever begone influencer. but sometimes then you'll see a reasonably credible article like "Study Shows Possible Link Between Strawberries and Mega Cancer" and you're not usually the type to follow that kind of thing religiously but idk maybe you should consider not eating strawberries? but then there's another article saying "Strawberry/Mega Cancer Study Debunked" and it turns out the original study had a sample size of 3 and was funded by Big Blueberry, and strawberries may have a small connection to mega cancer but only if you are genetically predisposed to mega cancer and eat 50 strawberries every day. so you return to your strawberry eating life. but whenever you eat strawberries in public someone tells you about the mega cancer.

sir please calm down i didnt "edit" crash bandicoot into your wedding pictures he was an invited guest

Your father use to roleplay as a tape worm for my pleqsure

hope he did a good job at least. Didn't embarrass the whole family.

He strutted his shit kinda

a thing about me is i basically never notice a wig or other kind of hairpiece in tv/movies. it has to be party city territory for me to even twig it. people will complain about characters' wigs looking bad and i will nod along but there is like a 90% chance i did not notice for a second while watching. i consider this mostly a blessing.

the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped