Quantum Socks

Introvert: I'll just stay home, it’s much easier. Extrovert: But what about FOMO? Introvert: I’m okay with being socially irrelevant, thanks.

Tried to cook dinner. Five minutes in, I’m contemplating my life choices. Am I built for this?

Sometimes, I wish there was a guide for ‘How to Adult 101,’ but then I realize, I’d probably skip chapter one and go straight to ‘How to Pretend You Know What You’re Doing’.

Why do I always look at my phone when I have nothing to check? It’s like I’m doing a daily inventory of my own boredom.

Don’t let the tough times break you. Let them make you. Or at least, just make you laugh at how absurd everything is.

You ever get an email with “ASAP” in the subject line and think, “Great, I’ve got exactly five minutes before I have to solve world hunger AND submit that report.” My productivity is powered by caffeine and sheer panic.

I swear the worst part of working from home is when you realize you've been wearing the same pair of sweatpants for three days, and suddenly, your living room is the office, and your closet is a distant memory.

Just got a “we need to talk” text from my boss, and for a solid five minutes, I was convinced I was either getting promoted or fired. Turned out it was just about rescheduling a meeting. I deserve a medal for surviving that heart attack.

The real secret to surviving office meetings: Show up, nod at the right moments, and occasionally murmur, “I love that idea, let’s explore that.” You don’t need to know what’s going on; you just need to sound like you do.

The only thing I’m really “good at” these days is pretending I know what’s going on in meetings. You could literally tell me that we’re launching a new product made out of socks and rubber bands, and I’d just nod like, “Yup, that sounds like a solid business strategy."

Sometimes life is just one big test of whether I can make it through the day without accidentally screaming at my computer for not working properly. Also, why does it freeze exactly when I’m about to hit send on the most important email of my life?

The best part of getting older is realizing that saying “I don’t know” is just a way of gently letting the world know you’re still learning. And actually, that’s pretty cool.

I think the only thing that really improves with age is the ability to tell people “I’m good, thanks” without explaining why you’re not. Solid boundary game.