As though the sun blinded you for a moment.

The peepl tell me All the tym I’m farr too yuck With too much slym

But I think Werm Is gud to be. I find a styck

“the town line is strong. the citizens are in a state of perpetual cluelessness and bliss. there is a comforting breeze from the ocean. welcome to storybrooke.”

“news reports say there is a new comer in town driving in a yellow bug. not to be mistaken with an actual yellow bug, that problem was taken care of last month. her name is emma swan and her purpose is to destroy my life’s work and take my son. approach with caution. she has perfect coifed yellow curls that shoot sunbeams into the unsuspecting eyes of storybrooke’s citizens. i hate her and her perfect hair. i will destroy her happiness if it’s the last thing i do.”

“the police department, composed of one person because of recent budget cuts to be able to reinforce the danger at the town line, reminds us to not approach the mines. the mines have a habit of causing a person to remember events that are absolutely not true, and will occasionally spout fire and shards of glass.”

“the police department also reminds us to not feed the dragon located underneath the library. unless you are named Aurora, and then you are welcome to.”

“ why are the microphones from the year 1983? is a poem written by sidney glass, our local newscaster. he was taken to the asylum last night by unidentified sources. the poem reads i remember glass, glass so much glass. GLASS G L A S S. my life is glass. the clock tower confuses me much like glass does. i never want to see glass again G L A S S despite it’s lack of artistry and ingenuity, it has become a hit amongst poets congregating at the Rabbit Hole and has been reported to cause people to suddenly want to take up arms.

“sightings of a wolf have been reported. do not approach, or acknowledge the wolf. it does not exist.”

“there has been another bombing at the old well. some citizens are saying that it’s time to lay it to rest, and others claim it will devour storybrooke if it were removed. more on this a the city council meeting on saturday.”

“another citizen attempted to cross the town line again. a reminder from the police that the town line is dangerous and should not be approached under any circumstances. the citizen is most likely lost forever in a state of non-existence and will probably be removed from our memory in about two minutes, so if you should like to mourn, i would get to that as soon as possible. since the police department will forget, the issue will not be looked into.”

“if your child shows signs of aging, take them to see dr. whale immediately. no one has aged in storybrooke in many years and it is considered an anomaly.”

“also if you feel as if time is moving, dr. whale recommends you lie down for a half an hour. the feeling should cease.”

“and now, the weather. oh stooooooorybroooke my hoooooome, land of creatures faaaaaair and wiiiiiiiild, with storms so greeeeeeeeeaaaaat, and stories so woooooooooonderous, there is no winter because i hate snoooooow, enjoy the raiiiiiiiiin”

“reminders that the howling behind granny’s diner is to be expected and ignored.”

“there is a half-off special on poison apple martinis at the Rabbit Hole. proceeds go to your medical bill when you inevitably have to be treated by dr. whale for the poison.”

“game of thorns is also having a special on man eating plants. if your neighbor is bothersome, remember your local florist always has a solution.”

“despite rumor, there is absolutely no vault of stolen beating human hearts in the graveyard. you want to find your heart, you must look for it in yourself. it’s a journey taken by everyone and cannot be found in your local graveyard.”

“if you have lost a treasured object, it will be in mr. gold’s shop. do not make a deal with him. say goodbye to your treasured object forever.”

Happy New Year, Scully.—Happy New Year, Mulder.

I was in that house - that big, horrible house - all by myself. And I was scared.