[sad cat power song]

utilising the gift of imagination to hallucinate moments of tenderness between fictional people

writers, instead of asking ai for help, you can always use your childhood trauma and repressed issues to help you with that fic

hacks thought of the day: deborah would feel much safer with ava sexually and might even be vulnerable and explore her attraction to her or admit she's attracted to women in any capacity if ava didn't start off out and proud and become even more increasingly brash and prone to oversharing and turning her sex life into one big self aware joke. that + the fact that deborah made a career out of cracking lesbophobic jokes is a major reason why deb will never leave the safety of her closet; she fundamentally doesn't trust that it won't become a joke at her expense (even if it's just a thing she shares with ava, what with ava's impulsiveness and tendency to blab fucking deb over so many times). she trusts ava more than she trusts anyone and it's still not enough. they're two clowns self-sabotaging their sexual vulnerability by taking jokes too far and replacing sexual and romantic intimacy with a shared pathological ambition to tell even bigger and better jokes. sad they can't scissor about it but they make each other laugh and that's sex to them so live laugh love i guess

#doomed from the start 🤡 doomed before they even met 🤡 doomed the second they started hiding behind jokes#ava has the capacity to take this seriously and she tries to use it but 1. her big mouth and big feelings betray her every time#and 2. living with deborah has made her a looot more sexually cynical than she was in the beginning#because deb is quite corrosive in this way and bc sexual frustration over a terminal closet case will do that to a person#she might even think shes fighting fire with fire but shes just fueling deb's reasons to stay out of reach#ALSO deb being so concerned with legacy. she does not want her legacy threatened with proven lesbianism#she knows how much joke fodder there is to something like this better than anyone - she wrote most of them (adding op's tags too)

When I fail to respond it's an homage to letters getting lost at sea

thinking about how i genuinely never believed avadeb would or could ever be canon in the actual show because the amount of work and introspection deborah would have to do in order to unpack her own sexuality in her 70s is just not something that could happen realistically or believably in the time frame and scope of the show HOWEVER being diagnosed with terminal cancer and realizing there's one person on the planet you'd be willing put yourself through treatment for in order to spend more time with… that really is a cheat code that does actually change everything and i do think she would reasonably sleep with ava immediately that night after agreeing not to kill herself 🙂‍↕️ like sorry to make this about #mycancer again but #mycancerdiagnosis wasn't even terminal it was easy baby cancer but it did IMMEDIATELY fast track massive realizations and decisions about my life that i'd previously repressed or put off addressing for years so like. yeah cancer really will do that for you. none of the rest of it matters you just gotta Do Stuff while you can. me and deb and #ourcancer <33333