𝘚𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵, 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦.

A few days ago I stumbled upon Kak Izyan writing which goes; Kadang kadang dalam hidup kita, ada sesuatu yang Tuhan ambil dan takkan diganti semula walau kita tunggu seumur hidup.

Her sentence somehow made me feel scared at the moment, and then I continued reading them to a point where she comforted us readers, with something like "takpelah, hidup dekat dunia sekejap je kan? nanti dekat akhirat kita boleh minta Allah anything kan?"

And the reason, we strive so hard, trying our best to pleased Allah because we have realized that to get anything we want , we have to masuk Syurga first, and with that my love, teruslah berbuat baik walaupun dunia terasa "kejam", teruslah menjadi baik, sebab Allah sayang orang yang baik.

Yes our good deeds will tentukan if we are capable to enter His Jannatul Firdaus, but let's not forget, sometimes or perhaps mostly, Allah takdirkan Syurga untuk kita atas izin, rahmat dan redha nya Dia pada kita.

Lately I haven't been feeling like myself, where my emotions were all over the place, I was in an emotional mess. Where I would outburst suddenly.

Which I hated it so much, because it reminded me back to the dark place which I never wanted to return to. The pain was inevitable and is too much for me to handle. I was alone, confuse, frustrated, sad and disappointed, but mostly, I always feel like I am at the losing end.

I don't know where I should go from here, but I always believe that I am supposed to be where I'm at, I am feeling stagnant not because I have no effort ,but because I am given the time to heal, to feel all the emotions only to learn to let go, one by one. To rise after each burnt.

Allah probably is giving me the time to get to know myself better during this time, to get to know Him even better in order for me to heal. My soul is tired, Ya Allah, but show me how easy this life would be when I include you, My Lord in every decision making, situation and in every steps that I'll be making.

"Surely Allah is Ever Gracious and Most Merciful to humanity."

Ibn al-Jawzi رحمه الله said:

‎Wise people used to say:

‎“Your son is like your flower for the first seven years, and your servant the second seven years.

‎By the time he reaches fourteen, if you have been good to him then he will be your partner,

and if you were bad to him then he will be your enemy.”