i normally refer to my intense star wars special interest age 8 as something that had very little lasting impact on me, at least compared to the way my other special interests have all just gone dormant in some way and are still part of who i am (in the sense that it's not really aligned with my usual taste and hasn't really influenced me in that regard, i'm still not big on sci-fi) however. i feel like that's obfuscating just how important that phase was to my development and lowkey i have been thinking about it so much lately. mainly because i had a proper chat about star wars with my friend the other day and i was like wow it's so fun talking about this with other gay people. he was much more caught up on the lore than me and he knew that the IMPORTANT stuff to tell me is does ahsoka meet vader and is it really crazy??? is there angst??? the answer is yes apparently. anyway i specifically find it hilarious to look back on how my first ever crush on a real human man was luke skywalker. mainly because he's the peak example of twinks and butch lesbians occasionally looking identical so yeah girl of course you picked that guy. and truly i am so fond of him. the thing about star wars is that it turns the magnitude of space into something easily traversible and interconnected, entire planets are treated like mere countries, but then luke will wistfully look into the double sunset while the score plays and for a moment space feels enormous and wondrous and he is just a small little man. love that guy. he has a silly soul
to me he is like a childhood friend that i ran into in uni after not seeing him for many years and found out we were both gay now

















