Liam Black

Ugh. I’m never going to get used to this place… with all these…  trees. 

No. No. Let me make this perfectly clear. I’m not interested in whatever cookies you’re trying to sell or give to me. I don’t care if you’re head of the committee of saving puppies, I don’t care if you’re the nicest person on the planet. I’m not voting for you or your friend or your boyfriend, or whatever. 

What? I- I don’t have a boyfriend. Do I look like I have a boyfriend? I don’t.

I–I was trying to buy some peppermint tea and I started crying. Don’t look at me, I think I already scared the cashier… I’m fine? I’m more than fine, really now, but I’m— I can’t stop crying?

Uh... I’m pretty sure not being able to stop crying is a sure fire sign that you’re not fine. Unless these are happy tears? Are they happy tears?

[Trying and failing to push through the crowd] I’m sorry–I just need to get through. Can you–can you move, please? Excuse me, sorry, I’m just trying to make it to the restroom. Could you let me pass, please? Ugh. Sometimes people are so rude. 

[ Cue a swift (and subtle) waving of his hand and the crowd were forced to part like the red sea ] People just have no manners anymore.

Who wants to go dancing, or, oo, drinking? Or both?

Liam. Are you just gonna drop by and ruin all my plans with your logic? I mean, by all means… I won’t stand in the way of your choices.

If it means you won’t be decapitating anyone then yeah, maybe. What-... What happened back then? After you left?

I swear, if I don’t see a decent cup of coffee soon…

Heads are going to roll. That sounds awfully dramatic, I know but they very well might. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and nothing disperses a queue like a rolling head.

Gosh, you know I’m laughing but it’s so true. But I’m sure that’s just the lack of double pump vanilla talking.

And I’m sure nothing closes down a coffee shop like a rolling head too, so...

“Is there anywhere good to eat around here? I’m pretty sure I just saw the eggs move over in Sal’s.”

“You know, for the length of time I’ve been here you’d think I’d be able to give you at least one decent place, but I work for the takeaway here and that’s literally all I’ve been eating.”