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happy birthday to every horse

*Jerry Seinfeld voice* have you ever noticed how there’s just never a good time to kill yourself? *audience erupts into laughter* no really! it’s like you have work the next day and then you got that wedding thing coming up that you don’t want everyone to be bummed out during! and don’t get me started on all the holidays! *audience’s laughter becoming even more boisterous* there’s just no time!!

going to hooters with horse blinders on and ordering a small cesar salad that i do not finish, i tip 200 dollars and kill myself in the parking lot with a katana

sorry i'm getting beheaded can i call you back

oh no i’m seeing cycles and recurring themes in my own life

if i’ve ever embarrassed myself in front of you i was kidding. it was ironic and performative

she think on my therefore til i am

gay sex will not fix this situation. honestly, it'd probably make it worse. that being said i think we should give it a shot anyway

Get in the House like Carpet.