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Here is a little comic I made about some thoughts I’ve been having recently. I don’t ID as transmasc, and I have noticed that since I’m nonbinary and AFAB, some people in queer circles (online and irl) label me as transmasc! This has increased since I started T. Much love to my transmasc siblings, but I don’t identify with that term, and it misgenders me.

I figured if there’s not a lot of acknowledgement or discussion about non-transmasc and non-transfem people who physically transition, I can make some myself :)

Thank you to @/rjalker for the ID below!

[ID: A nine panel comic, done is low-saturated colors, mostly featuring soft yellow and shades of blue and purple.

Panel 1 reads, “I am an AFAB trans person on T.” showing a surface with a towel, and an open packet that reads, “1% 25mg”.

Panel 2 continues: “And I’m not transmasc.” and shows a rainbow flag, and a nonbinary flag hanging above some jewelry.

Panel 3 shows a person walking on a hill, the sky pale yellow and the ground in shades of blue. It reads, “My gender isn’t woman, or man, or adjacent to either, or neutra/ ‘in-between’.” The venus and mars symbols float in the air, in red and blue.

Panel’s 4, 5, and 6 read, “It’s a separate, other, gender.” Showing shoes worn under a light blue skirt, a person wearing a shirt, jeans, and vest waving, and a person without clothes floating among stars.

Panel 7 reads, “Queer people who know I’m on T, or even just know that I’m AFAB, often think I’m transmasc.” “They label my experiences automatucally.” The same person from before is shown between the two sentences, sweating nervously as though being trapped.

Panel 8 reads, “It feels like misgendering. From people who should know better.” The person is shown sittign facing away from the camera, head bowed, lifting one arm across zir shoulder, where half a dozen flags have been stabbed into zir back like arrows, all dark blue, and marked with either the blue mars, or pink venus symbol.

Panel 9 reads, “'Masculinizing’ HRT doesn’t mean I’m transmasc.” Next to a small picture of the person smiling away from the camera, wearing blue glasses, with stubble on zir chin. The next small image is of the chemical symbols for testosterone, with text next to it that reads, “It doesn’t mean my gender is male, or male-adjacent.” Followed by another small picture of the person, smiling with hearts next to zir face, wearing the nonbinary pride flag like a blanket or cape.

The yellow background fades downward into the nonbinary flag, with stripes of yellow, white, purple, and black, here with the purple and black in shades of blue. The text reads, above a final drawing of the person, wearing a pink sweater and a blue skirt, smiling up at the camera and surrounded by small sparkles, “It just means I’m a nonbinary, genderqueer person who is becoming more like zirself. And that just happens to involve HRT!” with a smiley face emoji at the end.

And I wasn’t going to respond to this, in fact I blocked them, but I feel like it’s important for me to explain my viewpoint here.

I don’t see a benefit in describing testosterone as a “masculinizing hormone.” For a lot of people, that’s what it does and that’s what they want out of it. But these traits that we call “masculinized”, we only see as masculine because society has deemed them so, and deemed them so exclusively.

There are women who look like me, a genderqueer person who has been on T for 2 years. There are nonbinary people who look like me. There are men who look like me. There are people outside these words who look like me. All from birth OR from HRT. Trans or cis or something else entirely. And these people may or may not see the effects of their hormones (with or without medical intervention) as “masculinizing”, as I don’t. That is not only our right, but in fact I think it is IMPORTANT when considering others. If you keep blanket-statement equating certain characteristics to certain identities, sexes, and gendered terms, you are INEVITABLY going to erase whole swaths of people from your worldview.

And it is also an insult to say to me that I am being masculinized as if I don’t know my body or know what T does to me. I have been on it for 2 years now. I am at my full discretion to understand myself and see myself as I wish, and have that self-perception be respected. And that HAS TO BE the tenet of transgender, gnc, intersex, and nonbinary acceptance. Or else you are simply making more boxes to hurt people with.

That anon is what my comic was originally about.

Median Center-Right American Dude at the party, also two drinks in: "Damn that's crazy, I never thought of it like that. Man, I'm sorry you gotta deal with this shit."

Me: "Ahh it's alright. I deal."

Random Guy: "People should just chill tf out."

Me: "No actually it was the opposite. It just made me even more upset and confused. I didn't know what being non-binary was. I saw people that transitioned from one gender to the other and knew I wasn't that. It took me a long time to figure this shit out."

Guy: "man that sounds rough. No wonder you guys are upset all this time this sounds painful."

Me: "Well, it sucks until it suddenly doesn't. It sucks and then it rules hard."

Guy: "so It's like working out."

the heroine

And to honor his friend he added this to his shop.

Jade the cat known all over the world rest in peace here.

I’ve personally been using my Trans to forgo gender entirely and run whatever applications i want, which is actually really easy if you jailbreak the root login.

It isn’t the inaccuracy that gets to me; we have a long history of just fucking guessing how the body works. It’s not even the extreme simplicity of their models. It’s how vulnerable they seem to think it is.

I mean, the skin is a barrier. It keeps stuff in and it keeps stuff out. Yes, there is some limited permeability; if you smear the right kinds of things on your skin then a little bit will get into your body (this is how topical anaesthetics work, and why we wear gloves in chemical labs). But some people are like “smooth this acai berry cream on your skin to boost your immune system!” [note: you DO NOT WANT to boost your immune system], or “put a raw potato under your armpit to draw to toxins out of your body!” or some shit. I look at those foot bath things that fill up with yellow rust as you use them and people go, “all that yellow stuff is the toxins being drawn out through your feet!” and I am horrified at their mental model for how the body works. They know your insides are protected by skin, right? Right?? If I thought my body was that permeable I’d wear a hazmat suit at all times. What if I touch some mud that’s got Toxins in it and they all get absorbed into my body? What if I use the wrong root vegetable under my armpit and it sucks all the vitamins out of my blood instead? That’s terrifying!

“Drink alkaline water every morning to keep your blood pH high!” Friend, how vulnerable is your blood to pH changes? You know that a fairly small variation can kill you?? If I thought this worked I’d never eat fermented foods again. I’d never clean with vinegar in case my Super Permeable Frog Skin absorbed all the acid into my blood and I died of acidemia.

“This essential oil gives you energy! This one boosts your immune system!” They’re for smells! They make smells! In your view, how much of my metabolism and immune regulation are dependent on what my environment smells like?? Am I going to die because I bought the Strawberry Surprise scented candle instead of sandalwood and my body forgot how to make ATP?? What???