Pumpkins and Moons

You don’t know what it’s like to have systems working against you systematically, to be caught in situations where black and white don’t exist, where there is no saving someone, where you can be the victim but still be perpetrating your own misery, to know that no matter what you do, you’re still incapable of fixing something perfectly.

You want clear lines drawn in the sand of this is the bad guy and this is what mental health should look like and this is what should be done in XYZ situation when the reality of it is so much more difficult and shaky and impossible. You want characters that are Good and ones that are Bad and the Bad ones don’t get to redeem themselves or fix themselves or have rocky reconciliation.

You shouldn’t be able to form hard opinions because this show constantly tells us that the real world is so much messier than that. People are messier than that. You think you understand characters perfectly but you show that nuanced and complex characters with flaws AND strengths are beyond your level of comprehension.

from an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense. our brains need us to remember negative events, so we don’t repeat the experience. in cases of mental illness, those thoughts can take over, and that’s a problem, but even NT people have a naturally negative slant to their thoughts. at one point in human evolution, this was probably more helpful than it is now.

for me this was like, really, really helpful. i used to buy into the idea that you always have to be happy, or else something is wrong with you. i thought there was something inherently wrong with me for having negative thoughts. 

to hear my therapist say, “nah, that’s normal” was so refreshing. like, okay, my brain’s just trying its best. and once i recognize that, i can address those negative thoughts, and decide whether i want to hang on to them or not. 

do NOT say “i’d like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns”

Years ago, my twin brother got into a relationship with a woman. She was sweet, kind, and seemed supportive. The exact kinda relationship you want to see a family member get into. But little by little, day by day, my brother started talking and hanging out with me. At first I thought it was something I did, maybe I said something wrong. But no, this bitch told my brother to stop spending with any female woman he knows, including family. Of course, warning bells go off in my head, but I chose to ignore them. Like you, I was close minded at one point and believed that men couldn’t be abused. I will regret this decision for the rest of my life.

The violence soon began after she trapped him. Yes I use the word trap, because that’s basically what happened. She didn’t let him out of the house because she “loved” him and was scared he would leave her. He wasn’t allowed to go to parties because he might cheat on her. He was alone with this woman, who even controlled how long he spent online and where he went. (She used parent controls.)

The violence began as minor stuff, pushing him or “accidentally” stepping on his feet or hands. But like most domestic violence cases, it just got worst. The big one first happened when she slapped him across the face after he refused to not come to our dad’s birthday celebration. She “apologized” and then said that she wouldn’t do that if he would just listen to her.

He tried, oh gods above did my brother try to keep her happy. It was no longer about because he loved her, but he was scared that she would hurt him or destroy something precious to him. She started misgendering him (my brother transitioned from FtM), insulting him, making fun of his likes and hobbies. She would destroy his photos or personal belongings like clothes.

One day, enough was enough, and after she took paused from punching him during an argument, he pushed her hard enough that she fell to the floor, and he ran to the bathroom to call me to come and help him. At this point, I did basic research about domestic violence against men (something you obviously haven’t OP) and knew something horrible was going on. I quickly drove over to their house, not home… never home, and picked him up as she was screaming on the porch to have him arrested for “hurting” her.

Just a few hours later, after cleaning himself up and me bandaging any wounds on him, the police showed up to our house. Our first though, as Native Hawaiians, was “oh fuck.” So after hearing his side of the story, you know what this PO did? He arrested my brother! On the charges of domestic violence. For you ask? Pushing her. Yeah, that thing my brother did in self defense? Got him arrested.

He soon got released on flimsy charges, and this bitch tried to get together with him again. Not making the same mistake twice, we got him to place a restraining order against her. The police wouldn’t do shit, so he had to get a restraining order.

And after all of this, my brother still doubts that he went through domestic violence, because people like OP exist who believe that women are fragile and weak against the strong and unbreakable men. And let’s just forget about same sex relationships, even though there is a same sex domestic violence epidemic happening.

WAS being the key word because when the person who opened it did so, he was ridiculed, attacked and harassed over it all while the government never paid him enough to keep it going. Then he committed suicide.

… The funny thing is that I’m not making this up.

Imagine that the genders were reversed:

That a woman opened up a woman abuse shelter, the only kind in her country, and because of that was attacked until it failed and she killed herself.

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Fuck anyone else that says otherwise.

If someone tried to tell me that I, a male, couldn’t have been abused, (as I am currently recovering from c-PTSD for the last 20+ years), I would say they just made a fucking liar out of themselves, cause that’s the most sexist shit I have EVER heard.

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