✺ Moves like Jäger ✺

Kate

You and me,

And me and you,

So happy together.

It wasn’t just a line from a song. It was the truth. You and Josh were disgustingly, almost painfully sweet to each other. Once those walls had finally crumbled and your feelings were out in the open, nothing could slow you down. The two of you were unstoppable, wrapped in the kind of love that made strangers roll their eyes and your friends groan.

You only wished you could have said the same for Jake and his girlfriend. A few months after you and Josh made things official, they split. Something vague. She needed space, she didn’t have time. You never pried, because it wasn’t your place. But what it meant was that Jake, freshly single, had quietly slipped into the role of your shadow.

He was always there. At first, it was comforting. Josh’s twin, his mirror, his lifelong other half, tagging along didn’t seem unusual. You adored Jake, though not in the way you adored Josh. It was more like the fierce, protective kind of love you felt for someone who was family, whether you’d chosen them or not.

But then fall rolled around. The season of cozy traditions and couple rituals. The craft shows, pumpkin carving, flannel photos you’d mock other people for staging but secretly loved doing yourselves. And Jake was there for all of it. At the farmers’ market, brushing past baskets of fresh produce. At the small-town festivals with kettle corn and hay bales stacked high. At the open houses on crisp Sunday afternoons, wandering behind you as though he belonged there too.

Even on the hayride through a pumpkin patch, where the glow of lanterns and the crunch of leaves beneath wagon wheels should have been just yours and Josh’s, Jake sat wedged beside you. Laughing, smiling, oblivious to the fact that he’d become your permanent third wheel.

That was the moment you realized something had to change.

Luckily, you already had a plan. Your friend, Nikkie, was single, charming, and not-so-subtly curious about Jake. She had mentioned once or twice how cute he was. The thought had stuck. Maybe it was fate, maybe it was desperation, but you decided then and there that you would make it happen.

You would get Jake and your friend together. You would make them fall for each other.

Even if it was the last thing you did.

So, that’s what you did.

The past three outings had been textbook: Nikkie hovering awkwardly, trying to make conversation, while Jake, ever the effortless charmer, smiled, laughed, and gradually let his guard down around her. And you could see it. The little glances she shot him, the flush creeping up her neck whenever he teased her. It was all there. The chemistry was undeniable.

You just needed that final nudge. A little extra push, a hook, a line, and sinker. They were into each other; you could see it in the way they leaned just a little closer, the way their laughter lingered longer than it should have. It wouldn’t take much at all.

The pieces were in place. All that was left was the right moment.

🍎🍎🍎

Nikkie

“Nikkie, come on.”

“Nikkie, it’ll be fun.”

“Jake will be there, Nikkie.”

That last line was the hook. The reason you were here now, parked in your car with your hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly you weren’t sure you’d be able to unclench them enough to actually pick apples later. Josh, Kate, and Jake would be arriving any minute, and you needed to calm down. Completely.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t hung out with them before, you had, plenty of times. You’d known Josh and Kate for years, and their strange, will-they-won’t-they, friendship had finally solidified into something real. Everyone had seen it coming, but it was still a relief when they stopped circling each other and decided to just be together.

But now? Now it was different. With Josh and Kate officially a couple and Jake suddenly single, they had decided a double date was the obvious next step. Kate had even teased that Jake was looking forward to it.

Looking forward to hanging out with me, of all people.

Sure. The last time you hung out with Jake he’d said he’d like to do it again. But you just thought he was being polite. Jake had that way about him—smooth, charming, the kind of man who could win you over with almost anything that slipped from his lips. And God help you, he always seemed intrigued by you. Like whatever came out of your mouth next was the most interesting thing he’d heard all day. Even when you pretended not to be impressed, even when you brushed him off, there was no denying it. He had a way of pulling you in.

The thought alone made your stomach lurch, and before you could do anything about the nerves bubbling up your throat, Josh’s obnoxiously loud Jeep rolled into the spot beside you. You schooled your face into something resembling a smile, but your insides hadn’t gotten the memo.

“Nikkie! It’s good to see you!” Josh shouted, climbing out with his usual easy grin.

You hesitated before opening your door and stepping out. “Hi.”

“Hey!” Kate waved from around the front of the Jeep, her hand tucked into Josh’s like it had always belonged there. “You excited to go pick some apples?”

“Um…” You glanced from her to the Jeep, expecting Jake to emerge, but the backseat was empty. “Yeah.” The word tumbled out like a question more than an answer.

“Hey, Jake!” Josh and Kate called in unison, making you whip around.

Jake was climbing out of a car parked on the other side of yours. Which meant he had probably watched your entire silent breakdown while you sat in your seat trying to breathe like a normal person.

“Hey, guys,” Jake said as he came around the back of your car, tossing you a sideways glance that made your pulse stumble. “About time you showed up.”

Then he looked straight at you. His shirt was unbuttoned like he hadn’t gotten the memo that fall was supposed to be crisp, his hair perfectly tousled in that effortlessly messy way, and his jeans—God, his jeans—clung just right to his thighs. Unfair. And you already knew the second he turned around, the view would be even worse.

“Nicole, hi.”

Your throat felt dry. “Oh, um. Hi.” You weren’t sure if you should offer your hand or just stand there like an idiot.

Jake smirked, tilting his sunglasses down just enough to look at you. “I’m excited to go pick some apples. Especially can’t wait to get a taste of those sweet, juicy ones. ”

“Um,” was all you managed, giving him a small smile before flicking your eyes toward Kate. She only shrugged, a sly grin tugging at her lips as she linked arms with Josh.

“Let’s go pick some apples then,” she said, as if the world hadn’t just tilted sideways for you.

🍎🍎🍎

The orchard stretched out in neat rows, sunlight dripping like honey through the branches. Josh and Kate led the way, their laughter carrying ahead of you, hand in hand. Kate kept throwing glances over her shoulder, that sly grin never leaving her face. You knew she was up to something, she always was, and it didn’t take long to figure out what.

“Josh, come look at this one,” she said suddenly, tugging him down a different row.

Josh gave his brother a quick look, but Kate was already steering him away, her fingers tightening around his as she called over her shoulder, “You two are fine on your own, right?”

And just like that, you and Jake were left behind.

Silence stretched between you. Not hostile, just awkward. The crunch of leaves beneath your boots felt too loud, your own breathing too obvious. You tried to focus on the trees, on the clusters of red and gold fruit hanging just out of reach.

One in particular caught your eye. A perfect apple gleaming high above you. You stretched, rising onto your toes, fingers brushing the air just below it. No luck. You tried again, higher this time, then a jump but it was hopeless.

“Need a hand?” Jake’s voice broke the silence.

Before you could answer, he stepped in close, his arm brushing yours as he reached up. He gave a small hop off the ground, fingers curling around the stem as he plucked the apple free with an easy twist. The movement was so casual, so unbothered, yet somehow maddeningly graceful.

He held it out to you, lips quirking into a grin. “You can’t pick your friend’s nose,” he said, pausing for effect, “but can you pick their apples?”

You blinked up at him, and everything about him in that moment. His tan skin glowing in the late-afternoon sun, the playful spark in his eyes, the way his sunglasses slid just enough for you to see him looking directly at you. It all made your brain fizzle and short-circuit.

The words tumbled out before you could stop them. “You can pick my apples. You can… do whatever you want. Especially to me.”

As soon as you heard yourself, your entire body flushed hot with mortification.

Oh God. Did I really just say that out loud?

But Jake didn’t laugh. He didn’t tease. That slow, devastating smile spread wider across his face, soft and sure, like you’d just handed him a secret he intended to keep. His eyes lingered on you a beat longer than necessary, his thumb brushing over the apple.

“Careful,” he said quietly, almost like a warning, though there was no mistaking the edge of amusement there. “Talk like that, and I might take you seriously.”

Wide-eyed, you snatched the apple from Jake’s hand, your fingers brushing his for a split second before you spun on your heel. Clutching your basket like a lifeline, you quickened your pace down the row of trees, heat crawling up your neck.

Behind you, Jake’s laugh rang out. Low, warm, and unhurried. The sound only made your ears burn hotter.

In seconds, you heard his footsteps crunching over fallen leaves, then he was at your side, easily matching your stride. “You always tease people like that?” he asked, tilting his head, studying you with too much interest.

“Just the ones I like,” you muttered, eyes fixed firmly on the ground ahead as though the scattered apples there might suddenly become fascinating.

Jake’s grin widened. “You like me?”

Your basket shifted in your hands as you gripped it tighter. “I just might,” you said, voice light, almost careless. “Haven’t made up my mind yet.”

“Then make an assessment.”

That made you falter. Your steps slowed, and before you could recover, Jake had shifted in front of you, guiding you gently but firmly until your back brushed against the rough bark of a tree.

He planted himself there, close enough that you could smell the faint spice of his cologne mixed with autumn air. One hand braced against a branch above your head, the other pressed to the trunk beside you, caging you in without touching.

The space between you shrank until the only option left was to look at him. And he knew it. His eyes lingered, steady and unflinching, a challenge wrapped in a smile.

Your heart thudded in your chest as Jake leaned in, his shadow cutting across your face in the dappled light. That crooked smile of his said he knew exactly what he was doing, and worse, you knew he was enjoying it.

“Well?” he repeated, his tone lilting, almost sing-song. “What’s the verdict?”

You tilted your chin just enough to meet his gaze, refusing to be the first to flinch. “Still gathering data,” you said lightly, though your voice came out softer than you meant.

Jake chuckled, a sound that rippled low in his chest. “Careful, Nicole. That sounds like stalling.”

“Or maybe,” you countered, your lips twitching despite yourself, “I just like to be thorough.”

His eyes glinted as he studied you, the way someone studies a puzzle they’re itching to solve. The hand resting on the trunk tapped lightly, drumming a rhythm against the bark, as if he had all the time in the world to wait you out.

“Fine,” he said at last, his grin widening. “Take your time. Just don’t keep me waiting too long.”

Then, with a slow push off the tree, he gave you your space back, his hand brushing a low branch as he turned. That easy confidence of his trailed after him as he stepped back into the row of trees, glancing over his shoulder once to make sure you were watching.

And of course, you were.

🍎🍎🍎

You tried to focus on the rows of trees, on the way the sunlight caught in the leaves, on the crunch of the ground beneath your boots. But no matter where you looked, Jake was always there.

One moment, he was leaning casually against a trunk a few feet back. The next, he was ducking out from behind another tree just ahead, his grin tugging at the corners of his mouth like he had made it his personal mission to drive you insane.

“These apples,” he said, plucking one off a branch and tossing it lightly in his palm, “are beautiful.” His eyes flicked to you, glinting with mischief. “But not nearly as beautiful as you.”

You rolled your eyes so hard it almost hurt. “You should save that line for someone who hasn’t heard it a thousand times.”

He smirked like he knew exactly what he was doing. “Do you believe in love at first bite… or should we test it out today?”

The smile threatening your lips betrayed you, so you turned sharply down the next row, basket bouncing at your side, putting space between you and his cheesy charm.

Still, Jake didn’t stop. He trailed after you, slipping between the trees with an easy stride, throwing out line after line, each one smoother—and more ridiculous—than the last. And each time, no matter how much you tried to play it off, a blush crept higher up your neck.

Finally, you turned, and he nearly collided with you. Before you could overthink it. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you reached up, caught his shirt in your hands, and pressed your lips to his.

For one suspended moment, the orchard went still. The wind picked up, stirring the leaves around you in a soft rustle as Jake cupped your face with one warm hand, steadying you as though he’d been waiting for this.

When you pulled back, your heart hammered against your ribs. His eyes searched yours, steady and bright, like he was daring you to say something.

“The verdict is in,” you whispered, the words tumbling out on a shaky exhale. “I do like you.”

Jake’s smile spread slow and certain, his thumb brushing your cheek as he leaned in just close enough that his breath mingled with yours. “Took you long enough.”

His words hung in the air, low and smug, but there was no mistaking the warmth in them. You wanted to roll your eyes at him again, to shake off the way he looked at you, but with his hand still cupping your cheek and that smile spreading across his face, you couldn’t. Not this time.

Instead, you let your forehead rest against his chest for a beat, just long enough to steady yourself. His shirt smelled faintly of cedar and something clean. Soap, maybe, or the cool air clinging to him, and it made your head spin all over again.

“You’re insufferable,” you mumbled, your words muffled against him.

Jake chuckled, the sound vibrating under your cheek. “And yet,” he murmured, tilting his head so his lips brushed against your hair, “you still like me.”

You pulled back enough to glare up at him, though your attempt at seriousness faltered when you caught the way his eyes sparkled down at you. “Barely.”

“Barely counts,” he said, his grin widening. “I’ll take it.”

You shoved lightly at his chest with your free hand, trying to put space between you, but Jake only rocked back a step before falling into stride with you again as you started walking. The orchard stretched around you in quiet rows, golden light slipping lower through the branches. It should have been peaceful, but with him at your side, every nerve felt wired.

He didn’t press further, didn’t push for another kiss, but his presence lingered at your shoulder. Close enough that you felt the warmth of him, far enough that you missed it when the breeze cut through. Every so often, you caught him watching you, head tilted, lips quirking like he had another line ready to go if he needed it.

And every time you met his gaze, you had to look away first.

The two of you drifted down another row, baskets swinging at your sides. The silence wasn’t awkward anymore. It felt thick, charged, like every word mattered.

Jake reached up to pluck another apple, handing it to you without a word. His fingers brushed yours deliberately this time, slow enough that you knew he’d done it on purpose.

“So,” he said casually, though the corner of his mouth betrayed him with a smirk, “you always make out with guys just to test a theory?”

Your head snapped toward him, heat rushing back to your face. “It wasn’t— I didn’t—” You huffed, rolling your eyes at the smugness radiating off him. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

He leaned in just slightly, lowering his voice. “Too late.”

You shook your head, a laugh slipping out before you could stop it. “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re avoiding my question.” He sidestepped into your path so you had to stop, his grin growing wider when you glared at him. “So? Is that your thing?”

“I told you,” you said, clutching your basket tighter, “just the ones I like.”

That earned you a look—soft, intent, cutting straight through the teasing for a split second. He held it long enough that you had to look away, staring hard at the trees as though the apples there suddenly needed your undivided attention.

“What about you?” you asked quickly, trying to shift the focus. “You always chase after girls in orchards? Or is this a special occasion?”

Jake gave a small laugh, tossing an apple into the air and catching it with one hand. “Depends. Most girls don’t run quite so fast.”

You rolled your eyes again, turning down another row to escape his smirk, but he followed without hesitation. He was right there when you slowed to reach for another apple. So close you felt his breath when he leaned in.

“Want some help?” he asked, his voice low, teasing.

You shot him a look over your shoulder. “I can manage.”

“Sure you can,” he said, deliberately brushing past you, his arm lifting just above your head as he snagged the apple effortlessly. He held it out, his body close enough that you had to step back against the tree.

For a moment, you swore he’d kiss you again. His hand lingered above your head, his other one braced against the trunk, caging you in just like before. His eyes flicked to your lips, then back to your eyes, his grin softening into something slower.

But then he pulled back, pressing the apple into your hand instead. “Here. For the record, I’m really good at helping people make up their minds.”

You stared at him, breath caught in your throat, as he strolled a few steps ahead like he hadn’t just turned your whole world sideways again.

And all you could do was follow.

The rows grew narrower, the noise of other pickers fading until it felt like the two of you had slipped into a hidden corner of the world. Your baskets were nearly full, though Jake didn’t seem to care about the apples anymore. He cared about following your every step.

“You’re terrible at this,” you teased, shifting your basket higher on your hip. “Half the ones you’ve picked are bruised.”

“Oh yeah?” Jake cocked his head, stepping closer, his grin sharp. “Maybe I just like the imperfect ones.”

You rolled your eyes, fighting a smile. “Smooth.”

“Worked, didn’t it?” He plucked an apple straight from your basket before you could protest, holding it up like a prize. Then, without warning, he sank his teeth into it.

You blinked at him. “What did you just do?”

He chewed slowly, deliberately, before wiping juice from his mouth with the back of his hand. “I took a bite out of your apple.”

Your lips parted to fire back something sarcastic, but he didn’t give you the chance. His voice dropped, rough with heat.

“If this apple’s even half as sweet as you—and I’m sure you are—then I want to take a bite out of you. I want to eat you out, savor you, drink you down until I know every single thing that makes you fall apart on my tongue.”

Your breath hitched, the orchard spinning just slightly as his words settled over you like a touch. The heat in your stomach throbbed dangerously close to need, and you clutched your basket tighter just to keep your balance.

Finally, you cleared your throat, forcing a shaky laugh. “I think… we have enough apples.”

Jake’s grin spread, slow and knowing, his gaze never leaving yours as you turned toward the edge of the orchard. He fell into step beside you, brushing your arm with his every few strides, the promise of what waited beyond the trees hanging heavy between you both.

By the time you reached the far edge of the orchard, the baskets weighed heavy in your arms, though neither of you had said much after Jake’s confession. The air seemed different here… quieter, thicker. The sun was slanted through the branches in long golden beams.

You set your basket down against the split rail fence, flexing your fingers. Jake dropped his beside yours, then leaned against the wood as if he hadn’t a care in the world, his sunglasses slipping down just enough to reveal the sharp brown of his eyes.

“So,” he said lightly, plucking a stray apple leaf from your hair. “Is your verdict final? Or do I have to keep working for it?”

You smirked, your pulse betraying you with its rush. “Maybe you should’ve thought of that before stealing from my basket.”

“Stealing?” His voice curled into a low laugh. “I was taste-testing.”

Before you could respond, he reached for you, tugging you gently by the wrist until you stood between his knees where he sat back on the fence. His hands slid up your arms with slow confidence, not trapping but coaxing you closer.

The warmth of him, the sun, the smell of apples and earth… it was dizzying.

“Jake—” you started, but his lips brushed yours, soft at first, testing. You leaned in instinctively, and the moment you kissed him back, the careful edge snapped.

The kiss deepened, urgent, his hand cradling your jaw as if you were the sweetest thing he’d ever tasted. You fisted his shirt, pulling him down to you, and he chuckled against your mouth, the sound vibrating through you like your own.

When you broke away to breathe, his forehead pressed to yours, he whispered, “God, I want to ruin you right here.”

Your laugh was shaky, full of nerves and need. “We’re still in the orchard.”

His grin turned wicked. “So? Let them hear how sweet you are.”

Heat shot through you, and for once, you didn’t think of what was proper, or who might see. You thought only of the man in front of you, the taste of apple still on his lips, the way he looked at you like he’d been waiting for this all along.

You kissed him again, harder this time, your fingers tangling in his hair. Your body pressed flush against his. The baskets of apples sat forgotten at your feet as the two of you tipped past that point of no return, the orchard fading into nothing but the sound of your breaths and the promise of what came next.

Jake’s mouth claimed yours again, hungrier now, his hands sliding down your sides until they anchored at your hips. The strength in his grip contrasted with the way his lips moved over yours. Deliberate, coaxing, making you melt into him.

You gasped when his teeth grazed your bottom lip, and he used the sound to pull you closer, before pressing your back against the rough trunk of an apple tree. Bark bit into your shoulders, grounding you in the moment, but all you could really feel was him. His chest against yours, his thigh pressing between your legs, the heat of his breath spilling over your skin.

“Final verdict,” he murmured against your mouth, voice low and teasing. “You like me.”

Your laugh was shaky, your hands curling into the fabric of his shirt. “Maybe a little more than like.”

That pulled a groan from him, deep and unguarded. He buried his face against your neck, lips dragging over your skin, finding the sensitive places that made you shiver. His hands pulled to untuck your shirt, palms warm and calloused as they traced along your waist, up your back, every touch both exploratory and certain.

Jake dropped to his knees and gazed up at you with hungry, adoring eyes as he pulled up your skirt and hooked your leg over his shoulder, opening you to him completely. The rough bark at your back contrasted with the warmth of his palms as they steadied you, his breath fanning hot across your skin just before his tongue slid in a long, reverent stroke along your slick folds. He groaned at the taste of you, the sound vibrating against your core and sending a shiver racing down your spine.

“Fuck, Nikkie,” he growled, his voice gravelly, “you’re absolutely dripping for me.”

His tongue hit deeper, circling your clit before flicking it in quick, ruthless bursts. You gasped, a sharp cry tearing from your throat as your fingers tangled in his soft, messy hair, tugging him closer. The faint scent of apples and autumn leaves mixed with the musky sweetness of your arousal, heady and intoxicating.

“Oh God, Jake! Just like that! Don’t stop!”

He obeyed with maddening precision, alternating between slow, deliberate licks that dragged heat through your body and quick, teasing flicks that made your legs tremble. Your hips rolled helplessly against his mouth, seeking more of the wet, relentless friction. He buried himself deeper, his nose pressing into you as if determined to consume every ounce of your pleasure.

“Please, Jake!” you cried, your voice breaking with desperation. “I need more—I need you inside me!”

When he looked over the pile of skirt, his lips were slick, his grin wicked.

“Not yet, Nicole,” he purred, every word dripping with hunger. “I’m not finished tasting you. I want to feel you fall apart on my tongue first.”

Two fingers slid inside you with aching slowness before curling up, striking that spot that made your vision flash white. His tongue never relented—licking, circling, flicking—while his fingers fucked you harder, faster, coaxing shameless sounds from your lips. Every nerve sparked, your body arching and trembling against the tree, the world around you narrowing to the wet pull of his mouth and the insistent curl of his hand.

Your walls clenched around him, fluttering desperately as the pleasure built sharp and unbearable.

“Jake!” you screamed, your voice raw, as release tore through you. Your body seized, then broke open, waves of ecstasy flooding every inch of you as wetness gushed over his hand and mouth.

He groaned against you, low and satisfied, lapping you up with greedy devotion. He drank you in like he could never be sated, gentling his strokes only as your trembling began to ease. His fingers lingered inside you, stroking softly, coaxing the last flickers of release until you sagged against the tree, boneless and undone.

When he finally pulled back, his chin and cheeks gleamed with you, his lips shining as he licked them slowly, savoring every drop.

“Mmm,” he murmured, his voice husky, “I could spend forever between your thighs.”

You let out a shaky laugh, still struggling to breathe. “I don’t think I’d survive if you tried,” you managed, your voice breaking on a sigh. “That was… devastatingly good.”

“I aim to ruin you, Nikkie,” he said with a smug, satisfied smile before pulling you into a kiss. Deep and messy, your taste mingling on both your tongues until your head spun all over again.

You knew without a doubt this was only the beginning of a dangerous, delicious evening, and every nerve in your body ached to find out what else Jake had in store.

Jake kept kissing you until your knees nearly gave out, the taste of yourself mingling between you, dizzying and raw. His hands slid from your hips down to the back of your thighs, lifting you easily until your legs wrapped around his waist. The rough bark of the tree still pressed at your back, but all you could feel was the hard line of him straining against his jeans.

You broke the kiss with a breathless laugh. “Someone’s eager.”

He smirked, nipping at your bottom lip. “You have no idea.”

His mouth trailed along your jaw, down your throat, leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses that made your head tilt back. His stubble rasped deliciously against your skin, and you arched into him, desperate for more contact.

“You’ve ruined me already,” you whispered, still trembling from the high he’d pulled from you. “And now you’re going to—”

“Finish what I started,” he cut in, his voice low, almost reverent. His hips rolled against you once, a promise, making your breath catch.

With one hand braced on the tree, he reached down with the other, fumbling with his belt and zipper. The sound of it opening made your stomach flip, anticipation thrumming hot and insistent. You bit your lip, your hands clutching his shoulders as if to steady yourself against the storm you knew was coming.

When he pressed against you, thick and hot, you gasped at the sudden pressure. Jake’s forehead dropped to yours, his breath ragged as he held himself there, teasing, testing your patience.

“Tell me you want this,” he whispered, his voice rough and desperate.

“I want this,” you breathed without hesitation, your nails digging into his shirt. “I want you.”

That was all he needed. He pushed inside slowly, stretching you inch by inch, the intensity of the intrusion making your eyes flutter shut. Your head fell back against the tree, a soft moan escaping your lips as he filled you completely.

Jake groaned low in his throat, clutching your hips tighter as if he needed to anchor himself. “Fuck, Nikkie… you feel...”

The world narrowed again. Just you, him, the heat of his body pressed flush to yours, the rustle of leaves above like nature itself was keeping time with your ragged breaths.

Then he began to move.

Jake’s body pressed to yours, hard and unrelenting, every movement sending sparks of heat through your nerves. The bark of the tree scraped against your back, grounding you, but it was nothing compared to the overwhelming pull of him filling you completely. Each thrust was slow, deliberate at first, teasing you, making your breath catch in your throat.

Your hands fisted in his shirt, nails digging in as your hips bucked instinctively, trying to meet him, to take him deeper. The sound of skin against skin, your ragged moans mingling with his low groans, echoed faintly through the orchard, private and urgent.

“You feel… unreal,” he murmured between breaths, lips brushing yours in stolen kisses whenever he drew back slightly. His eyes, dark and intense, never left yours, and the way he looked at you. Like he could devour every inch of you and still crave more. It made your body tremble.

You gasped as he shifted his angle, deeper, hitting a spot inside that made your knees weaken. “Jake… fuck… harder,” you moaned, voice shaking with need.

He obliged, the rhythm picking up, urgent and relentless now, hips driving into you with more force. Your back arched, pressing you against the rough trunk, but your body leaned into him, desperate, hungry. Every stroke sent waves of pleasure through your core, building faster and faster.

“You’re mine,” he growled, low and possessive, his hands roaming your body freely, gripping your hips, your thighs, pulling you flush against him. Your breath hitched, a shiver running from your chest to your toes, as you clutched his shoulders, trembling with the friction of his touch and the burn of your own desire.

“Jake… I—” you started, voice breaking, but he silenced you with a kiss, rough and demanding, teeth grazing your lip. The sensation sent a fresh shiver through you, and you arched into him, matching his pace, losing yourself completely in the heat between you.

Your world narrowed to his body, the taste of him on your lips, the relentless friction, and the pressure building tight inside you until your inner walls clenched around him. You cried out as the first wave hit, quaking violently, every nerve on fire. He held you through it, continuing to move, his mouth and hands claiming you, drawing you through the aftershocks into a second, even fiercer surge of pleasure.

“God, Nikkie… I can’t get enough,” he whined, voice hoarse with need, driving into you with unrelenting intensity. You wrapped your arms around him, clinging, letting the world slip away, feeling every inch of him, every stroke, every shudder of release that followed, building into a crescendo that left you utterly undone.

When you finally sagged against the tree, breathless, trembling, he rested his forehead against yours, letting you catch your breath as he slowly withdrew just enough to kiss you softly. The orchard was still, save for your ragged breathing, the rustle of leaves, and the steady pounding of your hearts in tandem.

“You’re incredible,” he whispered, voice low and intimate. “I’ve never wanted anyone like this.”

You laughed shakily, tilting your head to look at him, flushed and dizzy. “Neither have I.”

His grin returned, wicked but tender, as he pressed a lingering kiss to your lips. “And we’re just getting started.”

🍎🍎🍎

Kate

You and Josh had been waiting for Nikkie and Jake for at least forty-five minutes. Long enough to eat your way through enough apples to guarantee a stomachache. Josh was starting to bounce like a caged animal, his leg shaking so hard it made the frame of the Jeep tremble beneath you.

“Should we go look for them?” he asked, jittering out of his skin.

You pressed your hand firmly onto his thigh, trying to still him. It worked for all of ten seconds before he switched to the other leg.

“No. They’ll be here soon, I’m sure.”

Josh groaned, throwing his head back. “If it weren’t for you and this fucking plan, we’d be at home right now baking a pie.”

You snorted. “Josh, your brother was making us look like a throuple. He needs someone else to spend time with.”

“He’s not bad to hang out with.”

“No, he’s not,” you admitted, “but we used to see him less when we were just friends. And we saw each other just as much.”

Josh thought about that for a second before nodding. “Fine. You’re right.”

“Ha,” you crowed, breaking into a tiny victory dance that made Josh roll his eyes so hard you thought they might get stuck.

“But next time you feel like coming up with a plan, why not just make me come instead?”

His words hit you like a sucker punch, your mouth falling open in shock. You couldn’t decide whether to laugh or smack him, so you did both, snorting as you shoved his shoulder.

“Josh, you’re a dirty bird.”

“I’m filthy, baby. Now put that tongue to good use and give me a spit bath.” He raised his eyebrows, grinning shamelessly, while you just stared at him like he’d lost his mind.

“Wait,” you said slowly, fighting a smile, “this is actually working. Keep going.”

Josh laughed and pulled you in for a kiss, the kind that always stole the air from your lungs. By the time you pulled back, your eyes had already dipped lower, catching on the obvious bulge in his jeans.

“Okay,” you teased, breathless, “take it out.”

His grin spread wide as he eagerly reached for the button of his pants. That was until movement in the corner of your eye pulled your attention elsewhere.

You froze. Then a laugh bubbled up your throat, sharp and triumphant. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

From the trees, Jake and Nikkie finally emerged, both of them grinning ear to ear. Nikkie’s shirt was untucked, her hair tangled, and Jake’s wasn’t much better. Whatever had kept them gone for nearly an hour, it wasn’t apple picking.

🍎🍎🍎

Nikkie

You and Jake walked hand in hand through the orchard, weaving between rows until the parking lot came into view. His thumb traced lazy circles over your palm, and every few steps he leaned down to whisper something in your ear. Sweet, ridiculous little nothings that made you giggle like you’d completely lost your senses.

“About time!” Kate’s voice rang out ahead of you, sharp enough to make you both jump. Your eyes snapped to her, heat crawling up your neck and into your cheeks. That same sly grin from earlier had crept back onto her face, smug and knowing.

“What have y’all been doing?” she asked, her eyebrow arched like she already knew the answer.

“Picking apples,” you replied, shrugging like it was the most natural thing in the world. Beside you, Jake let out a quiet snort that earned him an elbow to the ribs.

“Picking apples, huh?” Josh chimed in, pretending to glance around the path. “Funny, I don’t see any baskets.”

You and Jake exchanged a look, and that was all it took. The blush deepening across your face made the answer plain enough.

The engine gave off one last choked out rumble, quite metaphorically like a grunt of Amanda’s own obvious disapproval already etched on her face. Judging by that noise, I already suspected what she meant by her remark, and as soon as the room fell quiet again I recollected myself and crossed the room in three long strides to take a look while still hoping I was wrong. I was not. “Oh my god.”

“Too late to pray, Rory,” my dear friend chuckled gleefully. “Ahm hughing hih hoo harshly? Really? Now, I wouldn’t mind a ride myself, but I really can’t wait to see you climb up that thing…”

I was barely listening to her though, being way too preoccupied with the man sitting on that thing that could be also described as a black steel beast. My first impression of Josh from the previous night now seemed to be painfully lacking in confrontation with this new and yet unknown version of him: dressed in black, looking sleek, slender and dangerous. I can’t say it really surprised me, though. He’d been giving off those vibes from the very first moment; they simply only amplified overnight. 

What he could possibly see in me – that was the real mystery. 

I always secretly envied girls who went on dates with guys like these, just for the sake of the thrill of it; I never dared to imagine I could be one of them. Not even in my fantasies. Everything that had happened in just the last twenty four hours felt like a satisfyingly perverse dream. Thrilling… but suddenly also scary.

Dismounting that impressive streetfighter with the grace of a tomcat, he took his gloves off first before unzipping his lightweight jacket. And all that time I couldn’t take my eyes off him, wondering why he hadn’t warned me about this, and whether agreeing to go out with him wasn’t a very bad idea after all. 

I wanted to. The idea was more than enticing. 

I wasn’t ready for this. I could already feel panic rising in my veins like acid. 

I’m sure Josh noticed us staring down at him from my window, but he showed no visible sign, still fumbling with his helmet instead. He had one for me too, momentarily fastened to the passenger seat backrest. Yay for small mercies…

“Wait… that asshole shaved?” 

Getting lost in my conflicting thoughts for a split second and already picturing myself fighting for dear life, I didn’t even notice that tiny detail until Amanda pointed at Josh’s new baby face when he finally took the helmet off. Indeed, he had!

“I… might have implied that it made him look old… ish…?” I mumbled and my lips stretched into an involuntary smile when Josh finally looked up, wide-eyed and chirpy. 

“Well, he definitely looks no more than twenty now. Jesus Christ...”

Amanda wasn’t wrong. The new clean-shaven look only accentuated his already cherub-like complexion. “Sorry, I’m late,” he shouted after us with a crooked grin and ran his hand through the flattened loose curls at the top of his head as if to intentionally accentuate his new boyish aura. What a showoff! 

Not getting any visible reaction from me, he outstretched his arms in a gesture of playful impatience. “Well?” 

“No, I’m not doing this…,” I whimpered, more to myself. And not really meaning it. 

“You better go tell him then, because he obviously means business.” I couldn’t tell for sure if Amanda was amused or angry. Judging from her defensive posture and judging face, probably both. I was sure – however – that I knew what she was thinking. ‘How could someone as uptight as me score a guy that is so reckless.’ As for myself, I already wanted to see him for what he later really proved to be: Someone who’d help me get out of my personal cage. Meanwhile, Amanda only kept reminding me of how fusty it was. I still hadn’t forgotten how she’d made me feel the day before. 

On the spur of the moment, I turned on my heels, grabbed the tote bag from my chair and rushed out of the apartment, with Amanda right behind me. 

“Wait, Rory! Are you actually considering going??! And in that dress?” she shouted after me as we were scurrying down the stairs.

“You’re not my mother!” I spat at her and nearly stumbled over the hem of the said dress… which was definitely not a suitable attire for a ride on a sports cruiser, to put it mildly. All of the sudden, I really couldn’t care less. I looked great in it; I knew as much. That, and to feel his lips on mine again, was all that suddenly mattered. 

“No… but as your friend I have the right to be worried!” 

I ignored that. 

Josh was already waiting for me with another, smaller biker’s jacket in his hand, and his mouth transformed into a small surprised ‘o’ the moment he saw me and my long skirt flowing around my legs in the evening breeze as I hurried towards him through the door and down the last set of steps.

“Well, what did you expect?” I spat breathlessly, smoothing the red fabric down my hips with my palms. “Maybe you should have told me…” 

“No…um…you, you look beautiful, but eh…” Not interested in letting him finish the sentence, I grabbed the bottom hem and tied it into a knot just above my right knee. The dress was creased anyway, so fuck it. 

“There! Fixed it,” I breathed out, outstretching my arms to let him help me into the offered jacket. Once I had gotten into that mood, I felt as if possessed. There was no time to be wasted. Josh just shook his head in silent disbelief. 

“Well, I like your newfound recklessness. Sexy as fuck. But where did that come from?” I wish I knew the answer. The only plausible explanation – to this day – is that he had this effect on me. 

“I don’t!” Amanda made herself known for the first time. She just joined us with her arms already crossed and now her brows furrowed again at the sight of me and my bare calves. “I don’t like this AT ALL.”

Still feeling unnaturally rebellious, I just rolled my eyes while Josh greeted her with a sneer that couldn’t be mistaken for a smile even in complete darkness. “Oh hello to you too. Nice to see you again!” It was pretty obvious from his tone that seeing her was the last thing he wanted at that moment. And Amanda was not having it. 

“Listen, asshole, lemme rephase it! I don’t like you. I’m just gonna tolerate you for Sarah’s sake…BUT! If anything happens to her, be sure I’ll rip your balls off with my own bare hands!”

“Calm your tits, woman, I’ll keep off the highway,” he grumbled while fastening my helmet. Then he addressed me, in a much softer voice. “Listen, bellezza, I need you to promise me that you’ll hold on to me real tight!” I nodded clumsily, feeling suddenly a bit like an idiot with that helmet on and the two of them watching me. But Josh quickly followed suit, making it obvious he was done with the conversation. He mounted the bike and offered me his hand, motioning to me to sit right behind him. 

I clumsily climbed up the elevated seat, careful not to show him my panties… just yet. I was suddenly really glad Amanda could not see my face, because my heart started beating like crazy and I could feel the heat rising up my cheeks the moment Josh started the engine. “Hold tight,” he repeated loudly, even though I could barely hear him. 

I placed my palms shyly on the sides of his torso and felt the rumble of silent laughter reverberate through it before he unceremoniously grabbed my wrists and pulled me closer, wrapping my arms around him tightly. 

The engine roared again and soon we were off. 

“Are you ok?” Josh looked positively alarmed when I finally rejoined him again in front of the public bathroom. I must have been a sight, no doubt. 

The truth is, I think I had never felt worse in my entire life. Not only because I had spent the last ten minutes first puking, then vigorously rinsing my mouth and finally trying to redo my make-up with shaky hands. No, the shame that followed was the worst. I desperately tried to keep a straight face when I reemerged from that bus station city toilet on my weak, wobbly legs and with water stains on my dress, and it took all my willpower not to start crying. It only made my hands shake even more. So much for the idea of spending a reckless, romantic evening in fucking Venice. We made it as far as a trinket market before I ruined it.

It could have been worse, though. I almost hadn’t made it into the cubicle in time, fumbling in my bag in search of spare coins in front of the tourniket. He had to help me with that as well. The humiliation couldn’t have been more complete. 

However, Josh acted like a true gentleman. He handed me another tissue to wipe the rest of the water from my chin and even offered me a herbal pastille after I sheepishly asked him if he didn’t have a mint. Not that I expected to actually need it after what happened. Pretty much convinced that our date was over, I was determined to take the train back to Padova, crawl back in my bed and die. 

Seriously, what was I thinking? I should have expected it to happen. I could feel myself emotionally retreating again until Josh’s friendly voice pulled me back into reality. 

“So I guess that was your first motorbike ride?” He bit his lip while softly smiling at me and I wondered if he was just mocking me or trying to show genuine sympathy. Both options still seemed equally humiliating. 

Of course it was my first ride, and while Josh kept his word and kept out of the highway, I still spent the whole half an hour physically tense like a bowstring and internally panicking, holding onto Josh like a frozen-stiff corpse from a horror movie. 

In reality, the ride itself wasn’t half as bad. It was my own mind that turned it into a nightmare, letting the catastrophic scenarios inside my head take over my whole body. The whole ride felt like one long, neverending freefall. No wonder all the tension within me had to be released the moment I set foot on solid ground again. 

And I couldn’t be even mad at him, because I had agreed to it.

“Yeah… I don’t know what made me think I could do this… My brother once dared me to go with him on a roller coaster… with exactly the same result. At least I made him laugh, which was probably the whole point, but… you’re not even laughing, so… I… I’m so sorry for wasting your time. This was such a bad idea…” I was rambling. I could no longer keep my tears at bay and wrapped my arms around my torso, hugging myself in desperate need for some comfort, however cold. 

Josh’s jaw tensed and for a moment I thought that he was really, genuinely annoyed with me, but then he grabbed my cheeks and looked me in the eye with the same concerned expression as before. “Never… ever… think you’re wasting anyone’s time. Do you understand?” 

I nodded, and inhaled through a ragged sob. People’s words could hardly ever convince me, but Josh’s touch held that power, and I could feel myself relax a bit. He immediately seized the opportunity to pull me in a tight hug. 

So full of paradoxes, this man. He could swear like a sailor one second, and then magically transform into a human comfort blanket a moment later, completely dismissing my feeble objections. “It happens to everyone from time to time,” he said. “We’re all only human. And you’re a very pretty one. Now untie that knot, because the dress is gorgeous!”

We arrived well before sunset, which meant that the tops of the buildings were still painted in gold when we set off to weave our way through the narrow streets and canals. Those were already buried in deep shadow, but the heat that accumulated in town during the day was still keeping me pleasantly warm. 

Josh had been right. The place was by no means deserted, but with all the daytrippers already gone, it regained its picturesque, almost small town atmosphere. Very much unlike Padova, still buzzing with student life at this time of day.

We didn’t talk much at first. Josh just let me have my Alice in Wonderland moment. He just kept holding my hand, and sometimes my waist, leading me onward as I didn’t pay much attention to where I was going, much less to watch my steps.

My new red dress soon proved to be an impractical choice not only because of the ride. I stumbled over it multiple times as we kept climbing up and down the stairs of countless small bridges. But impractical or not, there were definitely a few upsides to it. Firstly, the necessity to lift my skirt every time I had to step over something was as much an amusing play as it was a nuisance. After a while, I started to exaggerate the move quite intentionally, making Josh giggle. “Such a diva,” he chuckled. I couldn’t keep myself from smiling back. 

And secondly, it gave Josh a reason to keep touching me. Not that he wouldn’t do that anyway, I’m pretty sure he would, but we could both pretend those were first and foremost gentlemanly gestures. 

So even though his hand at the small of my back always made my breath hitch – and I’m sure he always noticed – I could play pretend it was all so very romantic. 

Except this time it wasn’t all happening just in my head. I was no diva, sure; it was still just me. But Josh’s fingers gently enveloping my elbow, the wind ruffling my hair, the smell of salty air, the scent of his peculiar amaretto perfume… it all exceeded my fantasies, because I could actually feel it.  

We climbed up Ponte di Rialto just to see the Sun disappear below the horizon. It looked like a painting. “Is this place even real?” I sighed, leaning over the railing to take a better look at the gondolas below.  

Josh didn’t answer at first. Not with words, anyway. He hugged me from behind, pressing his chest against my back and wrapping his arms around my waist. It felt very intimate, like two lovers enjoying their moment of peace, even though we weren’t there yet. I enjoyed every second of it, every elevated heart beat. I could feel his hot breath warming the skin under my right earlobe and I instinctively tilted my head to the side to give him more access. 

“It’s just a neatly stacked heap of stones. The real question is… are you?” he mumbled, barely brushing his lips against my jugular. The cool hoop decorating his lower lip gave me goosebumps. 

“You definitely know how to woo girls.”

“Hmm, I’m no expert… but I can tell by the way you just bit your lip that this was a homerun.”

Cheeky bastard. If he only knew. However, I was obviously very real, because as it often happens to the real me, moments like these are to be destroyed by something painfully mundane… or shall I say guttural? Because while Josh was trying to elicit any kind of reaction from me, his hand slid up my stomach the moment it rumbled. “Are you hungry?” he chuckled and I internally screamed. 

“Yeah, but I also want to see the place. I don’t want to spend the whole evening just sitting somewhere…” Under his scrutiny, I chose not to add. 

“Then we won’t,” he laughed. “Plenty of other options. But we have to hurry. It’s getting late…”

“So… you haven’t even told me yet where you’re from. I’m guessing Massachussets… or New Hampshire?”

I had been examining a raw shrimp on my cicchetti with apprehension, and dared to take a tentative bite just when Josh asked the question. It only resulted in me flailing my arms around like a madwoman as if it could somehow make me chew faster. “Uuuh hood,” I huffed in a very un-ladylike manner before I finally managed to swallow the mouthful. “You’re good,” I repeated, ignoring his amused crooked smile. “Boston.” 

“Cool! Don’t tell me you went to Harward first.”

“Uh… no.”

“MIT?”

“Jeez, I wish… actually, I’m glad I didn’t. You think highly of me, but I’m not that good. I did apply though, but only to please my dad. He didn’t even seem disappointed when I didn’t get in. As if he’d been expecting it. Anyway, I went to Florida, glad to just be able to get away from home for a bit.” I took another bite and washed it down with wine this time.

“Were you really…? Glad, I mean. You look like you just swallowed a raw shrimp.” 

I almost spat the wine through my nose and tried to swallow, which only resulted in a coughing fit and more fiery gestures to keep Josh from hitting my back. 

Finding a table outside the bar that still served evening snacks proved to be a blessing, as I didn’t have to worry what others were thinking about me. I made a mental note not to ever dine with Josh in a fancy restaurant, because he had a bad influence on me, making me behave like a young, uncultured rascal. 

“I was at first,” I tried to explain when I finally recovered. “I thought Florida would teach me how to party… But I also hoped to start anew… make new friends… to grow up. Unsuccessfully, I should add. I ended up a bit disappointed and lonely, and soon focused on work.” 

“And here?”

“Here… it hasn’t been much different… until very recently.” After that, I tried to avoid eye contact, which only resulted in Josh’s raised eyebrow. It was a bit early to tell him how much that date really meant to me. And, because I was interested in his own story, I started asking my own questions. “So… what about you? You said New York?”

“Uh, no,” he laughed. He always laughed, finding merriment in every tiny little thing that was even remotely enjoyable. “Michigan. I went to New York to study film. Andrea was my classmate.”

“FILM?” My reaction was perhaps a bit louder than necessary and a few people actually turned their heads. “I’m sorry… film?” I repeated again, in a much more subdued tone. 

“Yeah, my big dream… and a curse.”

“Whahuah mean?” I swear I knew that talking with my mouth full was considered bad manners, but Josh didn’t seem to mind and I suddenly couldn’t care less. 

“I mean… well… I went to New York to pursue my dream, inevitably ruining my brother’s in the process. See, we had a band. It was fun, but Jake, he…uh, he took it seriously. Honestly believed we could make it. But the truth is, we weren’t really getting anywhere with it and it was almost time for my younger brother to start thinking about his own future. And I did too. I wanted to at least try… and then I got accepted.”

The sudden shift in mood was not lost to me. Josh’s face seemed to reveal every emotion he felt, and the smile suddenly vanished from it, replaced with a tensed pout. I didn’t really like where this was going, already feeling somehow sorry for him. My relationship with my brother was nothing worth mentioning, which also meant that it couldn’t really get ruined. I always envied people who were lucky to experience a genuine bond between two people. All great things can also get destroyed pretty easily when you care…  “And… he was mad at you for leaving the band…?” 

“No, not at first. At least not visibly. I’m sure he was disappointed, but he also tried to show me he was happy for me. When I dropped out and told him I was leaving for Europe, that’s when he got mad. I mean, like, reeeally mad. That’s… that’s why, um, I mean, one of the reasons why I didn’t wanna go back home.”

“I’m so sorry…”

“No… that’s ok. I’ve had a great time here. I definitely still am… now,” he winked at me. 

With our stomachs pleasantly full and my head even more pleasantly light after the two glasses of wine I had drunk, we set off on a lazy stroll again. It was already dark when we finally reached the San Marco square and I literally gasped at the sight. Streetlights turned that whole place into a white-gold lacy dreamland and the lights illuminating the buildings on the opposite bank reflected in the water. The fact that it was all man-made seemed pretty hard to comprehend. 

“Look, there are people dancing!” I pointed at a few couples that were just swaying lazily around one single violin player. Without a word, Josh grabbed my hand and literally dragged me towards the group. 

“Let’s show them how it’s done!” he grinned at me when we finally reached them. 

He kept apologizing for being clumsy in between giggles, but it was the dance of my life! My head was spinning and I didn’t even realize I was grinning from ear to ear until my cheeks started to hurt. 

“This is like a fucking fairytale!” I sighed when we finally stopped to catch our breath. 

“And the best thing about it is that it’s fucking real,” Josh replied in a low, husky tone. 

I had nothing else to say. I was getting lost in his deep, dark eyes; drunk on wine as well as the growing tension between us. Josh licked his lower lip, dragging the tip of his tongue over the hoop, and I couldn’t take it any longer. I grabbed his face, pulled him closer and kissed him. It was not romantic; it was feral and desperate. Only the last remains of common decency prevented me from moaning. 

“I don’t want to go home just yet, Josh…,” I breathed out when our lips finally parted. 

“Wel… it’s not that late yet,” he frowned, slightly puzzled by my sudden exclamation… although there was also something else hiding in the depths of his eyes. “What do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know,” I lied, even though we both knew what I meant. Certain things had been occupying my mind ever since he first touched me, but he didn’t need to know that… just yet. I looked around, determined to savor every single second of that moment. The place still seemed just as unbelievable as the fact that I was there with him. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was always this magical. Even before they raised the first pillar. Like a sacred land, destined to hold and support both vanity and greatness. “I wish I could see how this place looked before the humans interfered…”

“I can show you.”

Josh said we were going to a place called Boschettona. According to him, it was a beach, but to me it looked more like a bog in the near darkness. I was actually not that far from the truth, as it was still a part of Laguna Veneta, instead of an open sea.  

I was also much more relaxed during the ride there. Josh had made sure of it by kissing me passionately right before he put my helmet on. I suspected him to have already found out about the little flame deep within me and it also seemed like he already knew how to ignite it. 

“Stop thinking about the engine and the power and focus on the air around you. It’ll feel like flying,” he said, and I did. And he was right. 

We reached the place shortly before midnight. It was completely deserted at that ungodly hour and I couldn’t see a thing at first. I shivered when a sudden gust of wind rushed over me, because even though I kept the borrowed jacket on as advised, my legs were freezing. 

As if on cue, Josh magically pulled two small blankets out of his side cases. I joked he was like a scout – always ready – and he replied with a straight face that he indeed used to be one. 

As soon as he turned off the lights and my sight adjusted, I could see the moon reflecting in the water and an elevated wooden pathway that led straight to it – our final destination, because the sand here was pretty much waterlogged. 

“So, this is probably how it looked like,” Josh broke the silence as we walked slowly towards the end of the pathway.

“I can’t see shit,” I retorted playfully and he laughed. 

“But it’s still a pretty cool place, huh?” 

I couldn’t argue with that. The air smelled faintly of seaweed, but I had never found it particularly unpleasant, always associating the smell with prehistoric times and the cycle of life in general. 

The wind rose again, but it was nothing in comparison to the night motorcycle ride and I was already getting warm. 

Reaching the end, we both took our jackets off and spread our blankets on the wooden planks to sit down on it. The place definitely had a certain primal appeal to it and we kept silent for a while, just basking in the moonlight. Or at least I was. “Is that Venice?” I pointed at a string of dim lights glimmering in the distance, but Josh didn’t respond.

He kept watching the moon and his lips silently moved as if he was reciting some secret mantra. I didn’t want to pry too much, but I still tried to ask what was on his mind that made him look so broody all of the sudden. This was something new. 

“The Sun hasn’t set yet in Michigan…,” he smiled sheepishly, as if that somehow explained anything. “Yeah, the Earth is spinning,” I puffed in mock-wonder, making him burst out laughing again, although it was short-lived. I was ready to let it go, but he continued. 

“Sometimes I watch the Moon, thinking about him, ya know. Jake, I mean. We’re actually twins. It’s become some sort of a ritual. I wonder if he ever watches the sunset thinking about me. I choose to believe he does. Makes it feel like our own sacred, silent dialogue, even though he’s so far away and we… we’re… uh, not exactly on speaking terms...”

“Do you miss him?” I hugged my knees to prevent a sudden gust of wind from blowing my skirt in my face. That place was beautiful, but rather windy. I didn’t really mind. At least it disrupted the eerie silence of the place from time to time. 

“Yeah…” Josh, too, seemed to enjoy the sudden blast. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back slightly, letting it blow the hair out of his forehead. He looked peaceful, but a slight crease between his eyebrows was still visible even in the dim moonlight. I enjoyed getting to know him. Each new chapter revealed something unexpected and everything intrigued or even moved me in one way or another. 

However, I didn’t really like seeing him so… sad?

“I think you should call him.”

It was a pretty stupid thing to say. One of those idiotic phrases you use when you try to pretend to be sympathetic with whatever the other person is going through. Josh indeed sighed, but instead of calling me on my bullshit, he continued to tell me more. 

“It’s complicated. The last time I saw him, he gave me a black eye. And the reasons why he did that didn’t go away. Quite on the contrary. It’s even worse now. The truth is, we haven’t spoken to each other for years. So… he doesn’t even know that my relationship with Andrea didn’t last long. I begged mom not to tell him. I ruined his dreams, and then mine, all because of a man who didn’t love me enough to tell his parents I was more than just his mistake. Maybe that’s who I am. Just a mistake…”

Any consolation I could possibly offer him seemed pretty unsubstantial, simply because I still didn’t know him well enough. So I opted for a joke. “Well, you know, I don’t think you should worry about it that much.” He gave me a quizzical look. “Your twin… if you’re a mistake, so is he. That’s just basic science.” 

Thankfully, Josh laughed again. “I like you, smartass!” He pointed his finger at me and winked. “Wanna see something?” 

I nodded and Josh grabbed the hem of his tee to reveal a tiny tattoo around his navel. I had to use a flashlight on my phone to see it clearly, disrupting the magic of the nocturnal, silver landscape that surrounded us. 

It was a Venus sign, enclosed in a crescent of the Moon. A pretty decent design, overall; with no over-the-top embellishments that would overshadow the obviously symbolic meaning. “Because we’re Taurus, ya know,” he answered the unspoken question. “You must think I’m stupid right now… you being an astrophysicist…” 

I didn’t think he was stupid, but I chuckled anyway. “If you thought I’d find it stupid, why are you showing me?”

“Because I thought you’d see it pretty soon anyway.”

He said it so matter-of-factly, yet his hand landed on my shoulder again. It slid down to my elbow, excruciatingly slow, and I shivered. “That’s a bold thing to say,” I whispered. 

“Prove me wrong. I thought you wanted me to do my worst. Stripping you out of that fancy dress in the middle of nowhere is not yet it, but we’re getting there. I promise.” 

I thanked myself for having used that flashlight that blinded us both momentarily, so he could barely see me gaping at him in shock. I had never had sex in the wild. However, we both knew it was leading to it, so playing coy seemed like a pretty stupid thing to do. I wanted him badly, and he knew it. I could see it in his eyes after I kissed him in front of the Doge Palace. He didn’t comment on it back then, and he didn’t have to. And now he knew just those words made my breath hitch and my clit throb. He could certainly feel me shiver again. 

And so I kissed him again, deeply and hungrily, stopping only to pull his shirt over his head. I ran my hand down his bare chest, clawing at the warm flesh while Josh’s own hand traveled down my spine, sliding all the way under the low-cut. Sitting side by side was getting pretty uncomfortable.

I scrambled clumsily on my knees, hovering above him just enough to make his head tilt back when I kissed him again. He moaned loudly into my mouth when I ran my hand over his freshly shaved jaw and down to his neck. Impatient, he already started fumbling with his fly. 

I was just as raring to feel him inside me though. I reached under my skirt to pull down my panties and as soon as Josh rid himself of his jeans, I straddled him, letting the dress cover us both. “Easy, baby,” he panted, but I had my hand already between us, positioning myself. Josh whimpered and buried his face in the crook of my neck as I wrapped my arms around him and slid down on him, slowly. I moved a few times before we both straightened again. Josh placed his hands on my hips, stopping me for a second. “You’re full of secrets,” he panted shakily. 

So was he. The way I could barely see his eyes in the moonlight felt trivial in comparison to everything I could not see in it in broad daylight. There were quite a few things that kept me wondering, but I didn’t care about those at that moment. I had been keeping those worries laid aside at the back of my head since the previous night. I just wanted to feel good. 

“I have another secret to tell,” I breathed out. 

“Yeah? Lemme hear it then.”

“I never… never came… I mean, obviously, I can do that, but… with a man…” 

Josh shushed me by placing a finger on my lips, before he circled them and pushed inside, letting me suck on the digit gently. “I know a fairly decent cure for that.”

“Wha’ ih it?”

“Kissing,” he whispered and I moved again, making him groan. “Kissing makes all the difference.”

I let go of his finger and rolled my hips down with increasing fervor. “I love kissing you…”

“I know.” 

His next kiss sent an electric bolt through my whole body. Open-mouthed, warm and hungry, augmenting every other sensation he made me experience. 

Josh leaned on one of his arms for leverage and we moved in tandem, him meeting me half way. His other arm kept me close, snaked around my back with his hand holding the back of my neck while he licked into my mouth until I could barely breathe. 

I felt like losing my mind, and Josh kept swallowing my desperate moans. 

I quickened the pace, chasing the feeling that kept on growing deep inside me, scratching his skin just to let him know how good he felt, because I could no longer speak. 

Soon the feeling spread through my whole body. Our lips finally parted and I leaned back, gasping for air and feeling Josh’s hot air on my cleavage. “I can feel it already,” he mumbled. “You’re crushing me… I… I… let go baby.” 

That did it. The desperation in his voice. The way it trembled… and all because of me. That made my whole body tense and I could feel it burst through me. My startled shriek pierced the silence and I could still feel him thrusting into me through all that haze. 

Ten more seconds… twenty more… well, actually, who knows, I couldn’t tell… until he joined me, loud just like me in the rising wind. 

I can barely remember the ride back home. So lost I was in my own thoughts and the smell of him that lingered on me. 

He kissed me gently in front of my door and I had to force myself to let go of his hand. He promised to kiss me again. He promised to take me to a real beach next time. He promised so many things. 

Back in my bed, I kept tossing and turning. Despite the already nauseating tiredness settling in my limbs, I seemed unable to calm my restless mind. It was full of pictures of him. But what was worse, my heart started to feel full of him, too. The sun was already rising when I finally managed to fall asleep, still unsure if that realization should make me feel happy or worried. A few hours later, I woke up happy. 

Who would have thought that he’d completely ghost me. I should have known better. It felt too good to be true. 

My story starts on one balmy summer evening in early July under the cloudless Italian sky, when I took one small and diffident step forward, and without any real plan in mind, I ended up running.

I ran away from the old and compliant me, and when my old world shattered right in front of my eyes, I kept racing onward. 

The truth is, I couldn’t have done that all by myself, as I used to be a girl with huge dreams, but very little courage sometimes. I had spent my days looking up into the depths of the vast and stormy Universe, where I believed my soul belonged. I had kept searching for the meaning of life there, while my own body remained crouching in the corner like a mouse. 

But the Universe works in mysterious ways, and I was kind of counting on it. I’m not really religious. I never prayed for anything, but the Butterfly Effect has always been one of my favorite theories. So maybe if I could find it in me to nudge the world a little, the world would push back… It was an utterly foolish notion. 

Well, until it eventually happened. 

This is in fact a love story, but not completely. Like a thunder out of the blue, he stormed into my life so boldly and unexpectedly that I’m convinced there was something truly fateful about it. All it took was for me to do just a few simple things differently that day. What followed, took my breath away. Sometimes quite literally. He snatched my hand, and made me run in his footsteps and into the ‘real’ world that was so vastly different from mine. That’s how it all happened. He was nudging me, daring me. Fucking me.

And loving me. 

The love part actually almost destroyed me. The old me would have died from all the pleasure and pain, I’m sure. In fact, it did… and now I keep on living in this new post larval state of mind. So, I also keep convincing myself that’s why our paths crossed, as it quickly turned to something more than just romance. The road I took with him is still before me, long and winding and with many places to go. We just no longer share it, but I keep on moving. 

At first I kept looking back, almost mourning the loss of that sweet girl whose life had been somewhat easier before. But then I eventually stopped. 

Now hear me roar, bitches and assholes. 

The streets of Padova buzz with life after sunset, but I wouldn’t really know until very recently. Even though I had chosen to finish my studies abroad in yet another attempt to spread my metaphorical wings, I once again ended up with them neatly folded while I buried myself in even more books. 

I knew no other way. I always made some weak attempt to steer my life in a different direction, only to end up overwhelmed with the new situation I found myself in. One step forward, one step back. Well, at least I wasn’t completely retreating. Something, sometimes, actually happened. 

Padova was no exception at first. And the greatest challenge in my life so far, too. I arrived in Italy full of expectations, new resolutions, and with my heart filled to the brim with excitement. But alas, I spent a whole year trying to figure out how to get out of my comfort zone, and crawling back in at the same time. That’s how it always ended, with me hiding within the four walls of a library or my room. It was a reality I used to be fairly comfortable with – or in – even though I didn’t necessarily love it. 

I loved stars. Both the real ones in the sky and those on the silver screen. I chose to study the former, and I wanted to be like the latter. 

All those beautiful ladies with their hair always perfect, their hearts always wild, and their fictional lives always so eventful. As a teenager, I had spent many evenings building fantasies in my head inspired by the old movies I’d always loved. 

From Greta Garbo to Elizabeth Tailor; my heart always swelled at the notion that someone would love me the way they were loved. And I would love that perfect phantom of a man back passionately, as a true femme-fatale. My imaginary lover would kiss me under the moonlight and then we’d elope together and live our life to the fullest. 

These kinds of fantasies were always frowned upon at home. My dad wanted his children to become rational and successful people. In other words, little copies of himself that he could be proud of. 

My good grades always mattered more than my secret passions. He didn’t give a shit about my love for astrophysics, but studying it sounded respectable enough to him to graciously let me pursue it, even though he often used words such as “quirky” to describe my interests. 

This was still a grand victory, though by sheer luck. Had I wanted to become a teacher, a cook, an accountant or a ballerina, my father would crush that notion in between his fingers like a flower bud. Law for my brother, medicine for me, that was his dream. The compromises he was willing to make had strict limits.

We had all the resources and opportunities right at hand, me and my bro… as long as we followed the rules. 

If this already makes you raise your eyebrows, congratulations. You’re not wrong. I was indeed pretty stupid for a smart girl. It took me a little bit longer to realize that, and Josh played a huge role in it… but I digress.

At the end of the day, dad was always the one to decide what I was good at or capable of, and my inborn shyness prevented me from standing up to him completely, even though I often tried, albeit feebly. My own secret dreams of who I really wanted to become as a person always collided with my introverted nature, as well as my fear of becoming completely independent and self-reliant… with all its perks AND challenges. 

So over the years, I just learned to keep to myself, rebelling mostly in my dreams. 

Don’t get me wrong, I made some friends. I had my share of drinks on weekends and a few nice guys made it as far as my bedroom, but I just couldn’t shake off the label of a responsible good girl.

Maybe even a bit boring sometimes. Too boring to be loved, obviously. The latest rejection felt like a hornet’s sting. He told me I was cute, but still kinda a privileged girl. 

Considering that this interaction happened in front of a computer that was helping us follow and monitor the trajectory of a new-found comet, it hurt really bad in a strange way. I realized what he meant. Dad would always take care of everything, never letting us burn our hands. 

So, one early morning in early June I found myself standing by the window with a cup of coffee in my hands when I felt a sudden surge of anxiety. Something had to be changed. I didn't know what yet, but something had to be done. I couldn’t go on living like that. I also definitely didn’t want to go back to Boston for the rest of the summer. 

Maybe a crazy trip. To go places. I had traveled half a world, but I hadn’t seen shit yet. 

Or a summer job my dad would never approve of. And spending my own money. 

I just needed more. I was a 23 year old wallflower with a mediocre knowledge about quasars, who couldn’t pay her own rent. What started as a vague idea at one moment, turned to determination a second later. I was going to stay, to do what I wanted. Later that day I bought a deep red lipstick on a whim. It might seem to you like yet another ridiculous semi-rebelious quasi-solution, and you’re not wrong. But the butterfly’s wings already fluttered that day, sending ripples into the void that would tear the fabric of my world and lead me out of Socrates’ cave. 

I always wanted to wear one. The deep crimson lipstick, I mean. The one I bought was YSL Loveshine. ‘We spared no expense,’ one stupid fictional character once said. I came home and placed it on the table right next to my toiletry mirror like a memento. And it stayed there untouched for more than a month, until my roommate Amanda made me put it on at last. 

Our five-bedroom student apartment had been a true melting pot during the year, and I absolutely loved that, but in mid July, there were only three of us left. Me and my two fellow Americans, Amanda and Em. We all agreed to stay in Padova even after the semester ended, but their motivation was different from mine. They had already found boyfriends here, and were now living their summer dream, while I still kept struggling with reaching out to other people. 

And, while I was trying to figure out what to do with my free time, they wanted to get me involved in the vibrant city life. To help me. 

“That color really suits you Rory!” Amanda finally exclaimed and, seeing myself in the mirror, I had to agree. I frowned anyway. She always used that nickname only when she was trying to tease me and I hadn’t really minded before, but that guy’s remark made me realize what she’d always meant by that. 

“Am I really like that? A privileged porcelain girl?” 

“No, Sarah… I mean, you know I love you babe. You’re a sweetheart,” Amanda trilled while running her fingers absentmindedly through my slightly dishevelled bob. Being a sweetheart was exactly my point, though. “But, ya know, I wear Rimmel that I bought with my temp job money. You can’t have cake and eat it, too. If you know what I mean.”

Yeah, I did. I had never had any scruples when it came to enjoying dad’s money while I could. Brother used to do the same before he secured an easy job in dad’s law firm, and no one ever criticized him for it. 

It was there for the taking, and it allowed me to fully focus on my schoolwork. That’s what dad himself kept saying, anyway... So yeah, I knew exactly what she meant. I met her eyes in the mirror and sighed. “I’m getting there.”

“You might have to start there, hun… but NOW, let’s have some fun.” She ruffled my hair even more, making my bangs stick up to the side. 

Going out to have some fun proved to be harder than expected as soon as I realized I owned no fancy summer evening wear that would justify my glossy ‘Deep Ruby’ lips. At first I snatched my usual go-to pieces that consisted of my favorite navy blue linen dungarees and a striped t-shirt, only to be met with the girls’ disapproving faces as they ‘tsk’d’ my way back to my room. 

“There’s nothing wrong with those pants in this awfully hot weather,” I protested. “They’re comfy… and me.”

“Maybe, but that tee has to go.” Amanda was already rummaging in her own wardrobe despite my protests that her tits were twice as big as mine, when Em joined us again with a minimalistic short-sleeved crepe blouse which she nonchalantly threw at me. 

“Here, try this.” 

I did, and the effect was immediate. The light cream colored flowy fabric made a nice contrast to the navy linen, making the combination look effortlessly chic. I buttoned the blouse higher than Em would have, because that was simply me. Neither of them objected. “See? Now you look like Audrey Hepburn as if she just got back from her pottery class,” Em beamed at me.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror again with my hands in my pockets, and took a deep grounding breath. “Is that a good thing?” I liked what I saw, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about the likening. 

“It’s a good start, for sure. Comfy and classy.”

Piazza Dei Signori was full of people during the golden hour despite it being Wednesday. Tables were set on both sides of the western half of the square from the clock tower to the middle of the open space, and yet we barely managed to secure one for us. 

The air smelled like ice cream and perfume and my own laughter sounded pleasant in my ears. Despite my initial worries, I really enjoyed the buzz around. Maybe it was the lukewarm breeze after a hot day that kept washing over me, or the buzz inside my own head caused by third Aperol, but I was really enjoying myself. Amanda and Em could keep me company only for a couple more hours max before going on their separate dates, but that was the deal and I was already looking forward to mint tea and the book I had been reading. 

After we already exhausted the topic of school and summer plans, their mutual conversation shifted towards love and sexual innuendos, to which I had nothing to add. I didn’t mind… or at least I pretended not to. Listening to their bickering was still fun. I just closed my eyes momentarily and tilted my head slightly back to focus on all the sensory impressions that made me feel good. 

I was still unsure about what the future might bring and what direction I should take, but my growing determination to do something about it already felt like a new beginning…

… when I suddenly heard the empty chair right next to me grate against the paving as both my friends squealed in surprise. I snapped my eyes open just in time to see a guy collapse into the said chair with a puff.

“Mi scusi bellezza, questa sedia è libera?” he blurted out breathlessly and absentmindedly grabbed my shoulder as if I was his close friend or something. As I had already implied, interacting with strangers had never been my forte, so his insolence left me completely stunned and frozen. 

“Hey! What the fuck you think you’re doing!?!” Em blurted out as soon as she recovered herself while I just continued staring. 

“Oh! My fellow ‘muricans! Even better.” He finally let go of my shoulder and placed his elbows familiarly on the table, while still trying to catch his breath as though he had been running. “I need a favor, ladies. Please, help a lad in distress.” Grinning charmingly but otherwise clearly agitated, he looked over his shoulder before he turned back towards us with an almost inaudible repeated ‘please.’ 

“Hell no!” I finally recovered. “She’s right. And who the hell are you? Why should we be helping you?” I protested, albeit feebly in comparison to Em’s thunderous voice. 

“Oh, uh, glad you’re asking, stunner,” he winked at me and quickly offered to shake my hand in order to rectify that tiny unpleasantness of him being a complete stranger. Our eyes truly met for the very first time and I’m pretty sure mine widened, because all his previous impudence was suddenly gone and he looked almost gracious. Not to mention really pretty. That impression, however, lasted only until he opened his mouth again. “Josh! And to answer the second question… I’m…uh… afraid someone’s jealous boyfriend mistook me for the source of his jealousy. See… so, I need him to believe my heart lies elsewhere. I feel like maybe it already does!” He grinned at me again. 

“Mistook?!” Amanda grunted and sat back in her chair with her arms crossed and her eyebrow raised so high it looked almost cartoonish. I couldn’t help but giggle, which earned me yet another toothy smile before he turned back to her. 

“Indeed. Completely innocent, ah swear! Do I look like a reckless flirt to you?”

“Yeah…” I mumbled despite myself, only to be rewarded with yet another familiar feathery touch. His long fingers slid down my shoulder again with such tenderness it was borderline intimate, yet Josh acted as if that was the most natural thing to do.  

He fascinated me. Despite our initial outrage and raised eyebrows, he effortlessly joined the conversation with ease. Or, to be more precise, he started a new one, making indecent jokes about green-eyed monsters and his alleged and very hardly believable innocence. While being outwardly rather brash and obtrusive, there were moments when I could both see and feel something else – tiny glimpses of genuine warmth. No wonder he clearly excelled at winning people over. Impudence won’t get you there. Josh was… sweet. 

Talking about sweetness, I kept on wondering why the air around us suddenly smelled like almond meringue, and while Josh kept playing an improvised verbal tennis with the other two, I frantically looked around other tables near us, trying to find the source. 

“What’s the matter darling?” He leaned closer to me and I realized that strong sweet powdery scent was wafting off his own skin. Up close, it was slightly soapy and almost animalistic. A very unusual fragrance for a man. 

But nothing about him seemed ordinary, to be fair. He looked like curly-haired James Dean in his plain skinny jeans and white t-shirt with rolled-up sleeves, and my old movie-loving heart secretly purred in appreciation. He wore a lip hoop, too… and had a rather cute habit of playing with it with his tongue in between sentences. I kept watching it with fascination. He must have noticed how I had stared at him before, because all my subsequent sideways glances were met with his radiant, bold grin. 

Bold, but kind. I swear I wasn’t just making that impression up in my head. 

At the same time, Josh’s presence at our table and the alleged reasons why he joined us made me feel strangely on edge. 

Just when I raised my nearly empty glass to take one last sip, I noticed a strange looking swarthy guy standing next to one of the arcade pillars. He had his hair slicked back, and was dressed in a leather jacket despite the warm weather. There was something about him that made the hair at the back of my neck stand. Even though he had sunglasses on, I had a strange and unpleasant feeling that he was looking directly at us. And strangely enough, Josh glanced briefly in the same direction. Although he seemed outwardly unfazed and continued with the small talk, I noticed how his Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed harshly. 

I looked back again with growing apprehension, only to see the guy still staring at us. I didn’t even realize Josh moved closer to me until I heard his soft voice right next to my ear: “I need you to help me now.”

“Help with what?” I snapped my head back. I barely finished the sentence when I felt his hand was already on my cheek. He didn’t even let me take another breath before he pressed his lips on mine. They parted almost involuntarily and before I could fully comprehend what was going on, he deepened the kiss and I felt his tongue swirl against mine. It all happened in just a split of a second, but I swear it felt like minutes. 

He tasted like weed and herbal pastilles. What a contrast to that almost overwhelming perfume!

Deep down, I wanted him to continue even though my hands grabbed his shoulders reflexively, ready to push him away. I didn’t though. It was Amanda, who leaned over the table and shoved him backwards. “Cut it out, asshole!” she raised her voice menacingly and a few heads turned towards us. I was too stunned to speak, but my hand suddenly moved almost on its own and I slapped him with force fuelled by new-found courage. 

“Hey, what was that for?” While he completely ignored both Amanda and Em who suddenly stood up, his eyes widened at me. All I could do was to stare back painfully aware of the tingling in my right palm. It must have hurt. “I…”

“You definitely kissed me back!”

“That’s enough!” Amanda grabbed my arm and the tone of her voice immediately softened when she noticed my no doubt alarmed face. “We’re leaving, Rory.” It was an order. Kindly uttered, but an order nonetheless. And I obeyed, letting them drag me away while Josh sank back into his chair with a sigh and arms raised in defeat. I glanced around to see the weird guy was already gone and when I looked behind me one more time, I could see Josh still looking back  at me with a concerned frown etched on his face. 

We passed through Piazza della Frutta in complete silence and were already heading towards the Bo when I finally dared to speak. “You didn’t have to do that, Amanda.”

“No Sarah, I disagree.” For a split second, she looked a bit like my mother, her eyes kind but authoritative. Em remained silent and kept looking at her feet, but otherwise clearly sided with her, making me chew the inside of my mouth in annoyance and embarrassment. It was pretty obvious they both thought I was naively stupid. “That was one hell of a slap, though,” she chuckled and then sighed before continuing: “Listen, it’s getting late and I’m meeting Mateo in a minute anyway. Let’s just call it a night.” 

I closed my eyes to keep the sudden tears that threatened to spill at bay. The evening had truly taken an unexpected turn, and definitely for the worse. 

I bid them both goodnight and quickly excused myself. I think I heard Em calling something after me, but I already put my earbuds on to drown my thoughts in the sound of Estas Tonne’s guitar. 

I didn’t want to go home just yet, though. The idea of having to spend the rest of the evening alone within the confines of my room made me suddenly nauseous. Still blissfully tipsy, I decided to soak my nerves in the balmy air instead. 

Wandering around the city after dark alone and without a destination had never really been my style, but I desperately needed not to feel like myself, now more than ever. I was aiming to become a scientist, yet I still made people treat me like a child. What a fucking joke my life had turned into. 

But they were right. Or were they? Was it really that bad that I enjoyed the kiss? It was just like in my secret fantasies… 

I should have kissed him back in earnest. I should have grabbed him by those messy curls and run my tongue over that hoop playfully. That’s what I really wanted to do. To fight back with the same vigor and wit. My friends knew I couldn’t. He was clearly one to enjoy playing with fire, and there was something about him that made me want to burn, making my inner shadow rattle the cage deep within me. I know it now. I was not yet consciously aware back then. 

It was already getting dark when I reached Prato della Valle and the afterglow painted the whole square in a pinkish blue tint. Very romantic. A lot of couples and small groups of friends obviously thought so as well, making me suddenly feel slightly miserable. 

I reached the fountain in the middle just when some busker started singing Con te partirò and I put the earbuds back in the case to listen to him instead. It was truly the perfect soundtrack for my current mood. 

“He’s really good!” 

The familiar voice on my right almost made my heart skip a beat. I reacted quite automatically in a way I thought I should. “What the fuck?! Are you stalking me?”

Without really waiting for the answer, I started towards the nearest bridge and Josh naturally followed. “Hey, wait! Uuum… Rory?”

I quickened my pace, torn between wanting him to stop me and being scared of what would happen if he really did. “That’s NOT my name. And stop chasing me!” 

“So stop running away like a madwoman. I really thought you wanted me to…”

He reached for my forearm to make me halt, but I yanked it out from his grasp so abruptly that I would have stumbled backwards and fell if he didn’t catch me in time, grabbing both my wrists to keep me from falling. I wasn’t exactly in the mood to thank him for it, though. “Get your hands off me or I swear I’ll scream!” I hissed and he quickly obeyed. “Wanted you to do what? Kiss me? How the hell could you tell? A madwoman huh? You’re just like all the other guys. I guess now you’re gonna tell me that I’m overreacting, right?” 

He sighed and put his hands back in his pockets, looking defeated. “No… I won’t. Jesus! I just wanted to apologize, for fuck’s sake!”

I stared at him, my fight or flight mode still fully activated, but something about the way he kept shuffling his right foot against the cobblestones made me weak again. “Apologize…”

“Yeah,” he looked up with a hopeful twinkle in his eyes. “And I wasn’t stalking you. I just… just like walking around town during sunset and then I, uh, saw you there… But hey! You just can’t parade your heart-shaped lips like that and not expect to get kissed. Not that it gave me the permission to… but…”

“Bullshit. Do you think I’m stupid? That’s not why you did that.” I secretly wished it was, but then I remembered what preceded it. “I saw you looking over your shoulder. And the guy… I know you noticed him too.”

Josh’s jaw tightened for a split second. “Oh well, I suppose I should thank that asshole for giving me a reason to do that.”

I didn’t really understand and Josh didn’t look like he cared to elaborate, but it didn’t really matter because now that I could fully see his face, I couldn’t help but smile, even though I immediately curled my lips in between my teeth to suppress that involuntary reaction. “You still have a smudge of my lipstick on your lower lip and chin, by the way.”

“Oh… really?” He chuckled. “That’s why all the ladies kept staring. You marked me as a rascal!”

Smiling, I pulled a napkin out of my tote bag to wipe it off, but he dodged my attempt to do that. “Oh no, leave it. It’s my red badge of bad manners. Lemme wear it proudly. But while we’re at it…” He stepped a little bit closer and gently ran the tip of his thumb along the outer rim of my own lip. “Here…,” he whispered. “Now it’s perfect again.” 

The silence that suddenly fell between us felt thick. 

I really liked him. He wasn’t the world’s most physical guy and his features – with his long eyelashes and full lips – were a tad effeminate, but that made him perhaps even more pretty. And despite what Amanda and Em had obviously thought, he didn’t scare me. “It’s Sarah,” I finally spoke when I couldn’t stand that tension any longer. 

His lips stretched into yet another radiant smile. “Lovely. Well… Sarah… Let me apologize properly. What ice cream flavor do you like?” 

“I… don’t really eat ice-cream,” I admitted and Josh looked at me as if I just sprouted antlers. 

“Bullshit!”

I tried to explain how my parents were health freaks and I never really liked it anyway and Josh stopped listening after I said ‘rainbow sprinkles.’ He grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the green island and towards one of the adjacent streets. I was long past being mad at him, and his new-found eagerness with which he was determined to change my mind actually made me laugh as I kept stumbling after him. 

“Voilà!” he exclaimed dramatically when we reached the destination just two minutes later. The best ice cream in Padova! MAYBEEE in the whole world. Now come, bellezza, let’s choose your new favorite flavor.”

He was absolutely right. It was delicious. We were back on the square, sitting on the edge of the canal, eating ice cream and talking about stars that just appeared in the darkened sky. 

“I would have never guessed astrophysics,” he admitted with a smile. 

“Why?”

“I dunno. I thought you looked more like an art student, maybe…? Or history. Something like that.”

“You think girls can’t do math?” I frowned. 

“Oh no! I totally do! Totally. I just… you just look so… gentle.” 

I mustered all my willpower not to get offended by that. I was sure he meant it as a compliment, because he didn’t know me yet. However, I couldn’t suppress my defiant little bitch completely. “What about you? Why are you here? You look a bit too old to be a student.”

Josh’s eyes widened at the remark and he pressed his hand to his chest while sighing theatrically in mock offense. “Ouch! Like an arrow straight to the heart, my lady. Is it really that bad?”

“No, I mean… it’s probably the facial hair,” I replied hastily, trying to soften the blow a little. He looked fantastic, to be honest; just not like my usual schoolmate. And to be even more honest, his behavior wasn’t really that mature either. “But really… How did you end up here?”

“Well, my own story is pretty fucking romantic, actually,” he sighed and swallowed the last bit of his cone. “I followed my lover here, like a horny pup. But sadly, it didn’t work out. And… then I just decided to stay, because I fell in love with the place.”

“Oh… Did she leave you?”

“He… actually. His name was Andrea. We met in The Big Apple, and when it was his time to go home, I decided to go with him.” I didn’t really know what to say to that at first. The information settled like cement at the pit of my stomach. He was truly an adventurous kind. Meanwhile, Josh seemed lost in his own thoughts, as he pretended to be interested in the busker who still kept singing in the middle of the square. “It was… uh… a family affair. The split-up, I mean. They didn’t like me,” he added bitterly. 

“So… you’re into guys?” I was a bit afraid of the response, because I was really starting to like him, so you can imagine my relief when the cheeky grin slowly returned back to his face. 

“I’m into people… of all shapes and sizes.”

He then told me how he worked briefly as a bartender before the pandemic and then kept changing jobs frequently so as not to lose the visa. I admired that. He was SO different from me. 

“Do you wanna hear a secret?” I mumbled bitterly… and if he noticed the tone, he certainly didn’t show it. 

“Absolutely. I love secrets! I hope this one’s naughty.”

“I wish. More likely embarrassing, actually. I’ve been here for almost a year, but I haven’t seen Venice yet.”

In response, Josh’s lips stretched into a cheeky grin. 

“What?”

“Well… that means we’re definitely going to see each other again! Gimme your number!”

“What?”

“Gimme your number. I’m taking you to Venice. Are you free tomorrow evening?”

“I thought Venice was awfully crowded in July,” I tried to protest, but at the same time I couldn’t understand why I kept trying to sabotage it. This was exactly what I wanted. Deep down, the girl who wanted to glam up her make up a la Elizabeth Taylor roared in delight. 

So it was settled. Josh would take me to Venice. It was a date. I still couldn’t believe it when he walked me home. 

I lingered a bit under the streetlight right below my window, not really ready to say goodnight to him just yet, but it was getting chilly and I had already started to shiver.  Josh hesitated too.

“Ya know, I wasn’t lying when I said that your lips are very kissable.” 

The sudden change in both tone and volume of his voice surprised me. He sounded way less confident as he slowly turned towards me, yet he still dared to look right into my eyes. 

Normally, I would avert them immediately, but Josh was like a living magnet, and his stare kept me hypnotized. There was also something about him that made me feel less anxious, too. He was a flirt, alright… but genuine. He bit his own plump lower lip while waiting for my response, rocking on the soles of feet with his hands still in his pocket. It made him look much younger than he actually was, and almost vulnerable, too. Almost. 

I knew what I wanted; just the idea made my heart beat fast. I was too afraid to simply tell him, but suddenly daring enough to at least ask. “You want to kiss them again?” 

“I really do, yeah,” he nearly whispered, almost sultrily… only to giggle and hunch his shoulders like a frolicksome boy a second later: “Preferably not against your will this time.” 

“Do your worst.” I don’t know why I said that. I don’t know what got into me. It was stronger than me. 

“Not yet,” he whispered. 

The whole evening, I had been wondering what it would feel like if he cupped my cheeks in his slender hands. I didn’t need to wonder anymore. The world started spinning as soon as he touched me, and I wrapped my arms around his waist both to ground myself and to keep him close. 

He didn’t do his worst. Allegedly. But it was still more than I could hope for. Unlike the first time, the way he teased me until our lips finally touched made me almost lose my mind. And when he deepened the kiss, slowly licking into my mouth while that cool hoop brushed against my lower lip, I lost it completely. I think I bit him, too. It was a completely unconditioned response. His soft, barely audible moan only stirred up the fire, making my whole body tingle. 

Josh just made me hungry.

He tasted like dark chocolate this time. 

“Are you fucking serious? And why the hell didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Amanda lay sprawled on her bed, watching me trying to flatten the wrinkles on my new long red sundress in front of the mirror. Yet another slightly impetuous purchase I made earlier that day and then quickly washed it. But because it couldn’t be put in a dryer, it was still slightly damp and creased below the knees. I grabbed the bottom hem of the skirt and waved it around frantically a few times, letting the breeze do the job.  

It was no use and I had no time left to iron it. Josh was already late… quite fortunately, because I wasn’t ready yet, anyway. I let the dress be, quickly grabbed the lipstick and sighed before finally responding. “Because I knew you would try to talk me out of it.” 

“Daaamn right I would! That guy is one big walking red flag.”

“Yeah hughing hih hoo harshly,” I frowned at her reflection while trying to put the lipstick on, only to make her raise her eyebrow back at me in a silent ‘oh really’. I smacked my lips together and then pouted slightly, admiring how they shone in the late afternoon light before I continued. “He’s actually quite nice. And funny. We talked a lot last night. And then he walked me home.”

‘Quite nice’ was a serious understatement. Josh had been occupying my mind for the whole day and ‘nice’ certainly shouldn’t be my word of choice to describe those visions. And now, as I recalled the events of the previous night in my head, my own reflection betrayed me. I had revisited the kiss while sleeping, but the dreamlike version of him hadn’t stopped there. I could already feel that tongue all over my body and I woke up determined to let it happen. 

My cheeks reddened involuntarily and Amanda noticed too, so she immediately knew there was more to the story. “And?”

“And then he kissed me again.” Amanda rolled her eyes and exhaled dramatically. I knew what she was thinking, and she gave me a look that clearly said ‘I’m glad you’re still alive’. She had come back home after lunch and it wouldn’t be the first time I took advantage of her absence, though never with someone like that. “That’s all that happened, I swear! But Amanda, it was SOOO good!”

Her next response was swallowed by the sound of an engine coming from our open window. We exchanged a brief wtf look before she jumped out of her bed to take a look at the source of the noise while I remained standing by my toiletry mirror holding my breath, with my heart suddenly beating like crazy. It was probably him. 

Amanda’s expression confirmed my suspicion, but there was more to it. Her lips tightened into a small ‘o’ and she slowly turned her head back to me, raising one eyebrow at me again. “I think you might want to change.” 

I knew why he did that. It indeed was a beautiful, balmy evening, but my current state of mind had prevented me from being able to truly enjoy and appreciate it, and Josh of course noticed how antsy I was. He always does. I knew very well he wanted me to slow down my mind and take a deep breath, but his remark only made my heart beat even faster. Those feelings were just beyond my control. 

“I can’t go inside,” I breathed out. We were already half the way up the stairs when I halted and inadvertently pulled him back, making him stumble down a step clumsily. 

“What are you talking about? Impostor syndrome kicking in again?”

I wished I could explain it, but… yeah, he got it. Seeing one of my friends/slash/rivals at the top of the stairs dressed just in an oversized plain white t-shirt tied in a knot right above the waistline of her striped baggy pants didn’t really help much. “Don’t you think I’m a bit overdressed?” I mumbled, frowning and changing the topic just a little bit, and Josh followed my gaze.

“Absolutely not!” he shook his head with a playful pout. “And if so, I’m your partner in crime.”

He definitely wasn’t wrong, but it made me feel only slightly better, because Josh was Josh and I was… well, a nobody. “I just wanted to look nice,” I still tried to justify my dress choice. “... but isn’t it a bit… I dunno… pretentious?”

“You look lovely, Y/N. …which means you look like you, and nothing wrong with that.”

Josh just had this special gift to know how to say the right thing just when you needed it the most. That doesn’t mean I believed him, because I definitely wouldn’t call myself a ‘lovely’ person, but it just felt good to hear those words for a change. “Thank you for coming with me.”

“My pleasure, darling, but I must admit I’m still kinda disheartened by the fact that you refuse to tell me what really happened.”

What really happened… yeah, you know, because… while I always loved Josh to be my chaperone at occasions like this one, it wasn’t him who was initially supposed to accompany me to perhaps the most important event of my life. At least so far. But maybe it was a good thing that things had escalated before he could get a chance to ruin the night for me, which I was now certain he would have. 

“Kinda disheartened?” I chuckled, deliberately choosing not to address his indirect question. Josh’s word choice did amuse me, but at the same time I’d do anything to avoid that one particular topic. 

It didn’t work. “I’m a young man with an old soul,” he beamed at me before continuing with an eyebrow raised so high it made him look almost cartoonish: “So?” 

“Nothing happened. Just another fling that didn’t work out.” 

He exhaled exasperatedly through his nose so I immediately knew that this didn’t work either. He knew me. He knew I didn’t do casual hookups, simply because I didn’t want to. I usually considered myself lucky enough to find someone worthy of my time, as well as the other way round. Mainly the other way round. “You two were together for more than three months… during which you barely called me, by the way,” Josh huffed. “That’s not a ‘fling’.”

“And now we’re not together anymore. Can we please change the subject?” 

I could tell Josh was dissatisfied with my answers, as well as a little sad and worried when I dodged another one of his stealthy remarks, but he respected my wish and stroked my upper back affectionately, gently nudging me onwards. “Alright, sweet girl, let’s go inside then. I’m sure they’re all already waiting for their brightest star.” 

I looked up once again and my guts clenched uncomfortably. Frist Art Museum, looming in bold letters right above me. So it was really happening. 

Even though I knew my thoughts were unreasonable, I still half expected to be told that there had been some mistake made and I had no place here to take part in this exhibition. That’s what he implied a couple times, anyway. He fucked up with my head, but thankfully not my determination, so I was here, and he was not. 

Nashville’s youth – the most promising up-and-coming artists all in one place. I had worked really hard, but at the same time, what a joke it was! Me? Here? And what if the critics wouldn’t like it? 

I had always struggled with self-depreciation, but he definitely played a huge role in creating the mess that I became. 

I knew that! It didn’t necessarily mean I could control that. He had gotten way too deep under my skin and it took him mere weeks to do so. And I just let him, even though I probably never loved him.

We already reached the top of the stairs when I once again brushed off Josh’s well-meant compliment, even though me continuing to downplay the significance of the occasion was in fact a secret cry for help. I desperately needed him to tell me more sweet lies. “I’m not the brightest star, Josh. I’m just one of many. Not really a big deal.” It was true, even though I still had no objective reason to sound so sad. 

Josh turned towards me and the way he suddenly cupped my cheeks in his palms startled me. 

I stood still, almost frozen and only barely aware of how my own fingertips traveled involuntarily up his forearms. I could no longer avoid his inquisitive stare. “Listen, you don’t have to tell me what happened if you don’t wanna, but don’t do this. This IS a big deal, do you understand? Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. You were SO excited about this at the beginning of the year.”

I frowned, mirroring his own worried expression. “I’m trying!” I mumbled. “That’s why I asked you to come with me.”

“Good!” He grinned. “Ready to be of service.” 

Josh offered me his hand again and I accepted, letting him lead me inside the building. Slow, but steady steps. He wanted me to savor the moment, surely. 

The place looked and felt even more grand inside. Josh looked around with a satisfied smile plastered on his face and squeezed my hand gently. “See? This place is magnificent. Be proud of yourself. That’s an order.”

I tried to take a deep, grounding breath, but only ended up shaking from even more nervousness. Once again, it didn’t escape his radar. He let go of my hand only to touch my shoulder reassuringly and my mind suddenly froze. He had done this many times before, and it’s safe to say that I was used to Josh’s warm and tender touches, so my sudden visceral response almost startled me. 

Maybe it was due to nervousness, or the fact that I hadn’t eaten much that day. Maybe I had been deprived of genuine, gentle and comforting touch for way too long. All I knew was that something was suddenly different. 

Still unaware of what he had just caused, Josh slowly slid his hand down my spine and let it rest casually on the small of my back, making me shiver and let out a shaky exhale as I could no longer keep my reaction to his touch hidden. His own immediate response was subtle but I could certainly tell. He tensed a bit too, though he didn’t withdraw. 

With my own eyes still focused on the marble paneling, I felt his piercing stare on my flushed cheek. I realized I was holding my breath, and the air that filled my lungs with my next inhale felt heavy. 

One could usually count on him to say some lighthearted joke to lift off the tension, should tension appear. So I waited and waited for what felt like minutes while he remained silent and still. I couldn’t take it anymore and finally turned my head to look into his eyes, only to realize how pretty they were. 

Of course they were, I always knew that, but I had never seen him looking at me like that again. There was a silent question in there, framed by his long eyelashes and accentuated by his clenched jaw. We had been friends for quite a long time. He was a pretty guy, for sure, and always smelling nice, but also always just… Josh. Kind, goofy, and safe. But this… this startled me. 

“Do you ever get nervous?” I blurted out. It was the first thing I could think of, because he looked so confident when we entered the building while I felt like the walls would fall down on me any second. And I realized this was nothing new to him. Josh had been to places, a lot of them much more impressive and important than this. 

“What?”

It was over with a snap. The bubble burst, and I could hear the murmuring voices of the people around us again. He let go of me and I immediately missed that touch, as the small of my back suddenly felt cold and bare. But I had learned not to let my emotions show (because it often triggered him), and continued with what I started. “In situations like these. Do you have stage fright?”

“Always,” he replied mournfully but quickly recovered himself and added with a charming smile: “But it only makes the experience better and more exciting, so don’t fight it. Enjoy it… but take a deep breath. Yeah.” 

I sighed, and hesitated. I almost touched his arm, without even knowing what I’d achieve by that. But before I could, he smiled again and motioned to me to get on moving. He didn’t take my hand this time. 

We soon got back on track with being our usual selves, just enjoying the evening and the sparkling wine. I also felt slightly better after the initial speech when the curator mentioned my pictures and introduced me as a new neo-pop wonder. 

Josh beamed at me and whispered an obligatory “I told ya” in my ear. 

But every time he wandered off to look at something, I couldn’t help but watch him stealthily and wonder what had happened. Josh had always been cute. I could even call him pretty if I squinted after having a glass of wine or two. But it had never made me feel things before. 

Now, all of the sudden, I could see how – when he forgot there were other people around and stopped acting – his movements were actually graceful and his small, slender form actually sexy. 

I realized that I’d been foolish for not having seen that before, because I was well aware that others had. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been the kind of person who enjoys window-shopping in stores selling luxury goods I could not afford. Who knows. That would mean I had always known. After concluding that this new revelation probably wouldn’t change a thing anyway, I took a sip from my glass filled with sparkling wine and pushed the idea to the back of my mind, hoping it would stop bothering me. 

But it didn’t. 

And the same could be said about my demons. For example when we reached one interactive piece that looked basically like a big box with a peephole. There was a message on one side of it, written in big bold letters: BEHOLD, YOUR GREATEST ENEMY.

Curious, Josh peeked into the box and immediately started laughing, so I followed suit, only to discover there was a mirror inside. 

Yeah, it was supposed to be funny. I guess. But it punched me straight in the chest and I had to bite my lip to keep my emotions at bay. I exited the room hastily, with Josh basically running after me. I had a hard time convincing him that I was fine. I don’t think he believed me. 

I put on a smiley face and even agreed to talk to a few people about my art, but deep down, I could see my integrity crumble again. 

And all that time, Josh was watching me. Observing me. Almost scrutinizing me. I wished he would stroke my back again, but he never did, and that made me feel even more miserable.

Things got only worse when the curator, who had been eyeing Josh since the very beginning, finally managed to corner him while I was in the bathroom. I found them deep in conversation when I got back and after standing nearby politely like an idiot for a while, I simply made myself scarce. 

I wandered around the building for a while, trying to focus on all the architectural details so that I wouldn't have to think about anything else, but the place just made me feel even more alone. I sat down on the marble staircase and watched the hustle below, and nobody seemed to mind or care. 

Maybe he had been right. I would never belong here. I was nobody. Just a girl with no friends and no manners…

I heard the footsteps but I was so lost in the gloomy realm of my own head that I didn’t notice him until he sat right next to me and bumped his shoulder into mine playfully. “Enjoying yourself?”

“Having the time of my life,” I sighed. 

“I’m sorry. She was… relentless. But if I’m buying anything, it’s gonna be one of your pieces.” 

“Josh!” I puffed through my nose, but couldn’t help but smile. “I’ve been giving you my shit for free.” 

He stood up and took two steps down to take a better look at me. “That only means I already owe you a fortune.”

His grin was infectious, and he actually made me chuckle this time, but it would take more than that to actually cheer me up and I watched how his smile slowly transformed back into that sad and worried frown from before the evening started. “Wanna go home?”

I nodded. My ass was already getting cold from sitting on a stone staircase and I desperately yearned to be back on my couch and under the downy blanket. “Yeah… yeah, I think I do.” I opened my purse and pulled out the phone to call an uber, but Josh rolled his eyes and snatched it out of my hand. 

“Don’t be silly. I’ll drive you.”

He offered me his hand again. How could I say no?

On our way out, Josh walked me through one of the smaller exhibition rooms; it was in fact the one I hastily exited before. We hadn’t had the chance to see all the installments there, one of which was a large mirror from the same author as the box. Not that I cared. None of it was exactly my cup of tea, all of it being very Duchamp-ish. I can respect an innovative idea, even when the execution obviously didn’t take much effort, but a simple mirror? Once again, there was a huge sign above it, saying simply “MODERN SOCIETY”. 

“Very original. Looks like ‘modern society’ are only those who visit galleries. That’s pretty arrogant,” I scoffed when Josh stopped to look at our reflection with an amused expression on his face. I didn’t share his sentiment, and immediately averted my eyes, looking anywhere else but at me. 

Once again, he noticed. “When did you start hating your own reflection?”

It was one of the questions I’d been trying to avoid answering. “I didn’t… I just don’t think this is ‘art’.

He raised his eyebrow at me before he looked back at himself and adjusted his collar. All that time I kept his eyes on him, and he noticed that too. “Bullshit. It’s pretty obvious you don’t like what you see, and it bothers me.”

“Yeah, I see an annoying, cocky guy beating a dead horse. But if it really bothers you, just drop it and let’s go.” I made a weak gesture towards the main entrance but Josh remained rooted on the spot, watching me warily.

“Interesting. And I see a beautiful young woman in a beautiful dress, but her own eyes mirror something completely different. But that can and should be changed.” 

“I just don’t like looking at myself. Can we go now?”

“Since when?” He turned towards me and looked me intently in the eye and once again I wondered how it would feel to kiss his plump lips. 

I think he noticed me staring at his mouth because he suddenly touched my chin lightly with his fingertips to raise it up a bit and make me meet his eyes again. That only made it worse. “Since he… I… this is personal,” I stuttered.

“Not anymore. You turned it into my problem too the moment you invited me here. We both know I’m only here because that asshole did something that made you feel bad. So?” 

We used to share personal stuff quite a lot before he appeared, so I in fact understood Josh’s attempts to make me talk to him again. 

I was embarrassed. That was the sole reason for my reluctance. At the same time, Josh never judged me and deep down I knew he wouldn’t even now. “Can we just talk about it in private?”

At last, he dropped the subject, if only for a short while. Nodding solemnly, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and off we went. 

“He kept calling me fat, and then insisted on fucking me in front of the mirror. I didn’t like it, I couldn’t stand looking at myself, which only made him angry. He told me that I should start working out, so that I wouldn’t be so frigid.” 

I could feel Josh’s piercing stare at me again, but I didn’t dare look, watching my hands in my lap instead. I kept wriggling my fingers nervously until he placed his hand over mine, making me stop. 

We were back in his parked car when I finally felt confident enough to share one of the stories with him. 

“I’m glad this is over,” he sighed. “You should have talked to me earlier. This is just wrong. You’re gorgeous.”

“With all honesty, Josh… who are you to tell!”

I didn’t mean it. I regretted it immediately. He just got so deep under my skin that I believe the things he had said to me even after he was gone. It was easy to dismiss Josh’s opinion on the matter. It was also wrong. Josh didn’t say anything, he just clenched his jaw again and kept staring at me and I felt it was only fair to finally meet his eyes. “I’m sorry,” I sobbed. 

Without a word, Josh started the car and we were soon back on Broadway, but then he took the wrong turn and I looked at him in alarm. Well, not exactly in alarm, but definitely in wonder. And he answered my question even before I asked.

“You know, forget about me driving you home. I’m not gonna let you be alone tonight. We’re going to my place.”

“Your place?! And what are we gonna do?” It was – in a way – a stupid question. I had been to Josh’s house many times before, including a few sleepovers, and it was never boring. 

“Looking into the mirror…,” he replied, joking. 

Actually… I watched his profile for several seconds, waiting for the smile that should have followed that joke, but he only clenched his jaw. 

“Josh… hey! What are you doing? Where are we going?”

The moment we exited the car, he grabbed my hand and led me inside in a hurry. I nearly stumbled while trying to keep up with his insane pace and as soon as we were in the hall, I kicked those heels off, as my feet already hurt anyway. 

But Josh didn’t stop. We passed the living room and were now heading straight towards the staircase that led to his bedroom. 

I’d never been there. I never had a reason. All guestrooms, Josh’s library, his kitchen as well as the sun room were downstairs. 

And because I had never set food in his private bedroom, I had no idea there was a large mirror that covered almost the whole wall adjacent to his wardrobe and – probably most importantly – it was facing his bed. Kinky bastard. 

As soon as we were inside, he finally let me catch my breath. “Aren’t you hungry? Thirsty? Everything ok?”

“M’fine,” I mumbled, too stunned to form a more coherent response and too mesmerized by how the whole room reflected in that magnificent looking glass. Satisfied, Josh took a step behind me and ran his hands down my shoulders before he planted a soft, fleeting kiss on top of the right one. I closed my eyes, savoring the touch and wondering whether this was still purely platonic, because it suddenly felt like something more. The suppressed tension from earlier was back, filling the room around us.

“Why are we here?” I asked his reflection that smiled back at me. 

“To make you see sense. Just see for yourself if you don’t believe me.”

I shook my head in exasperation and looked down, only to snap my head back up as soon as I felt one of his hands slide under my arm to find purchase right under my right boob. I was sure he could feel how my breath immediately quickened. I was shocked… but also excited. 

“Josh…?”

“But you should believe me.” He tugged at the bow around my neck that held my flowy dress in place and loosened it a bit to give himself access to the soft and tender flesh right above my collarbone. Keeping eye contact with me the whole time, he searched my eyes for clues that I wanted him to continue. I tilted my head to the side, giving him more access… and making sure it was indeed what he planned to do. 

I watched with my eyes open wide how he lowered his head and pressed his lips on my waiting skin, making me moan. 

“No…” I suddenly whispered. 

“No? You don’t want this? Should I stop?” He looked at me again with genuine concern in his eyes. 

“No, I mean… I don’t believe… but I want to believe you.” His lips stretched into a cheeky grin and he tugged at the bow again, untying it completely and pulling it out of the gathered casing that served as a collar. I gasped when the slippery satin fabric slid down my body, leaving me standing there almost completely naked safe for my lacy thong. 

“Ooops,” he chuckled mischievously and quickly shed his own embroidered jacket before he started unbuttoning his shirt. 

“Josh… why are you doing this?”

“Because it’s only fair,” he replied matter-of-factly and threw the shirt on the flood. I could feel my heart beating wildly against my ribcage at the sight before my eyes returned back to my body and my face twisted in… pain. He noticed. His left palm rested on my bare hip while the index finger of the other hand kept drawing slow circles on my shoulder. He watched me too, and I returned the gaze just before he closed his eyes and rubbed his nose in my hair, inhaling with a smile.

“No, I mean, why are you doing all of this.”

Opening his eyes again, Josh took a tiny step closer and pressed himself against my buttcheeks. I could feel it. It was unmistakeable. “To show you he was wrong,” he whispered in my ear sultrily and I nearly lost it. The electrifying bolt of arousal made me squirm and Josh’s lips spread into a smile. He kept them close to my earlobe while his eyes met mine again in the reflection. I whimpered and immediately bit my lower lip in embarrassment. 

Josh’s grin only widened. He traced the goosebumps on the ticklish skin that covered my right arm’s triceps when he added: “I can tell you like this innocent demonstration of my point, BUT… I can also make you feel it. So, Y/N, answer me again. Do you wanna?”

Innocent!? He called this innocent? It already was the most erotic experience of my life so far and he barely touched me! “Yes!” I breathed out. 

Yes, I wanted him to make me feel more of this. Maybe I would regret that decision come morning, but at that moment I watched in awe how my long-time friend turned to something completely different in my eyes. He made my heart beat so fast I felt as if I just ran a mile. 

“Good,” Josh trilled. His right hand gently cupped my cheek and pulled my face to the side towards his waiting, already parted lips. It would be foolish to expect just a simple kiss after everything he had already done to me, but the electrifying intensity of the feeling still surprised me. I closed my eyes and leaned into him completely, suddenly fearful I’d fall if he wasn’t holding me. My head started spinning while he ran the tip of his tongue across my quivering lower lip, making me shiver again. 

I stuck out mine to meet him halfway and we let them swirl together erotically without the lips touching. Just when I tried to deepen the kiss, he suddenly withdrew and opened my eyes, casting him a disappointed and confused look. It was met with a cheeky grin. 

Josh looked into the mirror again, gently urging me to do the same while his hand slid down towards the name of my neck, allowing me to see what he was doing to me. Meeting my sideways glance in the reflection again, he stuck his tongue out and licked into the corner of my mouth. My eyelids fluttered closed and he tugged my hair gently in response, making me yelp. 

“No, no, no, darling, you must watch.” 

And I did; not daring to break eye contact this time, I watched how he licked into my mouth and moaned into it when our lips finally touched and I was the only one left watching. 

I felt his left hand travel up my side until it reached my peripheral vision, right before he cupped my left breast and gave it an appreciative squeeze. 

I loved the feeling, but I couldn’t bear the sight. He looked beautiful, sinful and wild. Completely out of my league. There was nothing pretty about me, so why should I keep looking? It only made me feel unworthy of all that sensation, and I closed my eyes, secretly hoping he wouldn’t stop while wondering why he wanted to continue. 

He soon noticed and while he kept on kissing me with passion, I was acutely aware of his right palm sliding forward, feeling the increasing pressure against my jugular and my eyes opened wide when his fingers enveloped my neck fully and squeezed it gently. Only then he broke the kiss and I was now looking right into his real eyes. “Please, don’t make me watch,” I pleaded while trying to keep my tears at bay. 

“Artworks are meant to be seen,” he responded and stuck his thumb into my mouth before I could retort, pressing my tongue down. “Ah-hum hoth,” I still tried to object. 

“Yes, you are. And more than that.” He pulled the thumb out, turned me towards him, grabbed my wrist and pressed my palm against the hard bulge in his pants. “Oh would you look at that! You’re a master sculptor too.”

I chuckled while he smiled back encouragingly and gently stroked my hair. And just when I thought I killed the lustful moment with my self-deprecating thoughts, he ordered me to unbutton his pants and touch him. 

I got rid of my thong as well. It was only fair, as he had said. 

His cock was already glistening with precum when I gave it the first tentative stroke. “See?” he breathed out sultrily. “How could you possibly think that you’re not gorgeous?” 

I didn’t respond. Instead, I pressed my lips against his jaw and squeezed the soft and plump flesh of his right buttcheek with my other hand while he kept on talking. “Do you wanna see what you make me wanna do?” he mumbled and moaned when I let the tip of my thumb draw a lazy circle over his leaking head. 

“Yes,” I whispered, suddenly emboldened. 

Josh grabbed my shoulders and walked me backwards towards a cozy armchair right next to his bed. Taken aback I let go of him and simply let him take the lead until the back of my knees collided with the upholstered cushion. “Sit,” he ordered again and gently pushed me down before he slid down on his knees. 

Remember what I said about it being the most erotic experience of my life? Well, he certainly kept pushing that bar higher and higher with each passing second. We were still right in front of that huge mirror, and I was still facing it. Except now I was… “sitting like a queen on her throne,” he muttered with satisfaction, as if he was reading my mind. 

What a sight indeed, with him crouching in between my open legs. I realized how fast the whole situation escalated when he was already running his palms up my thighs while looking up at me with undiluted depravity in his eyes. “Do you have a good view?” I could only nod. 

I knew what he was going to do next, but when he lowered his head and I felt his hot breath on my exposed pussy, I yelped in surprise. He rubbed his cheek against my inner thigh and demanded I should pull his hair. 

“No, Josh…,” I breathed out, still taken aback and unsure how to feel about the whole thing. 

“Oh yes, Josh, yes!” he trilled almost mockingly and dived down. I nearly screamed when he enveloped my clit with his lips, soft and warm and already moistened with saliva. At first he just tugged and sucked it in a little, but soon he let the tip of his tongue flutter over. 

Normally, this would be too much too soon, but he was so gentle about it that the intensity was just right… and by that I mean overwhelmingly good. Reasoning be damned. I tilted my head backwards and surrendered to him fully. My trembling fingers found their way through his curls without me even consciously wanting to do that. It was purely impulsive. 

Chasing the feeling and without thinking, I pulled him even closer, making him bury his nose in the soft flesh above. He responded with a muffled moan that sent new waves of arousal through my whole body. 

I looked down, only to find him watching me, his eyelids drooping and his pupils dilated with lust. Still, his stare was intense, and I knew what he wanted me to do. 

He wanted me to look into the mirror and when I did, I saw this strange woman with lush tits pressed together by her outstretched arms, her hands cradling the head of a naughty rockstar who begged to be suffocated by her swollen cunt. 

I knew what he was doing. I knew what he wanted me to see. Crouching before me on his hands and knees, his ass was on full display. I could see his still hard dick pulsating and I ordered him to stroke himself, and he willingly obliged with another loud moan. 

I watched that woman’s big dark eyes and I thought they were beautiful, and I knew that woman was me, but still struggling to believe it. 

I watched how my knees started to tremble and it mirrored the increasingly blissful feeling in between my legs. I could hear myself panting and whimpering and my breath quickened again. 

I could feel it with each lick of his tongue. Like soda bubbles trying to escape through the narrow bottle neck. Up, and down, and up, and down. Nearly there… and then again. 

He knew what he was doing. Attuned to the reactions of my body, he was teasing me, prolonging that maddening moment your heart stops for a split second. He wanted me to beg him, and I finally did. I whimpered his name and begged him to get me there, and he sucked my clit in between his lips again and swirled his tongue around it a few times until I just couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped breathing shortly before it happened, holding breath through the first few waves that made my whole body spasm uncontrollably. Only then I let it out with a long nasal whimper. 

I left my eyes closed for a while after that, while waiting for my heartbeat to slow down and my hands to stop trembling. 

The room grew eerily quiet, and I already started wondering whether things would change between us. I knew, or at least I thought I knew, I couldn’t really hope for much. But going back to how we were? How could I possibly look into his eyes again and not feel anything? 

I felt Josh shift between my legs and I finally opened my eyes to see him sitting on his heels and watching me with a strange new affection in his eyes. However, he averted them as soon as I met his gaze. Instead, he watched his hand as he let it run up my thigh again. 

“Josh?” I finally managed to whisper. 

“Hmm…?”

“What about you?”

“I’m fine,” he smiled groggily and took a slow, deep breath before he ran a finger down my sternum. It was a strangely intimate gesture, but it left a dull and hollow ache under the surface he just traced. 

“And… if I wanted more… would you still be fine?” 

Josh’s eyes snapped up and I swallowed hard, unable to believe what I just asked for. He didn’t smile. He didn’t frown either. He got back on his feet – still looking impressive, but no longer hard – and offered me his hand to help me stand up as well. “You want more? What exactly?” he finally whispered when we were facing each other again. 

I didn’t know if I should run or cry, and I certainly wanted to do both. Josh probably must have seen it on my face because he finally frowned and cupped my cheeks with both hands and traced one of his thumbs over my lower lip. “We can do more…,” he said and kissed me, almost bashfully this time. 

“Can you turn off the lights?” I mumbled against his lips and he nodded. 

It took my eyes a while to adjust to the sudden darkness. Josh was back by my side before they did, so that I could only feel him next to me. The sound of his breathing and the heat that emanated from him sent my heart beating again. 

At first he took my hand again and raised it up so that our palms were touching as if through a mirror. I wondered if that was just a coincidence or his deliberate gesture that broke the surface separating two different worlds when laced his fingers through mine. “Is this what you had in mind?”

“Yes… and much more.” 

Josh asked no more questions. He pulled both our hands close to his chest while cupping the back of my head with his other hand and pulling me closer. I already searched for his lips with mine in the darkness and exhaled shakily when they finally met. He took my breath away again. 

As if there was yet another version of him that existed only in the darkness. With my eyes already adjusted to it, I could see the outlines of our bodies in the mirror, dark and almost demonlike. 

That’s who he was now. Like a mysterious creature that visits maidens in their dreams to rob them of their virginity while letting them keep their innocence. His touch felt like warm velvet on my skin, healing the wounds caused by calloused hands of a selfish beast that should have never crossed my threshold. 

I had thought I would never recover, but now I could feel my afflictions leaving my mind and soul like black smoke.  

And just like the mysterious creatures disappear before the sun rises, I felt like this intimacy was also only a temporary thing. 

“Who are we?” I asked when our lips parted. 

My question made no sense, and yet I felt like he understood it anyway. “I’m Josh, and you’re Y/N, and nothing else matters now, ok?” 

Yes, I was ok with that. Or so I thought. Tomorrow didn’t really matter at that moment when we climbed onto his bed like two black cats cuddling. 

I didn’t need him to impress me; he already had. So when my requests made him almost bashful because he could no longer act like the man of the world, I patiently guided his hands. And when he finally entered me and muttered “Jesus Christ”, I pressed his head down to my chest to let him hear my beating heart. 

No rush. 

No ‘fuck me harder’ or ‘oh fuck yeah, just like that.’ We were getting there slowly while the sound of our heavy breathing echoed in the room. 

I didn’t care if the morning would mock me for thinking such a folly, but I truly felt that we were making love. 

He kissed me deeply when I came. 

And I held him tight when he finally did too.

In the morning, he greeted me with fragrant coffee and a cheeky grin. He looked so cute in his fluffy beige hooded bathrobe with hamster ears. “There’s a new sushi place we should try,” he said when he handed me a steaming mug.

I thought it was a magnificent idea.

He made me feel alive, sharpening my senses and augmenting every single feeling and sensation I experienced with him. It doesn’t matter if it was the mountain wind in my hair or his tongue licking my pussy; he made everything memorable. Impossible to forget. 

I clung to him for dear life. And quite literally so, with my arms wrapped around his slim waist as we rode down the highway or through the winding, narrow streets buzzing with evening life. We got high under the starry Italian sky and then we fucked like rascals right on that motorbike.

Good girl gone bad. God knows I needed to go through that transformation. It made me get rid of my metaphorical training wheels.

That kind of love seems meaningful, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re destined to grow old with such a person by your side. 

It doesn’t change the fact that I fucking wanted to! 

However, Josh can’t be my haven. We both know that. The time spent with him was an eventful and dangerous journey. One hell of a ride!

We were also bound to crash.