Slytherin To My Heart

-person watching tiktok in public without headphones. dead

-influencer filming him without consent. dead

-person recording the entire opera on their phone in the front row. dead

-guy cornering him at a party to convince him to buy into his crypto scam. dead

-patient who found his drawings and put them into chatgpt to make them move or whatever. dead

He'd be like bored trying to type an email on his phone not even looking up at the road as they drive vertically up a cliff while getting shot at by 50 henchpeople. He wouldnt even blink as they do a barrel roll mid air, suspended in his seatbelt upside down still typing on his phone, unbothered as his tie flies back into his face, while Bond is doing his best Chaos Agent Formula 1 stunts to keep them alive.

Number one, Q built the damn car and knows more than what it is capable of withstanding - so why would he ever worry? Number 2 - it's just hilarious picturing him typing away bored as James is pulling the smoke switches, the barrel guns, the flaming exhaust, and like reaching over Q who is still on his phone to pull a giant ass weapon from the glove compartment as Q, annoyed, is still preoccupied trying to still send texts and get a mobile signal in the middle of like some godless desert or Siberia.

Miraculous Fanworks Guide: When to post and when not to post on Ao3

Do you struggle to attract readers to your Ao3 fanfictions? Looking to boost your numbers on a fic?

Then you’ve come to the right place!

When to post to get those eyeballs on your piece:

Using a script they coded themselves, Olcalhoun conducted a year-long study of Ao3′s posting times tracking four things:

How many users were online.

How many new stories were posted in the last 10 minutes.

How many stories were added to the feature box in the last 10 minutes.

How many stories were in both the ‘new’ and ‘featured’ boxes.

Olcalhoun collected over 50,000 data points, and found that the best times to post on Ao3 were Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, from 12pm to 5pm PST.

It’s science!

When not to post:

However, if there’s a good time to post, when is the worst time to post? The answer, provided in this post by jenroses, is anytime between 5pm and 10pm PST. The worst day to post overall is Friday.

But why?

Turns out there’s a bug in Ao3′s system. If you post during that time, your story will have a manually-set publication date.

What this means is if you post between 5pm and 10pm PST, your story will not appear on the top of the new stories in the tag. 

Your story will appear “earlier” than those stories–lower on the front page than stories posted hours before.

So now you know: 

do post on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday from 12pm to 5pm PST

do not post on Friday, or from 5pm to 10pm anyday 

Happy writing!

-Cass

Hannibal: Depends on the context.

Hannibal: Dogs, yes.

Please imagine Hannibal going to an upscale clothier because there’s no time to go to even his swiftest tailor.

“I’ve met someone new and I need to dress to accentuate my most alluring physical features—at once.”

He flings off his clothes like Obi Wan’s cloak.

The shop attendants are overcome with various assortments of lust.

Hannibal thrusts out a large fancy Tupperware “I also made a quantity of meatballs with no onions!”

How the email finds me:

Will: “Don’t psychoanalyze me. I’ll fuck you in the ass without lube if you psychoanalyze me.”

Hannibal: “I see...”

*takes 3000 Psychic damage*

*closes book*