lurker

using my one wish willow to make all cigarettes healthy and yummy for people

What if we defunded public transit and closed malls and raise the cost of fast food and made sure that summer temperatures hit record highs and that winter temperatures hit record lows and reduced the purchasing power of minimum wage jobs so that it’s harder for kids to buy cars? Would these be ideal circumstances to make it illegal for teens to socialize with each other on the Internet?

elizabeth holmes has been spotted soaking lady fingers in a clear colorless liquid. sources close to the entrepreneur claim she is working to "revolutionize tiramisu" by using just a few drops of coffee diluted in water. early testers described the result as tasting "like shit." undeterred, holmes insists that a breakthrough is imminent. her company, theramisu, is currently valued at $150.

A PORN BOT UNFOLLOWED ME?

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

In the year 1450 a priest rolls over and slams his hand into his candle, burning him and sending wax flying all over the place

when youre inadvertently 1% too nice to a straight guy you can usually pinpoint the exact moment where he decides you must be acting that way because you want to fuck down on him crazy style and it is at this point that one would be well advised to have a cyanide capsule under a false tooth or an equivalent fast acting response

white ppl love saying they receive death threats when they are slightly criticized

and i absolutely hate how the conversation shifts when they say this like first off they are lying and second “no one deserves death threats” okay. lets focus on what YOU did

You're not allowed to watch morally questionable movies because you're prone to evil and it can corrupt you. Whereas I'm allowed to watch morally questionable movies because I'm such a good person that the movies are actually redeemed by my consumption of them. If I write a favorable letterboxd review the rehabilitative effect is even stronger. But you are still not allowed to watch them in that case. Ok?