Kaltxì ma ayeylan!

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Before I started writing in earnest, I did not understand how much writing was going to eat into my fic reading time. We joke about having too many tabs open, but I have a different problem: the amount of tabs I have open on new fics is way smaller than it used to be. My ao3 wrapped would be a sad affair. Unless I’ve subscribed to an author or come across something on my dash, I basically don’t see it

Which has really driven home for me how much fandom cannot just be creators. You have to have people who want to read fic and meta discussions and joke posts. You have to have people who want to look at art and gifs. It has to be mutual.

Community thrives on flow. You have to have that movement of people sharing things with each other for a community to exist

@projectavtr

I definetely, if my brain is kinda and doesn't lose steam on this concept, want to explore Neytiri's dynamic in this, cause it would be really interesting!

going down the list, for Jake and Spider, their relationship is… a nightmare. during the first few years and when the war returns. this is Jake's first baby. he birthed him. that is his blood. he helped kill the boy's other father. he raised him, at least partially, alone. he was his tether when the world got very scary. he can't not go into a fight or flight, over protective, primal mindset over the baby. because their first few months to a year together were just that.

but just as protective and lovey as he can be. he does see the literal worst of himself in that boys face. he has Quaritch's nose and the blonde curls Jake saw in a picture on the Colonel's dresser once. so when the war comes… he's very rough on him. while Lo'ak is a liability cause he acts out. Spider is a liability for merely existing.

for Jake alone, at least in terms of the 2009 storyline, accepting that Bug is his, also means throwing his whole life to the side. he doesn't wait for his inkinmaya or mating with Neytiri or Quaritch outright warning him that the bombs are coming to tell the people what's going to happen. he risks it all to tell them, and to plead for forgiveness. he risks giving up this life he came to love, the woman he fell for, his place. because he now knows he needs to act first for his son's sake. which is a lot for him. but does good for him in the long run.

for Jake and Neytiri, it certainly puts their relationship on pause, even just keeping it the way it was before Jake's inkinmaya/them mating. or something close to it. she can understand that she wasn't betrayed or cheated on. and believes him when he says he didn't know. but can she raise a human child? the child of the Colonel? can she stay with a man who slept with a man like Quaritch? can she stay with a man who will have to live amongst humans until the boy is big enough? is this what she wants?

with Bug, because she met him weeks before the war, it's easier to tolerate him. he's the size of her hand, curled up on Jake's chest, smells like the man she loves, and is so impossibly fragile she can't hold a shred of true resentment. even if she isn't immediately fawning over him. even if she half wishes he didn't exist, because things would be easier. he's just… a little guy. and when the war comes. he is harbored with her people.

even if she's not yet sure she even wants to remain with Jake. she still loves him. admires him. and she will not put him through the risk of child loss. she cannot put herself through it either, it is against Eywa to our a child in danger when it's unnecessary. so she will do her due dilligence to protect the baby, even if it's just putting in her vouch that they should. she does worry about his safety.

and when Jake places his hand on her chest, marking it in white paint, because neither of them disagree with the gesture...something clicks.

he's not her son. he may be in a few years time. he may never be. but Jake is her person. that will never change. and that infant is his son. and they are bound. she truly holds him, for the first time, right before the battle. promising she will come home. because a home is not a single father doing his best. a home is a village. and she will be part of his village.

and then coming to truly love Jake's human body, when the trailer was hit. and killing Quaritch. loving one father, as he is. and killing the other. she knows she needs to do something. be something to him.

she mates herself to Jake after the ashes of war finally stop falling down to the land. and when she binds herself to Jake, she swears herself to his son. they are bound now.

they will have a step son/step mom vibe. she refers to him as Jake's son. not their son, unless she's being publically protective of him. respecting an invisible boundary between them that she feels like she shouldn't cross.

she loves him. in her own way. and he loves her back, innocently. and perhaps in the 15 years of peace, that slowly shifts in them just being mother and son.

when the war returns... it's hard again. but she can also look at the boy who loves her endlessly and unconditionally, despite having no physcial tie to her, and not be able to be so angry with him. she killed his father. she cannot abandon him.

there is some angst in Jake wanting her to accept him more, to call him their son, before she's ready. some angst in her struggling to fully bond with him at times. if Hometree was destroyed, sometimes that anger is pointed at the boy. when she's pregnant with Neteyam, hormonal and maternal, she flip flops between wanting to steal the boy as her own, and wanting him no where near. and when Neteyam is first born, seeing them side by side can be hard at times. but overall... they're ok. in time. when she's allowed to go at her own pace.

now the kids... I'm feeling evil 🤭

ok, so Kiri and Neteyam occur the same way. though Kiri is older, cause Grace is wounded and dies, her avatar impregnated by Eywa's blessing, all the same. while Jake and Neytiri mate a month or so later.

but Lo'ak.... ok so I love the idea of the Na'vi being hermaphrodites (my barbies, my dreamhouse, my rules. they're literally aliens). even if their anatomy does run on a spectrum, and it's rare for a 'female' to get a 'male' pregnant...

basically. I think it would be absolutely wonderful if Jake was the one to have Lo'ak. he popped out two clones and it's stressing him the fuck out. whenever he gets existential.

Jake looking down at the two little twins he made, seeing the worst of himself in them, being so desperate to protect them. some inverse of "mother, eat me and give birth to me again. this time around i'll make you proud". he wants to keep them safe, and yet merely being bron doomed them, and he did that. he brought them into a world they 'didn't belong within'.

Kiri and Neteyam are genuinely twins. born within weeks of each other. but Spider is their elder. Spider and Lo'ak, despite having at least 2 years between them, are similarly twin-like. right off the bat, Jake sees similarities between them. does that mean Spider is more him, then Quaritch? or is his blood so tainted that Lo'ak is doomed to be more human, more demon, even if born of Neytiri. and Tuktirey is their little baby.

Kiri and Spider are close, but they do lack the war orphans aspect. so while they are still certainly thick as thieves, and part of the demon blood trio. I do think they wouldn't be as close. which does hurt Kiri a bit in the long term. but he's still a great big brother, and him being accepted puts her less at odds with their parents.

Jake has Spider to be hard on now, instead of Neteyam alone, in terms of being the eldest. he can be hard on them in different ways. but by the time Spider's 10 or so, he's definitely managed to "catch up" to the Na'vi, so Jake isn't so over protective. it leads to an interesting relationship between Neteyam and Spider. they both understand one another, and love one another. they can only truly find escape from their dad's worrying and their siblings accidently getting them in more trouble, with one another. but Jake also accidently pits them against each other a lot. so there's some distance. some frustration.

Neteyam wonders when he'll stop being made responsible for his big brother, who rejects his attempts to watch over him. and Spider wonder's when his dad will look at him the same way he does Neteyam.

until the war returns, it's definetly both present but mild. but when it returns... Jake manages to split his worrying and inability to be properly vulnerable with them between the three boys pretty equally. for better and for worse.

Spider, had he been parented by the Sully's, would be somewhere between the three older children, in terms of personality. he is definitely very responsible, he doesn't care that he's the smallest of the bunch. he will take care of his siblings. nothings going to stop him. being raised amongst the village, his spirituality flourishes. I think being a hunter and a healer suits him, and he'd be guided by the other clans members, but mainly by Neytiri and Mo'at. he wouldn't have to hide his faith or find a way to sneak around to engage with it. he'd be allowed at ceremonies and sacred sites. but he's very much Lo'ak's twin, and while he does worry about the consequences and tries to stay out of trouble, does tend to give his parents some stress.

he'd definitely be a good son. a son anyone would pray for. and he meshes the siblings together, because he sees all of their hurts in himself because he is human, and it somehow reflects with their struggles.

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Oh gods, Spider being named Tommy in this AU hurts and is so sweet in the best and worst of ways. Is it another way of Jake trying to assuage his own guilt, to soothe his own pains, to wash the blood from his hands? In naming Spider for his dead brother, for the brother he loves and cherishes, who is caring and kind and everything Jake wishes him to be (ofc Tommy-Jake relationship is completely open to interpretation, but I’ve always assumed them to be very Neteyam-Lo’ak like, with a prodigy ‘perfect’ elder brother and a chaotic, somewhat ‘outcast’ younger brother) is Jake wishing for his son to have those traits? He hopes he’s honouring his twin, he hopes he’s putting a good omen in Spider’s life after the kid was already born with so much grief.

(Regardless of the fact that he’s naming Spider for his dead brother. Because that’s the most important aspect of Tommy’s character; not the fact that he was a scientist and a friend, that he was good enough, talented enough for Grace to want him in her personal team, not the fact that Jake loved him. None of that matters, in the grand scheme of things. All that matters is that he was once Jake’s and now he’s dead.

Wow maybe Spider has more in common with his dead uncle that he first assumes. Being defined by a single trait that you can’t control? Tommy Sully, you’d have loved your fucked up family so much.

let’s just hope the eldest sibling curse skips Spider in this lifetime)

Neteyam and Spider!!! Not me latching onto my tragic eldest children lol but them!! Just them! Resentment and love and understanding all coiling together into this noose for them to hang themselves from. Because they get each other, the pressure and the expectations, the same need to protect written into their blood and carved into their blood. And yet at the same time they’re so different: one a ‘perfect’ child the other a curse, one loved without hesitation whilst the other had so much unknown during his first moments in life. Does Spider feel a little resentment that Neteyam would be able to protect their siblings physically better, for the simple fact that he has a Na’vi’s strength? Is Neteyam envious that Spider manages ti understand their siblings on an emotional level better, because of that ‘outcast’ connection they have?

my comm done by @cj-k ♡

The Omatikaya’s leadership is the most in depth and unique we’ve seen: I’ve gotten the impression that Tsu’tey was chosen as Olo’eyktan instead of say Neytiri (who is both a powerful warrior and a daughter of an Olo’eyktan and Tsahìk pair) because he was in love with and worked well with Sìlwanìn. Once Sìlwanìn was killed he was kept as Olo’eyktan instead due to his own merits alone, just like how Tarsem and Jake would be chosen for their merits over a surviving daughter of the past Olo’eyktan. But there also exists tension in clans on who the ‘correct’ successor is, as seen with Artsut wanting Arvok as Olo’eyktan over Jake, even if Arvok was still a teenager. Mated, sibling or familial pairs may be preferred over two random clan members becoming leaders, simply because the Olo’eyktan and Tsahìk will have to be able to collaborate and work as one, which is much easier when you’ve already got a bond to rely on. It does make me wonder if arranged marriages (e.g. Tsu’tey’s betrothal to both Sìlwanìn and Neytiri) are more common than we’ve seen, with future leaders growing up knowing and learning the other person they’ll lead the clan with in the future, barring extenuating circumstances.