A Waste of Whose Time?

how to have a hard conversation

1. remember showing up imperfectly is better than not showing up at all. avoiding the hard conversations ensures comfort. confronting them invites growth. which do you value more?

2. define key terms being discussed in the hard conversation. if your partner isn’t texting you enough… what does “enough” mean to you? how do they define it? if it’s regarding you performance at work, how does you boss define “productivity”? often our conflicts are fueled by miscommunication more than anything else.

3. replace judgment with curiosity. curiosity turns an argument into a conversation. instead of rushing to make your point, urge for more clarification. replace rebuttals with, “i want to fully understand. can you explain that to me a bit more?”

4. allow room for silence. even if it’s uncomfortable. silence to process is better than speaking just to speak. this also gives the other person the opportunity to fully finish their thought.

5. if you’re feeling yourself getting defensive ask yourself, “what is this bringing up for me? what is my ego/fear telling me right now? is it true?” sometimes we project our own hurt into a conversation, punishing the person that isn’t even the real source of our frustration.

6. when it’s your turn to respond, acknowledge the points you agree with just as much as the ones you disagree with. find the important similarities between your perspectives when possible. perhaps you want the same things but have different ways of going about it.

7. rephrase what the person said to make sure you fully understood. something like, “what i’m hearing is ______.” then allow the other person to confirm or correct any misconceptions.

8. know when you need to check out of a hard conversation. if the person you’re talking to is not making an effort to hear you or making you feel small, step away. a simple, “i’m not feeling heard right now. i need to step away or revisit this conversation another time” can suffice.

9. remember: sometimes the hard conversation needs to start with yourself. what are you feeling? what are your opinions on the matter at hand? how are you biased? what are your blindspots? how do you want to be a better person? to others? to yourself?

Previosuly

corporate monster infested with ads which devoured Gamepedia and other companies (feat me on their shit policies, SEO and migration process)

turning entire articles into ads if paid enough

limited functionality preventing admins to even fight vandalism

merging and removing of LGBT+ wikis (and forced domain change for educational [think serious] wikis to "fandom")

official wiki status has no meaning in controlling shit

very much censorship (same good ol' allergy to adult stuff)

gets paid by US Navy to advertise their events (one, two)

Alternative free wiki hostings (aka wiki farms)

Miraheze - started in 2015, non-commercial - no ads and runs on donations, wide array of MediaWiki features, wide array of allowed types of wikis and content, much autonomy for projects, custom domain and private wiki options

wiki.gg - started in 2022 by former Gamepedia staff, limited to video games, accent on involvement of game devs and thus hosting official wikis, has ads for anons (but only of games having wikis here)

Telepedia - started in 2022, limited to entertainment (although might allow other themes upon review), has ads for anons, replicates Miraheze structure

WikiTide - started in 2023, no ads and runs on donations (but also tied w/ premium version called WikiForge), largely replicates Miraheze but has stricter content policies, custom domain option

Other free options I'm aware of are either too limited in allowed content or are very outdated/unstable in technical department to recommend here (or in case of Neoseeker - I'm completely unfamiliar with it, and can't say anything about it), but you still can check them out, alongside paid hostings, on this MediaWiki page.

If you (or your community) are brave and dedicated enough you can go with self-hosted MediaWiki instance (aka independent hosting), like JoJo Wiki (who started on Wikia and succeed at overtaking the SEO) or NIWA wikis. This option, of course, requires funding and technical knowledge, but it's still very much possible.

How to find existing alternative/independent wikis

try to use "-fandom" filter for search query in Google, or use other search engines like Bing or DuckDuckGo

Indie Wiki Buddy browser extension - it modifies search engine results and performs redirects based on its centralized list of independent wikis; a new indie wiki has to be requested/submitted to get added [ Firefox / Chrome ]

Redirect to wiki.gg browser extension - same as IWB but for wikis moved to wiki.gg (as I understand, works automatically without dedicated listing) [ Firefox / Chrome ]

(simple) Redirector browser extension - in case the wiki is neither on IWB or wiki.gg, and it doesn't filter out search results - only performs redirect on whatever you get; a redirect has to be set manually - see this tutorial [ Firefox / Chrome ]

and it reminded me of the time I was working outside the 9/11 memorial and a european tourist came up to yell in my face at like 8am that we should all be ashamed of ourselves for charging admission to a museum of a national tragedy and when I said we depended on the money to stay open he screamed some more in my face about what a shameful disgusting government I had that wouldn’t subsidize the museum as though I personally set it up that way, and I had to eventually respond “sir, I haven’t been able to afford to see a doctor in 10 years you think I like this system???” and he just stomped away still yelling me I was a shameful person for this, the ticketing system I had no say in and also thought was outrageously expensive

And the back

my pain scale invention. it goes from 0-16. you fill it out like this:

I didn't censor anything, what -

oh. Oh, no. That's meant to be a line to show where the tail begins. Oh no, now I look like some weird prude.