Stay black and die

Hey fam, long time no…anything! (I promise I haven’t forgotten about the blog, or about ya’ll!) I’ve been busy, to say the least. Much of this year has seen me preoccupied with shifts in my little family. My husband and I bought a home in April, finished off our oldest daughter’s (Bean) Kindergarten year, and then schlepped our kids, possessions, and our yappy dog down to Prince George’s County.…

It’s finally May, good people! And with the warmth of spring finally deigning to bless us, we’re in full-on home buying season around the country. In fact, my husband and I decided this year was a good time to buy our first home in the DC/Maryland area. We are now homeowners (again)! As this wasn’t our first go-round, since we bought and then sold our house in Stone Mountain, GA, we felt a little…

I am writing this on the first couch I bought after my first job post-college graduation. The taupe microfiber has worn away in certain spots to a threadbare black patch that will not disappear when I rub on it. I don’t have any great affection for this couch; I still have it only because new couches are expensive. I’d forgotten how old it was until my husband reminded me I’ve had it since before…

When I met my husband, S.M., in college 12 years ago, he was an avid gamer. Studying chemistry took up much of his time, but if he wasn’t hanging out with me or at the lab, he would stretch his long legs out in his room and dedicate a few hours to sniping enemy combatants on his PlayStation 2. He invited me to play with him at first but soon stopped after I kept turning him down. It wasn’t that I…

When I first picked up culinary historian Michael W. Twitty’s book, The Cooking Gene, I admit to feeling a little intimidated. My knowledge of Black Southern foodways and cultural traditions is markedly limited for reasons I have written about before. Furthermore, Twitty put his foot in this book; from cover-to-cover, it numbers over 416 pages and is not easily digestible reading. Some portions…

So, I am a week into an intense binge-watching glut of the hit NBC dramedy This Is Us, which so many people have been raving about. I was mildly disinterested in seeing the show when it first debuted in 2016. I don’t watch much network television, so it would take a great deal of interest to pull me out of my evening routine to tune in. Well, after everyone started chiming in about how much This…

Finding the #Bright spots in a dull message on race and police brutality

I went into watching Will Smith’s $90 million Netflix feature film, Bright, with no expectations and I believe it was for the best. If I had carried any hopes for the movie, any one of its many faults would have dashed them. So I only finished the movie with a vague feeling of What the heck did I just see? So let me tell you what I think I saw in Bright. (Spoilers ahead). All is chaotic, all…

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Bean's List: From my 5 year-old kid, 35 of her favorite Black children's Books | #WeNeedDiverseBooks #TrulyTafakari

I can’t believe Christmas season crept up on me yet again! My favorite thing to gift anyone for the holidays is books. So, I got my oldest daughter, Bean, a ton of books for cheap this year from her school’s book fair. (Like, some were $.25. I was so geeked!) She also will rack up from her grandparents. As I attempt to solve the first-world problem of where to house the incoming literary loot, I…

For the past month since the Weinstein Effect began, one small thing has been bothering me about the way we frame sexual harassment. Sure, sexual harassment is gross and a horrible offense. Most of us absolutely get that right. But in centering the conversation on adult women and men in professional environments, we overlook the fact that our exposure to sexual harassment starts in childhood.…

NEW POST | Hood Love: On Loving, Leaving, and Learning Embattled Communities

My mother turned nine years old the day after Detroit stopped burning. A three-day race riot had sparked 15 minutes from where she lived. She was old enough to throw bottles (she didn’t) but young enough to be told to stay indoors where it was safe (she did). From her family’s home in the Charles Terrace housing projects, she watched her city smolder, watched rage sizzle into ash, watched nothing…

NEW POST | Ya'll Need to Stop Lying When You Tell People to Be Themselves

I’ve learned one important lesson while raising small humans: we adults teach our children virtues we don’t follow. We tell them to be kind to people who are different. We encourage them to be who they truly are. The lie detector test has determined: THIS IS COMPLETE AND UTTER BULL. Of course it’s ideal that people should be special individuals who love themselves as they are. But we gradually…

The Black blogosphere isn't what it used to be. And neither am I.

So, hey, ya’ll. If you’re reading this, you might be wondering what’s gotten into me to write two blog posts in two days’ span. Since I moved to Maryland two years ago, I’ve been wildly inconsistent and increasingly neglectful of my website. My bad. Aside from flashes of inspiration and determination, I have been largely unenthused about blogging. I just refuse to let the domain lapse even if the…

NEW POST | On Sexual Altruism: How Denying Women's Desire Contributes to Rape Culture

Perhaps every parent of a girl child cradles their daughter against one of three divergent fears rooted in her body: 1) that she will fall prey to a rapist, 2) that she will be unacceptably sexual, or 3) that she will get pregnant. Two fears come from an external actor, and the third fear comes from the internal. But there it is. The gendered expectations for a girl often project her eventual…

These 10 #RaheemDeVaughn songs will have you 9 months pregnant in less than 3min30sec

Last night, I was revising an essay and decided to queue up a playlist of Raheem DeVaughn songs on YouTube. Big mistake. To my surprise, three minutes and thirty seconds later, I was nine months pregnant. Like, full as a tick, ready to pop, bullet-bellied and knocked up. I should’ve known. I’ve been listening to Raheem for a smooth 10 years now and he remains one of my favorite body roll n’ B…

These 10 #RaheemDeVaughn songs will have you 9 months pregnant in less than 3min30sec

Last night, I was revising an essay and decided to queue up a playlist of Raheem DeVaughn songs on YouTube. Big mistake. To my surprise, three minutes and thirty seconds later, I was nine months pregnant. Like, full as a tick, ready to pop, bullet-bellied and knocked up. I should’ve known. I’ve been listening to Raheem for a smooth 10 years now and he remains one of my favorite body roll n’ B…

Marriage taught me you can't share everything with your spouse. And you shouldn't have to.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I celebrated our eighth year of marriage. Cheers to us! He booked us a relaxing couple’s massage at a local spa and I picked out a lunch spot we had never tried before. It has been a low key anniversary week: Bean has her kindergarten open houses and Button isn’t sleeping well. Still, husbae and I are happy to be standing here with all we have, a place we really…