Poppies Burger Challenge

Just Poppy’s in Riverhills

Pictured: Dagg Me burger (foreground) and sweet potato chips

That's a wrap folks. Our intrepid fellowship has finally reached Mt Doom and destroyed the Death Star... wait... no...

Our intrepid fellowship has actually finally reached the hallowed halls of Just Poppy's, that fabled burger joint in the far away suburb of Riverhills. The quest was long and arduous at times but we swore a solemn oath to find Brisbane's best burgers and would not be swayed from our path, not by pies, nor parmies, nor dumplings, until it was complete!

Just Poppy's Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 8.13 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 7.57 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 9.1 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 8.47 -------- Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 33.27 / 40

Fourteen scorers and a few hangers-on ventured forth to the outer suburb of Riverhills to dine at our challenges namesake; Just Poppy's.

Just Poppy's is located in the unassuming location of Riverhills, one of Brisbane's 'outer-suburbs', in a tiny little shopping area. The place is surrounded by houses and it's clear that Just Poppy's has captured the local market judging by the amount of people flowing through the doors on a Friday night.

As this was the culmination of our regular challenge rounds and our challenge namesake we rang ahead to book some tables and give a little heads up on the Poppies Challenge. Marc helped us out with a nice group of tables outside where our burgeoning list of attendees could enjoy their delicious burgers.

With 69 burgers on the menu Just Poppy's caters for every taste but also makes it very hard to choose exactly what your taste buds are craving - the list could be studied for hours but eventually you just have to close your eyes and randomly stab at the page with your finger. No matter where your finger lands you'll be guaranteed a good burger though, so no need to panic - even if it lands on the chips you won't be disappointed. Amongst us we sampled the regular, beer battered, sweet potato, cheesy and satay cheesy in the chips department.

The burgers served to us where big (1st – 9.1), tasty (12th – 7.57) and well-priced (3rd – 8.13). The accompaniments were just as delicious, earning an 8.47 to take 3rd place.

All of this culminates in the fact that Poppie Pete is the greatest burger SME in this challenge. His formulae stood the test of many burger joints and has proclaimed that the overall number 1 spot belongs to Just Poppy's!

Lucky Egg in Fortitude Valley

Pictured: Buffalo Crispy and Buffalo wings

Our burger maestro was in town this week and immediately worked his magic to find a new venue, Lucky Egg at The Brightside in Fortitude Valley.

Lucky Egg Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 8 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 7.6 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 7.27 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 7.27 -------- Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 30.13 / 40

Why did the Boeing employees cross the road? …. …. To get to the Hilton Hotel for a taxi ride to Lucky Egg (note: all roads were crossed safely in accordance with the Boeing Safety Values)

Why did the chicken cross the road? … … It didn’t, it was an ingredient on some delicious Lucky Egg burgers.

The Lucky Egg boasted an exceptionally wide variety of burgers to choose from, two chicken and one vegetarian. With Vai not in attendance everyone ordered a mix of Original Crispy or Buffalo Crispy, largely with the $15 burger, chips and drinks special. Those amongst us who earn too much money or have a US allowance to burn also ordered a side of wings.

We arrived to find an empty Brightside and one bored looking bloke trapped in the chicken coop sized structure which was the ‘kitchen’. He proceeded to slowly take all of our orders and then slowly make our burgers. We were somewhat worried that our entire afternoon would be spent waiting for our food to arrive but he was soon joined by a helper which got the process rolling along a little faster.

Each small group of four was soon clucking over the quality of the burgers, wings and chips. This clucking was largely reflected in the scores with a 10th (30.13) achieved overall – this was made up of a 4th in BCI (8.0), 11th in BTI (7.6), 16th in BSI (7.27) and 13th in AQI (7.27).

Cluck on burger lovers, cluck on!

Pictured: Beef Brisket Burger

That BBQ Joint at King George Square

A return to a city based location was a massive draw-card for burger aficionados this week. Twelve official scorecards were received but there were some others who chose to sample the Mixed BBQ Plate instead of a burger – and thus couldn’t submit scores.

That BBQ Joint Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 8.46 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 7.25 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 8.4 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 0 -------- Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 24.11 / 40

That BBQ Joint had two (what you could loosely refer to as) burgers, the Beef Brisket or the Pulled Pork. In reality they were a huge load of meat slapped into a Styrofoam container then sprinkled finely with something resembling a salad. The King George Square location afforded nice outdoor seating where we could adequately enjoy the stark concrete surroundings.

With no accompaniments in sight we had to rethink the ‘Normalised’ scores proposed under the ‘The Bun Mobile’ model. Normalising the scores out of the 3 burger metrics rates the burger, not the burger joint and this would have propelled That BBQ Joint into an undeserved #1 position. In reality, you might have a great burger but if you can’t offer me chips or onion rings (or some weird cured meats in one case) then you will NEVER be best burger joint! With that in mind having no accompaniments now nets you a big fat 0 – this has been applied retrospectively to The Bun Mobile as well.

The ‘burgers’ were cheap, big and somewhat delicious earning great marks overall in those categories: Cost 8.46 (2nd), Taste 7.25 (13th) and Size 8.4 (2nd). However, no accompaniments dragged it down to 21st spot overall.

DA’Burger in New Farm

Pictured: Nelson Nasty, chips and chilli jam

Yet another Poppies Challenge round has been successfully conquered this week, although we were sorely missing our illustrious SME, our burger loving ex-leader and many of our regulars. Perhaps the longer than usual taxi ride to New Farm put them off.

DA’Burger Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 6 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 6.92 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 8 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 8.33 -------- Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 29.25 / 40

A fabulous five set off on this fortnights’ quest, merrily departing the Hilton in our Black and White chariot. Our mission? To determine if DA’Burger was da bomb or da bad. We were pleased to find a large menu selection arrayed in front of us, one that seemingly catered for all tastes – there was a range of beef, fish, chicken, lamb, mushroom and haloumi burgers to choose from. In the end we chose chicken and beef with a mix of DA’Burgers, Nelson Nasties and Bus Stops, replete with chips and dipping sauces.

The chips received many complements, as did the two dipping sauces (Chilli Jam & Smokey Barbeque) achieving an AQI score of 8.33 (3rd) but the group did not unanimously agree on the burger taste rating it 15th with a 6.92. The burger size was good, earning it an equal 4th (with Miss Kay’s) on an even 8. Burger cost dragged the score down further with a 6 at 17th.

In the absence of a Poppie quote this reviewer has a personal recommendation: “If I’m in New Farm and feel like a burger, I’ll be back here sampling more of the menu. I recommend you do the same”. Also remember that New Farm Park isn’t too far away – forget your picnic and buy a burger instead.

Da bomb it wasn’t but luckily no F bombs were dropped while describing our experience.

Ze Pickle in Fortitude Valley

Pictured: Pablo Escoburger, Pulled Pork and Double Double

It was with sad hearts that our dejected band of Poppies Challengers set out today. Our long-time leader had absconded to seemingly greener pastures where the burgers flow freely in super-mega-jumbo combos. Not all was lost though, Sang had blazed a trail before us and left whispers of burger joint greatness hanging in the air.

Ze Pickle Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 5.94 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 7.81 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 7.69 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 9.31 -------- Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 30.56 / 40

Ze Pickle was a late addition to ze Poppies Challenge list. Would it prove worthy, or would it leave us in a pickle?

Seven burger aficionados braved ze taxi ride to this seemingly trendy establishment. Ze view from ze street showed little of what lay beneath but we followed ze small Ze Pickle sign and red neon arrow down ze rabbit-hole into a dimly lit room somewhat reminiscent of Greaser Bar. Our waitress impressed us all with her intellect and exceptional memory skills by remembering ze entire order – Pablo Escobuger with Ze Chips, Pulled Pig, Oak Wood Smoked Brisket with additions, Chee-ze with Kumera fries, Double Double with health, 3AM and a Double Double (are you similarly impressed?).

Ze accompaniments arrived and were quickly devoured by ze group. There was unadulterated praise for ze accompaniments which was reflected be Ze Pickle taking top AQI spot with 9.31. As our wait for burgers stretched on and on, we were left pondering why Poppie Pete had neglected ze Burger Speed of Arrival Index (BSoAI) in his formula and if ze burgers would live up to ze chips or if it would all go gherkin shaped.

Ze answer is summed up best by ze two quotes from Poppie Pete himself “this is not ze burger I was looking for” and “I like ze pickle on ze top of ze burger, but ze brisket was ze gristle”. Ze other burgers scored better reviews but none of us were blown away, perhaps ze almost perfect chips had affected our tastebuds and we expected too much. Overall ze burger joint fared well, coming in at 7th with a top spot for accompaniments, good marks in taste (8th) and size (9th) but let down somewhat by ze cost (17th).

Current Rankings: 1. Burger Fuel (32.00) 2. Snag Stand (31.33) 3. Miel Container (31.25) 4. Ribs & Burgers (31.20) 5. Miss Kay’s (31.03) 6. Hive Eat House (30.88)@ 7. Ze Pickle (30.56) 8. Chur Burger (30.30) 9. Pony Dining (30.25) 10. Greaser Bar (29.69) 11. Burger Urge (29.32) 12. Getta Burger (28.83) 13. Ben’s Burgers (28.50) 14. Alliance Hotel (28.18) 15. Hoo Ha Bar (26.25) 16. The Bun Mobile (25.38)^ 17. Yard Bird Ale House (25.05) 18. Laneway (24.54) 19. Gerard’s Bar (24.22) 20. MOS Burger (24.19) 21. Fab Fish & Burger Grill (22.91) 22. Redhook (22.69)

The Bun Mobile at King George Square

Pictured: The Wagyu Bun

Another fortnight, another round down, as the end of Poppies Challenge draws closer. Sadly, this week’s rendezvous with The Bun Mobile food truck, is the last one to be attended by this reviewer, as I now and henceforth relinquish my responsibilities to the glorious #micktator, Michael James.

Someone recently told me to go truck myself (or something similar), so it’s quite fitting that for my swan song round, I was able to introduce the Poppies Challenge to the Food Truck Gathering – An assembly of Food Trucks at King George Square once a fortnight.

The Bun Mobile Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 7.58 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 5.85 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 5.62 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): N/A ——– Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 25.38 / 40*

*Normalised Score

The Bun Mobile, akin to Just Poppy’s, is a burger-dispenser whose legend precedes it: some speak of it, few have actually been able to find it, yet it continues to appear on Burger lists and rank highly on restaurant review websites such as Zomato (formerly: Urbanspoon). It doesn’t help that the nature of its mobility leads it to set up shop at a new destination somewhere in the greater Brisbane area, every new day. Trying to pin a day to visit it for the Poppies Challenge hasn’t been much bun at all. For months we have been asking The Bun Mobile, “Where the truck are you?” – The discovery that it was involved in a regular Food Truck Gathering right on our doorstep was quite frankly, un-trucking-believable!

On this day that we finally met up with The Bun Mobile, thirteen burger lovers from almost half a dozen projects gathered much like the four Food Trucks gather at King George Square in the heart of the city. Our collective first impressions were that the other three trucks appeared to be offering superior meal options – two of which were even serving burgers. Nonetheless, we were here for the infamous Bao buns of which our troupe ordered four of the five types that were on offer: The Pork Bun, the Wagyu Bun, the Chicken Bun and a Vegetarian Bun. A quick scan of the menu and it was obvious that the Asian inspiration didn’t stop at the Bao buns; the sauces and greens reflected Japanese, Vietnamese and Chinese themes; but it was the bun that was the make or break aspect of these burgers and even Poppie Pete questioned, “What’s with that bun?!”

Let’s end the suspense… the Bao bun idea sucks. The bun-burgers were very affordable (4th in BCI – Burger Cost Index) but taste and size were dreadful (3rd last in BTI (Burger Taste Index) and 2nd last in BSI (Burger Size Index)). Perhaps The Bun Mobile’s only saving grace from a wooden spoon ranking was that it lacked any options for sides. Yep, it had absolutely nothing on offer by horrible bun-burgers and soft drinks – what kind of business are they bunning here?! As the developer and manager of the BJGI (Burger Joint Goodness Index), we had to turn to Poppie Pete for direction on how to handle our first “Index: N/A”. By his grace, The Bun Mobile’s scores were normalised over the three categories (i.e. BJGI is divided by 30 and multiplied by 40) and it managed to scrape in an unimpressive 15th rank overall out of 21 thus far.

Now I must bid farewell and good luck to all our Poppies Challengers; I’m bun and dusted. With that, it’s time for me to truck-off to the US.

Current Rankings: 1. Burger Fuel (32.00) 2. Snag Stand (31.33) 3. Miel Container (31.25) 4. Ribs & Burgers (31.20) 5. Miss Kay’s (31.03) 6. Hive Eat House (30.88)” 7. Chur Burger (30.30) 8. Pony Dining (30.25) 9. Greaser Bar (29.69) 10. Burger Urge (29.32) 11. Getta Burger (28.83) 12. Ben’s Burgers (28.50) 13. Alliance Hotel (28.18) 14. Hoo Ha Bar (26.25) 15. The Bun Mobile (25.38)⁺ 16. Yard Bird Ale House (25.05) 17. Laneway (24.54) 18. Gerard’s Bar (24.22) 19. MOS Burger (24.19) 20. Fab Fish & Burger Grill (22.91) 21. Redhook (22.69)

Fab Fish & Burger Grill in Paddington

Pictured: Wanda with Onion Rings

Ahoy maties, gather round, as it’s time once again for a Poppies report. Last week the Poppies Challenge set sail on a grand voyage to inner-city suburb, Paddington – ‘X’ marked the spot on Fab Fish & Burger Grill at the Barracks.

[Pirate/Fisherman theme warning]

Over the break there were no make-up visits to any of the venues which is not indicative of the popularity of burgers within the team but rather, how popular elite players nearby to the office have become – Miss Kay’s, Snag Stand and Miel Container have all become such regular destinations that there barely remains a soul to try the lot of ‘em.

Fab Fish & Burger Grill Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 5.41 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 6.05 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 5.91 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 5.55 ——– Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 22.91 / 40

Fabulous or fishy? That was the question, as eleven well-travelled, burger buccaneers set their (one-eyed) sights on Fab Fish & Burger Grill with the hopes of snagging a lovely treasure for their own. The trip was not without controversy as two late arrivers were left behind; but it did set a precedent for the strict departure time – board the vessel by 12pm or walk your own plank to the venue.

The crew was well divided with avast array of orders port and starboard. A few chose the Ab Fab (bacon cheeseburger) as their beauties, others chose the Mary (lamb burger) or the Cluck Cluck (chicken burger) but only one had learned the lesson of the Ribs & Burgers legend. Yes, this sailor, meself, chose a burger from the title of the venue – A fish-burger called Wanda, with a side of Onion Rings. Fab Chips made up the other side orders.

Our captain, No-Beard Poppie Pete delivered the collective sentiments of the crew when he declared that he was “not feeling the Fab”; and the mutiny was supported by all with tallies that dropped like an anchor on the scoreboard – 3rd last in cost (BCI), 4th last in taste (BTI), 3rd last in size (BSI), 2nd last in sides (AQI), and 2nd last overall.

Make no mistake, she was a whimsical excuse for a burger joint. Yarr… she was fishy indeed.

Current Rankings: 1. Burger Fuel (32.00) 2. Snag Stand (31.33) 3. Miel Container (31.25) 4. Ribs & Burgers (31.20) 5. Miss Kay’s (31.03) 6. Hive Eat House (30.88)” 7. Chur Burger (30.30) 8. Pony Dining (30.25) 9. Greaser Bar (29.69)* 10. Burger Urge (29.32) 11. Getta Burger (28.83) 12. Ben’s Burgers (28.50) 13. Alliance Hotel (28.18) 14. Hoo Ha Bar (26.25) 15. Yard Bird Ale House (25.05) 16. Laneway (24.54) 17. Gerard’s Bar (24.22) 18. MOS Burger (24.19) 19. Fab Fish & Burger Grill (22.91) 20. Redhook (22.69)

Getta Burger in West End

Pictured: The Getta Burger

What better way to start the New Year than with a visit to a new burger joint – New Year’s resolution achieved.

During the break some makeup and missed scores were added to the spreadsheet, resulting in changes to the scores of Greaser Bar, Snag Stand and Miel Container. Consequently, the latter two swapped positions at ranks #2 and #3 – a worrying trend for the former, long-time, competition leader, Miel, as it slips back another spot.

Getta Burger Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 7.03 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 6.80 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 7.70 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 7.30 ——– Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 28.83 / 40

For almost as long as the Poppies Challenge has been in existence, there have been recommendations from challenge fans and new participants, alike, to take on Getta Burger. Like Just Poppy’s, its legend preceded it; and like Just Poppy’s (until recently), it was an impractical destination with two stores miles away from the CBD. That all changed late last year when West End was gifted with an expansion.

Sixteen burger loves descended on the newly-built, secret, inner-city, industrial venue. The total matches our highest attended round to date, but was one participant short as Getta Burger lacked a Vegetarian option – what the hell GB, you neGletta the Vega?

The menu featured various formats of beef patty, beef brisket and pulled pork burgers and our troupe selected the lot with orders across the entire menu board – some with extra bacon, some with extra cheese and even one with “Fries on Burger“ plus both side options – Getta Fries and Getta Filthy Fries. There was absolutely no consistency in our orders and that was also reflected in the feedback …even for the same burgers! For former Red-Team Boss, the Getta Boss beef brisket burger was outstanding, for Will, it was far from Fergilicious. Had his pun game been on, he might have called it a ReGretta Burger.

So how did Getta Burger fair in averages? Unfortunately, the analysis of Size (BSI) and Cost (BCI) is muddied by the Lunch Special option that combined a burger with a healthy side of fries. For those who chose this value option, their Cost score was buffered at the expense of their Size score, as a smaller than standard burger was delivered with the meal. Had it not been for this, it is almost certain that Getta Burger would have excelled in the Size index with some of the biggest burgers we’ve seen to date – namely Sheeran’s “Fries on Burger” which necessitated a spotter to lift above his head. The Sides (AQI) score also didn’t truly reflect how amazing the Getta Filthy Fries were. Take from the figures what you will: 10th in Cost (BCI), 8th in Size (BSI), 14th in Taste (BTI), 10th in Sides (AQI) and 11th overall (BJGI).

Getta Burger, we came, we ate, we may not come back… but we will never ForGetta.

Current Rankings: 1. Burger Fuel (32.00) 2. Snag Stand (31.33)*^ 3. Miel Container (31.25)*^ 4. Ribs & Burgers (31.20) 5. Miss Kay’s (31.03) 6. Hive Eat House (30.88)” 7. Chur Burger (30.30) 8. Pony Dining (30.25) 9. Greaser Bar (29.69)* 10. Burger Urge (29.32) 11. Getta Burger (28.83) 12. Ben’s Burgers (28.50) 13. Alliance Hotel (28.18) 14. Hoo Ha Bar (26.25) 15. Yard Bird Ale House (25.05) 16. Laneway (24.54) 17. Gerard’s Bar (24.22) 18. MOS Burger (24.19) 19. Redhook (22.69)

Greaser Bar in the Fortitude Valley

Pictured: Greaser’s Cheese Burger with Crinkle Cut Chips

Last Friday marked the final Poppies Challenge round of 2015 with a post-xmas-party stumble into the Fortitude Valley and a visit to underground rockabilly den, Greaser Bar.

Surprisingly there were no makeup visits to alter scores and rankings since the last round, however there has been some breaking news: Yours truly is soon to be leaving for the land of the free and home of the hamburger. Michael James has accepted the role of Poppies report writer and head coordinator, expanding upon his current duties as bookkeeper and auditor. The Mick-tatorship has an unscheduled start date, however I expect to still be around to fulfill my duties for at least the next round in January.

Greaser Bar Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 8.60 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 7.63 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 6.37 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 7.25 ——– Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 29.86 / 40

Well this report could be systematic… boozomatic… burgermatic… why it could be… Grease(r) lightning!

After a boozy afternoon at the VSSC Christmas Party, a large group of us joined up with ex-Vigilarians (plus some partners) to make a total of 14 at the highest attended Poppies Challenge round to date. We navigated the path through the famous red pharmacy doors, down the grimy valley alley and through the kitchen, to the underground den known as Greaser Bar. The passage was quite the talking point for first time visitors – they had chills (and they were multiplying).

Tell you more, tell you more? Well, it was a bar. Tell you more? Well this is as far …as the rhyming goes in this report, but I will disclose that despite having a short menu of three burgers plus one special, our party of fourteen (in the most part) had eyes for only one. Thirteen of us chose Greaser’s Cheese Burger; only young Stubbs chose the Chicken Burger; and there was not one Mac & Cheese Burger nor the special Pulled Pork Burger ordered. With crinkle cut chips included with every burger, the only sides ordered were of the fermented kind.

So how did Greaser’s Cheese Burger measure up – was it the one that (we) want(ed)? With the liquor flowing and our group divided across two tables, there was some debate and confusion as to whether beer could be considered in the AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index). The scores varied accordingly and ranged from 6-10 for an average AQI that ranked a middling 10th. Burger Taste followed suit, ranging from 6-10 for an average BTI that also ranked 10th – a survey of the audience revealed that cheeseburger enthusiasts found true love but others were less impressed by this simple burger. Where Greaser shined was in the BCI (Burger Cost Index) – a burger and healthy serving of chips for just $12 is the best priced meal we’ve seen on the challenge so far and earned it top spot on the scoreboard in this category. Overall, Greaser ranked #9 of 18 (so far) in a very close middle pack.

Burger lovin’, had us a blast, Burger lovin’, happened so fast …but (for cheeseburger lovers) burger dreams (were) ripped at the seams …but ohhhh …those bur-ur-ger niggggghhhhtssss. (I lied about the end of the rhymes)

Current Rankings: 1. Burger Fuel (32.00) 2. Miel Container (31.86) 3. Snag Stand (31.22) 4. Ribs & Burgers (31.20) 5. Miss Kay’s (31.03) 6. Hive Eat House (30.88)” 7. Chur Burger (30.30) 8. Pony Dining (30.25) 9. Greaser Bar (29.86) 10. Burger Urge (29.32) 11. Ben’s Burgers (28.50) 12. Alliance Hotel (28.18) 13. Hoo Ha Bar (26.25) 14. Yard Bird Ale House (25.05) 15. Laneway (24.54) 16. Gerard’s Bar (24.22) 17. MOS Burger (24.19) 18. Redhook (22.69)

Ribs & Burgers in the Fortitude Valley

Pictured: The Old School Cheese burger with Crunchy Potato Sticks

Last Friday we took an expedition back to James Street to take on Ribs & Burgers, leaving just seven venues left on the board before our much anticipated (fellowship) journey to Just Poppy’s – provided the business is still operating in April.

We’ve been seeing a bit of movement in our top five since the last report: 

A make-up visit to Miel Container helped cut Burger Fuel’s lead on it in half; now just fourteen 100ths of a point apart for first place; and

Make-up visits to Miss Kay’s saw it overtake Hive and claim fourth spot overall; leaving Hive precariously fifth – a rank on the verge of elimination from the Championship Round qualifying pack.

Debates rage on, on the topic of the Championship Round, but this is what we’ve agreed upon so far:

The top five venues will be revisited; and

Poppie Pete’s Burger Joint Goodness Index (BJGI) formula shares the same fate as venues ranked sixth and onwards – it will be culled. Scoring will either be under a committee revised formula or simply by ranking the venues one through to five.

Ribs & Burgers Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 7.10 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 7.65 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 7.60 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 8.85 ——– Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 31.20 / 40

Renowned for its Ribs but often overlooked for the other half of its title, Ribs & Burgers, was soon to be tested for the latter. The venue must have used all the imagination it saved from its name for its menu, as the menu’s burger options alone had everyone licking their lips until the orders came out – evidenced by a mixture of orders across the board with selections of the Beef Short-Rib burger, Old School Cheese burger, The Pocket burger, Chicken burger, Blue Cheese Apple Lamb special, plus the children’s meal Slider Duo option for the junior member of the Red team; the Stubby one. Ribs & Burgers was already looking likely to live up to its “R&B” initials, as a source of “soul food”.

Having parked ourselves on a sidewalk table under the shade of leafy trees that also overhung James Street, our group took in the lively outdoor atmosphere of a bustling lunch time rush that seemed to fill every venue on the strip. The vibe carried over to high anticipation as Stubbs vocalised his optimism towards the meals to come; and his senses were true to him as the burger experience lived up to the Rib hype. The consensus was that onion rings were the most delicious side we’ve come across to date and the burgers were also tasty across the board; none more so than the Beef Short Rib burger – which should have been an obvious choice… “Ribs & Burgers”… “Ribs + Burgers”… “Rib Burger”! …I don’t know how the rest of us missed it.

Poppie Pete was an instant fan and enjoyed his Beef Short Rib burger so much that he literally licked his plate clean. His judgement: “Excellent”, agreeing that it was better than Poppies and declaring that in terms of taste, it was “rivalling Miel (Container)” – a quote we’ve heard only once before, for the Pork Belly burger at Pony. The scores reflected the feedback with Ribs & Burgers taking out the top spot in the Accompaniment (AQI) category …and by a mile. Surprisingly, landing 9th in the other three categories wasn’t enough to keep this venue down as the overall score ranked Ribs & Burgers 4th place!

Current Rankings: 1. Burger Fuel (32.00) 2. Miel Container (31.86)* 3. Snag Stand (31.22) 4. Ribs & Burgers (31.20) 5. Miss Kay’s (31.03)*^ 6. Hive Eat House (30.88)” 7. Chur Burger (30.30) 8. Pony Dining (30.25) 9. Burger Urge (29.32) 10. Ben’s Burgers (28.50) 11. Alliance Hotel (28.18) 12. Hoo Ha Bar (26.25) 13. Yard Bird Ale House (25.05) 14. Laneway (24.54) 15. Gerard’s Bar (24.22) 16. MOS Burger (24.19) 17. Redhook (22.69)

The Poppies Challenge now has a customised Google Map!

A suggestion came in from one of our challengers that a map would aid in last minute eat-out decisions, to take on a make-up visit. Ask and you shall receive!

For each venue we’ve visited so far, the Map features their scoring stats, a ranked order (with the top 5 identified by burger icons) and a Poppie Pete quote. All the upcoming venues are identified as well.

Hoo Ha Bar in South Brisbane

Pictured: The Chicken Burger

Another fortnight and another venue notched upon our proverbial belts (which may need an extra buckle hole soon). During the break some make-up visits to Miss Kays helped it close the gap to 3rd place, Hive. The two venues are 2/100 of a point apart now. Make-up visits to Red Hook also buffed its score slightly; although it still remains in last place.

Hoo Ha Results (Each index is out of 10):

Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 6.35 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 6.75 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 6.60 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 6.55 ——– Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 26.25 / 40

Ten challenges lined up this week for our trip to South Brisbane, hipster, hidey-hole, Hoo Ha Bar. The short burger menu and deliberate lack of a beef offering showed some promise that perhaps the venue had avoided the trap of being a Jack of all trades, but master of none. Burgers were chosen across the board with selections of all three: the Pork Belly, the Chicken and the Haloumi burgers; plus a side of Sweet Potato Fries.

If there was a scoring category for service speed, Hoo Ha might be the forerunner, with Will receiving his Haloumi burger before most of our group had even returned from ordering theirs. The first burger seemed to be the best as well, with Will awarding it not only the highest score of the day but his (tied) highest personal score to date (34 - matching his score for Miel). Sadly, not the same sentiment could be shared by the rest of our party. Poppie Pete seemed to echo the collective thoughts of the group, stating that his Pork Belly burger was, “Ok, (but) not blowing my socks off”. The general consensus was that the singed and flavoursome brioche buns were the feature of the burgers but with such stiff competition offered by the other 15 venues we’ve visited so far, Hoo Ha’s burgers just didn’t stand out.

The final numbers placed Hoo Ha, 12th in Cost (BCI) and 13th in Taste (BTI), Size (BSI) & Sides (AQI) for a total rank (BJGI) of 11th in our standings – which to be fair lands it in between two venues that weren’t all that bad either: Alliance Hotel (10th) and Yard Bird Ale House (now, 12th). All it all, it was a nice excursion from the office but left us wondering what all the “Hoo Ha” was about.

Current Rankings: 1. Burger Fuel (32.00) 2. Miel Container (31.50) 3. Snag Stand (31.22) 4. Hive Eat House (30.88)” 5. Miss Kay’s (30.86)* 6. Chur Burger (30.30) 7. Pony Dining (30.25) 8. Burger Urge (29.32) 9. Ben’s Burgers (28.50) 10. Alliance Hotel (28.18) 11. Hoo Ha Bar (26.25) 12. Yard Bird Ale House (25.05) 13. Laneway (24.54) 14. Gerard’s Bar (24.22) 15. MOS Burger (24.19) 16. Redhook (22.69)*

Burger Fuel at Emporium in the Fortitude Valley

Pictured: The Bastard with Kumara Fries

It’s been a bit of a wait between official rounds, but the Poppies Challenge finally returned today with a visit to Kiwi burger chain, Burger Fuel, in the Fortitude Valley. Language Warning: The following report will exhaustively employ every Kiwi slang term this author could find (No, not an expletive warning, not even, brew! Kids are prisint).

Our numbers have grewn since the last official round and new members have started their make-up visits to venues of past rounds. So far this has affected the scores of three venues but only the rank of one:

Alliance Hotel  ↓ in Score

Red Hook ↑ in Score

Laneway ↑  in Score and ↑ two spots in Rank

It should be noted that both Red Hook and Laneway are boasting new additions to their menus that seem to address the weaknesses that hampered them during their respective Poppies Challenge rounds – Laneway offers a cheaper burger option and their burgers are considered better (as judged by returning, but not re-scoring, challengers). Red Hook also offers new burgers and the quality of these is considerably improved. The consensus is that both venues would benefit greatly from a revisit.

Burger Fuel Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 7.95 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 8.23 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 8.27 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 7.55 ——– Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 32.00 / 40

Kia Ora my friends, lit me introduce you to the new champion of the Burger world. It’s bin a 185 day wait but we have finally found a choice burger venue to topple Miel Container’s long standing reign – what a sad guy, eh. Despite our taxi drivers taking us on a tiki tour during our commutes there and back, our party of twelve made a successful excursion to the motor-themed, Burger Fuel, at Emporium in the Fortitude Valley.

There were fourteen non-vegetarian burgers on the menu and we must ‘ave had every one, brew – with a wide range of selections across the board including the Bastard, Ford Freakout, Ring Burner, Bambina, Burnout and limited edition Nacho Libre special. Sides selected included spud fries, kumara fries and a milkshake to go.

Poppie Pete was well impressed with his Nacho Libre declaring that it was “unique” and boasted a very “interesting combination” of ingredients. He also managed to devour three sets of chups – must ‘ave been hungus, brew. Overall the consensus was that the burgers couldn’t be declared as the best we’ve tasted on the challenge so far but they were very good and that Burger Fuel just ticked all the boxes for Poppie Pete’s BJGI (Burger Joint Goodness Index) formula – it was without weakness in every category.

Like all competitions involving Kiwis, there is a scent of foul play with suspected score buffing from two Kiwis in our group, but in the end, the average numbers don’t lie. Burger Fuel becomes the only venue to claim a Top 3 spot in three categories – 2nd in Cost (BCI), Taste (BTI) and Size (BSI). It also landed 5th in Accompaniment (AQI). It’s a totally mint result for Burger Fuel, as it stands half a point ahead of Miel Container – a seemingly insurmountable lead – Sweet As, brew!

Current Rankings: 1. Burger Fuel (32.00) 2. Miel Container (31.50) 3. Snag Stand (31.22) 4. Hive Eat House (30.88)” 5. Miss Kay’s (30.42) 6. Chur Burger (30.30) 7. Pony Dining (30.25) 8. Burger Urge (29.32) 9. Ben’s Burgers (28.50) 10. Alliance Hotel (28.18)* 11. Yard Bird Ale House (25.05) 12. Laneway (24.54)*^ 13. Gerard’s Bar (24.22) 14. MOS Burger (24.19) 15. Redhook (21.81)*

Yard Bird Ale House in the Fortitude Valley

Pictured: The Big Ass Burger with Fries

Had you heard? …Yard Bird, Yard Bird was the word, as the Poppies Challenge continued on Friday with a rain-cheque appointment cashed in a week delayed. Ten bird watchers migrated to Yard Bird Ale House in the Fortitude Valley for the 14th official round. The finish line is now in sight as we work through the single digits of venues left on the countdown to Just Poppy’s.

During the break there was a revisit to our top venue that decreased its lead on the competition; there have been no changes to the rankings though.

Yard Bird Ale House Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 5.50 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 5.45 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 7.25 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 6.85 ——– Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 25.05 / 40

Despite having six rare breeds on the menu, the majority of the group flocked to the most interesting choice available, aptly title, the “Big Ass Burger”. There were also some orders of the Pulled Pork Burger and a Cheese Burger with sides mainly consisting of Fries and one order of Buffalo Wings.

Birds of a feather certainly did not stick together on this review with mixed thoughts on the Big Ass Burger and a diversity of approaches to taking it down. Due to its enormity in size, our burger watchers attacked their prey in a variety of ways. Some de-onion-ringed their burgers, one plucked a beef pattie from its nest and this author took it on as designed (in its natural full form) and attacked it with bites from the top and bottom. The assortment of tactics chosen may be credited for the mixed opinions, however the consensus was that “there (was) a lot of meat”! Poppie Pete admired the sauce but was “left slightly dissatisfied”, explaining that he couldn’t “put a finger on (why)”.

The Big Ass Burger was the tallest burger we’ve seen to date, but the results indicate that our group did not feel the Big Ass Burger was as big as advertised, delivering scores that culminated in a rank of 10th in size (BSI). Its accompaniment and cost scores didn’t fare any better and as for burger taste… Yard Bird must have had its wings clipped as it plummeted, in this category, to 2nd last in our rankings – no doubt weighed down by our first ever ZERO score from Snos for his Cheese Burger. Overall, Yard Bird Ale House came in at 10th of 14th and if asked whether they would return, most would probably choose a Big Pass (Burger).

Current Rankings: 1. Miel Container (31.50)* 2. Snag Stand (31.22) 3. Hive Eat House (30.88)” 4. Miss Kay’s (30.42) 5. Chur Burger (30.30) 6. Pony Dining (30.25) 7. Burger Urge (29.32) 8. Ben’s Burgers (28.50) 9. Alliance Hotel (28.43) 10. Yard Bird Ale House (25.05) 11. Gerard’s Bar (24.22) 12. MOS Burger (24.19) 13. Laneway (23.05) 14. Redhook (21.25)

Hive Eat House at the Riverside Centre Food Court

Pictured: The Hive with Chips

Last Tuesday marked the first ever venue revisit for the Poppies Challenge. There has been some discussion within the team about the concept of a Championship Round involving a revisit to each of the Top 3 or 5 venues but a revisit of this nature had not been anticipated. After a dismal result at Hive Eat House a few spots back, Hive owner, Jason, reached out to us with a sincere apology, a request for us to revisit the venue and an offer of FREE BURGERS. The price is right, Larry – at least it was for the stingy Engineers who turned out in numbers and helped us match the largest Poppies Challenge round attendance to date.

During the break there were some revisits to Pony Dining that turned out to be less favourable than anticipated, giving us some real insight into this venue’s consistency. With the closeness of the competition and the positive result from the report below on Hive’s revisit, Pony Dining has slid to sixth!

Note: Hive Eat House’s revisit results have replaced the original visit results in our rankings. Read the report from the first visit HERE.

Hive Eat House Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 7.17 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 7.21 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 9.04 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 7.58 ——– Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 31.00 / 40

Our invitation for free burgers was first met with much hesitation and trepidation, particularly from challenges whom could not finish their meals on the previous visit, but once word spread of the sincerity of Hive’s owner, his remorse and his proactivity to rectify the situation (including retiring his former chef – sorry dude), the team was excited to take on this unique experience, particularly as it exuded such a personal touch. It was the first time our burger reviewers would actually come face-to-face with the people responsible for the burgers we’ve become so accustomed to critiquing.

We arrived to reserve seating and generous table service - the venue manager greeted us, seated us and took our order of eleven Hive double cheeseburgers and a single Southern chicken burger, each with a side of fries. The moment the burgers came out, it became immediately apparent that they were vastly different from what we had previously experienced. The juicy patties sat thick and proud; and a stack of two stood the Hive (burger) higher than any burger we’ve seen on the Poppies Challenge to date. Rightful so, it took out the Burger Size (BSI) title by a mile. Overall, Hive Eat House hauled in solid scores across the board and rocketed up the rankings from second last to 3rd. Poppie Pete echoed our collective thoughts when he announced that the Hive “redeemed themselves”, the burgers were “definitely better” and that the opportunity to “meet the owner and experience the burgers the way they were meant to be” was a unique and welcome experience.

Current Rankings: 1. Miel Container (31.79) 2. Snag Stand (31.22) 3. Hive Eat House (31.00)” 4. Miss Kay’s (30.42) 5. Chur Burger (30.30) 6. Pony Dining (30.25)*^ 7. Burger Urge (29.32) 8. Ben’s Burgers (28.50) 9. Alliance Hotel (28.43) 10. Gerard’s Bar (24.22) 11. MOS Burger (24.19) 12. Laneway (23.05) 13. Redhook (21.25)

Pony Dining on Eagle Street Pier

Pictured: David Blackmore’s Wagyu Burger and Fries

Last week the Poppies Challenge took an upmarket detour to the luxurious waterfront restaurant, Pony Dining – perhaps the unlikeliest of burgers venues on our list… “Hamburger Fine Dining” sounds like an oxymoron right? …Our results say “neigh”.

Pony Dining Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 6.56 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 8.06 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 8.06 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 8.08 ——– Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 30.75 / 40

Our hunting party of nine galloped into Pony Dining, where we were greeted by the ever-so-polite service staff and seated on a terrace table overlooking the picturesque Brisbane River and Eagle Street Pier. Blues, Jazz and the sounds of marine air horns played a perfectly pleasing symphony like an eloquent tribute to New Orleans. If our party wasn’t just having hamburgers, we may have had to pony up a considerable sum for our visit.

So how did Pony Dining line up in the gates? Well, ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a while since we’ve seen a real thoroughbred stallion, but let me introduce you to a serious contender for the Poppies Cup. Seven of our party of nine regrettably took on David Blackmore’s Wagyu Burger; regret not for a mediocre burger – it was cheered on by most; their remorse was for not choosing the remarkable Pork Belly Burger that received unending praise from the two wise enough to selected it… Poppie Pete professed it was “rivalling Miel (Container)” and along with that venue it has become only the second to receive his declaration of being, “Better than Poppies”! Razor Rae was the other to prosper from her cunning choice and responded by awarding it the highest single total score (BJGI) to date on the Poppies Challenge: 37/40. The cumulative results landed Pony Dining 3rd in Taste (BTI), 3rd in Size (BSI), 1st in Accompaniment (AQI) and a photo-finish 3rd Overall.

With a number of generous scorers scratched from this round and eager to attend make-up visits, there is no doubt that we will soon see Pony Dining improve its position in the field – especially with the (Pork) Belly of the Beast on the race card

Gerard’s Bar in the Fortitude Valley

Pictured: Wagyu Cheeseburgers

It was an unprecedented turn of events which led to a round of the Poppies Challenge that was not attended by Poppie Pete. A nervous nine marched on without our SME and took on Gerard’s Bar in the Fortitude Valley – not to be mistaken for Gerard’s Bistro.

During the break there were some revisits that pushed Miss Kay’s ahead of Chur Burger (again) and slightly lowered Burger Urge’s score, but without impact to its position.

Gerard’s Bar Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 5.39 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 5.89 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 5.83 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 7.11 ——– Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 24.22 / 40

Expectations were high as we were seated for fine dining at Gerard’s Bistro …only to then be told that the venue we were after was across the other side of the lot. Despite the immediate downgrade, it quickly became apparent that Gerard’s Bar was still a much more elegant venue than we have experienced thus far in the Poppies Challenge. A brief run through of the sandwich options resulted in a consensus agreement that none of them qualified as “Burgers” and thus nine Wagyu Cheeseburgers were ordered. Non-typical accompaniments were chosen and consisted of an assortment of sliced salami, sliced chorizo, a pear salad and bread – they had much more swarve menu names but let’s face it, if I listed them here, no one would know what I was talking about.

Despite not being in attendance, Poppie Pete didn’t miss an opportunity to give his judgement, criticizing a photo of the burger with a harsh statement: “Good thing there is no score for looks”. There was mass disagreement with his judgement on appearance but it turned out to be foretelling as the Burger scored poorly with many and enjoyed (only) by some – 3rd last in cost, 3rd last in taste, 2nd last in size and only saved by a reasonable accompaniment score. Like fine caviar, this Wagyu Cheeseburger may be an acquired taste.