figments

The sheer amount of patronizing and misogyny when you are a woman or femme or fem-read by a stranger, boss, coworker, medical professional, or friend is staggering. You say you need to hold other men accountable but you also say you have little faith in the human race. You say you are managing your expectations when someone asks you to adjust your position to include prioritizing POC, dismantling white supremacy, trans rights, basic intersectionality. And you say “baby steps.” Just hope for human decency. So what do you think we are, newly awake man? Are trans people not basic humans to be decent to? Is that advanced level human decency? What about your black friends? Are they also too complex for your fellow cishet white dudes to handle?

I can appreciate that most men are in the sewer and you’re on street level, but we need skyscrapers. We need champions that change culture that refuses non-men our autonomy, our stories, our voice, our lives.

This is my best advice. For me, polyamory is not about having multiple relationships of a romantic or sexual nature, it's about reclaiming my autonomy - I find the concept of default codependency yuck. I like the option of valuing multiple deep connections where they are and letting them end up where they end up. In a mono relationship, your partner is often expected to fill many shoes for you. In a polyamorous relationship, I am free to let relationships exist in the context of *themselves,* rather than the context of my mono romantic relationship.

For me, it was essential to own my time, my emotions, and boundaries before I could be successful doing a polyamory workout. I also like to think of it as a muscle workout or set of skills rather than a light switch. I knew a long time ago that I was not *right* in a mono relationship but I didn't have the skillset.