#nonbinaryerasure

I am so fucking tired of bi/pan/trans/nonbinary/genderfluid erasure.

And yes, I rarely mention this, because this is my kinda Ao3 account, not my personal one, but I am not straight.

For fuck sake, I have been attending pride since I was fifteen.

I've been an active member of the comunity for even longer than that.

I have attended rallies and voluntereed in every kind of queer spaces you can imagine.

I won't simply smile when someone literally tells me and my partner (who is also queer, btw) that we don't belong to queer spaces because we are a straight-presenting couple.

First of all, Allies exist and it's a GOOD thing and honestly, while I think some spaces should stay as queer spaces (with some exceptions, but still) pride is a moment of celebration, not only for the comunity, but also for the people that helped us build it, even not being a part of it.

Second of all, you don't know jackshit about people, and you can't simply assume people aren't queer because they (seemingly) are cis/straight-presenting.

Get your priorities right and don't fucking erase everyone who isn't the L or the G in LGBTQIA+.

Special favors to ask:

(1) Please stop using the phrase "trans and nonbinary," which implies that nonbinary people can't be authentically trans and suggests that the cissexist violence nonbinary people experience isn't real. If you're aiming for a phrase to include both people who ID as trans and gender-fabulous people who don't ID as trans, consider the phrase "trans and gender diverse people" or something like that--which won't stir the pot.

(2) Similarly, it'd be super cool if people would stop using the words "nonbinary" and "gender-nonconforming" as if the words are interchangeable (!!!). These words are not synonyms. "Gender-nonconformity" is about how people do their gender; cisgender people can be gender-nonconforming. "Nonbinary," on the other hand, describes how people understand their gendered selves. In conflating these terms, you're not only erasing the gender policing many people face (across a range of gender identities) but you're also implying that nonbinary just a fashion choice.

I’ll never be not bald and I have no interest in wigs. I could never afford hair removal and am not interested in that anyway. I’ll be starting low level hormones soon and will help me bring some of the changes to my body that I want. Passing will never, ever be in the cards for me and *I* am so okay with that. I wish others were, too.

Our health systems are set up to erase non-binary folx. There’s no space to have conversations with professionals about, nevermind being believed in, your own authenticity as a non-binary person. Who the hell knows what hormone levels are appropriate for the changes I want to see in my body? No one, really. Some research would be nice. I feel like it’s a long way off.

That sense of dread that comes with not being trans enough or the “that’s not a real thing, you made that up” eye-rolls extends into these trans spaces for me. I’m working at pushing back hard against that to be better able to communicate what I need from those spaces to feel a genuine attachment, to feel valued. It’s gonna take me some time. My gender has been policed by so many people, both inside and outside the lgbTq+ community. That’s left real scars.