#relationshipanarchy

Before you start dating a non-monogamous consider this: We're not your go-to when you're single. We're not into casual automatically. It's not always about the sex - doesn't even have to involve sex overall. It's about connecting. It's about love. It's about the freedom to love.

Being interested isn't enough. You need to understand your own responsibility when you're dating someone who isn't monogamous.

Dating with the purpose to convert someone from non-monogamy to monogamy is as bad as if we were forcing non-monogamy on you guys.

Be clear about your intentions, your boundaries, your view on the relationship. Communication is the key.

If you've had bad experience with non-monogamy reconsider how much it affects you in the present situation. Are you truly desiring to try out non-monogamy again (knowing the situation might be different) or are you just purely ignorant about it at the moment because you're on cloud nine? Falling in love with someone doesn't equal you're practically going to work as a couple. Just because they are poly it doesn't mean that they're okay with simply cuddling and sex.

So far I have enlightened the world with my thoughts on jealousy and self-esteem. I want to clear up any misunderstandings that may have some male people thinking that I am targeting only women here. Jealousy and self-esteem issues also can imprison men as well as women. No one is excused from real human emotions. Emotions know no face, color, size or gender. There are two victims here, not just one.

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I also feel that I have neglected to reveal how the other party involved in a relationship that suffers from jealousy or self-esteem issues also suffers.

A relationship is a partnership. It is a commitment made between two people, in that we will stand by each other through thick and thin. Unfortunately, when it is a jealousy issue, both parties are effected. We tend to focus on the person that is trapped in the prison of worry, more than the other person that is caught in the line of fire, partly because we need to free that side first, then we can help heal the other.

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Well I am now going to share that persons prison of hell as well.

To be accused and mistrusted by the one you love is a hardship and a definite pain that one cannot bear for a long time. They eventually either walk away or take a stand and call out to you, (the attacker) to please stop; to please listen to what you are saying and accusing them of.

Time after time they try so hard to reassure you that they do love you and that they are not interested nor lusting for anyone else. When they try to tell you that it is all in your mind, they risk getting attacked more for defense. It is no doubt a vicious circle. They become paranoid that no matter where they are, you are already convinced that they have betrayed you in some way. They wait for the shoe to drop. Some times it takes a few days, some times it drops immediately. Never the less they have to sit by and worry about when it will drop. They fear that this time they will not be able to say the right thing. They fear we will get even more depressed and irrational with what they say to us. They begin to feel, "damned if they do, and damned if they don`t". I personally hate that feeling. To think that I myself would put someone in that position makes me want to run away faster than Forrest Gump.

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The neglect you put on that person through your jealous insecurities is as real to them as your feelings of being trapped in your prison of doubt. There are many scenarios as to why jealousy rises up inside people, but for the innocent ones that really do not ever do anything to trigger that fear inside you, they are the innocent victims. People that have come to the point of identifying their issues and have began to deal with them, please remember the other person that is there with you. They too need special attention, because they have shared your fears and your pain. In a much different way, never the less, they still ache. Jealousy can destroy so many good things in ones lives. It can destroy our mate, through you, it kills the one thing that you love deeply. The worst part about it is, that you allow it. You must stop. Would you take a gun and shoot your mate? NOT!! So then why are you allowing this emotion to torture what is so dear to you? I repeat, as long as your mate is not responsible for your fears or if they have made amends and are trying to make things better, then please understand their pain of being mistrusted. When they see you in pain and they are being told it is because of them, they crumble. Your mate loves you as much as you love them, and to feel they are responsible for your trapped feelings eats them up inside. To see you smile and feel totally loved makes them feel good about themselves in that they are responsible for that smile. That is a good feeling all the way around.

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Also be careful not to fall into that habit of being unhappy through jealous feelings. Understand where they are coming from. Are you using them as a reason to get attention? Again, a wrong kind of attention. If you cannot get the right attention you feel you are lacking, then talk to your partner. Do not let jealous emotions take over and confuse what you really are trying to say. Any weakness in your mind is a direct route for negative feelings to travel through. Once they get there, they work very quickly at bringing you down. So be aware of what exactly you are feeling.

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I hope that I have at least opened up some thoughts in your minds as to what else is going on in a relationship that is plagued by jealousy. Both sides are equally being torchered and killed. We need to LIVE, LOVE & LAUGH more often with each other. Oh and lets not forget my favorite thing to do…HUGGGGGG!!!!

One thought from my heart to yours:

Say this outloud:

"I am always ready to risk. I am always ready to learn. I am always ready to test my strength, and so I put my worries aside and just live!"

The ability to form amorous amato-relationship(s).

Enamor/enamorous comes from Spanish enamorar/enamoramiento. Using namoro/namorar in Portuguese.

E/namoring is synonymous to dating, amorousness, infatuation, courtship, affectionateness, bint, gallant, crush, mash, carryings-on, woo, flirt, passion, love, mania, craze, glow, fire, addition, vehemence, rabidity, ardour, zeal, flame and serious and closed relationships.

As Iberophone is romance languages, there's totally a line between amory and having a boyfriend/girlfriend, although they are simply translated as the same thing. Romance does not essentially have to do with friendship, so gamous relationships tend to be non-amical.

Romance is historically linked to sexual desire as it's associated with Eros/erotic love, additionally to monogamy/polygamy and fidelity. Desiring relationships isn't necessarily involving socializing genders into attraction and people, then it's like neutrally naturally being just a social relationship, while asocials can post-struct it all.

Being enamored/enamoured is very self-interpreting, only you can determine when your relationship is amorous or not. Whether it's anarchical/hierarchical or open/closed, free or close minded.

Amato- encompasses both romantic and quasiplatonic experiences, qplatonic seen as a decolonized/deimperialized amory.

Enamouring isn't linked to e-partnership. It could be an amor compañero, (companionship).

This is my best advice. For me, polyamory is not about having multiple relationships of a romantic or sexual nature, it's about reclaiming my autonomy - I find the concept of default codependency yuck. I like the option of valuing multiple deep connections where they are and letting them end up where they end up. In a mono relationship, your partner is often expected to fill many shoes for you. In a polyamorous relationship, I am free to let relationships exist in the context of *themselves,* rather than the context of my mono romantic relationship.

For me, it was essential to own my time, my emotions, and boundaries before I could be successful doing a polyamory workout. I also like to think of it as a muscle workout or set of skills rather than a light switch. I knew a long time ago that I was not *right* in a mono relationship but I didn't have the skillset.

Cunhou-se mês passado na anglosfera variamoria (variamorous) e varigamia, como terminologia guarda-chuva (abarcativa) para abranger amorias (orientações relacionais) que variam na sociedade por não conformarem os ideais societários de relacionamentos (como a monofidelidade, monogamia e o cisheteroamor).

Ninguém está forçando rótulos nes outres, logicamente. Termos biopoliticos foram criados pela sociologia, por muito tempo, sem questionarem identificação alheia e suas subjetividades.

Contextualizando a utilidade léxica de variamor:

Muita gente em grupos de poliamor e rli (relações livres) ficam em dúvida, sobre em qual dos termos éles melhor se descrevem, até mesmo quem leu muito sobre os assuntos. Não-monogamia já seria o suficiente para abarcar poliamoria, relações abertas e anarquias de relacionamento (rli/amor livre). Porém, não são as únicas formas de amor que são variantes (não-conformantes).

Vejamos o não-heteramor (ou melhor, amoria não-héterocis (cisheterodissidente), visto que hétero (adjectivo) é diferente de hetero- (prefixo)), inclui a "homoamoria/homamoria/homoamor" (relações sáficas (entre mulheres), aquílicas/vincianas/aquileanas (entre homens) e entre não-bináries) e relacionamentos diamóricos (com pessoas não-binárias em geral), variamor se aplicaria a esses tipos de relação.

Note que uma "relação não-hétero" nesse caso, se estende até mesmo a relacionamentos ultricos/ultramóricos (duáricos (entre mulher e homem) cuja a orientação também é variante, ex.: uma mulher bi com um cara assexual).

Agamia, nonamoria e soloamoria/sologamia seriam contempladas pelo variamor, visto que também não estão no padrão monoamor.

Pessoas gamicamente fluídas também são variafetivas. Pois nos scripts sociais de relacionamentos monogâmicos, não está prescrito que su parceire tivesse relacionamentos poliamorosos no passado. Sim, pessoas podem fluir de pluriamoria para uniamor/monoamoria, e vice-versa, mudarem regras, exclusividades, fidelidades e acordos entre es parceires envolvides.

Quem criou a identidade afirma que pessoas em relacionamentos ludum (com pessoas trans), também podem usar variamor para expressarem isso.

Resumindo, nem toda forma de não-monamor é pluramor/pluriamor/plurigamia (pliamor/pluramoria/pluriamoria) e nem toda amoria/gamia variante é plural, existem monoamorias/monogamias atípicas (não-clássicas).

Coloquei símbolos para representar um pouco e ajudar vocês entenderem.