Poly~ENM~Swinging

Our poly quad is taking our yearly big vacations separately for the first time in our 6.5 year relationship. I’m told that that’s healthy to do. Pffffft. Whatever.

A and R (I switched from the kitschy Friends themed names to initials; I’m married to D, my boyfriend is R, who is married to A, who is my husband’s GF) are leaving tomorrow morning with their adult kids and son in law for Ireland. They’ll be gone a week. I’m super excited for them; they’ve really been looking forward to this. I try not to be clingy, but fuck, it’s going to be hard. Communication will be tough, as they’ll be 6 hours ahead of us and busy with their family. I’m trying to think of things to do to keep me and my mind busy this week. We have some dinners with friends, so that helps…I guess?

D and I are headed to Thailand for 2 weeks in November with some of our friends from the gay bar. I’m looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time. I’ve never been apart from R for a week, let alone 2. And we’ll be 12 hours ahead, completely flip flopped days and nights. Of course I want to go to Thailand, but I don’t think I’d cry if it were canceled for some reason.

I get so tired of hiding who I love. Every day, I want to just scream it from the rooftops and love who I love, out loud. I want to post pics of my BF and me like it’s common knowledge and no big deal. Our polycule’s 6 year anniversary is coming up, and I want to show off cutesy pics of the 4 of us and tell our story.

I want to not give a shit about what people think, the judgement we would inevitably get, or the friends I’d probably lose (but were they real friends anyway if they don’t love me for who I am?).

We practice hierarchal polyamory; we each have 20+ years with our spouses, kids, finances, homes, etc., so it’s only natural that our relationships are hierarchal.

I love both Chandler and Ross like crazy (Rachel, too, of course) and they’re both so important to me. I don’t like having to rank them as husband vs boyfriend. Husband gets these privileges, boyfriend only gets these. On the flip side, I’m sometimes envious of Rachel, wishing I could have some of the wife privileges she gets.

The glass ceiling that our type of polyamory brings is the one downside for me. There’s only so far we can go. It’s so ingrained in me that you meet someone, fall in love, and follow a certain progression in the relationship. That happens to an extent in poly, but then there’s a hard stop where there’s no further you can really go. Speaking for myself, my feelings don’t hit the hard stop, though, so it’s tough. You want more, but there is no more.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post. I have so many drafts, but I never seem to get them perfected enough to post.

A brief run down of the last couple of months:

Our little polycule is as happy and healthy as ever. 2 of the kids are back at college, 1 got her own apartment, and 1 finished his degree and is hopefully finding his own place in the next year. This opens up Ross’ and Rachel’s house to sleep overs. It’s kind of a big deal; Chandler and I have “a drawer,” so to speak. Our kid is comfortable with our relationship but not as uncomfortable knowing we’re having guests, so we wait till he works late at his second job every other weekend then we house swap.

Our latest rehab is a multi unit Airbnb and is almost finished. It’ll double as our 2nd home (when not rented out, anyway). 1 unit will be Ross’ and mine, the other will be Chandler’s and Rachel’s. I’m pretty fucking excited about that. It’s as close as we each will get to having “our own place.”

Next week, we all head to Riviera Maya for 7 fanfuckingtastic nights in an all inclusive paradise. We’ll split the sleeping arrangements 3-3 with 1 night TBD. Maybe that’ll be a night of all 4?

The E word (exclusivity) has been floated by in a couple of conversations, but that’s a whole post on its own (in my drafts folder).

We were almost interviewed by CBS for a polyamory documentary, but production decided not to come to our city. That would have been interesting to do. We’d love to see more positive media coverage on non monogamy instead of most of the salacious, sister-wife bullshit that’s usually the spin on these shows.