i think edward elric entire military experience can be summarized as john mulaneyās āhorse loose in the hospitalā bit
there is a CHILD ALCHEMIST LOOSE IN THE STATE MILITARY!
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE CHILD IS GOING TO DO, LEAST OF ALL THE CHILD!
HEāS NEVER BEEN IN THE MILITARY BEFORE!
They interviewed a man who once saw a baby in a restaurant.
WEāVE ALL SEEN A BABY IN A RESTAURANT!!!
THIS IS A CHILD. LOOSE IN THE MILITARY.
@dalethesjtoddler
And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the child, and then, 5 miles under the capital city, an evil homunculus was like, āI have a huge transmutation circle and Iām going to kill everyone to become god!ā And before we could say anything, the child was like, āIf you even fucking look at Amestris, I will punch you to death with my fists. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it. I want you to do it so I can take my unresolved daddy issues out on you, Iām so fucking crazy.ā
This post was written by Roy Mustang
Sometimes itās not a bad thing, just surprising. Like, āToday the child did alchemy without a transmutation circle,ā and everyone is like, āHuh, I didnāt know he could do that.ā
The creepiest days are when you donāt hear from the child at all. Those are the days when everyone is like āI think the child has finally calmed down,ā and then the child is like āI just uncovered a government conspiracy. I went in that secret lab and snuck in there with my tiny body. I have a tiny body, but donāt you tell me that, or Iāll fuck you up,ā and youāre like āThatās what I thought youād say, you tiny fucking child.ā
And then for a second weāre like āMaybe the government will fire the child,ā and the child is like āI have dismantled the government.ā
āHe can DO that?!?!ā
