A Little Lad

anyway i wanted a memento of my first pride, you know, and this one vendor was selling keyrings, and i liked it, so i bought one. do you remember those italian charm bracelets that were all the rage like 10-15 years ago? it was a keychain like that, and it had a rainbow rooster, a rainbow cat, and then just a rainbow, and so I bought it.

i run into my mom a couple of vendors over and she goes oh you bought something? what’d you get? so i showed her, and i was like, “I’m not sure why it’s a rooster and a cat. Seems kind of random. But I liked the rainbows.”

and my mom, who was some form of minister’s wife for most of my childhood and teenagerhood, stares at me like she thinks i’m joking.

“What?” i say.

…relic…

The kid was picked up by an ambulance 30 minutes later.

Now as an adult working in security I get SO MANY folks- upper-middle aged mostly- coming to me to 'rat out' people they think are faking it.

I was once sent into a bathroom because a client demanded that the "fucker won't get out, so good drag them out"- I was NEVER going to do that, so I did a wellness check instead. You know who it was? A person recently released from the hospital after a car accident. They had a hole in their skull and major hearing loss. They couldn't answer the owner because they couldn't HEAR the owner.

Another time about a homeless man who got around town by kicking the ground from his wheelchair. "You know he doesn't actually need that thing, his legs work fine, it's just for pity points"- Oh, so he's not paralyzed, his wheelchair is performative? Funny story Dale, I actually know that guy, he was backed over by a truck and has chronic pain from his shattered pelvis. But sure, let's make him stand up and walk everywhere so nobody feels too bad for him and tries to help him or something.

"She doesn't need that scooter, I've seen her get out of it."

"Look how fat he is, because he just rides around and refuses to get up."

"She doesn't really need that cane- she comes here without it all the time"

Feel awkward about people maybe thinking you’re queer but still want to clearly signal “queers are okay with me”? SURE. LOVE IT. HERE’S YOUR WEIRD FLAG.

Don’t fucking at me about allies right now, they are ALSO actually getting fucking killed over us. Take your puri-gay shitty tent somewhere else mine is great with people’s cishet friends and relatives showing up to have our backs.

She makes some rlly cool cosplays that use textured hair!!

https://youtube.com/@edensgardencos

Case in point, I've never been to a woman's only space that wasn't obviously hostile to me, and that's when I was even allowed there in the first place. And I understand why - my voice is very low and I make no attempt at voice training, I dress in a gender neutral way, hormones have done very little for me. Unless I am making a special effort to be feminine I clock as a guy. I am also tall and broad. The only way I can gain any kind of acceptance in "woman's spaces" is if I go to extreme effort to completely warp my presentation and step on egg shells the entire time. If im not actively ashamed and apologetic about the fact I read as a man I am not welcome.

Because, again, the reality of woman's spaces is that they are about the comfort of those who organize them.

I'm also very aware that it's not just non passing trans women who get the short end of the stick here. There is a long history of racism connected to these kinds of spaces that absolutely has not been resolved, for example.

The other half of the woman's spaces discourse is about resources, and is just so detached from reality it is kind of pathetic. The idea that a trans man coming into a woman's only space is somehow stealing resources from women is pervasive as it is stupid. The reality is that very few resources of any kind are expended in cases like this, and far more important is the single most important resource in marginalized politics, solidarity and coalition strength. Any "loss" of resources that occurs when lines are blurred is more than made up for by the social and political power that depends on different marginalized people regularly interacting with each other.