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@humanbeanisnotamused
It is so cute to me when an animal is sniffing. There is a smell. They are investigating. They would like to subscribe to this newsletter. With their nose.

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lmfao the Scots in town for the World Cup have made a pilgrimage to Boston's world-famous Cop Annihilating Slide
Me: “Why does the cop get flung out but everyone else I see just go down it normally? What did the cop do?”
Me: “Ohhhh ☝️ it’s because the slide is alive and hates cops. This is good.”
I just got tagged by a ""tumblr staff blog"" claiming that I need to click some link to verify my account and there's no like. option to correctly report what's happening.
because like you can report impersonation, and then the form asks if it's you, your company, or someone else, and if you click someone else they're like thank you but we'll need to hear from the person affected directly.
girl it's you. you're the person affected.
@staff
these fucking comments i got mystomach hurts oh my god help me

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okay but imagine if the roommate you’d known for like, a few months woke you up in the middle of the night while you were all staying at your cousin’s house on a road trip and they were bleeding profusely and speaking in an accent you’d never heard them use
oh that pudding on those braids is a hate crime
fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest
god forbid Black women have fun
Black woman invents or popularises a phrase -> it enters the vernacular and circulates widely amongst Black and nonblack people -> people removed from the phrase's initial context read it too literally, do not interpret it with sensitivity, assume that the ideas expressed when people use it are shallow / "over"-sexualised / problematic in some way or another that mirrors their feelings about Black people as a whole -> there is a backlash where a supposedly more 'thoughtful,' 'subversive,' etc. alternative to the initial phrase is offered, implying that the initial phrase contained none of that complexity within it -> rinse & repeat
With the recent Jeanne situation, I know that someone found and reached out to where she works about the situation and her racism, and I’m not saying this was unwarranted or anything like that, she’s a racist and that should have consequences, I’m just wondering like. What is appropriate action to take against internet racists? Cause like. General internet rules that I know is when it comes to internet assholes the line is keep it to the relevant threads or keep your mouth shut, it’s considered weird when you start going over their entire account, and you’ve definitely crossed a line when you start digging into their offline life. But I know racism isn’t just asshole behavior cause there’s usually real material harm that goes with it, so the lines should definitely be different I’m just not really sure where they are? Like are the lines just more centered around not driving yourself crazy by focusing on an internet racist?
I understand this is definitely a weird question and I’m sorry if you’ve answered anything like this before I just don’t even really know how to look it up.
I can't say I appreciate being asked how to respond as a bystander to a situation of racism where I am the literal victim of racism 😅 it almost feels like getting hit by someone's car and then asked by someone who watched it happen "I'm morally conflicted, what do I do about that person hitting you with a car, what if they don't normally hit people with cars" idk but do SOMETHING 😅
Anyway. You don't have to dig very far to see where she was racist to me. There's no need to dig deep into her life. Focus on what she DID that caused harm. And then at least TRY to speak up and say that you saw what happened. Most of us just want people to stop lying and admit that they witnessed what we've gone through.
That's why this whole situation happened to begin with. Someone who'd never bothered (and outright refused, even) to witnesd the actions of a racist she defended decided she could judge appropriately. We don't need you to eradicate the racists online in one heroic swoop. We just need y'all to stop acting like you didn't see the shit, and that's there's nothing you can do. You can ADMIT THE KNIFE IS THERE.
In addition, and this is the part that people don't like- you actually should report people for racism in their "offline" life. People don't stop being racist when they log off. If you're a racist online, guess what you'll be at work? A racist. Someone being held accountable for their racist ideology should not be the faux pas- being racist ought to be. Let go of that comfort that Whiteness affords you.

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man, dogs are so hard to read. thinking about getting some talking buttons so i can figure out exactly what he wants
I hope Paul Robalino keeps showing up in game changer episodes as a genre-specific adjudicator with a funny last name
Really glad predictive text exists. Should i bring my own parking lot
my birthday is in july! :)
It's actually super unethical to keep a peeve as a pet

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Embarrassing fact about me is that it took me so so long to be able to tell Ross Bryant and Grant O'Brien apart. I'm sorry guys you're both tall white dudes with similar-sounding names and very very similar voices. I would just wait for the first sex joke or Shakespeare reference.
I feel better now because everyone in the notes is like "yeah same".
Every day I receive further vindication
I love how Zohran Mamdani is wearing a suit everywhere. And if he has anything else he puts it ON TOP of the suit. A basketball jersey. A high-vis vest. All worn over the suit. He’s like the mayor character in a cartoon who’s always dressed as The Mayor. If I didn’t know who he was and he biked past me in NYC I’d be like holy shit was that the mayor
he jumped in a pool in the suit yesterday to celebrate the public pools opening for the summer btw