Running through the 6 with Great Sorrow @humanbeanisnotamused - Tumblr Blog

Uh Oh: The Third Person Omniscient Narrator Of Your Life Just Started Repeating The Opening Paragraphs Verbatim

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did-you-know

The oldest living tree ever found was a pine named “Prometheus.” It had been alive since before the Egyptian pyramids were built. Some guy cut it down in 1964. Source

aclockworknick

he was actually a forestry graduate student who was doing research on bristlecone pines (Pinus langaevea) and got his increment borer stuck in the tree. this tool costs almost $800, so he asked the forest service if he could cut down the tree to recover the tool. after cutting it down, it became apparent that the tree was actually the oldest living organism. ever. (around 8,000 years old). so, not just some asshole. the guy feels extremely guilty and has even broken down in tears during an interview about the accident

wellshitcaitlin

OH MY GOD SO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY

So after the grad student cut down the tree and discovered it was the oldest tree in the world he quit studying forestry and went to study salt flats (can’t cut down the oldest trees in the world on salt flats no siree none of that happening) and he was being interviewed about his research, but in the middle of the interview the reporter just stops and says “wait aren’t the guy that…”

And he just takes off running. Literally. Turns around and runs across the salt flats away from the interview and I feel so bad for him but I can’t help but start crying I’m laughing so hard about it imagine a guy high tailing it across salt flats away from a dude with a recorder

thoughtsofadame

its so different to know it was an accident and that NO ONE was aware until after. its not like this was one ignorant guy cutting down a fucking relic.

gryffon

#does this to my friends when they're already stresse dout and overstimulated #< prev tags #laugh rule #it's funniest if you read the tag before you see the thing

parkchanwoohoo

sandersstudies

My other new bit has been mentioning really obvious stuff as “eagle-eyed viewers may have noticed—“

Like I’ll spill milk all over and say “eagle-eyed viewers may have noticed that there is milk on the floor.”

My husband does NOT like this bit so it’s been traveling with me outside the home.

sandersstudies

“Eagle-eyed mutuals may have noticed I’ve reblogged 27 pictures of the blorbo today.”

sandersstudies

“Op how does your husband not like this?” Hint: he liked it the first 1000 times he heard it

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sandersstudies

I’ve done nothing but post bits today but one of my longest-running bits that I got from another director is that every time a student says “hey sorry I won’t be here tomorrow because [reasonable excuse]” I say in a neutral or cheerful voice “that’s okay I’ll just cry the whole time you’re gone.”

Sometimes I even say it when a friend says they’re going to the bathroom or something.

stealthetrees

What if human astronauts visit Erid one day and are doing diplomatic things and whatnot and they learn Ryland Grace is sstill alive and is in a terrarium. One of the astronauts jokingly says “you’re not experimenting on him are you” and the Eridians freeze cause yeah, they totally are. They experiment on him all the time. They’re experimenting on him right now in fact. They read about deep sea diving and are now testing the effects of replacing certain gases in Graces atmosphere. Right now they’re testing helium.

They send someone to stop the experiment but Grace refuses cause they’re so far in already and well that would just ruin the data.

The new humans think this is hilarious and insist on joining the experiment as Grace excitedly yaps about all the cool stuff he’s learned about aliens but he’s still got that high pitched helium voice.

avoid-avoidance

(^ @caligeno tags)

Grace:

markovchaingang

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER:

my daughter cannot, through action or inaction, harm a human or allow a human to come to harm

a daughter at rest or in constant motion remains at rest or in constant motion unless acted upon by another force

daughters are never created or destroyed, only transformed

always treat every daughter as loaded, even if you know she isn't

you do not talk about my daughter

#jean basar

hinoneko

*sigh* fine, fine, i'll be the new doctor who showrunner. bring me two twinks, britain's tallest woman, and 1000 pounds worth of alumininamian foil

littlebosslady7

Thaisha Lloy Lore drop from @quiddie on her instastory.

#i think one of the most impressive things about aabria is how much she knows #and like. how she can combine all of the things she knows so naturally #I've had many a thought in my life but I've never blended them this well

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theoneofwhomisblue

blossposs

crispylilworm

theoneofwhomisblue

onyxiahh

highkey obsessed with the way both matt and aabria ship hannan/vaelus

#this isn't the POINT of the clip but i am delighted by the indefinable quality of expression that separates matt and julien #you can see him become matt and then become julien again in these few seconds of footage #critical role #cr4 #cr spoilers #maybe i haven't put the audio on

pankendev

the problem with being a person is that it's all the time

whatahoney

epickegster

zimbitspls:

omgcpvines:

bitty filmed this once but has no recollection of it

I bet he sent it to Jack.

#check please #i had to dig this up to show a friend

cheaphalloweencostume

my least favorite literary smut turn of phrase is when a guy is like “im gonna ruin this pussy” “im gonna wreck this pussy for anyone else” like stop.. thats not yours…!

goofda

“Imma destroy that pussy” my friend 😔

#i need it for later 😔

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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cungadero

i hate viruses so fucking much. literally getting attacked by a fucking shape. a concept. consumes no energy. responds to no stimuli. its only existence is to fuck with you. like fuck offf

thrice-the-nobling

prev's tags are too good not to save

#go back to concept town

does anyone have that one post about addiction where it's like "the first time, heroin just feels nice. it's not scary like they say. and then the next time you want to get high you go for heroin rather than the other drugs." and then it's like "heroin builds up a tolerance fast. heroin is the only thing that makes you feel joy. $100 of heroin isn't enough anymore"

I can't find it and looking it up is now just suggesting me addiction treatment services

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